Demons and monsters encircle me. 

I am afraid and unhappy. 

No longer can I sleep. 

I have to stay awake. 

Jason tucks himself in my closet,

 Freddy Krugar lives under my bed. 

Surrounded by each of my insecurities. 

All my friends are dead. 

The people I love turn their backs to me. 

I come to screaming. 

I hug my pillow because I'm scared. 

My arms are wrapped around the cotton case because no one was ever there. 

The cushions are stained with tears. 

Just as my mind is soaked with fears. 

I wore my heart on my sleeve because I thought that If I left it there people wouldn't hurt me. 

I set my mind on the future, 

but I keep looking back. 

I gave my lips to you but they aren't red and they're severely cracked. 

Satan stabs me when I rest, 

I can't breathe with a dagger in my chest. 

Uncle Phil stands over my billet. 

I cringe and I twitch, 

but no one can see it. 

I try to yell, 

but no one wants to hear me. 

I see him in my nightmares. 

I view them in my night terrors. 

Perfectly on display in my sleep paralysis. 

They whisper to me, 

terrible, terrible, terrible, 

things I can't ignore. 

I tried to push the feelings down, 

down, 

down, 

below my feet.

somewhere no one would see. 

underneath my wants and needs, 

lower than my stresses, 

beneath my anxiety.

Drink and drink, 

until I vomit up my words, 

and all the energy drinks I decided were necessary. 

Acid burns my mouth like lava. 

I'll smoke some, and try to feel better. 

It just feels like a virtual reality, 

at the end of the day I will once again settle in my my pillow. 

fearful of the world, 

of the sky, 

of the people, 

but not of the cushion between my fingertips. 

The only comfort I have when I cry in the middle of the night. 

The only thing to mumble all the things I hate about myself to. 

The only one to embrace when every person hates me. 

I am a pillow hugger. 

but now you know why. 

                                                                    Ariah Christman