all my life

ive been walking on egg shells

one crack 

two crack

one hundred

never in line 

never the way they want me to be. 

bad at this

no good at that

why can't you do better?

quiet in what you want to say. 

even if the feeling doesn't go away. 

keep it down low. 

beneath your feet. 

walk on your fears. 

don't run

don't rush

it seems i'm never up to par

I've gone too far

I haven't a clue what I mean anymore

be hush. 

don't speak, watch for the calcium cylinders under your toes

hold your breath, don't let it go. 

be quiet. 

just shut up. 

stupid stupid. 

dumb slut. 

You've built your kingdom upon eggshells

What is there to do now? 

never speak? 

never ever again make a sound? 

you are afraid 

you are scared

you are unsure 

yet completely aware

you're spiraling and dialing all that you can, 

but your missing work is pilling and I believe soon you'll be compiling all I've done wrong

I can hear it all now

the breaking 

You've seen through the smiling 

you know that I'm lying 

It sucks, but I was born Into a house created of eggshells

a home Ev'ry panic attack added to. 

A place I turned into a palace

an empire 

but it will still never be what I want it to be'

because I'm to terrified to be everything I want to be. 

I so god damn afraid of becoming,,, me..

you blame it on my teachers for my low self esteem

but never put yourself in the crosshairs

never claiming to be culpable. 

never realizing I didn't build my house of eggs on my own will. 

                                                      Ariah D. Christman