Enjoy!

Chapter 3

Rain

It has been a couple of weeks since Ms. Katy questioned me about my face. Since then my eye has healed but it was taking a little while for my skin to come back into its natural caramel skin tone. It was sweet of her to show concern but I didn't want her to start any trouble with my uncle. My uncle finally allowed us to start going to school again after so long, I didn't want Ms. Katy or anyone to jeopardize that. I've always wanted to learn outside of the things being taught at home with my uncle which were the basic homeschooling but as I grew older it became harder to teach me. Although I loved to learn, I didn't like the testing. The wording confuses me.

" Okay class what does it mean to persuade? Raise your hands. Raise them High" Ms. Katy walked around the class room with a dry erase marker in her hand. She sported a smile as students raised their hands eagerly wanting to be picked. I never raise my hand, I'm too scared to get it wrong.

"Go ahead Davion"

" To persuade means to get someone to do something or believe in something."

" Very good Davion. Everybody give Davion a whoo whoo" Students around me gave the sound of siren celebrating Davion right answer.

" Ieisha, how do you persuade someone?" Ms.Katy asked as she threw a piece of candy at Davion as a reward.

" Umm, by reasoning?" Ieisha answered unsure as she looked through her notes.

" Be confident in your answer mommas because you are right. Give Ieisha a go girl"

" Go girl" everyone says.

" In order to persuade we must formulate an argument with reason. For example, I can persuade Tasha to buy this pen from me by telling her that the pen was made out of rare ink and could get her good grades if she writes with it. or I can persuade Rain into thinking that the sky is Red"

My heart instantly dropped at the mention of my name. That can only mean that she was paying close attention to me. Even though I was paying attention, I have a habit of staring at random things to avoid eye contact. I slowly looked up at Ms. Katy seeing that she was looking over at me.

" Rain, can you give me another example?" She asked.

" Um I uh" was all I could get out as my mind started racing.

"ha She don't know" Someone said, causing me to sink in my seat even more. Before Katy could retort the bell rung indicating school was over.

" Alright guys, I want you to keep studying the topic of Persuasion. Eventually we will learn how to write a persuasive or argumentative paper. Come pick up your progress reports and graded tests."

All my classmates grabbed their stuff before meeting Ms. Katy in the front for their reports. I lagged behind not wanting to be in the way of anyone. Once there were less people in the room, I grabbed my small bag and went up to her.

She handed me my test scores and progress report. Seeing my grade, I knew instantly that I was going to have a long night with Uncle Tom. He believed in excellence at all times and oftentimes He didn't tolerate anything below an A. So far I had two C's, D, two B's and an A. The A was for P.E. I looked at my test grade and I made an F. This can't be right.

" Um Ms. Katy?" I called out.

" Just Katy." She corrected as she looked up at me with a smile.

" I don't understand these grades." I said slowly then immediately tried explaining " I mean, I don't think that they're wrong. I just thought I was doing well."

" Okay, sure. We can figure this out together. Let's see...You have a D for English. You didn't do well on your reading and writing test. It looks like we have to work on your comprehension skills, it's affecting your other grades"

Rain swallowed as she looked down at the graded test full of red marks in her hand. Rain imagined every mark on that test representing every hit from Uncle Tom's belt she was going to get if he found out. He always demanded excellence...Always. If Uncle Tom felt like the school wasn't teaching me anything he would surely take me out and I'll go back to homeschooling with him.

" But there's no worries. This is just a progress report so if you work really hard these next few weeks we can get you to a C before the report card comes out. Come for after school tutoring and I can help with your reading, writing and homework. Just not today since I do have an appointment. Maybe you learn in a different way than the rest considering you were homeschooled before" Katy suggested with a smile before getting up to walk across the room to the classroom closet.

A C is still not good enough even though it was better. Regardless, I'm going to get it. " Um, is there any way I can come to tutoring at another time? I have to pick my brother up from the bus stop?"

" Hmm let's see I don't mind coming a little early in the morning or you can join me for lunch." Katy suggested. She really is a sweet lady.

"Yes, I can do lunch." I hate that I have to take up this lady's time, but I need all the help I can get to stay in this school.

Katy gave me a smile as she grabbed her belongings to walk out the door with me.

" Don't worry sweetpea, we will get you back on track. You just have to stay focused and work really hard. Besides, no one in my class is going to fail this school year on my watch" She gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze as we both walked out of the door.

______

Katy

After saying bye to one of my students, Rain, I made my way across town to my doctor's appointment. I was meeting my husband Aaron there. I was dreading this appointment. This is my first OBGYN appointment post miscarriage. The day it happened and the few days after were the worst. I just felt like I was useless not being able to carry the baby. This was my third miscarriage and I could not understand why, I couldn't carry a baby.

I eat right, I exercise as much as I can and I even take prenatal care and other vitamins to no fail. Yet, I could not get past the first trimester. I feel like such a failure. I know Aaron wants a baby. I can see it in the way he looks at me. He looks at me like I'm useless.

Flashback

For days I felt funny. I didn't have the urge to eat or drink anything. Knowing that I could be pregnant since my cycle was entirely too late, I tried forcing myself to eat. I managed to sport a smile on my face in front of my husband and students everyday as if I was alright. Saturday had came around and I thought I could spend my day lounging around for the day but I am in so much pain.

I locked myself in the bathroom and things went wrong. The familiar pain came knocking me down to my knees. I tugged at the fabric of my grey dress pants trying to release the pressure that was building up. The already blood stained pants dropped around my knees.

" Hey Honey, I'm home." I could hear the front door close shut and I immediately put my hand over my mouth to suppress my pain filled moans.

" Bae, You won't believe the kind of night I had. You would think since it was night shift that everything would die down but hell nah it didn't."

I could hear Aaron coming up the stairs of our town home so I stifled my cries and quickly got up to get away from the bathroom door. As soon as I stood an overwhelming pain washed over me causing a loud groan.

Immediately, Aaron was at the bathroom door trying to get in. As I gripped on the vanity for support a glob no bigger than a golf ball came out of me, releasing the uncomfortable pressure.

That was it.

It was over.

Aaron busted through the door, finally able to lock the door. He paused seeing everything that had transpired.

" Oh baby..." He said breathlessly. He tried to find the words to comfort me as he reached for me.

Not wanting to be touched, I shrugged him off. I knew this was shocking and he would need comfort too but I didn't want him around me. I couldn't bear to look in his eyes to see sympathy in his eyes.

I have failed. I once again couldn't keep the baby.

" I didn't know you were pregnant." Aaron said softly.

" I didn't want you to know until I was sure I could..." Tears burned like acid as they went down my cheeks. My body's betrayal stared right at me, taunting me like a evil spirit on a full moon.

Once again he reached out for me and this time I let him comfort me.

___________

Now here I am for the umpteenth time, wondering will I ever bear children. Will I ever feel complete?

"Mrs. Wills, we have run all the tests we could and unfortunately we have come to the conclusion that you will not be able to carry a baby full term."

What a way to state the obvious.

It's easy to tune out the conversation between my husband and the doctor. Nothing was good news, but the doctor had the nerve to try to give me hope through treatment. I could not help but laugh at that. How can a school teacher and a construction worker afford treatment?

" If you can excuse me, I have to stop by the store to get supplies for work and assignments to grade. Thank you for your time, Doctor." I said getting up and shaking my doctor's hands.

With furrowed eyebrows and lips lined thin, the doctor accepted the handshake and encouraged me to schedule a follow up appointment.

I gave a small smile in response knowing damn well I was not going to schedule another appointment. If anything I would schedule an appointment to get my uterus taken out to stop this continuous cycle.

______

Rain

" I'm here. Sorry I'm late" I rushed out to the bus driver dropping off Raiden at his bus stop.

" It's alright, child. I saw you coming." The bus driver said kindly. " If you are not here or your parents, just know I will drop this cutiepie off back at the school where he will be safe. He's too young for him to walk home by himself."

" Yes Mam, Thank you. Come on Raiden." We both waved goodbye and started towards the house.

" How was school, baby boy?" I asked like always. It brings me joy in hearing him talk about his day. Probably because my day was always stressful.

" School was good, I had fun with my friends and Ms. Bley." He beamed as his huge backpack hit the back of his little legs as he walked.

" You did?" I matched his energy, getting excited for him.

" Yeah and I did good on my progress report. I got all A's."

My smile suddenly dropped remembering my own progress report. I had one thought to ask Raiden to not to say anything about his progress report so she wouldn't have to show hers. I cannot tell a lie. I tell on myself before I can even utter the words of a lie. Maybe that's uncle Tom's power over me.

Before I know it, we are inside the house and Raiden immediately runs to the devil excitedly, ready to show him his progress report. I dropped my bookbag by the door and hurriedly went to the bathroom to create some distance between the inevitable.

I can hear Raiden tell uncle tom about his day and about his precious progress report.

" That's expected of you know that right?"Uncle Tom told Raiden.

" What does' expected 'mean?"

" It means that's what you're supposed to do. Bring home A's and nothing less. Go in that kitchen and eat. There's leftover pizza in there.... Rain, bring me that progress report."

A long night, it was.