Underlining meaning

Somewhere in Germany
Trinity's POV
How long have I been here?, that's a great question. Of course I don't know I can't pay attention to the time. I don't have much comprehension of time or days or weeks. I could have been here for years and wouldn't really know.

Did it matter how long I have been here, it's my home right. I mean I wouldn't entirely know if I had anything before this. They whipped my previous memories of my last life. So I wouldn't know,

Shit their coming

"Вставай" (get up) a soldier said in russian

Of course I had to listen that's all I really knew. If I didn't I'd get punished and I knew different languages. How did I learn them I'm not entirely sure, but maybe I was born that way. I mean if I couldn't remember anything before this I had to be right.

Sometimes I feel like I wasn't meant to be here or I wasn't born into this. Although I can't remember anything other than this or anything before the age of seventeen. Which is weird right, I mean shouldn't I remember more than just this shitty place.

I got up and the soldier unlocked my cell then lead me down the hallway. We walked passing by many cells some with dead bodies. Although it didn't seem to brother me and maybe it should. I can't think of a reason to let it bother me.

Once we got to a door he opened it and I walked into the nearly empty room. The only thing in there was a chair and a man. The leader I think of all these people in uniforms.

" Садись" (Sit down) he said in Russian while pointing at the chair.

So I sat and waited like I normally do I think at least.

"I have a mission for you soldier" he said once more

I nodded and he continued

Flashback
"Your here to do great things for us, your going to do what we want when we want because our previous soldier left" the man said in English

I was nervous I felt my body begin to shake

"Why did you take me why now" I cried

Which only earned me a slap across the face for replying.

"You don't speak unless told to, there are rules and you will follow them, you will be trained in weaponry, martial arts, powers and more, your not to disobey or you will be punished you will go on missions and do what we say otherwise bad things happen we are here to start the new order and this is just the beginning" he said then walked away
End of flashback

"Вот файл вашей миссии вы будете выходить в течение трех дней быть готовым" (Here is the file of your mission you will be going out in three days be prepared) he said once again in Russian.

I took the file and looked over it reading every detail to familiarize myself with the mission. The file was an assassination and retrieval of some files. Someone who once worked for hydra temporarily went off the grid.

I was to go to them kill them leave no witnesses. Along with finding the files they stole from us. It said they had a family, but I didn't seem to care. I couldn't find it in me to care if I shot someone younger than me. I couldn't feel anything I guess that was their goal.

So I went to the training room and started prepping for the mission.

In New York at the avengers tower

Bucky's POV
It's been a while like a long while since I've been out of hydra. The avengers have gained more trust with me. It's been probably two or so years, but we have to go on missions. Some are easy, but of course not all are life isn't easy. They only recently let me start going on missions after I got my trigger words reversed.

This way hydra can't make me the winter soldier again ever. Steve was the only one at first who trusted me completely. I could tell he had some doubts, but who wouldn't. I've gained about all my memories back which is good.

It's hard sometimes I still keep a distance from the others. I've found more trust with them as well, but still being cautious. I don't know how to gain all their trust entirely.I don't entirely trust myself either I mean yes I've grown. That still doesn't mean I'm not dangerous. I also still have nightmares all the damn time.

It's painful sometimes, remembering all I went through. I really hope no one has to go through that shit too. I want to end hydra once and for all so this way no one gets hurt. I couldn't bare to see someone else in the same pain I was. That would hurt me if I could have possibly ended them.

Even though it's not my fault they exist. I still would feel responsible for some reason. I can't entirely explain why I feel that way. Emotions are new to me I haven't had them for a while. So being emotional is scary at times considering it's new to me.

Dealing with all this can be difficult although I've came far. I work hard and try to hide most my emotions. That's only because that's all I truly know how to do. Hiding emotions is what I did best that's how I was good at what I did.

Of course I can't entirely forgive myself for all the lives I took. If I forgave myself that would mean I didn't care. That would be a complete lie because I do care. I care so much that I've tried to make amends. Even if not all the people know I was truly the one who took from them.

I took people from families, I took people from the world. That is what a lot of the nightmares are about. I see the people I've killed, the blood I've spilled. It replays in my head over and over again none stop. Which is what kills me inside the most.

"Buck we have a mission" Steve said

"Alright be there in a second" I said

I finished punching the punching bag and unwrapped my hands. I took a sip of my water and dried my sweat off. Then headed for the conference room to see what the mission was.