All I hear is my heart

My breathing

That's all I hear while I stare, 

trying to calm down, 

trying to do my work which I know I can do

 But I can't

Because I try

I try and I try and I try and I try

But I can't.

My mind races 

and with it my heart, 

and with it my breath

And I get nothing done.

I cry all the time

A single tear

I wipe it away quickly

It's pointless.

An aching loneliness presses down on me

And I know I have so many people but it haunts me

It traps me in its amber-like grasp, 

It hardens around me

So here I am

Stuck with my mind 

Constantly telling me

"Do better."

So here I am

Stuck with my family

Constantly telling me

"Do better."

But all I serve is disappointment.