when ur so bad at drinking that you nearly choke on water every other day

seriously tho how am i still alive like how have i not choked on liquid yet

lemme tell you a few short stories to explain

so i was tryna take a pill last year (yes i still remember this it was hilarious). i cant dry swallow to save my life so i put the liquid in my mouth and drop the pill in and swallow both just fine. but i get that feeling like the pill is still stuck in the back of my throat ya know? but it was like really bad. so i go to drink more juice from my water bottle but i tHROW MY HEAD BACK SO VIOLENTLY THAT MY MOUTH SLIPS OFF THE BOTTLE AND JUST
JUICE
EVERYWHERE
IN MY NOSE
ON MY CLOTHES
ON THE FLOOR
I FEEL LIKE IM IN A DR SUESS BOOK RIGHT NOW WHAT THE HECK
so yeah that was a disaster

next

walking to school the other day, as one does, and i've got my to-go cup with my tree bark/hot cocoa inside and i'm walking and i don't even remember but for some reason i tripped and i squeezed the cup really hard and the lid popped off and the tree bark cocoa went everywhere and stupid me decided "oh yes catch the liquid wITH YOUR MOUTH" and that's exactly what i tried to do and it didn't end well in any sense

finally
JUST NOW
i'm drinking out of my water bottle right? so i'm ultra lazy and i'm just letting the water bottle dangle out of my mouth my the rubber tip, through which i am also drinking the water. the bottle slips out of my teeth but i'm still sipping the water so IT FALLS
IM DRINKING
WATER EVERYWHERE
INHALE AIR AND WATER
BOTTLE PAINFULLY STRIKES MY ANKLE
AND I CONTINUE TO DO
THE EXACT SAME THING
TO DRINK WATER

i'm literally so dis- OMG I JUST DID IT AGAIN WHILE TYPING THIS WHAT THE HECKKKKKKK WHAT EVEN OMG SOMEONE TAKE ALL FLUIDS AWAY FROM ME PLEASE

anyway i'm done with drinking water now

i'm so done

just

goodnight

UPDATE
i just spilled hot chocolate out of my mouth like the smart person i am.  i'm at school.  i spilled hot chocolate.  i am in disbelief with my entire dumbness.