Triggers? Kinda? But not really?

I don't really like my one-shots anymore.

I wrote most of them two years ago - and they're good, I'm not saying they're not, but they're hardly original.

The one about cancer is a straight up cheapo rip off of alone on the water

ALTHOUGH I ACTUALLY DIDN'T KNOW ALONE ON THE WATER EXISTED UNTIL AFTER I WROTE IT LM ao

And the one where john commits suicide is so wholly ridiculous. Like it's fucking ridiculous and I don't like it at all.

I like the prostitute!lock i wrote for watsoninthetardis contest but i was looking at my statistics and only 40 percent of the people who start reading it actually finish

I guess they're grossed out by it??? Even though it's probably the most tactful of my oneshots?? Like wow sherlock doing drugs and being suicidal and cutting himself is perfectly acceptable but if you even dabble into sex...

Someone reported that one-shot, even though it has not one single smut scene.

This is why I can't write serious stuff, because there are so many kids on this website and they think cutting and being depressed is entertaining and it's not.

It's not like I romanticized it or anything - I don't think anyone complained about that aspect, because even as a thirteen year old I understood that self-harm and drug addiction wasn't trendy or cool - but the plot concept itself is a bit cringey and fandom work has enough drug aus as it is. I don't know. I don't like the fact that I read a teenlock and the first thing they establish is the fact that Sherlock cuts. I don't think that's a good thing.

Okay and we have the nice christmas oneshot - but that's so bloody silly.

And I'm not going to lie when I say I love the crackfic, The Shower, because that shit is golden.

But most of my oneshots are so...

idk. I'm thinking about deleting a lot of them, even though that'll put me at, like, 3k reads lmao

But I don't really care. None of it's especially good, and I want my stuff to be wholesome and not perpetuating certain ideas. And also I am sick to death of cancerfics and cutting fics and drug fics because it's always dealt with a very heavy handedness; you can always tell when someone is writing something because it means something to them, versus when they want to get reads.

Writers don't always completely address how devastating these things can be. You shouldn't be writing something so poignant if you aren't willing to articulate how harmful it is.

I don't want to be that kind of writer. I don't want to be the writer that takes joy out of getting reads and votes and comments on something my heart wasn't in. I don't want self-harm and drug abuse to be entertainment - I want it to be conflict. I want anything I write about to cause people to think.

So I think that I'm going to delete a few of my one-shots. Probably the drugged series - maybe forever and finite? The cancer one, Flying, and maybe A Dream, although I might just keep it up for the nostalgia factor. I might change my mind.

I just want what I write to be more than entertainment, I want it to make people think. And the stuff I posted feels mostly like entertainment.