"youre on a suicide mission"

he says..

"youre just a temporary person"

she says..

"all you are is a failed abortion"

they say.

i am worthless

i know.

i hear the thunder rolling in the distance.

what did i do wrong?

what could it be this time?

hiding under the covers.

silencing my phone.

turn off the lights, pretend you arent
home.

the door slams open, i shiver.

the screams echo in my mind.

im unsure whether they were his or mine.

his anger or my anxious perception.

animosity crackles like a roaring fire.

the cackling of hyenas on the wind.

im pulled from under the covers, yelled at, once again.

trying to escape.

i dont know how.

im afraid.

suicide mission.

truthfully, its not a mission.

but a choice i know ill take.

a choice i believe ive already made.

why stay in a house so vile?

why stay in a world full of hate?

what sane person would want to stay alive?

i see the beauty in the world.....

but still,

                more so than that.

I always see the dark and poisonous pain.

i need to leave.

no one will cry over my carcass.

nobody will feel distraught over my death.

im just a temporary person.

ive tried my very best.

but the tears are rushing over me now.

its hard to make a sound.

to even make a peep.

so difficult to speak.

i cannot tell them whats wrong.

nor whats going on.

all i can do is watch myself burn.

feel my body ache.

the earth will not stop spinning due to the passing of silly old me.

in fact, if anything, theyll rejoice and feel free.

rid of a disappointment and a tyrant.

saved from a beast.

falling from the face of the planet.

thats all i want.

i know ill miss everyone i love so dearly.

but they wont miss me at all.

i am temporary.

my face burns a hot red from the mark you left.

i feel dizzy and overwhelmed.

i cant do this.

yes.

i can.

im too scared.

no.

god, im going to hell.

im sorry, im sorry.

i wish you all well.

it wasnt your mistake, it was mine.

look, ive run out of time...

Ariah Christman