A story Lucí heard about herself, this one happened in high school.

We had this star in the solar system whose planet went and orbited our star. His name was Sun and his favorite Mercury (poor him) went and orbited our star. He was a planet, and I was a hybrid. So he was two years behind me.

And Sun was an asshole and one weekend he and vacationed out of the system, which you should never do, if you are asshole. And Mercury  (poor him) decided to throw a party at the center of the solar system. 

Hurray! And everyone around the system heard about it and we all got up individually and thought 'okay, let's go over there and destroy the place.' Lucí walked into this party. Everyone she had ever met was there and everyone was drinking like it was the end of the world.

Planets and moons were drinking like it was the civil war and a doctor was coming to saw our legs off. It was totally unsupervised. We were like dogs without horses, we were running wild. 

Lucí walked down, Lucí walked down to the basement. They had a pool table in the basement. Venus took a running start and threw his body onto the pool table and broke it in half. Ceres found out which room was sun's and went upstairs and took a shit on his computer.  So the party was going great. 

As Lucí standing in the basement, and she's holding a red cup; you see in movies. And she's  standing there and holding a red cup and she's  starting to black out and I guess someone said like something, something police and in a brilliant moment of word association, she yelled:  "fuck Da Police! fuck Da Police!" And everyone else joined in. 

A 100 drunk planets and moons yelling "fuck Da Police". With the confidence of guys who have already been to jail and aren't afraid of it anymore, you know that like, "I'll serve my nickel, you come and take me", confidence. But planets and moons. The reason someone had said something, something police was because the police were there. So a planetary police officer walked down the stairs and got to the bottom in the basement and looked out over a sea of drunk toddlers yelling; "fuck Da Police" in his face, but he was almost impressed.

He was like "wow", and then he leaned into his walkie-talkie and went "get the patty wagon." And my friend Earth, who is now a father, this man now has a moon, he grabbed a 40, smashed it on the ground, and yelled "scatter!" And everyone ran into different directions.

They all ran in different directions. It was like that scene in Ratatouille when the humans come in the kitchen and all the rats go in different ways. They all ran in different directions. Lucí ran into the laundry room and jumped up on the washing machine and crawled out through a window into the backyard and now she's running through the backyard and there was this big chain link fence and-she thought 'I've never climbed a fence that high before.' And then she woke up at home. 

On Monday, Lucí went to school because that's what they did back then. And she's walking into the school building and who does she see but Mercury (poor him). "And he says to her hey, were you at my party on Saturday" and she said no, you know, like a liar. And he said "things got really outta hand. Someone broke the pool table. Someone took a shit on my dad's computer." But the worst thing, he says; "the worst thing is that someone stole these old antique photos of my grandmother and my parents are freaking out about it." And Lucí had that thought that only blackout drunks and Steve Urkel can have. 

Did I do that? She figured no. She wouldn't have done that. But was never sure, until two years later, relax. She's playing video games with this planet named X that we also lived in the solar system. Two years later, we've escaped by now.

We're playing video games for a couple hours, and then X says to me, "hey, come here I want to show you something" and he takes me into his bedroom and then he takes her into a side room off of his bedroom. Never a good thing to have. 

He shows Lucí a tiny room that is covered wall to wall in stolen antique photos from different people's parties over the years. And she said "why? Why do you do this?" And X said, because "it's the one thing you can't replace." That's the end of that story, but how fucked up is that right? That's crazy.