"I hear you went out with the janitor again," Jude said as we walked into our yoga class on Thursday. I'd changed in a toilet stall with my eyes closed, well away from the curious eyes of my classmates.

"What? Who told you that? Jansen?"

"Nope, some girl in my cello class. If it helps, she reckons he's got a nice butt."

I knew that already.

"What exactly did she say?"

"Just that someone saw you going into that new pizza place on the next block last night. Is it nice?"

"How would I know? I didn't go."

"Oh. Where did he take you then?"

"Nowhere! I went straight home after practice, and I was so tired, I fell asleep halfway through a repeat of CSI."

Jude gave a hearty laugh. "Looks as if the rumour mill's working overtime again. At least it takes some of the pressure off me."

Jude wandered off to a spot at the back, and my fingers pecked furiously at the screen on my phone as I sent a message to Linc to let him know what had happened. When class started a few minutes later, the tension in my muscles made me twist my shoulder as I fell out of a half-moon pose and landed in a heap on the mat. There were sniggers from the back as I picked myself up, and I cursed the person who thought it was a good idea to tie yourself in knots in the name of wellbeing. The one position I could do properly was corpse pose, and that was only because I was too exhausted to move.

And I still had to deal with the added stress of Jansen's despotic tendencies.

I checked my phone on the way out of the sports hall, and sure enough, Linc had replied.

Linc: Really? I heard we went to the fancy French place. Pizza makes it sound like I cheaped out.

Akari: And you'd never do that?

Linc: I wouldn't care if I ate a sandwich on a park bench as long as it was with you.

Akari: So you're saying you want to take me out to sit on a bench?

Linc: No, I want to take you somewhere obscenely expensive and feed you lobster and chocolate mousse. I want to hear you moan like you did eating that brownie the other day.

Akari: I did not moan.

Linc: Yes, you did, sweetheart.

Okay, maybe I had just a little.

Akari: So tell me more about this imaginary date. What are you going to wear?

Linc: At the beginning or the end?

I stopped dead in the middle of the corridor, rigid, and somebody walked into my back. When I turned, a girl I recognised from aural training was picking up a pile of scattered papers.

"I'm so sorry, that was my fault. Let me help." I bent and grabbed a music score.

"No worries, we all zone out sometimes. Hey, it's you. Akari? Is it true you're dating the janitor?"

I straightened up, my shoulder protesting. "No, it's not. Someone's spreading lies about me."

Only with Linc's messages burning up the screen in my hand, it felt like it was me who was lying.

"Too bad, he's kinda cute." She stuffed everything back into her bag and hurried off.

I stared at the phone again, wondering if I'd misinterpreted. Linc had insinuated he'd be wearing different clothes at the end—did that mean he'd be putting a jacket back on, or...or...or taking something off? Imaginary or not, I'd never been on a date before and flirting was a language I didn't understand. Chikushō. I was getting in way over my head.

Akari: I was thinking of the whole way through?

Linc: You're too damn cute. Okay. Since we're going somewhere classy, I better put on a shirt and tie. What about you? I'd like to see you in a dress.

Apart from the long evening dress Holborn required me to wear for performances, which covered me from my wrists to my feet, I didn't own one and with good reason.

Akari: No, no dress. Trousers. And how about a smile?

Linc: Deal :)

I popped into a quiet corridor to prove that I was, in fact, wearing a smile now and took a selfie. Within seconds I received a picture back. My grin only grew wider.

My cheerful mood lasted until I got down the stairs, when I saw the dean beckoning Linc away from his cleaning cart. Bile rose in my throat as I imagined what was about to happen, and I couldn't stop shaking. Then when I glimpsed Jansen out of the corner of my eye, smirking as he watched them walk towards the dean's office, I seriously considered calling Emmy and asking for tips on how to throttle someone.

How could Jansen be so self-obsessed as to try and take over my life like that? Well, he could take his practice and shove it. Furious, I marched out of school, already on the phone to my driver.

"Where are you going?" Jude called after me.

"Home. Can you do me a favour and tell Jansen I hurt my shoulder in yoga?"

It was sort of true.

"I'll send him a text. I'm not staying if you're not. He'll make me play until my fingers bleed." He hopped a little. "Come to think of it, perhaps I tweaked a hamstring."

"How does that stop you from playing the cello?"

"Good point. Food poisoning ought to do it."

I managed a smile. "Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Don't forget your flak jacket."

The car was two streets from home when my phone rang.

"Where are you?" Linc asked. "The dean was asking."

"Home. I saw him take you away and decided Jansen can practise by himself tonight if it's that important to him."

"Feisty. I like that."

"So, what happened?"

Linc sighed, loud and deep. "The dean accused me of breaking the rules again last night, so I got the buddy I went to the gym with to call and set him straight. His apology wasn't gracious, but it happened."

I let out a long breath. "Thank goodness. I was so worried."

"Don't be. I'm a big boy."

Was he? My hands hadn't reached that low while we were on the bike.

"Now what?"

"Right now? Well, I'm done for the day and you're free, so how about lobster, chocolate mousse, shirt, tie, and no dress?"

"Are you serious?"

"Why not? If we're going to get blamed for something, we might as well do it."

"Would you mind if I spend some time with my son first?"

The unexpected early finish meant I could feed him and put him to bed myself rather than Sofia playing mom again.

"Shall I pick you up in two hours?"

"Two hours is perfect."

Linc was perfect.

Sofia squealed when I told her I was going out with a man. "On a date?"

"I think so."

"Where's he taking you?"

"I'm not sure. He mentioned lobster and chocolate mousse."

"Definitely a date. Is this with the guy you spoke about the other day? Lincoln?"

I nodded and looked at my feet. "I really like him."

"Aw, this is so great! But you've only got an hour and a half? Go take a shower and I'll help with your hair."

"I don't need to do any of that. He sees me like this every day. I just want to spend some time with Hisashi and change my blouse."

"Uh, are you sure?"

Her expression told me she couldn't contemplate someone going out without a makeover first. Maybe I should get her to spend more time with Bradley?

"Positive." I reached out for my son. "Why don't you take a break?"

By the time Linc's motorcycle engine broke through the peace of the evening, Hisashi was asleep, and I'd given in to Sofia's badgering and sprayed perfume on.

"Stay out as late as you want," she said. "I've got Netflix."

"Thanks," I called, then dashed down the path into Linc's waiting arms.

He'd never hugged me like that before, but he knew what I needed tonight, and he gave it to me. His heart beat slow and steady against my chest, a contrast to mine which thought it was going for gold in the 800 metres.

"You ready to go?" he finally asked.

"Yes."

"I bought you a smaller helmet. Here."

Chikushō, he was really serious about this, wasn't he? Why else would he have gone out and spent so much money? Helmets weren't cheap, were they? And his janitor's salary couldn't be that high. I tugged the helmet on, relieved to find it fitted perfectly, then climbed onto the seat behind him. This time I was prepared for the sensations that rushed over me, but it didn't make them any less pleasant. I was almost sorry when after forty minutes we pulled up outside an Italian place in a quiet town in the suburbs.

"Hungry?" he asked, taking my hand as he helped me down.

"Ravenous."

For him, and I wouldn't mind something to eat either.

"I hope you like this place. They do the best pasta, all homemade."

I didn't care about the food, only the company, and even when the waiter leaned in and snapped a napkin over my lap, I barely flinched. A month ago, that would have been enough to send me into a panic, but Linc calmed my nerves. I couldn't break my gaze away from him. The flickering candlelight turned his eyes into rippling pools, deep enough to drown in.

"I'll give you a few minutes, sir," the waiter said.

Linc didn't bother to look at the menu. "No need. We'll have lobster with linguine and then the tiramisu for dessert." He turned to me once the waiter left. "It's not quite chocolate mousse, but it's the closest they have."

"I love tiramisu."

"Then here's to our first date." He poured a glass of white wine and handed it to me before filling his own glass halfway. "Cheers."

We clinked glasses as I tried to put Hisashi's father out of my mind. We'd never had the chance to do this and now we never would, but for my son's sake, I needed to try and make something of my life. And the best shot of doing that was sitting in front of me.

Or so I thought.

"Lincoln Macbride?" a man's voice boomed from over my left shoulder. A portly figure stopped next to me and stooped to get a better look. "It is you. Long time, no see."

Linc stood, his back ramrod straight, and saluted the stranger.

"Good to see you. Akari, this is my old boss, General Thornlow. General, this is my...girlfriend, Akari."

Girlfriend? We hadn't discussed that. Wasn't he being a little hasty?

"Upgraded the wife, then?" The general patted Linc on the back, and Linc choked on his wine. "Done the same thing myself."

He waved his meaty paw at a petite blonde hovering in the background while I nearly brought up my own drink. Wife? Linc was married? Why the hell hadn't he mentioned that? Clearly, Linc was going through the same thought process because his face drained of colour.

"We got divorced."

"Oh, after the incident?"

"Yes."

"Shame. Still, looks as though you've got your act together now, son. You working again?"

"I am."

"Good, good, glad to hear that. Anyhow, got to run. These young things take a lot of keeping up with, don't they?" He gave Linc a wink, then strode back to his lady friend, who'd already started inching towards the door.

"Wife, Linc?"

He mouthed an expletive. "I should have told you, I know I should. It's just not an easy thing to bring up in conversation."

"So it was better for me to find out by accident?"

"No, of course not. But I promise you it's over. We broke up years ago."

"Oh, yes, right. After the 'incident.'" I used my fingers to form quotation marks around the word. "Care to share what that was all about?"

He went rigid, and this time when he looked at me, his eyes were empty.

"I'm not so great at talking about it."

I realised I'd crossed a line, and while I couldn't go backwards, I wished I'd trodden more cautiously.

"What happened?" I whispered.

Was this another occasion when he thought I deserved the truth? Because if so, I wasn't sure I wanted to hear it. I cringed inside as he began to speak again.

"My squad got ambushed in Afghanistan. Nine of us, and six died. When the bomb went off, the Taliban started shooting, and I tried to help my men, but I couldn't save them all. Never was much good for front-line duty after that. I got an honourable discharge."

My fingers scrabbled for his hand and held it tight. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I need to learn to stop asking so many questions."

A little life came back into his eyes. "No, you don't. If we're going to make anything of this, it's something you should know."

"Hisashi's father's dead," I blurted. If we were supposed to be telling our secrets, I had to offer mine as well.

"Sweetheart, I'm not sure what to say." He got up and came to my side. "I just figured... I don't know, that you'd split up."

"He was murdered. He tried to make a better life for both of us, and they killed him for it." Tears ran down my cheeks as I gulped in air, and my nose leaked onto Linc's tie. Chikushō, I was such a mess.

"Shhh, just breathe." He stroked my hair as he held me, and the repetitive motion soothed me.

"I ruined our date," I sniffled.

"We both did a good job of that. You want to leave?"

Before I could answer, the waiter interrupted. "I have the linguine with the lobster, and a delicious... Shall I come back?"

I sat up, trying to stop my nose from running. "No, it's fine. Just leave it here."

He practically threw the dishes onto the table and beat a hasty retreat. I had a feeling he wouldn't be back to check we were enjoying our meal.

"You sure you want to eat?" Linc asked.

Not at all, but if I left in the middle of this date, he might never ask me on another. The hollowness that battled with nausea told me I had to stick out the evening.

"Y-y-you said you'd feed me lobster."

"Then I will, sweetheart."

I calmed down enough to eat, although I couldn't manage more than a few bites of tiramisu. At least I hadn't taken Sofia's advice and worn mascara or the situation would have been a whole lot worse. Even so, I felt drained as Linc tucked his jacket around my shoulders and led me from the restaurant.

"You okay to ride back? I can call a cab if you're tired."

"But then your bike would be here. How would you get to work?"

"Doesn't matter. I'll sort something out."

"No, I'll ride back. I'm fine."

"I'll take it slow."

Four words every woman liked to hear, but I wished the circumstances were different. I climbed up behind him and clung on as he navigated his way through the quiet streets, arriving at my apartment just before midnight.

"Shall I walk you up?"

"No, it's okay. I'll sneak in. I don't want to wake the others."

He took both my hands in his and pulled me closer. "Thank you for coming with me tonight."

"I wrecked it."

"Those things needed to be said."

"It doesn't make it hurt any less."

"I know. All we can do is try to replace the bad memories with good ones." A shiver ran through me as he leaned down and brushed his lips softly over the corner of my mouth. "I want to make a lot of memories with you."

With those words, he managed to turn darkness into dawn, night into day. I smiled as I pressed against him. The idea of making memories with Linc set my insides smouldering.

"We can't forget the past," I whispered, my face smushed into his chest. "But let's live for the future."