[WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS VERY SENSITIVE CONTENT AND MAY BE TRIGGERING TO SOME READERS. IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER.]

About a week had passed since what happened at the Nims estate, and to everyone's surprise, no one came after Seonghwa after he took out the biggest criminal boss in the nation. In fact, no one dared come near him. Many had tried to take Samuel down before, and no one was ever able to succeed in doing so. This made everyone uneasy, filled with cowardice.

Seonghwa may have finally freed himself from Samuel's grasp, but his battle wasn't over. The loss of his father hit him harder than expected. For a man that was barely fazed by the aspect of death, when he held his father's lifeless body in his arms, it opened his eyes to everything. 

Hongjoong tried to do everything to be there for his new husband, but every attempt he made to even get close to him, Seonghwa would push him away or shut him out. Seonghwa was completely isolating himself, he never left his bedroom unless it was to get another bottle of alcohol, then he'd retreat right back to his room.

One morning when Hongjoong woke up in his own bed, he decided to go to Seonghwa's room to see if he was still in bed or not.

Hongjoong approached Seonghwa's bedroom door, twisting the door handle before he pushed the door open slowly. He saw the taller male sitting up on the edge of his bed, a glass of some type of alcohol in his hand as he was hunched over.

Hongjoong swallowed a bit hard, walking into the room hesitantly and making his way over to his lover. The smaller male crawled slowly onto the bed, coming up behind Seonghwa to wrap his arms around his shoulders.

"Did you sleep at all last night..?" Hongjoong questioned in a soft voice, peppering soft kisses on Seonghwa's cheek.

"No..." That's all Seonghwa replied with.

"Do you finally want to talk about what happened? You know I'm here for you, right?" Hongjoong said as he leaned over Seonghwa's shoulder and grabbed his chin, making him turn his head to look at him.

The look in Seonghwa's eyes was empty, the bags beneath his eyes displaying countless nights without any sleep, and the whites of his eyes were glassy and bloodshot from the excessive amount of alcohol in his bloodstream.

"No..." Seonghwa replied in a blunt tone.

"You never told me anything about your father... I never knew he existed until that day. I'm so sorry that this happened, Seonghwa. I want to help you, but I can't do anything unless you give me something to work on." Hongjoong soothed, stroking the soft skin of Seonghwa's cheek with his thumb.

Seonghwa blinked a few times, his jaw clenching at the mention of his father. "I told you not to mention him... I told you not to." Seonghwa's words slurred from how drunk he was.

"I-I know, and I'm sorry... I just want you to talk to me. I know how this feels, I do." Hongjoong replied before looking down.

"How could you possibly know how this feels?" Seonghwa snapped back, his mood suddenly changing. "How could you even begin to understand how I feel right now?"

"Because I..." Hongjoong hesitated for a moment before he decided not to mention his past. "Nevermind that. If you don't want to talk to me, then fine. Just know I'm here."

Seonghwa pulled himself out of Hongjoong's arms, leaning over to his nightstand to set his glass down.

"I'll leave you alone for-"

Hongjoong was cut off as Seonghwa had suddenly turned to him, grabbing onto his shoulders firmly as he pushed him back on the bed. Seonghwa then proceeded to crawl on top of Hongjoong and straddle him, grabbing the smaller male's wrists and putting them above his head.

"Seonghwa, what are you doing? Get off of me." Hongjoong said with a frown, trying to pull his wrists from Seonghwa's grasp. "Let me go."

"I need a distraction..." Seonghwa said before he buried his face into Hongjoong's neck, biting at the soft skin a bit rough.

Hongjoong winced slightly as he felt Seonghwa biting at his neck, squirming to try and get away from him.

"Seonghwa, stop! You're hurting me!" Hongjoong snapped, whining in an uncomfortable manner.

Seonghwa pulled his face away then grabbed Hongjoong's face with his free hand aggressively. "You don't tell me what to do. Stop fighting me."

Hongjoong began to feel panic brewing in his stomach as he could see the unsettling look in Seonghwa's eyes. Before he knew it, Seonghwa let go of his wrists and tried to rip his shirt off of him. Hongjoong desperately tried to get him to stop, but Seonghwa still managed to get it off.

"Seonghwa! Please! Please don't do this!" Hongjoong cried out as he tried to push Seonghwa off of him. "You're just drunk and upset! You don't want to do this!"

"Oh but I do..." Seonghwa growled as he then leaned down, kissing the smaller male aggressively.

In response, Hongjoong bit Seonghwa's lip pretty hard, sending a warning for him to stop. Seonghwa jerked away as he hissed in pain, touching his lip as a tiny bit of blood came off on his finger. Seonghwa was not happy with this one bit, the look in his eye becoming menacing, and Seonghwa suddenly smacked Hongjoong hard enough to cause the smaller male to yelp in pain.

Hongjoong held his cheek as he huffed out in shock, tears starting to spill from his eyes, now beginning to sob out of fear. When Seonghwa realized what he'd just done, he immediately stopped and got off of Hongjoong. Seonghwa had no idea what had gotten into him, even he was shocked.

"Joong, I..." Seonghwa reached for his lover, but Hongjoong immediately crawled away from him.

"Don't touch me! You're fucking crazy, Seonghwa! Don't you EVER lay a hand on me again, I swear to god!" Hongjoong shouted through his tears as he got off of the bed.

Hongjoong started to walk towards the bedroom door to leave, but Seonghwa scrambled after him and grabbed his arm, spinning the smaller male around and pulling him into his chest.

"LET GO OF ME!" Hongjoong screamed as he tried to push Seonghwa off again.

"Please, Joong, I'm sorry... I wasn't thinking, I didn't mean to do any of that." Seonghwa said as he held onto him tightly. "Please forgive me."

Hongjoong mustered up all of his strength, placing his hands on Seonghwa's chest and shoving him off. Hongjoong slapped Seonghwa so hard that Seonghwa almost fell to the ground. Seonghwa touched his cheek as it burned furiously from the slap, looking at Hongjoong with a slightly shocked look.

"GET YOUR FUCKING SHIT TOGETHER! I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'RE GRIEVING, BUT DON'T YOU EVER TAKE IT OUT ON ME! IF YOU EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN WITH A SINGLE DROP OF ALCOHOL IN YOUR SYSTEM, I WILL WRING YOUR NECK!" Hongjoong threatened, anger and hurt could be heard in his voice. 

Seonghwa opened his mouth to say something, but Hongjoong had already stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. Seonghwa stood there as his bottom lip began to tremble slightly, running a hand through his hair and taking in a deep breath. He knew just how bad he had fucked up, and regret had swelled in his chest like a heavy tumor. 

Seonghwa had never hit rock bottom like this before, and Hongjoong got caught up in the middle of it. 

___________________

Next day

___________________

After the incident the day before, Seonghwa had decided to put the bottle down to try and pull himself together. He needed to fix what he'd done to Hongjoong, he overstepped so many boundaries and he knew he needed to have a clear head when trying to make it right.

That afternoon, Hongjoong was in the kitchen, sitting alone at the large island as he munched on a bowl of chips slowly. He didn't have a big appetite after what happened, he was still in shock over what Seonghwa had done to him. Hongjoong had a book opened in front of him, but he was just spacing out on the pages, he wasn't even reading it, just eating his chips on auto-pilot.

Hongjoong seemed to snap out of his daze when he heard bare footsteps tapping on the floor, coming into the kitchen. He slowly lifted his eyes, looking over at the black-haired male that had just entered, then quickly looked back down at his book. Hongjoong couldn't look at him after yesterday, he didn't even feel that comfortable being in the same room either.

Seonghwa let out a soft sigh, rubbing the back of his neck as he slowly approached Hongjoong. The taller male took a seat next to Hongjoong, folding his hands on the granite top of the island.

"Joong... Can we talk about what happened yesterday?" Seonghwa asked in a soft tone, looking over at the white-haired male.

"Talk about what?" Hongjoong said before he stuck another chip in his mouth.

"About... About what I did to you..." Seonghwa blinked a few times and looked to the floor.

"Oh... You mean holding me on the bed, ripping my shirt off, then hitting me after I begged you to stop?" Hongjoong said in a blunt tone, looking up at Seonghwa with a blank expression. "What about it?"

Seonghwa could feel his chest tighten with regret. "I-I... I... I'm sorry, Joong... I know that doesn't amount to anything, nothing I say can take back what I did. All I can say is I sincerely regret what I've done... I wasn't in the right state of mind, I lost control of myself, and I took it out on you. It's not fair to you you, I shouldn't have done that. I'm so, so sorry."

"I'm not going to just listen to your pitiful sorries anymore, Seonghwa. You aren't the only person who has suffered some kind of loss." Hongjoong said in a bitter tone. "I didn't want to tell you this yesterday because I wanted to focus on you, not myself. When I was a teenager, my parents died... Violently... In a car crash. I was supposed to be with them, but I stayed home because I had to study for a stupid exam."

Seonghwa looked up at Hongjoong, realizing he never knew that bit of information about him. Hongjoong never talked about his parents, he always avoided the subject when it came up, and Seonghwa just never thought anything about it.

"Joong..." Seonghwa began, but Hongjoong cut him off.

"You said I didn't understand how it felt, how YOU felt, but I do. I've been on my fucking own since I was sixteen years old. You think your life fucking sucked because your daddy didn't love you?" Hongjoong let out a scoff. "Well, my fucking father AND my mother died on the same night. How do you think I felt? You're not the only god damn person who's lost someone."

Hongjoong stood up from the chair, starting to walk away from Seonghwa, but Seonghwa had caught his arm gently. The smaller male seemed to flinch when he felt Seonghwa's touch, slowly turning his head as he glared at Seonghwa.

"I told you not to fucking touch me ever-" Hongjoong started to speak, but fell silent when he saw tears streaming down Seonghwa's face.

"Joong... Please, I'm so sorry. I know I fucked up, I know I broke my promise of never hurting you again. You don't have to forgive me, but please just believe me when I say I'm sorry." Seonghwa choked out through soft sobs. 

Seonghwa got off of the stool, getting on his knees before the smaller male, and gripping onto his shirt as he pressed his forehead into Hongjoong's stomach. Hongjoong stared down at the black-haired male that held onto him, just listening to the heartbreaking sobs escaping from his mouth.

Hongjoong sighed out, then got onto his knees as well, wrapping his arms around Seonghwa's shoulder and pulling the sobbing male into his chest. Hongjoong proceeded to stroke the back of his lover's head soothingly, trying to get him to calm down. 

"Please... I'm so sorry, Joong... I'm so sorry." Seonghwa pleaded through muffled sobs as he buried his face into the smaller male's chest.

"Seonghwa... Stop crying... Look at me..." Hongjoong grabbed both sides of Seonghwa's head, lifting his head so he could look the taller male in the eyes. "Pull it together, breathe for me, baby..."

Regardless of what Seonghwa did to him, Hongjoong knew that he never intended to do the things he did. While it wasn't right on any level, Seonghwa desperately needed someone, Seonghwa needed support through this intense period of grief.

Seonghwa took a few shaky breaths as he tried to calm himself down, trying to choke back the tears that were falling down his cheeks.

"I'm so sorry, Joong..." Seonghwa whined out softly as he shook his head.

"I know, I know... You have the right to grieve, but you cannot do it like this. You can't take it out on me, and you can't suppress your grief with alcohol. It only numbs the pain, it doesn't take it away." Hongjoong said looking into Seonghwa's dark-colored eyes. "If you're going to grieve, you need to let me help you, you need to talk to me, don't shut me out."

Seonghwa nodded as his sobs finally ceased. "I won't shut you out, I promise. I'm so sorry for what I did to you. I can't say anything else other than sorry."

"As you should be, you stepped over a very big line... But, I'm not going to hold it against you. I love you, you fucking idiot." Hongjoong said with a slight smile, wiping the remaining tears from Seonghwa's face. "I don't know why, but I really do love you, and I'm going to do everything I can to walk by your side through the fire."

Seonghwa stared at Hongjoong for a while before a sad smile curled the corners of his lips. "I love you too..."

"See? There's that handsome smile." Hongjoong soothed as he pressed his forehead against his lover's.

"We're one step ahead to getting through this together..."