I was so sure I looked suspicious as I eyed this guy in front of me.

In my memory and what the photos upstairs showed, Billy was the kid who always wore clothes that flashed how rich he was. From the top to his shoes, he wanted everything neat. Kaya nga ayaw niyang makipagkaibigan sa street kids kasi dirty sila! Ironically, Billy loved doing things that involved dirt—the best example was our old garden escapades.

The man sitting across from me had the same eyes as Billy. I was skeptical of his smile because I remembered Billy's crooked bottom teeth. This man's smile looked perfect, his teeth flawlessly aligned, as if his dentist had done everything possible to make them so. His maroon long‑sleeved shirt was impeccably neat, just as I remembered Billy's preference in clothes.

And the vibe? The air? That atmosphere of a guy who looked at things as if he could buy them all? That prince vibe?

They were talking about marriage, and there I was, thinking if Billy was really in front of me.

"Esther, doon daw muna sila sa opisina ng lola mo mag-uusap." Ate Melba whispered those words, which made my brows meet kasi bakit kailangang ibulong? Bawal bang may makarinig?

Anyway, it didn't matter to me since they weren't asking for my opinion. Mas okay na rin sigurong pinalabas kami ng lalaking kanina ko pa tinitingnan kasi nagkaroon ako ng chance na makausap siya.

I walked along with him toward the foyer. His hands on the pockets, head held up high, walking as if this house was under his name. He was tall . . . but I guess he had the same height as Snoot so his height wasn't really compelling to me. His physique looked elegantly slim. He was walking in the front door's direction, but his fragrance?

Holy fuck. He reeked of manliness—the kind that reeked of money, vices, vanity, and lust. If desire's darkest sins could be distilled into a fragrance, he definitely fucking has it. As if the devil burned a whole damn forest for him—the smoke and wood and other spicy notes were marking his every step.

"Hey, Billy," I called. His scent was really distracting me.

"Hmm?"

I halted when he answered me. Tumalikod pa siya para lang tingnan ako. "Hi!"

My heart stopped for a second and resumed twice its beat. "Hi . . ."

"Wait. Parang natatandaan kita," nakangiting sabi niya nang ituro ako.

"Yeah." That was good to hear. "How are you?"

"I'm good! You came from the U.S., 'no? May naturo na silang Tagalog sa 'yo rito?"

"Nagtatagalog ako," sagot ko. "Kahit sa U.S. Ayaw kasi ni Mama na laging akong nag-i-English sa bahay."

"Oh! That's nice! By the way, my family's asking for your grandmother's approval for your wedding. Sana pumayag."

"Wedding? For us?"

He chuckled and shook his head. He even raised his left hand to show me his gold ring. "Sorry, I'm married."

I stilled, processing what he just said.

He was . . . married.

"Sabi nila kilala mo naman na raw ang brother ko, so I guess it won't be a problem to settle the introduction." He pointed to the office where our both family members went. "Nagpaplano na sila para sa kasal mo saka ng kapatid ko."

"Why are you here if you're not the one I'm going to marry?"

"I came with my mom! Nakita mo naman kanina, right?"

Si Tita Cel. Sa bagay. Oo nga naman. Nandito ang mama niya, natural nandito siya.

"Kapag hinanap nila 'ko, sabihin mo, lumabas lang ako para silipin 'yong kabila. Babalik din ako agad."

All I did was watch him go out of the house. I stared at his back, giving me a sudden flashback of that very moment when James left me to join the military.

Billy was already married. Of course. With that handsome face? Should I be surprised?

The three o'clock prayer was cancelled, I guess. Walang dumating na mga lola, at three na, hindi pa rin sila tapos mag-usap. Natulog na nga lang ako sa kuwarto dahil mainit din. Ginising na lang ako by five para sabihing maghahapunan na. This time, wala na naman si Papa. Umalis na naman daw kasi kakausapin ang ilang araw na nilang mine-mention na Daisy. After talking to that Daisy person, they'd go to the church to talk to whoever they had to.

I'd already prepared myself for another lonely dinner until I saw Snoot coming out of the kitchen holding some chinaware and food.

"Mabuti naman nakatulog ka," sabi niya, at paglapit sa upuan ko, nilapagan niya ako ng sariling plato't kutsara, saka ang magiging dinner ko yata.

"You cook?" I asked, looking up to see his face.

"Para nakakakain ka nang maayos. Nagsawa ka na yata sa luto nila rito."

I looked at each plate he served. It didn't look like the dish he cooked last night, but still, everything smelled delicious.

He sat on the dining chair beside me and introduced the dish in every plate. "Bistek Tagalog kung gusto mo ng baka. May nakita akong nagtitinda ng pagi kanina, nagluto ako ng kinunot. Dinalhan na rin kita ng tinola. Luto naman 'yan sa bahay namin, kapatid ko ang nagluto."

I don't know if I was just tired or still processing about Billy and the revelation that he was just a piece of a good memory from my past. I uttered nothing but a hum in Snoot's every word.

Guess he noticed that. He rested his right arm on the backrest of my dining chair and placed his folded left arm on the edge of the table, positioning himself so he could see me clearly as he faced me.

"May problema?" he calmly asked.

I sadly stared at the empty plate in front of me. "I saw Billy earlier. He was with his mom."

"Ha?"

I couldn't hide my disappointment when I faced him with sad eyes. "He's already married."

Asking for empathy from Snooty Guy shouldn't be a must, pero 'yong tingnan niya 'ko na parang nakakadiri ang sinabi ko?

"Kasal?" kunot-noong tanong pa niya.

"He showed me his wedding band." I shrugged. "Maybe it's the closure I need. After all, when I left him here, all he said was ang arte ko. He didn't even said goodbye to me. Should I expect something more from him kung hindi nga niya nagawang magba-bye sa 'kin?"

"Siguradong si Billy ang nakausap mo?"

"Yes!" I choked on my word. I was close to crying as it slowly sank on me. "I called him. We had a small chat. He said I would marry his brother. He showed me his ring." I stared at his face longer than I should. "You kinda look like him, but he's thinner and has no muscles like you have."

He stifled a laugh and immediately covered his mouth with a closed fist.

"He was my childhood crush. I expected to see him again, but not like that!" I faked a cry. My brain wanted to but my eyes couldn't, so faking it was the easiest thing I could do to release my frustration.

"Um-hmm. Crush pala. Kumain ka na nga lang. Gutom lang 'yan." He gave up on my drama. Nilagyan na lang niya ng kanin at ulam ang plato ko.

"I'll marry his brother . . ." I sadly said to him.

"Sino raw?"

"I don't know. I don't remember him having a brother."

"Hindi mo man lang tinanong kung sino?"

"I don't care about his brother! Hindi ko naman kilala 'yon!"

"Dapat inalam mo pa rin."

When I saw him this afternoon, I was already planning to ask him to come with me to the old garden tomorrow morning . . ."

I was wiping my tearless eyes and stopped when I saw a spoon full of rice, sauce, and meat in front of me. He slightly pushed that near my mouth, so I ate it and continued my drama.

My eyes started to sting as tears welled up. I kept eating, trying to make myself cry.

"Kung sino man 'yang Billy na 'yan, huwag ka nang masyadong umasa diyan. Kung kasal na, wala ka nang magagawa. Kasal na, e. Alangan namang ipilit mo pa ang sarili mo."

Sinubuan na naman niya ako.

"He was my only childhood friend that I know I can meet again."

"Childhood friend lang naman pala, 'tapos iiyakan mo?"

"I'm sad!"

"Sad? Ni hindi ka nga makaiyak, arte mo. O, kain pa." Sinubuan uli niya ako.

I tried to cry again, but I sounded so annoying, even I felt irritated to myself. Sumandal na lang ako sa upuan ko at malungkot na ngumuya.

"Hindi mo man lang natanong ang daddy mo kung kanino ka ipakakasal?"

He fed me again, and I felt bad for not enjoying how good the food was. It tasted better, but my mood was too off to appreciate it.

"That wasn't my concern earlier."

He sighed so loud, intentionally planned to let me hear his disappointment.

"We're now both marrying people we have no idea about," I said to him.

"Sana hindi ka na lang pumayag."

"As if I have a choice to say no. Ikaw nga, hindi ka maka-no. What more ako?"

"Ikaw, may pakakasalan nang sigurado. Ako, sa tsismis lang meron. Hindi naman ako makakahindi sa wala pa nga. Kuha mo ba?"

"I don't! At wala akong pakialam sa kapatid ni Billy! He's not what I want!"

I finished my dinner—kahit pa si Snoot lang ang nagpakain sa 'kin hanggang maubos ko ang laman ng plato ko.

Another night—and unlike the other night when I looked forward to the morning, this time I just wanted Billy out of my system.

Ate Melba prepared a warm bath in my ensuite bathroom. The old porcelain tub no longer appealed to me. I used to love it, savoring the regal feeling each time I dipped my body into it. But now, to my eyes, it was nothing more than a wide tub filled with water. I took all my clothes off and let the water wash off all my frustration about him.

It was a different kind if disappointment since this morning, I was with Snoot on that old garden. I saw Billy again and had my hopes to go there again tomorrow so we could reminisce our childhood years, but then . . . there was the headline.

He was married. They were planning to set my wedding with his brother.

Great.

Half an hour of staying in the water. Five minutes of washing my body. I covered myself with a clean white towel and went out of the bathroom.

"Shit—"

I almost slipped on the floor the moment I saw Snoot on the edge of the bed, as if waiting for me the whole time I was bathing.

"What the fuck are you doing here? Akala ko ba, nakauwi ka na?"

"Nakausap ko kanina si Lola Ditas."

"And?"

He smiled and shrugged afterward. "Wala naman. Nagkuwentuhan lang kami."

"My Inang has a crush on you, and you can't convince me otherwise."

He was silently chuckling and stood up the second I went near the bed. Dumeretso ako sa vanity na malapit sa kama para kumuha ng suklay.

"Okay lang daw kay Lola na dito muna ako matulog uli."

I was in front of the vanity mirror when I saw him positioned himself behind me. He wrapped his veiny arms around waist and pulled me closer for a soft neck kiss. My head tilted to the right, as that was the best thing to do. My trunk was feeling his hard-on brushing against me.

"Tuloy natin 'yong kanina," he whispered near my ear. It gave me goosebumps all over my body.

"They're already fixing my marriage with Billy's brother," I moaned, feeling his lips softly biting my earlobe.

"Pakialam ko naman?"

"Fuck you."

"Tara."

I bit my lip to hide my smile and slapped his left cheek. "Crazy ass."

He then pulled the towel off my body and let it fall on the floor. We both stared at my nakedness on the vanity mirror.

"Saka mo na isipin ang pakakasalan mo. Sa 'kin ka muna ngayon."