I was holding Snooty Guy's firm hand.

Not because I wanted to.

Things went south. We entered the wet market. People were all busy buying stuff for their lunch. I was mesmerized by the cart of oh-so red and shiny tomatoes, and voila! Snooty Guy was gone! We were just walking side by side, and then . . . he was gone!

Or I was lost?

Bumalik ako kung saan kami galing . . . hindi ako nakabalik. Iba na ang itsura ng dinaanan ko. I saw stores na hindi ko matandaang nilampasan namin. I asked for the direction of the entrance. I followed the road where people said the entrance to the market.

It was . . . but it wasn't. Yes, entrance, but a different place.

I saw cars, motors, trucks. Not the entrance I last recalled. I found a two-story grocery store, which I didn't remember passing by earlier. My brain was looking for a horse. I knew Snooty Guy's horse. For sure, that thoroughbred existed here, and like it did beside our house, it would be in the parking area, behaved and waiting for its master.

But voila! There was no horse anywhere!

"I'm looking for a horse. Have you seen a horse?" was my question to everyone, and they all looked at me like I'd grown another head. A simple question was the cause of why they all avoided me as they replied, "No. No English. Tagalog. Tagalog only."

As I was ready to ask in Filipino, that was when Snooty Guy found me. He didn't say anything rude, but his face and deep sighs screamed all the rude words my brain could come up with.

Snooty Guy held my hand firmly, and I've never felt so secure in my life until now.

"'Nay, magkakano ho ito?"

"Sampu."

"Pabili ho ako ng beynte."

I watched him pick cucumbers from the cart. The older lady held a cellophane bag as he dropped all the cucumbers inside.

Snooty Guy let go of my hand to get his wallet from his pocket, so I diligently held his sturdy arm, just to be sure I would never get lost in this market again. He paid for the greens and took the bag from the lady.

He was holding all the bags in his right hand as he was holding my hand on the left. The new bag now belongs to the set of other cellophanes he held in one hand. Kukunin na sana uli niya ang kamay ko pero hindi ko na ibinigay.

We bought three pairs of my new comfortable clothes first—two loose tank tops, one cotton blouse with a rainbow inked print, and three cotton shorts. I had a lot of undies, so I declined when he offered to buy a few pairs. After buying my clothes, he then started finding fruit and vegetable carts, the reason why I lost him earlier.

It was so obvious na ang dami na niyang nabili mula nang mahiwalay ako sa kanya kanina. Damit lang ang natatandaan kong bitbit niya. Now, he carried a lot of bags in his hand.

"I'll take the cucumbers and the brown balls," I offered.

"Lansones, hindi brown balls."

"Whatever. I'll hold them."

He didn't say anything and still held all the bags with his right hand and grabbed my hand with his left.

"Come on. I'm offering a hand," I insisted as we walked. "That weighs a lot, for sure."

"Tingin mo lang 'yan. Wala pa ngang dose kilos 'to."

"Dose kilos . . . twelve moves?" My brows met in confusion. "What does that mean?"

"Twelve kilograms. Hindi kilos na galaw."

"Oh! How heavy is that in pounds?"

"Mga nasa 26 mahigit."

"The fuck? I'll take some of that. Just give me a few bags." I tried reaching for the bags, but he forcefully put me in my place. Nakarating na lang kami sa malawak na kainan, wala talaga siyang inabot ni isang bag sa akin.

Snooty Guy brought me to a wide-open dining place. No establishment. It was just there. The wooden tables and chairs were spread out under colorful festive buntings. It didn't look like there was an ongoing festival, and that was the "roof" of the dining area. It wasn't even a road or a concrete. The floor was literally earth. Snooty Guy asked me to sit at one of the empty tables as I waited for him. He didn't hand any bags to me earlier, so my duty now is to guard all the bags while he orders from the back. Mahabang table lang 'yon na maraming pans and food. That was the cashier area as well.

It was lunchtime, and people gathered in the same place to eat. May mga table at upuan pa rin namang walang nakaupo at karamihan ng mga nandito ay mga nakatayong kumakain habang hawak ang mga plato nila. They were chatting and laughing; everyone was minding their own business. Snooty Guy went back with all the plates sitting on his hands and arms.

"Does this place know the existence of trays?" I sarcastically asked, scrunching my forehead. Tinulungan ko na siya kahit pa nabibilib akong nagawa niyang magdala ng anim na plato sa isang buhatan lang nang walang gamit na tray.

"Kukuha pa ako ng sabaw," sabi niya at bumalik na naman sa dulo.

Umupo na rin ako at tiningnan ang mga dala niya. Everything looked new to me. No kamote, no gabi, no kangkong, no bland and pale meat, no devilish red-colored hotdogs, no eggs in sight. One of the dishes looked familiar. It had an orange sauce, potatoes, and carrots, not really sure about the name.

Snooty Guy appeared behind me and placed two small ceramic bowls, a plastic pitcher, and two aluminum cups. Pinanood ko siyang ayusin ang mesa hanggang makaupo siya sa upuang kaharap ko.

"Alam kong kumakain ka ng mga 'to," sabi niya, at saglit pa akong sumimangot kasi . . .

What did he mean by alam niya? As far as I remember, we weren't friends.

He pointed to the one with orange sauce I was eyeing a few minutes ago. "Kalderetang baka." He followed another. "Chop seuy. Hindi ka raw nilulutuan nito kasi baka sanay ka sa hotdog. Ito, bopis. Hindi ka yata kumakain nito, pero baka magustuhan mo. Ito, tortang talong. Ito, lumpiang shanghai." Inurong niya sa side ko ang dala niyang maliit na ceramic bowl. "Nilagang baka ang sabaw." Then he took two plates underneath the plate of the lumpia. He prepared one for me alongside the cutlery, followed by a cold water on the metal cup.

"This is a lot," I said, staring at the food in front of me.

"Isang order lang 'yang lahat. Mukha lang 'yang marami pero maghahati pa rin tayo diyan."

"Thank you," I said, half-heartedly, but still, I said it as I thought it was the right thing to do.

I was expecting a proud laugh or an arrogant smirk, but he only rewarded me with a nod and smile that spoke, "I told you, I'm nice."

Yes, he didn't say anything, but his face was writing all the words in the air.

I still hate it.

"Nagdadasal ka ba bago kumain?" tanong niya.

I shrugged. "Not really. Do you pray? Oh." I took it back in an instant. Of course, he prays! The fuck is wrong with me? "Yeah, go on. Say grace." I clasped my hands and waited for him to offer his grace.

He prayed so silently, I barely heard what he said. He made a cross; I didn't. Not to disrespect, but it wasn't a thing on our table in Scottsdale.

I took my cutlery and ate in peace. I tried the kaldereta, and damn.

So, all this time, Inang was so damn right when she asked Snooty Guy to cook for her?! Ibig sabihin, walang magaling magluto sa bahay ng lola ko?!

"Don't tell this to my Inang's cooks: this so much better than what I had in the house," I whispered to Snooty Guy, pointing to my plate.

He chuckled as he chewed.

"My mom cooked for me, and she wasn't the best chef in town, you know? I worked in a diner, so I'm telling the truth when I say this is the best I had so far," I continued.

"Ang mga babae kasi sa inyo, hindi naman talaga nagluluto ng ulam. Mga kakanin talaga ang niluluto n'on kaya puro kamote at gabi ang pinakakain sa 'yo," sagot niya. "Mga lalaki ang nagluluto doon. Kung si Ka Roly ang matoka sa kusina, doon ka lang makakakain ng tunay na masarap. Kaso nasa Cavite pa si Ka Roly. May tatapusin pang banner 'yon para sa derby ngayong linggo. Hindi 'yon makakauwi agad."

I didn't expect he would spill things about the cooks in my grandmother's house. So, all this time, mga hindi pala sila marurunong magluto.

"I don't want to judge, but I think they're stereotyping me," I admitted. "I only had hotdogs and eggs for breakfast for the whole month. And you know? I didn't eat hotdogs on the daily in the U.S."

"Kumakain ka ba ng breakfast doon."

"Pancakes. Loaf and peanut butter. Any microwavable stuff in the grocery. You can only buy rice in Asian markets, so it wasn't a staple."

Snooty Guy was comfortable eating as he chewed and talked to me. "Bakit hindi ka mag-request kina Manang Terry ng tinapay? Wala nga lang Tasty na mabibilhan malapit sa inyo, pero may mabibilhan naman ng pandesal."

"What's Tasty?"

"Tinapay! Tasty. Loaf bread."

"Oh." I didn't know Tasty as a loaf of bread. "I don't know how to ask them again. I asked for bread the first week of my stay, and they gave me this . . ." I made a round shape on my hand. "It had a weird coconut thing on the inside."

"Pan de coco?"

"I don't know. But it was round and has some sweet and dry coconut as a filling."

"Sa almusal?"

"Yes."

He looked so disgusted by my story. "Kumain ka muna. Patapos na 'ko, hindi ka pa nakakapag-angat ng kutsara mo."

"Ah. Yeah, right."

I ate in peace. Snooty Guy avoided talking to me, so I finished my food faster than when I talked. I assumed we couldn't eat all of the dish he bought, but as soon as I finished my meal, all of the plates were already empty and done.

After we ate, binilhan niya ako ng turon at samalamig saka kami umalis. The horse I was searching for earlier was eating grass inside the woods. I was surprised Snooty Guy found his pet, even though I didn't remember him telling the horse to stay in there.

We were walking on the roadside. The horse carried all the bags. All of it was secured by a rope and placed on its back. It was colder under the shade than on the asphalt road. 

"Are they expecting you to be a priest?" I asked, munching my banana-coated dessert.

"Ang mga tiya, umasa. Pero no'ng nag-theology ako, mas lalo lang akong naengganyong hindi mag-rely sa religion."

"You realized it being a cult with international registration?" I silently giggled and bit on my turon.

"Siguro kapareho lang din ng paniniwala ng ibang gumagawa ng sarili nilang simbahan. Makikita mo ang inconsistencies sa scripture. Magtatanong ka, pero bawal mong itanong kasi sasabihin nilang hindi 'yon kasama sa aral. Magiging open ka for critical thinking kaysa mag-stick ka sa kung ano lang ang sinasabi nilang dapat malaman mo."

"And you still sing church songs."

"May mga Muslim ngang nagtitinda ng parol."

"Parole? People now are selling liberty?"

"Parol," he stressed. "Christmas lanterns."

"Oh." Parol? 'Yon ba ang tawag doon? I almost forgot about that word.

"Saka okay lang naman sa 'king maglingkod pa rin sa simbahan. Saka hindi rin papayag si Mama na magpari ako," he added.

"Jessa said they were looking for your bride-to-be."

"Ang dami namang sinabi ni Isay sa 'yo."

"Well, I heard that first kay Ate Melba. And they had already found someone for you."

"Sabi lang nila 'yon. Ang tsismis dito, marami nang nadadagdag na detalye."

I glanced at him, judging his truth. "But are they lying?"

He stole a glance at me and chuckled, then shifted his eyes to the path we were walking on. "Nabanggit na nila ang law school. Hindi ideal magpakasal kung papasok ako kasi kakain 'yon ng maraming oras. Wala rin naman silang pinakikilalang babae kaya hindi ko puwedeng amining meron kung wala naman. Hindi ko rin puwedeng sabihing nagsisinungaling sila kasi ang isang kapatid ko, ikinasal nitong Agosto lang. Magkakilala ba sila ng babae? Hindi ko alam, pero sigurado akong hindi kilala ng babae ang kapatid ko."

"Can't you decline? Or is it a family decision and you're obligated to obey them?"

"Obligadong sumunod."

"Poor you."

We passed by another road, and surprisingly, I saw the back side of the old garden from afar.

"Hey," I called him. "Do you know that garden?"

I wanted to point out that garden, but my memory of Billy was so clear. He scolded me before about not pointing fingers anywhere. I used my lips to point at the garden, so Snooty Guy could look at it.

"Oo, bakit?"

"I was planning to go there with Jessa, kaso magkaaway nga kami."

"Bawal diyan."

"I know!" I slightly raised my voice as I faced him. "But I used to go there when I was a kid. My friend and I used to, but I haven't seen him since I went home."

"Gusto mong samahan kita?"

I grinned at him suspiciously. Good thing he asked first.

"I'm obligating you, snoot."

"Wow. Prinsesa ka?"

"We can go there at six tomorrow morning!"

"Bakit hindi pa ngayon?"

"I like that place in morning."

"So, hindi mo gustong pumunta kung hindi umaga?"

"Yes! And besides, that place isn't magical in the afternoon. It's scary at dusk. Morning is the best time to go."

Snooty Guy sighed so obvious. I just rolled my eyes. "Titingnan ko bukas kung maaga akong magigising."

"I'll wait sa porch. If hindi kita makakapunta, then I'll go alone."

"Oo na, oo na."