—
"s o m e t i m e s    w e    b r e a k
o u r    o w n    h e a r t   
b y    c h o o s i n g   
t o    s e e    t h e    b e s t    i n   p e o p l e."
—

I lay in bed at night, heart shredded inside my chest.
I've done it again.
I've lost myself in someone who didn't deserve to take me away from my home.
To take me away from all I know.

People like me choose to love those who are homeless.
We become their home.
They become ours.

I had to learn the hard way that when you start turning people into homes,
You end up homeless.

It begins with sympathy.
And then the rest is instant "love". It's a painful process. And it can begin with anyone.

We live in trees.
High above the land around us.
We own the heights we inhabit, and guard against the ones trying to tear us down. And then there's one lumberjack who's beautiful or friendly, and we forget who the real enemy is.
Sooner or later,
it becomes ourselves.
It becomes a game of hostility. You're scolding yourself for being sensible, but also screaming to trust the person who has lured you out of your precious tree. There's never a winner. Just death and heartbreak.

Either your heart dies, or your brain.
We usually kill our brain. No one wants to be logical.

It's always when we have fallen completely, that's when everything we know and love disappears. Ourselves, our friends, family. Our likes and dislikes. We become so consumed in the heat of emotions we forget that this is real life. Love or friendship doesn't happen as fast as Disney movies try to convince us.

We wake up in the morning, our tree gone. It's now a stump, destroyed, sliced away so cleanly. As if it was never there.
Perhaps we never deserved it.
And it's all because we became lost and couldn't find our way home.

And then we realize...

The homeless lumberjack is actually a vagabond.

Wandering,
from place to place.
Making people just like them.

I'm a mess of a human, but I am happy to be one,
only because messes can be cleaned up.
When you mess up, you already know that it can be fixed.
Somehow.

Clean surfaces are always destroyed unexpectedly.
I was never a fan of surprises.
I guess that's why it was so hard to accept being let down by someone you thought loved you.