I see you.

I've gazed into your shining ocean eyes about a million times.

I've learned to love and hate the fights.

But being yours was never in my sight.

Together, we never felt right.

The kisses on my cheeks.

The" love-bites" in the halls.

The anxious feeling of being watched.

Being dragged away from my safe space.

You're leaving me appalled.

You've begun to show up in my dreams.

Leaving me restless each night.

Triggering my fight or flight response.

Remembering all the schoolyard taunts.

You're injuring my mind.

I want to love you back, but it's something I can't hide.

I don't.

That's just the truth.

You aren't mine, and I'd be lying if I were to say it wasn't a relief to me.

For being in a relationship with you would be draining.

You drop all your pain on me.

I'm a doormat, I'm just someone you can stomp all over.

That's all you see me as.

The moment you realised I was kind to you things got out of hand.

You embarrassed me.

You hurt me.

But even after all the damage.

I'd still follow you to the ends of the Earth.

Because you are much higher than my self worth.

Though you haven't always been the best to me, I will always make the best of me.

Just to appease you.

You're always wondering about what I see in you.

I'll tell you.

As my friend, I see the world.

I see gold.

I see treasure.

But the minute you ask me for my hand is the day I take away the pleasure.

I don't want to be your lover.

I don't want to be tied to you.

I'd always have to reassure you, tell you you're so clever.

If I ever were to love someone the way you wish I would, maybe I'd be more understood.

Being with you would match being a mother.

I don't want to be a woman with a child, I want to be a half of a whole.

I don't want to be your whole world, j shouldn't be, no one should, but I'm okay if I'm part of it.

I still love you.

Let's get that straight.

But even then, I can't tell much difference, because Ive learned to love the hate.

- Ariah Christman