Before sunrise, Snoot left the house to ask his aunts about marrying me. He said that the marriage decisions related to him must be consulted with them kasi sila raw ang nagbabantay sa kanya rito sa Laguna. Ngayon ko lang din nalaman na hindi pala niya kasama ang parents niya all the time. Puro kapatid at tita lang niya. It wasn't really my business to know, but I appreciated that he informed me.

This morning was a surprise kasi kasabay ko na si Papa na mag-breakfast. Hotdogs and eggs were present, as were the other dishes Papa requested. I didn't know the names, but they tasted better than endless breakfast hotdogs. We got fried vegetables, meats, macaroni soup, and bread.

Endless revisions of lines filled my head as I prepared myself to tell Papa about Snoot and our plan to marry each other instead of Billy's brother.

"Pa . . ." I kept my pleading eyes on him, waiting to be noticed.

"Hmm?" Papa's focus was still on his plate.

"I know you discussed about this yesterday with Billy's family, but can I choose someone to marry instead?"

Papa stopped parting his rice and looked at me, at last, just to remind me about something he hadn't disclosed yesterday.

"He's a nice guy. I guess . . ." I awkwardly smiled. "Inang likes him. Like, really."

"Mahal, your marriage with Ping's son is important to us, especially to you," he explained calmly but firmly. "We don't need nice guys. Fixed na 'yon."

"What if I like someone—"

"Hindi tayo puwedeng mag-rely sa like-like na 'yan, anak. Ang lola mo, ipamamana sa anak ni Ping ang kalahati ng yaman niya. Milyon-milyon ang mawawala sa atin kung pakakawalan natin 'yon. Ayokong kuwestiyunin ang desisyon ng Mamá dahil alam kong bumabawi lang siya sa mga Claveria. Ang Lola Toyang at Lolo Openg mo, hindi sila naging mabuti sa kanila, so we need to understand your Inang's decision. But we must keep what's ours, Esther. It's for your own good—for your future. Ikaw rin ang makikinabang dito. Hindi 'to para sa akin. Para 'to sa 'yo."

Sadness filled me that fast. "What if I don't like that man?"

"Madaling gawan ng paraan 'yan, mahal. Kapag magkasama naman na kayo, magugustuhan mo rin siya."

"Aren't you worried na baka magaya ako sa nangyari sa inyo ni Mama?"

Papa sighed and looked at me with pity. "Mahal namin ng mama mo ang isa't isa."

"She told me the opposite."

Papa held my hand, resting on the table, making me understand him even though I couldn't. "Hindi naging mabuti sa amin ang pagkakataon, pero alam kong minahal ako ng mama mo at mamahalin ko siya hanggang sa kabilang buhay. Alam kong alam niya 'yan kung sakaling nabubuhay pa siya. Give this a chance, anak."

"Wala ba talaga akong ibang choice, Pa?" malungkot na tanong ko.

"Mahal, kung hindi gumawa ng ganitong desisyon ang Inang mo, I'll let you marry whoever you want. But that's not the situation we're in. We should meet halfway. If you're looking for a nice guy, Ping's sons are more than nice. They are caring, pinalaki silang may takot sa Diyos, active sa simbahan, magagalang, matatalino. They don't settle for less. Aalagaan ka ng mapapangasawa mo. And I want you to marry a man who will treat you the way I do. Maging masuwerte na tayo kasi pumayag sila sa 'yo. Maraming babae rito ang naghahangad na mapangasawa siya, give him a chance to introduce himself."

I wanted Papa to understand me, but I guess he was firm with his decision since it finally became clear to me.

It was about the money. Kahit anong paliwanag niya, ang obvious na ng main reason.

I would marry a Claveria because of money.

Naiinis ako kasi parang wala pala kaming choice kundi pumayag sa gusto ni Inang. Papa showed me a specific line that clearly stated the reason I ended up in this fixed marriage. Inang wrote in her last will that half of the Adajars' properties and assets were bequeathed to the eldest grandson of Guillermo Claveria.

In my head, the name rang a bell. And if I wasn't mistaken, Guillermo Claveria was mentioned by Ate Melba during that morning when I watched Snoot cook for Inang.

At ten in the morning, Papa told me to stay in the house, just in case this Daisy person came with the man I was supposed to marry.

Snoot asked me to come by their house, but I wasn't sure whether to go with him or wait for Daisy and Billy's brother to visit Inang's house. Nako-confuse ako kung ano ba ang dapat at tamang gawin.

One hour after Papa left the house, I heard the thunder of hooves from afar, and in this place full of cows and goats, I only knew one person who owned a horse.

Maybe I was crazy, or maybe Snoot had already corrupted my system. I stormed into the bathroom, brushed my hair, put on a red fucking lipstick—the first time I used it after I stepped into the Philippines—and showered my neck, chest, and whole body with sweet body spray. I angled myself in the mirror, pushed my protruding boobs up on my red tank top. I turned around, eyes still on the mirror, checking my back and my ass. I slightly pulled up my denim shorts to show more skin.

I felt prettier than before. Bumaba na agad ako sa gilid ng ancestral house para salubungin siya.

The horse usually stayed in the shade, so I went to the left wing of the house to check them. I wasn't on the corner yet when I heard voices talking behind it. I slowed down to see who was there.

"Doon ka talaga natulog sa kanya kagabi?" It was Jessa, and she sounded so disappointed.

Snoot was fixing his thoroughbred's rein. As usual, he didn't bother glancing at Jessa. "Bakit natin kailangang pag-usapan 'to?"

"May nangyari na ba sa inyo?"

"Oo," casual na sagot ni Snoot. "Buong magdamag, 'yon lang ang ginawa namin."

This jerk. He really admitted that in front of Jessa?

"Binibigay ko na ang sarili ko sa 'yo . . . pero bakit ayaw mo pa rin sa 'kin?"

I suddenly felt a pang of guilt when I heard Jessa sob. I was aware of her feelings toward Snoot, and here I was, fucking the guy she likes.

Snoot chuckled, which triggered my annoyance toward him once again because . . . the hell was he doing shrugging off Jessa's feelings? Not that I wanted him to be with her, but with that attitude?

"Kailan mo lang siya nakilala, 'tapos mas pipiliin mo pa siya kaysa sa 'kin? Nauna mo 'kong naging kaibigan, William!"

He stood straight, tilting his head to the side, eyes sharper and full of warning. He was towering over Jessa, and I guess he was asserting superiority over her.

"Nauna kitang maging kaibigan?" hamon ni Snoot, at parang gusto ko nang pumagitna sa kanila. "Hindi kita gusto, Isay. Nilinaw ko na 'yan. Pero 'yong kukuwestiyunin mo ang sa amin ni Esther dahil nauna kitang maging kaibigan? Sigurado ka?"

Jessa was clenching her hands, and even though I liked Snoot, I wanted her to hurt him if that would compensate for her broken heart right now. If Snoot deserved that slap, he deserved it, regardless of my feelings toward him.

"Hindi mo alam kung ilang lalaki na ang dumaan sa kanya!" Jessa pointed in the opposite direction from where I was standing. "Hindi na nga siya sinisita sa suot niya, e! Gusto mo ba ng mga ganoong babae? Na kita ang suso? Kita ang puwet?"

Parang ayoko nang kumampi sa kahit sino sa kanila. But I knew where Jessa was coming from. But it was I that she was badmouthing.

"Huwag mong ipasa ang insecurities mo kay Esther, Isay. Kahit pa magsuot ka ng gaya ng sinusuot niya, hindi pa rin magbabago ang opinyon ko sa 'yo." Snoot crossed his arms, brows met. "At isa pa, hindi mo pa ako kilala, kaibigan ko na si Esther. At hindi mo ako makikilala kung hindi dahil sa kanya."

I dropped my jaw, and my forehead creased in confusion.

What did he mean by friends na kami? Are we? Have we ever been?

"Umalis si Esther nang hindi ako nakapagpaalam at kasalanan ko 'yon. Dumadalaw ako rito kay Lola Ditas para itanong kung kailan siya uuwi. Kung hindi lang dahil sa kanya, tingin mo, makikita mo 'ko rito sa Laguna? Hindi ako magtatagal dito, akala mo ba? Wala namang buhay rito, just so you know! Hindi ako nandito para makipagkaibigan sa 'yo. Thirteen years akong naghintay rito para sa kanya, limang taon pa lang kitang kilala. Hindi ka nauna kaya huwag mong iyabang sa 'kin 'yan."

I covered my mouth when I suddenly realized something, and I did my best not to cry.

Billy's mom. Claveria. Inang.

Please tell me I'm wrong about my hunch.

Jessa was crying when she ran away from Snoot. I was still processing everything. Hindi na ako nakakilos nang sa direksiyon ko pala siya papunta.

We exchanged glances when she saw me hiding in the corner. She paused, turned her head to look at Snoot again, then shifted her gaze back to me. Tears welled up as she cried and ran past me, fleeing the house.

I watched Jessa as she entered the helper's cabin nearby. The pain she was feeling . . . I was feeling that right now. Maybe not the rejection . . . but of betrayal. I turned around when I sensed someone near me.

Snoot's shocked reaction was enough for me to say that maybe I was right.

"You're Billy . . ." I said, barely a whisper.

"Esther . . ."

"Ikaw si Billy?" naiiyak na tanong ko.

He sighed and avoided my gaze.

"Ikaw ba?" I stressed. "Answer me!"

He hesitated, but still he answered, "Yes."

"So all this time, alam mo." I tried to swallow the huge lump in my throat. "Gustong-gusto mo talagang pinagmumukha akong tanga, 'no? You're making it a habit."

"Hindi naman mahalaga kung sino ako—"

"Mahalaga 'yon for me!" I pointed to my chest, and a tear fell on my cheek. "I told you everything I know about Billy! You stayed with me! You were there when I cried for the wrong person! The least you can give to me is your honesty, pero hindi mo ginawa! Kaya pala ang dami mong alam na ikaw lang ang nakakaalam tungkol sa 'ting dalawa! And you didn't even bother to tell me the truth? How dare you?!"

"Sorry . . ." He reached for my hand. "Hindi naman 'yon ang intensiyon ko—"

I pulled it away to keep him from touching me. "I hate you . . . I should've known better."

I walked away, as Jessa did.