Isadora: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Duncan: What the hell are you screaming for?

Isadora: Oh don't worry my dear brother, I'm just embodying satan before I write this strongly worded email

Isadora clears her throat before typing up the email, reading along as she does so

Isadora: Dear Anaconda Margaret, (it's been a hot minute since I've called you that, my snakey little friend, but I'm bringing it back because you've PISSED ME OFF)

Duncan: Sounds a bit aggressive

Isadora: Anyway, I'm just emailing regarding a certain issue that I've stumbled upon, and that issue is you. Your slippery self went behind my back and stole Cosmos Boy from me (I don't care if you met him first, his eyes enchanted me therefore he belonged to me) and then you tried to make it better by inviting me to your wedding, but then YOU HAD IT WITHOUT ME! WHAT SORT OF FRIEND- I mean, we weren't really friends but

Duncan: Ouch

Isadora: THEN you tried to make everything better by offering me Cosmos Boy's brother and I was excited until I found out he's a LITERAL CHILD. What sort of big ass snake does that to their maid of honour??? So I'm saying no to your proposition BUT I'll still go on a date of my own choosing and I'll be mailing you the bill so you can pay for your crimes

Duncan: Crimes?

Isadora: If I ever see you in person I'll probably pretend to be nice and ask you about your marriage but in my head I'll be really angry so WATCH YOUR BACK! Kind regards, Isadora Gigi Genevieve Quagmire

Duncan: Those aren't your middle names???

Isadora: I'm trying to sound like I'm one of the city's best financial advisers, Duncan. If I sound successful maybe she'll take me more seriously

Duncan: I mean idk how seriously she could take someone who's in a group called The Sassy Bitch Squad

Isadora: UMMMMM excuse me? I'm pretty sure The Sassy Bitch Squad is better than the Cool Dude Crew. Talk about a lame name, am I right?

Duncan: You are wrong

Isadora: Rude

Duncan: Anyway, what sort of date are you going on? And with who?

Isadora: Are you trying to say that no one would want to date me?

Duncan: Klaus pretended to like Miss Bass to curve you

Isadora: That's beside the point. I can get any date I want

Duncan: If you say so

Isadora: Watch this

Isadora left her room and headed into the dining room where everyone was playing beer pong

Isadora: Why are you playing beer pong at 8am?

Violet: Why not?

Klaus: It's not beer-

Quigley: DON'T RUIN THE ILLUSION KLAUS

Klaus: -its dish soap

Isadora: Why are you drinking dish soap?

Klaus: Well I mean, I'm not drinking it because I'm winning

Klaus hiccuped and a few bubbles flew out of his mouth. Isadora eyed him carefully

Klaus: It was a magic trick, I swear

Isadora: Wanna go on a date?

Klaus: Actually I prefer figs

Isadora: That's not-

Klaus: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Isadora: Right, fuck that I guess

Duncan: See, you can't even get a date with Klaus, the guy who drinks dish soap

Isadora: Huh, you think that's the only guy I know? I'll just ask out Herman Fish

Duncan: He only dates gingers though

Isadora: Don't worry brother, I've already got that aspect all figured out

Eleven hours later, Isadora and Herman Fish arrived at a fancy sushi restaurant, Herman wearing a shockingly vibrant suit and Isadora sporting a ginger wig. This would be a night to remember.

Hostess: Do you have a reservation?

Herman: No, do you?

Hostess: I work here

Herman: Congrats, can we have a table now?

Hostess: It's extremely busy today so you'll have to share a table okay?

Herman: I mean, that's not okay but it'd be too awkward to kick off so sure

The pair followed the hostess to their table, just hoping they would get put with people who were about to leave so they wouldn't have to share the table for too long. But alas, as they rounded the corner and stepped past a potted plant, they came face to face with who they would be spending their evening with.

Isadora: Celebrity hair stylist and all round fashionista Omar O'mar and Mr Remora?

Omar O'mar: Oh, Isadora, it's so nice to see you again. We're just on our seventh date

Isadora: We only had the dinner party two nights ago?

Omar O'mar: We don't like to take things slow

Herman: Carmelita, why did that man with the green hair call you Isadora?

Isadora: Nickname

Herman: That's a weird ni-

Isadora: Don't question it Herman

Herman: My nickname is-

Isadora: I honestly don't care, let's just order food

Herman: So what made you finally decide to go on a date with me, my little cheeto?

Isadora: I was desperate

Herman: Ah.... that's a bit rude, but I'll forgive you because you're the absolute apple of my eye, if that apple was orange and cheesy

Isadora: I'll pretend you didn't say that

Suddenly the hostess reappeared.

Hostess: I hope you don't mind but we'll have to add another couple onto your table

Mr Remora: I do mind, actually

Hostess: Too bad

Two people approached the table and smiled at everyone

Lady: Good evening-

Isadora: It's actually a bad evening but go off I guess

Lady: My name's Carol and this is my saucy husband Steven

Steven: Oi oi

Carol: Wow look at you youngsters! Are you on your first date? That's so adorable!

Herman: We're gonna bang in my car

Isadora: wHAT

Carol: ...lovely. We're in a ukulele band, aren't we Steven?

Steven: Ye

Carol: Would you guys care to hear a song?

Isadora: Would you care to shut up?

Herman: Honey, what should I order?

Isadora: Just pick something Herman, it's not that deep

Herman: But I don't like fish

Isadora: Why'd you pick a sushi restaurant then?

Herman: Because my surname is fish so I thought it would be funny

Isadora: Am I laughing Herman?

Herman: ...no... is that a trick question?

Isadora: You're an idiot

Herman: Thank you!

Isadora got up and stormed out, but not before grabbing some hors d'oeuvres on the way out. This date sucked but that didn't mean she had to go home hungry.