I'm done. I'm so fucking done.. My mom kept saying "Oh! I just wish my Younger son could be just exactly like My older son!" "Is that too much to ask? Why can't you be like him?" You know, he Never gets in trouble." "He can succeed in his life." "Be like him!" "He's not lazy! He works hard, harder than you!" Why can't you be like him?" Why?" You could learn something new from him!" "He's so smart!"

I listen to that at least once a day. I don't know which one is funny. Me letting this bother me so much than it should have, or the fact that usually I feel like some part of me is now locked in a dark cage forever.

And it's also funny that today, I was so pissed about something, and she actually compared me to him. And this happened Exactly 1 or two hours ago and every time I think of this. I thought, is it really okay if I cut myself? So I did tried to harm myself with a broken Disc, but the Broken disc wasn't sharp enough. (I was/am in the car) I gave up and went to sleep, only to realize I couldn't sleep, because it's turns out I was crying, what a big baby I am, right? Isn't that funny?

My brother could always call me "Moody!" Why are you so Moody?" "Are you on your period? Cuz you're always moody." Stop being moody man!"

Every time I seem so "Moody" or upset. My mom and brother could always talk with each other, and talk about how "moody" I am. I'm sick of it. I just wanna leave. I can't do this anymore. Why am I like this? Do I actually belong here?

Am I just calling for attention? Am I just....Nothing? Am I just something that could be compared to my brother? What am I?

My family always wonders...Why I am always moody? Why am I being like this?

It's ironic because it's mainly their fault.

I'm not sure why I'm pouring all my ridiculous feelings, life story onto here? Where no one even knows me here?
Is it because this is the one place where most people understands each other? Is this place the one place where people actually feels like a family here. And the fact they could be themselves for who they are. True Family and True a Friends usually form here, it's a place where it makes you happy...

Again, why? Why am I like this? Do I actually belong to live? I don't quite understand. I can't wait for my life to be over soon. Not very soon. But eventually. I could be so happy. I could finally be happy. I can finally stop lying to myself about me being happy, because in reality, I'm always sad, depressed, "Moody", upset. I can finally stop faking my smile. I know this is selfish. It's selfish that I'm thinking about that...leaving my friends....leaving my family...leaving everyone I care about.

I try not to fall in depression, I seen what Depression does to people. I hate that. I hate to see all of my people that I care about to fall in depression..they kill themselves because of that. They ruin the,selves because of that. They start to do things because of that. They harm themselves. So I try my best to not fall in depression. I try to smile. Fake smile I mean. Because a smile can bring to another smile....or that's what they say...Funny...because I have at least 3 sides in me.

No matter what. Depression always win, they find a way to Sneak attack on you. I try and avoid them.

Four word to say.

I
Hate
My
Life.

Don't worry, this isn't the day I kill myself....Not today anyway.

Sorry for wasting your time...I just wanted to pour all of my shit into this. Writing on Wattpad actually makes me feel better...I hope this doesn't make you guys fall in depression or something like that...my duty is to spread Happiness. Well, my fake side.

More than 700 words? Eh. If I told you my entire life story, it could be the limit amount of words that wattpad currently has. Thank you guys, I just don't know what to do....