TW: Sensitive content.

I just ran and came to a complete halt on the side of the road. It's five o'clock in the morning, the breeze is cool, and few people are around enjoying their peaceful day. I sat down and gripped the floor as the wind embraced my body. Then, I just screamed and wailed.

I've been running for a few days now. I run whenever I feel sad... that's my only way to keep myself away from sadness. Ever since Gino is gone... everything has changed. I can't even remember his voice now.

I used to go for a run whenever I felt anxious and needed to take a breather. Before, I used to run away from things that overwhelmed me, but now... I run because of him. Every time I take a step, I find myself stopping and crying. I'm trying my best to let him go... but it's just easier said than done.

I stood up after tying my shoes. I'd been like this for a few days now, na kapag tumatakbo ako ay ganoon pa rin ang nangyayari sa akin, bigla-bigla na lang na napapaiyak. I took a deep breath, wiped my tears, and headed to the convenience store.

Nang makabili ng tubig ay lumabas kaagad ako ng store. Noong tutunggain ko na sana 'to ay biglang may tumawag sa akin.I stopped and lowered my hand before looking at the person. If I didn't have a bottle of water, my hands would form into fists.

"Anong kailangan mo?" may bigat sa boses ko nang itanong iyon. He kept pestering me even though I ended everything about us.

"Please accept my deepest condolences," he said with a fake sadness. And I got furious by the look on his face. "Dealing with loss is never easy..."

"Fuck you," sabi ko.

Napakagat siya ng pang-ibabang labi at napatingin sa sahig.

"I'm here to give you a support. You're important to me, Yshawn."

"I do not care." May pagtitimpi pa ako ngayon pero hindi ko alam kung hanggang saan aabot ang pasensya ko.

Bago ko pa man maubos ang pasensya ko at baka hindi lang suntok ang aabutin niya ay minaigi kong makaalis na. Padarag akong naglakad at nilagpasan siya. Nakita ko naman na sinundan niya ako ng tingin.

"He's gone, and I know you'll be alone now..." Nang marinig ko ang sinabi niyang iyon ay agad na nagpanting ang mga tainga ko.

I immediately stopped and faced him with restraint. I then threw him a blood-shot-eyes before approaching him.

"What the fuck do you mean?" I asked without taking my eyes away from him.

It looked like he was just playing with me as I saw him grinning and scratching the back of his neck. He laughed jokingly while not being able to look straight at me.

While seeing him like that, I couldn't stop myself from crushing the water bottle in my hands. Tumilapon ang tubig niyon saka ko ito binitawan. Napatingin naman siya roon.

"What I'm trying to say is that he's dead but I'm still here, Yshawn. Isn't this the right time for you to come back to me? Look, I'm still breathing and alive and ipapangako ko sa 'yo na iingatan ko ang sarili ko-"

Mabilis na nangulimlim ang paningin ko at hindi niya inasahan ang pagsugod ko sa kaniya at pagbato ng suntok sa mukha niya dahilan para mapahandusay siya sa sahig. Mabilis akong kumilos at dinaganan siya bago mariing kinuyom ang kwleyo niya.

"Baliw ka na, Prince! Nababaliw ka na!" sigaw ko sa mukha niya.

Habang mahigpit ang pagkakakwelyo ko sa kaniya ay nakita ko sa mukha niya na nahihirapan siyang huminga, sa nakikita kong iyon ay mas lalo ko pang hinigpitan ang hawak nito... Even only in this way, I want him to suffer!

Hinawakan niya ang mga braso ko at malakas na hinigit iyon dahilan para mapabitaw ako at sabay na itinulak ako paalis sa ibabaw niya. Hindi ko napaghandaan iyon dahilan para gumulong ako.

Agad naman akong tumayo at nakita rin siyang nakatayo na, malalim ang paghinga niya habang tumatawang nakatingin sa akin.

"Baliw na kung baliw!" tumatawang sigaw niya at sa isang iglap lang ay ganoon kabilis nagbago ang ekspresyon ng mukha niya. He was insanely mad now. Lumapit siya sa akin at napaatras naman ako roon. Nangingitngit siyang dinuro ako. "Hindi mo pa rin ba nakikita, ha? You're homosexual, Yshawn! Do you think anyone will ever truly love you? No one! Ako na lang 'yon! You should be thankful since I can give that to you!"

"Love your fucking ass!" I snapped back. "Hindi ako tanga! Hindi mo 'ko..." napahinto ako at gusto ko pa sana siyang patamaan ng suntok ngunit napasabunot na lang ako ng buhok. May buong galit ko siyang nilapitan. "Tang inang pagmamahal 'yan, wala ka no'n! You... you only love yourself! And you just want to get mine so you can feel that you're worth it. You just fucking want it to make yourself feel valued. Everything's fucking about you!"

"Yshawn-"

"You don't matter!" pasinghal na pagsasalita ko agad. "You made that to yourself."

If those words were just guns and knives, I'm sure it would have killed him. Hindi siya nakapagsalita at kitang-kita ko sa mukha niya na nasasaktan siya habang nakatingin lang sa akin. Noong wala na siyang maiimik pa ay tinalikuran ko na siya.

"I killed him." Agad na napapreno ang mga paa ko. Nang marinig ko iyon ay para akong nabingi... May kung anong tunog ang namalagi sa mga tainga ko. Mulat na mulat ang mga mata kong lumuluha habang marahan ko siyang hinarap. Gumuhit ang malawak na ngiti sa mga labi niya, marahan siya umaatras palapit sa kotse niya habang nakapamulsa ang mga kamay. "You heard it right! I was the one who killed him in that dark alley..."

Those words... the tone of his voice... And the way he said them, lingered in my heart, causing me not to be able to process what I was feeling.

Bago siya tuluyang pumasok sa kotse niya ay nagporma pa siya ng isang ngisi. Hindi ako kaagad nakakilos dahil sa nalamang iyon, para akong naestatwa dahilan para hindi ko siya nagawang pigilang makaalis.

Pagkauwi ko ng bahay ay halos masira ko na ang pinto nang buksan ito. Dali-dali kong pinuntahan ang pwesto nila Jaz at Bea na nasa sala, pinapanood sina Summer at Gino sa balita.

"Nasa'n si Kuya Sullivan?!" They stood up together when I spoke loudly. Nag-aalangan pa silang lumapit sa akin dahil nakikita nila akong aligaga. "Si Ivan, Jaz?!"

"H-Hindi ko rin alam..." nauutal na sabi niya. "Ano ba nangyari?"

"Yshawn, okay ka lang ba?" tanong naman sa akin ni Bea.

"Hindi..." Napahilamos ako ng mukha bago kinuyom ang mga kamao at napahugot ng malalim na hininga noong hindi na malaman kung ano ang gagawin. Nag-aalalang pinapanood naman nila ako habang kinakapa ko ang bulsa ko. "'Yong phone ko... 'yong phone!"

Nagsimula ako sa paghahanap sa sofa at hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko na maihagis ang mga unan na nakapatong rito. Kailangan ko ang phone ko, kailangan kong matawagan si kuya Sullivan!

"Ito..." Inabot naman iyon sa akin ni Bea noong makita niya iyon sa mesa. "Naiwan mo 'yan do'n. Ano ba kasi nangyayari?"

Hindi ko siya nagawang sagutin at dali-dali ko lang dinial ang numero ni Kuya Sullivan pero ilang beses ko na siyang cinontact, ring lang nang ring, hindi siya sumasagot.

"Bakit hindi siya sumasagot?!" sigaw ko at tiningna si Jaz. "Kailangan ko siya ngayon, Jaz!"

"Hindi ko alam... Hindi ko talaga alam, Yshawn..." Agad naman siyang natuliro at hindi alam ang isasagot.

Hindi na ako naghintay pa sa sasabihin nila at umakyat na lang kaagad ako sa kwarto ko para kuhainin ang susi ng kotse. Sinundan naman nila ako at tinatanong kung ano ang nangyayari pero wala na akong panahon pa para makapagsalita.

Noong papalabas na sana ako ng bahay ay hinigit naman ni Bea ang braso ko para iharap ako sa kaniya. Magakasalubong ang mga kilay niyang tiningnan ako, blanko siya sa kung ano ang nangyayari.

"San ka pupunta? Ba't ayaw mo sabihin kung ano 'yong nangyayari?!"

"I saw Prince... sinabi niya sa akin na siya ang pumatay kay Gino!" atungal ko.

Hindi ko nakuha ang reaksyon nila gaya ng sa akin noong malaman ko na si Prince ang may kagagawan noon. Pareho silang nagtataka lang. Nagkatinginan silang dalawa.

"Totoo ba 'yan?" nagdududang tanong sa akin ni Bea dahilan para mag-init ang loob ko.

"Sa ganitong sitwasyon? Why would I lie?" I said in a scornful tone. "Nilapitan niya 'ko... nagawa ko pa nga siyang suntukin! He's the one who did it... my ears heard that, it came right from his mouth, Bea!"

"No... hindi 'yon," she said shaking her head. "Sabi ni Ggohn meron na silang lead sa kaso. They also have a person of interest, they just need one more piece of evidence to prove it. Pero hindi si Prince 'yon."

Napahinto ako sa nalaman ko.

"He said that?" May malaking progress na pala tungkol sa kaso at hindi ko alam iyon? Sila lang ang nakakaalam?

"Oo," she answered.

"Why didn't he tell me? Bakit kayo lang ang nakakaalam?"

"Mali ka nang iniisp, Yshawn." Jaz has interjected. "Wala kaming tinatago sa 'yo... narinig namin 'yon sa balita."

"That's what Ggohn and Summer said in the interview. Kanina lang," Bea added.

"But he's... but it was him..." Mariin akong umiling at tinalikuran sila. Napakapit naman ako sa backrest ng sofa at malalim na iniisip iyong sinabi ni Prince. Muli ko silang hinarap. "No... I need to do this. Si Prince 'yon! I'm going to Sum, I'm going to tell her everything! He needs to be arrested right now!"

Naglakad na ako paalis pero napahinto rin noong marinig kong magsalita si Bea, "Hindi mo pwedeng gawin 'yan. You have no evidence-"

"But it was him!" I shouted. "It was him! It was him, Bea! He said that to me!"

"How could he be the one who did it? He was with us the day he was waiting for you and when Gino died!" she shouted back.

"Bea. Yshawn, just... calm down," sabi ni Jaz at nilapitan na ako para pakalmahin. "I'll contact Ggohn and Sum para papuntahin sila dito at saka kayo mag-usap tungkol do'n."

"You're not listening to me..." I shook my head and gently took Jaz's hand off my arm. "Okay, fine. I'll do it myself then!"

"I understand that you want the guy who murdered him to pay," Bea spoke. "And so do we. But we cannot make a sudden decision and create another crisis. We can just sit and calm down and think about what to do. And just let the authorities do their job."

"Tama si Bea, Yshawn. Just trust Ggohn and Summer," Jaz spoke with great zest.

Napatingin na lang ako sa kanilang dalawa. At noong makita silang punong-puno ng suporta ay napaiyak na lang ako at saka nila ako nilapitan at yinakap.

"We'll bring that justice for you," Jaz said gently while comforting me. "We promised."

Gustong-gusto ko nang mahuli ang taong gumawa noon sa kaniya. Gustong-gusto ko na siyang magbayad sa ginawa niya sa kaniya! Pero tama sila Bea, wala akong ebidensya. Wala akong bagay na pwedeng panghawakan para patunayan iyon.

Noong kumalma ako ay ganoon na lang ang ginawa namin... Matapos ma-contact ni Jaz si Summer at Ggohn ay hinintay namin silang makarating. Habang hindi pa sila dumarating ay naglinis muna ako ng katawan.

Nang matapos at makapagbihis ay iksakto namang nasa sala na sina Summer at Ggohn. Kuya Sullivan didn't make it today dahil patuloy pa rin siyang tahimik na nagmamanman. Mabilis akong bumaba ng hagdan at napatingala naman silang lahat sa akin noong makita nila ako.

"Bea was right, it wasn't Prince who did it. Magkakasama sila sa mga oras na 'yon," pagkumpirmang sabi ni Summer. "They arrived at the venue around 9 p.m., and you were waiting on Pahuway Street at 10 p.m. The crime occurred at 1 a.m., and Prince was still waiting for you until 3 a.m. So he's not the suspect."

I nodded. "You already have a person of interest... Who's this?"

"Ggohn." Binalingan ng tingin ni Summer si Ggohn na nasa kabilang couch.

Naglabas naman ng phone si Ggohn at may kung anong hinahanap roon. Matapos ay inilapag niya ito sa center table at bumungad sa amin ang litrato ng isang matangkad na lalaki.

"This CCTV footage was captured at 11:16 p.m. It was taken near the street where you're waiting, Yshawn," Summer informed me. "They did the crime cleanly. They even wore ski masks to conceal their identities."

Agad na kumuyom ang mga kamao ko. Hindi ko pa man nakikilala at nakikita ang hitsura ng taong iyon ay parang gusto ko na siyang patayin. I want to crush him, I want him to suffer.

Summer slid the screen at bumungad naman sa amin ang dalawang lalaki. May buo akong pagpipigil sa sarili habang pinagmasdan ng maiigi ang dalawa.

"Kasabwat ang dalawang 'to, and this is the only scene was captured by the surveillance camera," sabi ni Summer at bigla naman siyang napahinto at hindi makatingin ng diretso sa amin. "And what happened next was in the alley... in the alley where..."

"The one who blocked Gino was taller than him," Ggohn suddenly interjected, obviously avoiding the subject. "He's above one hundred eighty-five cm tall. And the two with him are just an average. Gino and Prince are about the same height so it's unlikely that Prince did it."

Tahimik na tumango-tango lang ako sa sinabi ni Ggohn. I don't know why, but I can't still bring myself to believe him since I know na magkaibigan sila ni Prince. What I was thinking was that, what if he was just covering him up?

"Yes, that's right," may pag-aalangang pagtangong sabi naman ni Summer. Zinoom naman niya ang litrato sa hitsura at plaka noong kotseng ginamit. "Ivan and I tracked down the car they used and it's at a Car Rental."

Summer explained the investigation they did. She said they asked who was the person who logged the day the car traveled on the same day the crime occurred. Nakuha naman nila ang pangalan nito ngunit ibang tao ang inaasahan nila... driver iyon ng mismong kumpanya at sabi ay maaga rin nitong ibinalik ang sasakyan.

What the owner of the company mentioned is that it is also the car that his son often uses, kaya nag-inspect sila sa loob ng sasakyan, and they found a piece of french fries in it. They didn't ask the son directly, at nagsimula muna silang mag-imbestiga sa mga fast food na malapit sa lugar nang pinangyarihang krimen, at doon nga nakita sa CCTV na nag-drive thru pa ang mga ito.

"The surveillance footage captured the criminal's face, but only the chin and nose were visible due to the hood he was wearing," paliwanag na sabi ni Summer. "So we decided to make a second request to ask if they had ever seen their son wearing this black hood with a tiger, but they said no. But we're suspecting that the hoodie he was wearing, was newly bought and he just threw it away after the crime."

"They planned it!" I groaned.

Hindi ko pa kayang paniwalaan si Ggohn, but when I saw the evidence more clearly, ay nailagay ko ang sa rili ko na ialis ang koneksyon nilang dalawa sa nangyari. And besides, best friend niya si Gino kaya hinding-hindi 'to magtitimbang kay Prince.

"Yes, they really planned it," sabi ni Summer saka muling ini-slide ang litrato. Nakita ko ang mukha noong lalaking tinutukoy niyang anak noong may-ari ng Car Rental. "Rob Jesther Geronimo, we got the chance to question him but he just said, he didn't use the car that day and he was in the pub at that time."

I looked at the photo again where it was captured on the CCTV footage of the drive-thru... I compared them and when I looked closely at it, the shape of their smile was clearly the same.

"It's him, Sum!" I vented looking at Sum.

"I have the guts, too. Ivan, and I have it but he said that someone else rented the car." I saw her jaw clenched. "We saw it... he looked at the attendant and had no choice but to confirm that they forgot to log the name of the customer who used the car at that time."

"What?" I couldn't control myself anymore until I lost my cool. Tumindi ang inis ko nang marinig iyon. "They're clearly hiding something. He's a murderer! He..." I didn't finish what I was going to say and just sank my face into my hands out of frustration.

Summer tapped my back. "Leave this to us. We'll surely do everything."

Sinunod ko ang sinabi ni Summer, I left everything to them. But I was too impatient... and my mind was too restless thinking about what Prince said to me.

Pinaniniwalaan ko ang mga sinabi ni Summer, I believe those evidences pero hindi pa rin ako mapakali... I also had a bad dream about how Prince did the crime. I couldn't help myself but searched for him on my own.

Hinanap ko siya sa mga pub na lagi niyang pinupuntahan. And when I found out he was at the Blue House, I stayed outside the pub. I'm not in my right mind anymore... I no longer think about the consequences of what I'm going to commit.

Nagtago ako sa pasilyo at sinilip siya noong makita ko siyang lumabas noong pub. It seemed like I got drenched from the rain as I was sweating so much. When I saw him laughing as if he had the freedom to, my smoldering emotions quickly flared up.

Humigpit ang hawak ko sa kutsilyo. I crept into the hood and began walking toward his place... I was numb... I couldn't hear my surroundings, all I could hear was his irksome laugh.

I'm enraged... I'm so enraged... At iyon na lang ang emosyon na nangigibabaw sa akin... Sa sobrang tindi niyon ay kayang-kaya ko... kaya kong pumatay.

I prepared the knife that was in my hand... Handa na ako sa pagsugod, nang bigla kong marinig na may tumawag sa kaniya. Napahinto ako at napalingon sa taong iyon, and my eyes widened when I saw the man.

"Hey! So, how's it going?" he asked Prince with a laugh. So that's Rob?!

That's his voice... Gino probably heard how ugly that voice is... How evil that is. Tinatawanan niya rin ba siya habang ginagawa nila ang krime na iyon? Does he laugh like that too? Are they laughing while he's in pain?

"He's a bitch!" Prince yelled.

While my eyes are weeping and inflamed with wrath, I can't take my eyes off of them. It weighs so much. It's so heavy... it's so heavy that I badly want to pour it out... I want to kill them.

Naglakad na ako nang mabilis palapit... ngunit agad ding napahinto. Mabilis akong tumalikod at tumakbo. Pagkauwi ko ay diretso akong pumasok ng kwarto at malakas na isinara ang pinto.

Nagising na lang ako nang mapagmasdan ko ang sarili ko sa salamin... may hawak na kutsilyo. Agad na nanginig ang mga kamay ko. I quickly dropped it and just sat on the floor and cried loudly.

Mariin kong pinunasan ang palad ko gamit ang kamao ko... I did it many times, as if there is some kind of dirt here that is hard for me to remove. Hanggang sa mapahiga na lang ako sa sahig, at doon ko na lang iniyak at hinagulgol ang lahat.

Was I becoming evil just like them?

"G-Gino..." Mabilis ang pag-iling ko.

I sorted myself out for days... I tried not to think about the things that were bothering me. I reflected on the murder attempt I made.

Things are getting better and Summer has gradually unfolded pieces that are needed for the investigation, and it's not right for me to ruin all of that.

And I will never, ever be like them... I will not be a murderer.

As I was eager to know what the progress of the investigation ay kada minuto ay hindi ko mapigilang kulitin sina Summer at kuya Sullivan. I called them many times at sa tanya ko ay pang-pitong tawag ko na ito ngayon.

But I still get the same answer... They still don't have any solid evidence. Just thinking about it made me feel heated, so I dipped my body in the bathtub to chill down. I feel like we are running out of time.

Kinabukasan ay unang-una kong tinungo ang phone ko sa side table noong marinig kong tumunog ang messenger ko. Agad kong binuksan ang message ni kuya Sullivan. He sent me a spy photos and said it was another man that involved in the crime.

Padarag kong binitawan ang phone matapos matitigan ang mukha nito. I clenched my fists before taking a deep breath and typing a reply, and when it was sent, I took another look at it... I wished I could burn his face into my mind.

Habang nasa ganoon ako ay may napansin akong litrato na nasa tuktok ng mensahe ni Kuya Sullivan. I quickly scrolled down the screen and looked at it.

JUL AT 9:16 PM

Ivan:

don't wanna go for a walk? :)

Ang message ni Kuya Sullivan at may kasama itong litrato niya. Selfie niya ito sa isang food stall... Mabilis naman na napukaw ang atensyon ko sa mga lalaking nakaupo na nasa likuran niya.

Noong zinoom in ko ito ay mabilis na lumandas ang mga luha ko. Hindi ako makapaniwala sa nakikita ko... Napapailing ako habang umiiyak at pinoproseso sa isipan ang taong iyon!

I composed myself quickly and took a deep breath. Naaalala ko ito... ito iyong araw na umalis ako para makipagkita kay Gino, nag-message sa akin si Kuya Sullivan pero hindi ko ito pinansin... Ito iyong araw kung kailan din nangyari ang krimen.

I hurriedly looked for the photo of the suspects. Kinumpara ko ang suot ng mga ito at nakita ko ang suot noong naka-hood rito sa litrato ni Kuya Sullivan... he was also in a black hoodie with the printed tiger!

"I know where this stall is..." I cried so badly that I could hardly talk. "It's... it was just close to the crime scene..."

We were all gathered in the living room after I informed them that I already knew who the culprit was and that I had strong evidence to prove it.

"I remember..." said Kuya Sullivan. He whispered a curse. "Why did I just remember this now? I heard them, they were talking badly to someone... and they're planning to..." He didn't finish what he had to say and just looked at me. "I'm so sorry, Yshawn."

I just nodded.

"I knew it!" Ggohn spoke in a fierce tone. He hit his hand on the mini bar counter, he was madly pissed off. "I know this man. Yshawn, have you ever seen someone lurking at your house?"

Umiling ako, hindi makatingin ng diretso. "No, I haven't. Wala akong napansin."

"Gino told me about this. He saw someone lurking outside your house, and he heard them planning to rob you... or even kill you. He followed the other one and he threatened him... and he also did that to this one girl. He said she was the girlfriend of the man in this photo," Ggohn said and pointed his finger in the photo. This man, his smile was wide... this was the man they were talking about who was taller than the two. "This woman accused him of touching her in the elevator. Gino admitted it to the girl even though he didn't do it. I didn't understand why he was doing this?!"

"He's my older brother." I looked at them and they all looked at me in surprise. "The tall one you're talking about... he's my brother."

We all fell silent.

"We need an arrest warrant..." Ggohn was the first to break the silence. Bea and Jaz came to me, comforting me. "Right now."

"What if they flipped the story?" I said and they immediately stopped. "It was just a photo... They can... Please, it's me. It's because of me... He left us because of me. So please, I don't want to fail him." I begged.

"Some DNA was found in Gino's body, and it belonged to a man," said Summer. "We just need their DNA to confirm that it's from them. If it's a match... well, that's the only ace we have."

I shook my head. "I've got a plan."

Maiigi silang napatingin sa akin. And I told them my plan that night. And that night, I knew this was the ace that would give him the justice he deserved.

Sumunod na araw ay pumunta ako sa coffee shop, umorder ako ng hot cafe latte at dalawang chocolate croissant. Nang makuha ang order ay agaran akong lumabas. Tahimik lang akong naglalakad nang may mabunggo akong isang matangkad na lalaki.

I immediately apologized when I accidentally spilled my drink on his bomber jacket. He just looked at it and tried to wipe it off. He then started cursing, he was pissed. I looked up and as soon as our eyes met, a smile instantly spread across his face.

"Kuya?" My voice trembled with fear as they dragged me into a dark alley while I struggled. There was no one here. Kami lang ang naririto.

Did he feel it too? This burning fear?

"Oh?!" tumatawang sambit noong isa niyang kasama. "We were just talking about you earlier!"

"And we were just on our way to find you, my dear brother!" tumatawang sabi naman ni Kuya Yvan habang hinaharangan ako.

Just looking at his round eyes... how dark they are while looking at me, his smile that causes curls between his lips and cheeks, and his laughter... I feel like my fear was coming back again... The fear I got when I was a kid.

This fear seems will live in me again forever. I could feel my weakness and tears welling up in my eyes. Nakita ko pa ang pabirong gulat sa mga mukha nila habang pinapanood ang nangyayari sa akin, and they roared with laughter.

"W-What... do you mean?" I asked shakily.

Lumapit si Kuya Yvan sa akin at hinaplos ang pisngi ko... Paulit-ulit ay sinasampal niya ito. Natatakot ako... takot na takot. There are too many flash images in my mind, it's too cluttered and loud!

"Did you hit your head so bad that you can't even remember?" he said with evil-wide eyes. "You betrayed me, idiot! I only have a week to settle this and I've already told Dad everything!"

"Kuya..." that's all I said out of fear.

"You're scared, huh?" Tumatawa siya. "But no matter what you do, Dad won't fucking believe you! He even despises you up until now, because you're a fag!"

I shook my head firmly... Trying not to believe what he said.

"I told him you liked it..." He looked down at his and shot me an eye again, grinning darkly. "But I did not!"

"Hayop ka, Kuya! Napaka baboy mo!" Handa na akong sunggaban siya ng suntok ngunit nauna ang kasama niyang itulak ako. My back hit the wall causing me to lose my breath yet I still managed to looked up at him. "Gago ka! Putang ina mo!" I cried.

"I know... I know..." Lumuhod siya ng bahagya para makapantay ako saka niya madiing pinisil ang mga pisngi ko. "I don't want to take this any longer. Give us our money before something happens to you."

"What? Huh? Anong gagawin niyo kapag hindi ko binigay ang pera? Ano?!"

Tumingin siya sa sahig, nag-iisip. Ilang sandali ay muli niya akong binalingan ng tingin. "Something that happened to your poor lover?" he smiled evilly.

I jerked my face back and managed to push him away from me. I saw the tension in his jaw but what I was most concerned about was I might not be able to control the anger that I was suppressing.

"I know..." I cried and couldn't help but clutched my knees. "I know you're the one who did it... I know you're the one who killed him!" I yelled.

"Says who?!" he snapped back. "Me? I didn't say that I killed him... did I?"

"Just stay proud! You won't get any money from me anyway! Do you think I'll be afraid of you? Huh? I'm not, Kuya! I know Dad can't help you anymore! He's in the hospital and he has no money at all!" He looked at me with surprise. I nodded firmly. "Yes, I know everything... And you killed Gino. I'll call the police!"

I moved quickly, but they soon dragged and pushed me up against the wall. Kuya Yvan pressed his furious hand firmly on my neck, sinakal niya ako. Nahirapan akong huminga at makakilos sa higpit ng pagkakasakal niya sa akin.

Inabutan siya ng kutsilyo noong kasama niya. "Just kill him, Yvan. We'll get the money... you just need his bank account and it's done-"

"Shut the fuck up, Bon!" I took a deep, deep breath when he removed his hand from me. I was still catching my breath when he pointed a knife at my gut. "Hey! Hey, hey! Kapatid lang kita... kung tutuusin hindi ka na parte ng pamilya, e. Dad just disowned you! Kaya h'wag kang magmatapang dahil kayang-kaya kong ibaon 'tong kutsilyo sa tagiliran mo! Gago!"

"Fuck you-" Hindi na ako nakapagsalita pa at natapos ang sasabihin noong malakas niya akong sinuntok dahilan para mapahandusay ako sa sahig. I felt a numbness on my lips, and I tasted my own blood. "Argh!"

"He didn't just call me that day to threaten me that he would put me in jail... and fuck said he has that power! He even threatened Rob and Althea! My girlfriend! She couldn't even forget about what happened in the alley when that jerk brought her there! He harassed my girl, and what do you think I'm gonna do? Gaganti ako, stupid!"

Natinag ang tingin ko sa daliri ko na may dugo noong inilapat ko ito sa labi ko. My mind was in turmoil when I heard what Kuya Yvan said.

"Called you? Power?" I was perplexed. "But..."

"Yes, you're right... you're thinking right. Ha! You're still very good, huh?!" Lumapit siya sa akin saka siya lumuhod at tinutukan ako ng kutsilyo. "He called me the day I was going to visit you at your condo... he said he knows the mayor and has a lot of connections. He has that big fucking money because he owns a company, but where he's now? Worms are eating him in the grave!"

Mulat na mulat ang mga mata kong nakatingin lang sa kaniya. Mabilis na nagsilabasan ang mga luha ko nang unti-unti kong mapagtanto ang mga nangyayari. Malakas naman silang tumawa.

"Prince?" bulong ko at napatingin na lang sa sahig.

Kaya hindi siya nakapunta noong araw na iyon dahil ginawa 'yon ni Prince? At si Gino? Walang ideya si Kuya Yvan kung sino ang tumawag sa kaniya noong araw na iyon... hindi niya alam kung sino sa kanila si Prince at Gino. And Gino lifts all the blame! And he thought that Gino, did it... and they...

Nawala na ako sa pag-iisip at tumayo ako saka siya nilapitan at kinuwelyuhan. "You... really... killed him?" I said slowly and it was filled with anger. "Kuya Yvan? You did that... y-you killed him? You murdered... you murdered him? You killed, Gino? You all killed, Gino?! Answer me!" I screamed.

"Yes!" he yelled violently as his devilish eyes remained wide. "Rob, Bon... and I. We... killed... him!"

"Yvan Alvares Godivo!" I heard Sum's voice.

They both looked at the person who spoke and were taken aback when they realized they were surrounded by cops. Binitawan ko na si Kuya Yvan at marahan na lang akong napaatras habang pinoproseso ang sinabi niya.

I pulled out the small voice recorder from my pocket and played it.

[You... really... killed him? Kuya Yvan? You did that... y-you killed him? You murdered... you murdered him? You killed, Gino? You all killed, Gino?! Answer me!]

[Yes! Rob, Bon... and I. We... killed... him!]

They could hardly find the right reaction as they heard their own voice emanating from it. When they got alarmed, they approached me violently but were immediately blocked by the police.

Napaluhod na lang ako sa sobrang panghihina. Maya-maya pa ay hindi ko na napigilan ang paghagulgol ko. I could hear Summer reciting the Miranda Warning to them at that point as the police were handcuffing them.

Ilang saglit ay may naramdaman akong humaplos sa mga balikat ko at noong nilingon ko ang taong iyon ay si Kuya Sullivan ang nakita ko... Matama siyang nakangiti sa akin.

"Is... is it over, Kuya?" I asked with a trembling voice.

And that's when I saw his rejoicing smile as he nodded. "Yes, Yshawn. It's over... it's finally over," he said.

Marahan akong napayuko, naikuyom ko ang mga kamao ko sa sahig at malakas na napahagulgol. All the mishaps... All the fears... The fight... The sacrifices... They're finally over. It was over. We've finally made it to the end!

Yinakap ako ni Kuya Sullivan at naririnig ko na rin siyang tahimik na umiiyak habang inaalalayan niya akong tumayo. Nagtapon ako ng tingin kay Kuya Yvan na nagpupumiglas sa mga police. Noong nilapitan ko siya ay agad namang napatingin sina Summer sa 'kin, nag-aalala sa gagawin ko.

But what they thought I was the one who'll do it, Ggohn did it quickly. He hit Kuya Yvan hard in the face... with so much force that he fell to the floor and his mouth blew up. Galit na galit na tumayo si Kuya at pinipigilan naman si Ggohn ng mga pulis na muling makalapit rito.

Napahinto naman sa pagsisisigaw si Kuya Yvan nang makita niya ako sa harapan niya, at sa sitwasyon niyang 'to ay nagawa niya pa ring tumawa. He was still proud and unbothered, still mustering the guts to do so.

Kahit nararamdaman kong hinang-hina na ako ay nailagay ko pa rin ang palad ko sa pisngi niya, at mangilang beses kong sinampal ito.

I smiled.

"You can go now..." I said and my tears fell quickly. His eyes changed... it seemed to suddenly become hush. He was so proud but still, I can see through it that there was a hidden fear, wandering. "That's what you used to say to me when I was a kid... ako naman ngayon, Kuya."

*****