I let you in, you bled me out

You left me skin and bone, you left me all alone

You used to run, run through my veins

And to be honest, I know I'll never be the same

—from "Alone" by I, Prevail

Kogami felt himself being dragged through the darkness. That's how he seemed to spend his waking moments, treading water in darkness or drowning in it. His shoulders convulsed with spasms, cramping from the way his wrists were cuffed tightly behind his back. The pain was only intensified by the rough handling of the two men who carried him. One arm under each of his, they dragged his semi-conscious body through the long corridor.

He saw exploding pinpricks of stars long before they dropped him onto the dirt floor of his cell. Callously kneeling on the back of his neck, a heavy knee pinned him down, face first, in the dirt. Another knee dropped into his back, purposely targeting the freshly excised bullet wound. Kogami struggled to breathe and heard himself wheezing for air.

It was difficult to focus through his swollen eyes. One abstract shadow blurred into another. Colors streaked together in a chaotic mosaic of natural hues and black and white. He could barely make out figures of two men standing in the doorway. One of them was dressed in a white smock. He knew this only because the color stood out so prominently against all the others floating before him. The other man was dressed in military fatigues, digital-print camouflage, that drowned out his image. While Kogami could not see them clearly, he recognized their voices.

"Is that really necessary?" Harris asked. "You paid a lot of money for this one. It won't do if we damage him."

"I can't afford to lose anymore men to this rabid dog."

"The more savage the dog, the tougher the training. The tougher the training, the better the programming, producing a better soldier. You'll see."

"So you've told me. I'm tired of waiting, Dr. Harris. I want results. Double the dosage."

"I already did."

"Then triple it!"

"That could kill him or worse."

"What's worse?" Merck asked.

"He could experience a psychotic break, then he'd be completely useless to you."

"So be it. Either break him or he dies." There was a pause and the muffled noise of movement behind them in the corridor. "If he loses his mind, we can always use him for target practice."

"How very merciful of you."

"Get on with it, doctor."

Kogami felt the sharp prick of a needle shoved into his neck. He grit his teeth and groaned as the chemical moved through his veins like slow-moving lava. Temporarily, the blur of colors before his eyes went all gray and then his entire world went black.

He never fully lost consciousness, at least he didn't think so, because he could hear himself breathing with the labored measure of a sprinter having just crossed the finish line. His hands were no longer bound, and he was alone, lying prone on the dirt floor.

"Send her in. Give it a minute, then turn the water on."

Kogami heard the cell door open and then slam shut with a heavy thud. Footsteps moved toward him, timid at first, but growing more assertive and closer.

"Lying down on the job as usual," she said.

From his position on the floor, he could only see her ankles and just barely. As his focus returned with sharper images, Kogami saw the bottom of her suit skirt, which primly came down below the knee.

What was her name?

"Worthless dog! Lazy dog!" She kicked him hard in the face.

The shock of the unexpected blow snapped Kogami out of his fugue. Tasting blood on his lips, he let the excruciating pain bring him back to stark reality. He struggled to get to his knees and sat up, staring at her in alarm. "You?" Staggered by the blow, he leaned back to take in the pale face and the frame of shortly cropped brown hair that framed it.

"I didn't ask you to speak!" She slapped him hard across the face. It was a savage blow that sent him reeling back to the floor.

Regaining some defensive instinct, Kogami pushed himself against the nearest wall and into a standing position, using the roughhewn stone to support him. It was the only thing he could trust to hold him as the room spun in erratic circles. He felt nauseous and weak, unable to regain his balance. "A—Ak—"

"Can't even say my name. Can you? Not as if you're worthy enough to say it." Finding him defenseless, she punched him in the face.

Kogami's head cracked hard against the wall, and he found himself once more spiraling into darkness. "Akane?"

"I said you weren't worthy enough to say my name!" She struck him in the face again, following up with a knifehand strike to his throat.

Gasping for air, Kogami ran the back of his hand across his face. Blood smeared his fingers and palm. "Akane, what the hell—" He ducked another savage swing to his face. There was no reasoning with her. Having missed, she came at him again for another attempt.

"Stop running through my dreams!" Kogami screamed. He grabbed her by the neck with both hands and threw her bodily across the room. "You left me!" Feeling bitterly betrayed, he jumped on top of her, holding back her hands, as he brought an elbow down and across her chin. "You left me alone!" Pulling her head up with brute force, he head butted her and then slammed her head against the floor.

Above him, Kogami heard the gurgling noise of blocked pipes after a clog had been removed and the contents drained. A makeshift sprinkler system of battered pipes and tubes opened up, and water fell over him in large, intermittent drops like rain. He ignored it, his sense of self-preservation in full cry as he rained down blows on Akane's face.

Akane? The name meant nothing to him. As his fury ebbed, he planted a few more brutal punches in her face. Kogami could not remember why he was so angry and unsettled. He stood over the body, wondering why she had attacked him. There was no regret in him for retaliation. She had forced him to defend himself.

Water continued to pour from the pipes over head. His usually unruly hair was slicked down against his head and face, over his eyes, making it difficult to see. Fists pulsating with pain and bleeding from fresh cuts in the skin, he stared down at the ruined sparring bot as the image of a young woman faded away. The holo relinquished its hold on existence in a blurry detonation of color and was gone. Sparks jumped from the bot's eyes, which hung bulging out of the heavily damaged metal skin and crumpled sockets.

Outside the cell door, he heard voices. Kogami turned to the eyes watching him from the opened slate. "What the hell is this?" he asked.

"A training op, Mr. Kogami," Harris replied through the slate.

"Did I pass?"

"With flying colors."

The door opened, and the two men stood in the hallway beyond it. Between them, a heavily armed escort of six men came into the room and retrieved the ruined bot. They warily watched the dangerous man standing in the back of the cell, their weapons at the ready.

"Satisfied, Mr. Merck?"

"Quite, Dr. Harris. Get him on the truck. I have a cartel to burn to the ground."

* * * * * *

You used to run, run through my veins

And to be honest, I know I'll never be the same

I let you in, you left me out

You left me on my own, you left me all alone

—from "Alone" by I, Prevail

It was too dark to see.

Kogami could barely breathe through his pain. Head swimming, he crawled out of his cot and dragged himself to the coolness of the dirt floor. He propped himself against the wall as sweat rolled from his shoulders and down across his chest.

This is miserable, he thought. Why do I feel so weak?

The cell was dark. The usual light that glowed beneath his door had been extinguished, leaving him truly alone in the shadows. A pitcher with water sat on the floor by the edge of his bed, along with a tray of uneaten food. The sight of the latter caused his stomach to lurch violently, and he vomited onto the floor. Shaking his head, Kogami retrieved the pitcher and took a swallow of the warm water within it before pouring the rest over his head.

His mind raced with disconnected memories and thoughts that were as powerful and swift as Thoroughbreds breaking from the starting gate. He had no control and all of them vied for his immediate attention, which made focusing impossible. In desperation, he slammed the back of his head against the wall. It did little to quell the rushing fragments, so he slammed his head again, this time tasting blood in his mouth.

Still the chaotic cloud swarmed at him like hornets bent on stinging him to death. He slammed his head a third time against the wall. The darkness came for him as his consciousness waned on the brink between worlds. The thoughts, however, the galloping throng of thoughts was gone.

Back in control, he tried to wade through his thoughts, picking them up one by one to examine at his own pace. They proved more enigmatic than he imagined. Long nights on the chase. A weapon that rendered its own judgments. A woman with brown hair and eyes. Had he slammed his head too hard this time? And knocked the memories forever beyond reach?

Above him in the eaves beneath the roof, he could hear a light wind stirring from the night, and momentarily, there came the gentle whispering of rain. He always found the sound of falling rain so very soothing. The aroma of the rain reminded him of her innocence and the scent of her hair. Soothed by the seduction of these specific memories, he allowed himself to be lured from the darkness.

Pale skin that was so smooth that to touch it might somehow mar the porcelain perfection of it. Shortly cropped hair hid reddish highlights in a pristine meadow of natural brown. Idealistic, round, brown eyes sparkled in the light, and then narrowed with disapproval as they caught him staring at her.

Who was she? How did he know her? Were those tears falling from those beautiful eyes? Why was she crying? Kogami could not remember, and just as he was on the verge of whispering her name, she began to fade away. Examining one fragment of memory and then another, Kogami struggled to hold on, determined to remain in control of his frail faculties.

"Akane?"

That was her name! But the name and the memory of her continued fading into the darkness. Kogami staggered to his feet, falling face first into the wall. He pushed himself off the wall and took a defensive stance, or one he could manage in his condition. "Akane." He struck the wall with his fist, ignoring the crack of bone. It was the pain he savored because it was the pain that brought the memories back to him with clarity. Relentless, he threw more punches as swatches of blood crisscrossed the wall, which dripped slowly down to the floor.

"He's at it again," a voice said from the door behind him.

It had nothing to do with his memories of her, so Kogami ignored it. Determined, he proceeded throwing more punches at the wall. Armed with a military baton, a guard jumped him from behind and forced him him into a chokehold that cut off his airway.

Kogami ducked under his arm, giving him the slip, and laid a punishing left hook across his chin. The armored man went flying backwards into a group of others.

A second man grabbed him by the arm, wrenching his shoulder, as a third twisted his other shoulder into a restraint position. "Dose him now before he puts the rest of us in medical!" Six more men fell to Kogami's flailing legs until they had completely subdued him. They forced him first to his knees and then pinned him facedown on the floor. He heard the desperate sound of wheezing and panting and realized it was his own labored attempts to breathe.

A prick in his neck made his body involuntarily tense up, but the half dozen men held him firmly until he began to relax.

"Ak—"

The name was gone. She was gone. It was too dark to see. Kogami mourned the loss, but could not remember why. The strangest warmth coursed through his body, taking away the pain from both his body and his mind. Maybe even, his soul. It was a comforting feeling that left him numb and tired, tired enough to sleep. Sleep was welcomed. It was a place where he didn't have to think or be reminded.

"I told you to give him the drug an hour ago. Before the storm came in. Those were Dr. Harris' orders."

"This guy already gets a dose big enough to put a bull elephant into orbit, and he still loses it! Wonder what sets him off?"

"The rain. Something about the rain."

"Thought they had that worked out this morning."

"Well, I guess they didn't. Get him back in bed. Merck wants him ready in the morning."

Kogami felt the release of weight and restraint. Rather than holding him down, there was a moment of uplifting, as many hands raised him from the floor and laid him down in the cot. A moment later, he was covered in blankets.

"He's really burning up!"

"One hour watches through dawn. And you will stay on schedule with the doses."

"Whatever."

"Whatever? If he goes nuts again, it'll be our asses."

The door closed behind them, but the argument did not cease. Kogami struggled to listen, but was once more being dragged into the darkness against his will.

A restless night became a miserable morning when the jarring noise of a siren rang out over the jungle military base. Compounded by the cramped confinement of his cell, the klaxon vibrated perniciously in Kogami's ears and seemed to amplify its tone in the roots of his teeth. His head throbbed from the base of his skull to the temples, pounding in sync with the alarm. Feeling faint, he sat up on the edge of his cot, toes curled into the dirt as he sought some solace from the noise. Hands over his forehead, he rocked back and forth, desperate to find peace.

"Kogami!"

At the shout of his name, Kogami tried to stand, but fell back on quivering legs. Missing the threadbare mattress, he collapsed to the floor, hitting his back against the rigid metal frame. The pain in his head intensified and was joined by the excruciating pain of his bullet wound.

"Kogami! If you're here, answer me!"

Annoyed by the pain across his back, Kogami scowled irritably. He listened as the sound of footsteps came after the voice, running passed his door, and down the corridor. There was no compulsion to acknowledge it. Though, he had to confess, there was something about it, a passionate yearning and fear, that made him want to reply.

"Hey!" He rolled his eyes at the sound of his own voice. Bearing no purpose, it sounded trite and oafish in his ears.

"Kogami?" The slate in the cell door opened abruptly, and a tuft of brown hair emerged from beneath it. "Kogami, are you in there?"

The lock rattled ferociously as Akane threw open the door and stood in the threshold. She was out of breath and panting, a Dominator clutched in her hands. "Kogami?"

I'm dreaming again, he thought resentfully. He glared indignantly at her, his heart racing.

"Kogami? Answer me."

"Why should I?" He crossed his arms over his chest and refused to look at her. This recurring figment of his imagination and the annoying klaxon brought on an intense urge to commit violence. "You're not even real!"

"What's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me!" He jumped to his feet. "You left me!"

Akane stifled a sob, breathing heavily at the accusation of abandonment. "Kogami, what's happened to you?"

"You're what happened! I'm a coward, remember!" He narrowed his eyes and drew himself upright, stabbing the air with a finger. "Just another worthless, lazy hunting dog!"

"Do you recognize me?" Her eyes were wide with terrified realization. "Do you even know who am I?

"You're no one!" He hesitated, unable to find the name that teased the tip of his tongue. "No one!"

"Say my name."

Kogami turned away from her, feeling himself falter. So stupid and weak! Squeezing his eyes shut, he wiped the backs of his hands across his sweaty face until the skin was red and irritated. Under his breath, he muttered, "C-can't remember!"

"Kogami, say my name!"

"No! I'm not worthy, remember?" he snapped, causing her to jump in fear. Breathing with great effort, his chest heaving, he took a step toward her. "This is over!"

"Kogami, don't," Akane whispered. She leveled the Dominator at him. "Don't do this."

"Crime coefficient: 435. Enforcement action required. Target is a registered Enforcer. Status: Enforce at will. Lethal eliminator. Trigger safety is now released. Aim carefully and eliminate the target."

The horror in her eyes was authentic. So, too, was the regret. "Kogami, please. Don't make me—" Tears fell from those frantic, frightened eyes. They streamed down her cheeks, spilling over trembling lips and collecting in the subtle curve of her chin.

Kogami felt frozen right down to the core of his soul. It was so dark, too dark to see anymore. "Stopping running through my dreams!" He bowed his head against the hissing noise of confused thoughts. Hands balled into fists, he charged her.

"Kogami, no!"

Akane dropped the Dominator. It clattered noisily against the floor as Kogami pressed himself against her body. He put his hands around her neck, spinning her around into the center of the room. She was soft and warm and real. Overwhelmed by conflicting emotions, Kogami laid his forehead against hers and breathed in the fragrance of her. Running his hands along the sides of her face, he gently wiped the tears from her cheeks and stared longingly into her eyes.

"Akane," he whispered, brushing his lips across hers.

"Kogami?" Abruptly his weight shifted forward, and he was on top of her, falling. "Kogami!" Unable to hold him, she collapsed to her knees beneath him, cradling his head against her chest.

"Akane!" Masaoka stood in the doorway. "You alright, missy?"

"Is he—"

"He's fine. Thanks to that hard head. Knocked him cold with the butt of my Dominator. Would have killed him otherwise."

"Kogami." Akane laid her head on his shoulder, listening to his labored breathing. "He's alive."

"If you want to keep him that way, we better get him cuffed and on a gurney." Masaoka disentangled her from Kogami's unconscious body. "Don't think Ginoza will hesitate to pull the trigger if he gets the chance." He helped her up from the dirt floor. "Send a coded message to Kagari. Have him run some interference for us." The veteran stooped down, cuffed Kogami's wrists in front of him, and then hoisted him onto his shoulder. "Mind leading the way?"

* * * * *

When it's too dark to see, I'll leave the light on

I'll leave the light on

I'll leave the light on

When it's too dark to see

—from "Alone" by I, Prevail

Kogami laid on his bed, his back resting against the concrete wall. Still dressed in his black suit, he stared at the glass wall in front of him. Three hours after the evaluation meeting, the verdict was certain. The pending sentencing would seal his fate in an isolation cell forever.

Sitting up, he took a deep breath. It was quiet, too quiet. There was only the sound of the air conditioning unit and the enclosed ceiling fan over his head. Gone were the usual nuances of his life: a nightcap with Masaoka, the chance that Kagari would drop by for no reason at all, the looming glare of Ginoza, and the rose-petal scent of Akane's hair when she passed by him in the hallway.

He stood up stiffly and went to the cell door, leaning against the glass. The Ministry of Welfare's mental health isolation ward was a familiar place, but it wasn't home. The current stay was temporary, if he could not somehow change the outcome. As he stared into the brightly lit hallway, the scanner took a quick reading of his psycho pass: 388. Nearly a month after his ordeal in bondage at the hands of the Merck Cartel, his crime coefficient was still elevated, quite high, even for a registered Enforcer. He stared at the glass, smiling to see that the outline of Akane's hand was still visible there where she last touched it.

Akane Tsunemori.

He bowed his head against the glass where her hand had been. She came every day to visit with him. And every day, they parted in the same fashion. Hand over hand, not touching, their connection obstructed by the thick sliver of glass that the Sibyl System defined as justice. If he wanted to go home...if he wanted to be with her, he knew what needed to be done.

Slipping the knot of his tie, he tossed it onto the bed and undressed. He was careful to keep his movements slow and controlled. The medical professionals were watching. Here in the isolation units, they were always watching. If they even suspected what he was about to do, they would flood his cell with a nerve agent that would knock him off his feet. Then they would swoop in, dose him with a cocktail of sedatives, and leave him drooling on his bed for the next two days.

They're no different than the cartel mercenaries, he thought.

Kogami draped a towel around his waist and pretended to go about the nightly routine of a hot shower before bed. Once in the shower in the back of the cell, there were no observation cameras to observe him. He turned the water on the hottest setting: one to hide his intentions in a veil of steam and the other to brace himself against the impending pain. Taking a deep breath, he pulled his right hand back and struck out with the most direct and powerful punch he could manage. He cringed on impact, knuckles pressed into the wall. He paused and listened for the sounds of alarm. Self-harm was always met with aggressive mental health countermeasures.

Leaning back, he slammed his left fist into the wall and closed his eyes against the pain. It was a jarring blow that was made somewhat easier by the sting of the hot water. The water was the key. It was the one thing that had kept his mind intact despite being drugged into oblivion. He glanced over at the glass wall through the steam to check his crime coefficient: 363. It was working. With no signs that the medical professionals were about to descend on him, he sunk down into a horse stance and laid one punch after another into the cinder-block wall.

Crime coefficient: 370.

Kogami bowed his head in frustration as the number went up slightly. He could not focus on the past, not if he ever hoped for a chance at reclaiming his life. There was just the future. He had to believe in it every bit as much as she did. Akane believed in that future and in him. Why else would she refuse to shoot him with the Dominator, when it had judged him worthy of immediate execution. She put everything on the line in pleading with him when he could barely communicate from a fathomless fugue of drugs and torture that prevented him for being anything more than just an animal.

It had taken a terrible risk, wagered with her life. It was proof that she cared for him. on a much deeper level than just an Inspector looking over their Enforcer. It was evident.

Blood dripped unevenly along the rippled surface of the wall and down to the drain at his feet, but he kept punching. He could not focus on the pain, only the water, and the sound of it falling from the shower head. Kogami imagined Akane's face, crying, tears rolling down her cheeks.

He continued to strike the wall, his hands growing numb as adrenaline pumped fire through his chest and the effects of shock slowly set in. There was nothing left to do except admit that he cared for her, too. Admit that fact or die with a lie on his lips.

Crime coefficient: 318.

Kogami leaned into his fists, breathing with a conscious effort. If he didn't get control of himself, the stress-level alarm would sound, calling attention to his distress. As the water rolled from his face, he again was reminded of her tears, and the tears that would come for him when he was dead. Life in an isolation cell was a kind of death, a cruel one. Would she still visit him, if that was the final verdict? Gritting his teeth, he pounded the wall again, slowly breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth.

To get back to his life, he had to prove that he was a better man than what the Sybil System had labeled him. Certainly, there was room for improvement. He would do anything—for her. Except be nice to Ginoza. He had to draw the line somewhere.

With water falling from his face, arms and shoulders trembling, he continued punching until he could barely stand. Then recalling the lingering bliss of her lips against his, he found a reserve of strength and continued the barrage until the pressure building in his wrists brought failure. Panting from the exertion, he looked over at the glass door.

Crime coefficient: 281.

Kogami dialed back the temperature until the water ran ice cold over his head, shoulders, and the ruin of his hands. He welcomed the chill, pacified as the water washed away the blood from his hands and the many transgressions from his soul.

Not every birth had to be a violent one.

He examined the wall in front of him. There was some minor damage, but nothing that would be noted once he rinsed down the evidence. Struggling to keep his eyes open, he resolved to clean up the mess in front of him and then collect his few belongings because in the morning, he was going home.

The follow up out-take meeting was scheduled to take place at an isolation facility ten miles away from the Ministry of Welfare. Kogami's fate had been sealed the night before; the paperwork just had not been processed in a timely fashion, due in part to a little interference from Shion. And now, with the ink still drying, standard protocol had to be followed, meaning a re-examination of the records, an adjustment of the verdict, and a new sentence reached. While a crime coefficient of 281 was high, it was within the range of latent criminals who were privileged enough to serve as Enforcers for the MWPSB.

So, he kept his cool and said very little, except when asked to speak. Kogami even ignored a few sardonic barbs from Ginoza, dismissing them as the desperate antics of a playground bully. The chore of submission was easy with Akane sitting next to him. Anxious throughout the proceeding, she absently swung back and forth in the office chair, her fingers tapping at the armrest and occasionally across his sleeve.

Kogami kept his hands buried deep in his pockets during the lengthy meeting. Appearances were everything, and he needed to look the part, not just play at it. His hands were ravaged, so severely swollen that he could barely bend his fingers, but the pain was a comfort and kept him focused. An hour after the meeting, he was in an MWPSB car, heading back to the Ministry of Welfare with Akane with a mostly clean bill of mental health.

Akane prattled on nervously about construction in the building and new modules for the CID floor. It was an endearing flaw that Kogami had missed over the span of nearly two months. He listened intently to every word as if it might be the last time, because he had learned, it could well be the last time at any given moment. His stillness only made her more anxious, and she talked on and on about nothing, but he didn't care. He drank it all in with a new appreciation of her idealism and grateful wonder.

"The mental health examiners are saying it's nothing short of a miracle, Mr. Kogami." To stay busy in the void of his silence, she never activated the auto-drive navigation and remained in manual control of the vehicle. "What did you do to lower your crime coefficient?"

"A bit of sparring with the wall."

"You really are a cyborg, aren't you?" She laughed at the joke, her smile warming him like the rays of the sun on a winter day.

He shrugged, regretting how his current awkwardness made her uncomfortable. "Guess I just had a lot on my mind."

"And now?"

"Not so much," he whispered. Despite his exhaustion, physical and mental, he wanted nothing more than to be with her for as long as she would tolerate him.

Instead of parking in the underground hub, Akane brought the car around to the front of the building. "A hero's welcome," she said, smiling at him.

I don't feel like a hero, Kogami thought, but I'll make up for that soon enough."

Akane continued to talk about unimportant matters: Kagari's exceptional cooking, Masaoka's stories of days gone by, and Ginoza's concern for Kogami's recovery. The latter came as a pleasant surprise, especially the story of how Ginoza threatened to have Shion tear down every firewall on the Ministry of Technology's servers to find the location where he was being held captive.

Kogami maintained his silence, overwhelmed by a sense of belonging. As they reached the doors, out of habit, he took a longer stride to get ahead and tried to open the door for her. His hand convulsed with a painful spasm as he flexed the swollen fingers to grasp the handle. He winced, abruptly drawing in a tense breath.

Akane stood in the doorway, staring in sad disbelief at his lacerated hand. "Sparring with a wall, huh? I thought you were joking." She took his hand gently in both of hers and ran her fingers over the ruin of bruised knuckles and discolored skin.

"A small price," he said, "eagerly paid."

Her eyes were glassy with the threat of tears. "Does it hurt much, Mr. Kogami?"

"Only when it rains, Inspector." He bowed his head to her with a coy grin. "Only when it rains."