I am so stupid and ugly and worthless. I don't belong here. I don't belong on earth. I was just a mistake. No one loves me and no one ever will. Why do I have to go through this pain? This torture? Why me? What did I so wrong when i was seven or even in my past life to deserve how i feel right now? Oh god I wish I was dead. I wish i didnt have to hold in my feelings. I hate dealing with this pain. Its everyday and it gets worse at random and when I'm on my period. I'll go weeks and months without wanting to get out of bed, or wanting to stand up because it takes so much out of me, because it both mentally and physically drains me. I won't want to take a shower and if they do force me to get in the shower I won't wash my hair or body. I'll just sit on the floor sobbing my eyes out begging in my head for anything or anyone to kill me. Begging to a god that I don't believe in to kill me, please just do it already. And when it doesn't happen I blame myself. Saying that if I didn't fuck everything up maybe I would be happier. That if I hadn't made friends and let people break down my walls and get close then maybe god would of killed me by now. And it just builds up getting worse and worse until I start saying to myself you are so fucking ugly and stupid. You fuck everything up you worthless slut. Your such a fucking whore. No one loves you. No one will ever love you. You are worthless and you burden everyone. Just go kill yourself because you mean nothing to anyone and everyone. Please I'm begging you to put a bullet in your brain or tie a noose and jump off a chair. Or better yet because you deserve the pain go slit your wrists and neck. Hopefully you'll bleed out before the cops get to where ever you are. Please just die. YOU ARE WORTHLESS! All you do is hurt people. YOU ARE A MONSTER! And I want to. I want to do all those things so badly. So I pick up a knife or razor blade or anything sharp I can either make or that I'd around me. And I slice my wrist open, or if I'm really depressed and done with my life I'll take it to my neck. I'll press down as hard as I can and move it across my neck. And I'll plead, beg, wish, and hope that maybe just maybe, it'll work this time