September 30, 2019. - 10:34 pm.

Dear Abbi,

                      I don't know how to speak all the things I need to, it's hard to even make a peep when I'm near you.

You are excellence in its highest form, I've always looked up to you.

You're beautiful and funny and amazing too.

Even though you haven't always lived with me you've always had a room, not just physically, but in my heart you stand.

An open space right for your demands.

Sometimes I don't believe you understand just why I listen to you so, or why I'll run in circles to see you less low.

All I want is for you to be happy.

You're high all the time and as pale as ever, I think you want to go home.

To go back in time to before everything was hard and on your own.

I know you want to escape, I know you want to break, but I promise you're not alone.

I'm here for you, I can hear you, even when you don't make a sound.

I can listen to your feelings before they are spoken even before you feel them.

I don't know if you see how much you mean to me.

You tell me everyday how bad you want to end it all, how we're the only things holding you together.

With tears in your eyes you try to tell me what's wrong.

But your words are too full you're drowning in your overwhelming overflowing mess.

You've held it in for so long and you're busting at the seems and all your dreams are collapsing.

I want you to stay alive.

But not for me or Braylie, nor our family.

I want you to live for you.

I want you to fall in love with your life, to dance like no one is standing around you, to sing like you've never sung before, I want you to see that you're so, so much more.

More than you'll ever be able to see.

You'll never be able to comprehend how you've impacted me.

With your words and your thoughts and your quips.

With your lullabies your poetry and you doctrines on squids.

With you kindness and grace how you wear your face and how brave I always saw you.

You tell me each day you've messed up, but I see nothing wrong with you.

You are perfect and you are light.

You are wonderful,

               But most importantly,

                                          I swear to God
         You'll be alright.

I love you.

       Goodnight.

Ariah Christman