My mum eventually picked me up, they basically forced her to come

The most of the drive was quite, the tears couldn't stop falling down and it didn't seemed to bother my mom, she's always been like this with me, cold.

"Why didn't you called me back? I thought you were dead Olivia" my mom speaks after a few minutes of quiet

"Like you would be bothered" I says, she just rolls her eyes, her coldness can kill me sometimes.

When I comes back I see Frank passed out on the coach, I quickly takes a beer that was laying next to him and walks to my room

I feel like I've just lost too much, Peterkin was like a mother to me and John b was like a brother, I didn't knew Sarah that well but it was just too much.

The pain is too much. I want to feel something different then the mental pain, something that would keep my mind on something else

I just feel an endless emptiness.

I don't remember how much I drink, I just have been drinking until I have fallen asleep

-

The rest of the few days was pretty depressed, I didn't came out of my room, Frank or my mom never came in, I only ate when I heard my mum and Frank wasn't home, eating become hard.

I saw bunch of textes from Jay I never had the energy to answer, the only energy I had is to sleep and drink myself to sleep, even eating became a problem, I had no energy for anything at all

After a few days Jay showed up, I was probably asleep when he came in because I woke up to him shaking me and telling me to wake up

"What the fuck?" I says while I was waking up

"Sorry I uh... I just haven't heard from you and you're not answering texts so I've been kind worried"

"Oh yeah sorry about that I just needed some time to myself" I says

"Yeah I get that, do have plans for today?" He asks

"To be honest Jay I just want to sleep" I answers

"Look, Liv I am worried about you and I miss you, we haven't heard from you since the night your mum picked you up and I am worried"

"Yeah I am worried about me too" I covers myself with my blanket "come on... what's that?" He raises an empty battle

"Van gohc" I simply answers "okay, come on. I am getting you out of here" he throws my blanket to the floor

"Okay... okay. what have y'all planned?"

"We are going to memorial John B and Sarah at the chateau today, you can bring something of John b with you but please come, we need each others" he says

I haven't been at the chateau since John b and Sarah died, but it was to respect them and Jay needed me

"Yeah, I'll come" I assure him

"Good, good. We'll start at 4PM I gotta go to work but I am glad you'll come" he says and I offers him a sad smile before he kissed my cheek and snicks out

"Where are you going?" My mum asks me as my hand was in the doors handle, about to get out

"I won't be back late" I walks away, heading to the chateau

-

"To John B" Jay raises a bottle, Jay burns the tree in a heart shape and write John b Rutledge on it and added p4l and 2003, the year he was horned and 2020, the year he will always stay in.

"And to Sarah" kie adds

We all brought some stuff of him, we all put it in box, I brought the bracelets we made for each others, one was in my hand and the other one he made me I put with box

I put also a picture I took of him the day after he made kie and Sarah stuck on the same boat we spent the day together, me, him and Jay, pope was busy with his dad that day. We just spent the day chilling and surfing. One of the best days in my life. I miss this.

We all came inside the chateau, we stayed a few seconds in quite until kie decided to speak "I am glad you came Liv, we haven't seen you in a while"

"Yeah thank you and sorry about that" I says as I got up to take a beer

I turned around and sees Jay, I bumps into him and accidentally spills some of the beer in my shirt

"Screw you, man" I reached to another beer "hey, you don't talk to me that way" he says "I always do" I answers

"Not like that, not in this tone" he shakes his head "fuck off" I rolls my eyes "you had enough" he takes my beer

"Back off, man" I says "come on, Lives. You should respect that place, and your drunk as fuck" he says

"This place is the Chateu, the same place you screwed with girls in" I says "that's not fair" he says

"Life is not fair." I takes another beer from the fridge "come on, Lives" he says as I take a seep "you'd pass out" he says

"I don't give a shit" I chuckles "what's wrong with you?" He asks "you also had a beer" I says "you had like five." He says

"Fuck off, okay? Just leave me alone" I shoves him "guys, what's going on?" Kie and Pope walks towards us "this young man thinks he's my father" I laughs

"John B was a fucking brother to me and you don't see me getting wasted don't you?" He says as he raises his voice as well

"You probably don't even give a shit that he's gone, you don't care about anything" I laughs "Olivia stop" Pope says

"Just because I am not a fucking wasted doesn't mean I don't care" he says "but you will end up wasted, if not today, tomorrow. That's I'm both of our bloods" I spits

"Just because you want to be a junkie like your mom doesn't mean I will be either" he spits "JJ" kie glares at him

"What? What do you want? I am just telling the truth"he says as I walks away, slamming the door as I hear pope yelling "Olivia wait!"

"Olivia!" I hear kie as well, but not Jay. I didn't stop I just walks, and walks, and walks

I eventually got to the beach, no one else was around, I put my headphones on and tries to ignore all that happened before I felt a shadow behind me

I turns around to see the mother fucker Rafe Cameron with a smile, an evil smile.

"Olivia! I was looking for you" he says with a chuckle.

his eyes were red, unsteady on his feet. I knew this behaviour. He was absolutely drunk and maybe also high

"Rafe what the fuck do you want from me now huh? Seriously what else can you take away from me?" I asks

"All the summer you and your little friends yelled at me "murder" and you sprayed it on my bike, You thought I would let go and let you walk? I fucking saw you Olivia" he says, making me starting to get scared

"Rafe there is nothing else you can take from me you took everything. Okay? U got nothing" I says looking at him stepping towards me

"Stop with this act, I know you're into me" he says with a chuckle "what? I starts laughing "come on" he walks towards me

"It's not funny Rafe step the fuck back I am not kidding" I says as he kept taking a step towards me and I keeps walking backwards until my head hit a wall, we were behind an abandoned store

I always used to walk here when I needed time with my self, it was abounded so nobody ever came around here

"Rafe stop it I am not joking" as he kept walking towards me, he was too close and I felt uncomfortable as hell

"You know I can put you in jail for vandalism" he says "I can put you in jail for using drugs" I says

"Come on I am Rafe motherfucking Cameron you can't do shit to me" he says as tucks my hair on the back of my ear

"Don't fucking touch me" I says with a shaking voice, starting panicking. But I couldn't do anything, I was also drunk.

"Help!" I shout "JJ!" I shout again before I felt his hand covering my mouth and the other is on my neck, holding it tightly

"No one is helping you, Olivia. What have you got? A junkie mom and a deadbeat dad? Nobody in this world gives a shit about you. You've got nothing." He says

Tears started to fell from my eyes and I felt more emptiness and scared as hell, I just wanted jay here. That's all I ever wanted.

I tried to ignore the sound of him undressing my denim shorts and his belt opening, I closed my eyes and tried to think about how it was different if I have stayed at the chateau and talked with them about what they found and not running away from my problems like my mum always says

"Get the fuck away from her you asshole!" I hear a shout and Rafe pulls away from me, I gasps for air and quickly put on my denim shorts and I looked up and saw the blond boy I hoped to see so much beating the shit out of Rafe with his gun

he pulls the gun on his head "Jay no!" I says, I see tears filled with anger and terror in his eyes.

I know he would kill for me, I quickly put my shaking hand on his hand that held the gun

"Jay I just want to get the fuck out of here, please" I says with tears as Rafe was still down there, blood all over his face and I see the scared look in his eyes that I had a few minutes ago.

He takes my hand "it's not fucking over you motherfucker I am going to kill you" Jay speaks to Rafe and walks with me to the chateau

"You gotta believe me, it wasn't my fault" I stops at the middle of the round "I want my fault. You gotta believe me, it wasn't my fault" I repeat with tears

"I do, I believe you. Of course I do" he pulls me into a hug as I cry in his shoulder "it wasn't my fault-" I says "I know, I know" he nods his head

"Fuck" I quickly pulls out of the hug and fall down to vomit "hey, hey, hey" he grabs my hair so it wouldn't get messy

"I am so sorry I wasn't there to protect you Liv and I am sorry about that what I said earlier it wasn't fair I just- I was scared and worried" he says, I see regret and worry in his eyes

"It's okay. I just- I feel sick to my stomach" I starts to sob and shake again of the thought of what would have happened without Jay

"You don't deserve that you know? I hate the world so much for hurting you again and again I just want you to be safe and loved" he says with tears

His words were beautiful. Every single word melted my heart and made me feel safer.

I don't know if ever fill fully safe again, but his hug was comforting and I needed it so much at the moment

He pulls away from the hug, put his hand around my shoulder.

We arrives at the chateau, Pope and Kie was already gone. I takes a shower and changed to my pj and walked to the guest room, Jay was already in the bed

"Is that okay if I'd sleep here with you?" He asks as he sat up

"Yeah, I'd love that" I says as I laid down next to him

I put my head on his shoulder and my hand on his chest, I needed to feel safe again, but it wasn't that simple.

"I am sorry Liv, I shouldn't let you go by yourself alone, I am sorry" he says

"Jay it's something you had no control on" I tells him

"But if we haven't fought-" he says. But I cuts him off

"Jay listen it's not you fault okay? How did you found me anyways?" I questions

I know how you love the beach and I was looking for you to apologise about what I said and I uh... I heard you screaming my name" he says, clearing his throat trying to hold back his tears

"I am sorry" I says feeling bad that he had to find me in this situation

"No! You shouldn't be I am glad you did and I am glad I came. Liv, you are the most important thing to me and I'd do anything to protect you, to keep you safe" he says looking at me and I offers him a soft sad smile as an answer

"I am sorry about how I've been lately, I am just sad" I says

"I should be sorry, for my reaction, I was just worried as fuck and I didn't thought about how I can hurt you. I am so sorry for the way I talked to you" he looks down

I know when Jay is not looking at me in those serious talks it means he feels regret and guilt

"It's okay I get that. I am sorry too" I faces him "it's just- I care about you so much" he says, I looks at him as he stares at my lips

"I love you" he admits before he pulls me into a kiss "you can't love me" I pulls out of the kiss

"I, infact, does" he chuckles "you can't, okay?" I says "why?" He asks "I am fucked up" I says

"Well, me too" he says "no, you're not" I shakes my head "I want you. All of you. You flaws, your mistakes, your imperfections. You're everything I need in life. I don't need anything else" he looks at me

"I love you too Jay" I says before I pulls into another kiss

"But Jay, please don't tell kie and pope about what happened, I don't want to cost them more worry or pain they already knows too much"

"I wont, I swear. And Liv you are not causing nothing, we are you friends and we care about you. I think you should tell them and they can help or tell some adult, but only when you're ready, but I won't tell"

"You're making it a big deal, nothing happened" I says

"Liv... something did happened and Rafe should be dead, or at least in Jail... he's dangerous"

"Let's just go to sleep alright? Tomorrow is the first day of school and pope would probably force us to come" I says

"Yeah, night Liv"

"Good night Jay"

-

"Yo Liv! Liv wake up!" I hear Jay saying as he was shaking me

"Huh? What happened?" I see in the clock that was near my bed it was 3AM. Made me confused

"You've been talking in your sleep" he says

"So?" I asks

"Liv you've been screaming and shouting in repeat no" he says as I remember, I remember the nightmare I had

It was about what happened, with Rafe. It was the exact same situation but Jay never came to rescue me.

I stated to sweat, my hands were shaking and my heart started to beat fast, real fast

"Hey, Liv, you good?" He asks as I started to breath heavily, I didn't felt air coming in my veins anymore

"Liv talk to me" he says but I wasn't able to let out a single ward.

"Liv breath in, breath out okay? Breath in, breath out" he repeats trying to calm me down

After a few minutes my breathing become more steady

"You good?" He asks

"Yeah but I, I don't want to talk about it"

"Yeah okay, gets some sleep alright?" He says and I nod

Au: hey guys, I am really sorry about that chapter today, I swear the next ones is going to be less depressing. In the next chapter jj and Olivia will get more time alone, their relationship would get developed soon:)

Take care guys🫶🏻