Authoress' Note: I think I brought this upon myself jokingly writing a possible scenario about Youzi and Karot, and then, this thing kind of came to life last night while I was trying to sleep. No, I did not do any late-night writing (though I was horribly tempted to just grab a notebook, pen, and my small lantern), but I did start writing on my limited sized tablets a short conversation between the demon and child before work.

Next thing I knew, I was thinking of how unlikely all this plotting was going to turn out for a bat-crazy sniplet, especially involving several characters that I was struggling to keep track of during their crazy rapport. My greatest weakness is trying to write too many people in a scene, which makes me wonder how big the hallways are inside of this base considering the magnitude of this story.

A few warnings before going into this: keep in mind that this is a crazy attempt at humor. There will be a demonic possession that cannot be explained, possibly censored cursing depending on how your minds work, a certain android trolling everyone, a non-confirmed pairing (from a previously written sniplet), and a lot of stuff that makes absolutely no sense in any context.

If none of these things have scared you away, then read at your own discretion. And please, do not have anything to eat or drink while doing so.

Heck, even the title's pretty messed up, so that should give you a good reason to assume that this is going to be an insane ride.

Demon Lord's Attempt at Parenting

One-Shot

The soft snores of a child echoed softly in the boy's room. He slept without knowing the door creaked open in an ominous manner and a tall shadowed figure crept in towards Karot's bedside. It was everything out of the beginnings of a horror movie, save for the creepy piano and/or violin music that would probably emphasize this scene better.

"Hey kid," a creepy, yet familiar voice made the child stir from his deeply-rooted slumber. His eyes opened as he stared at the demon-possessed father that seemed to be smiling a creepy smile at his son—one that any sane child would have screamed in pure terror by this point.

"What do you want?" Karot deadpanned, not wanting to entertain Youzi who was somehow masquerading as his father without any clear backstory or explanation on how this was truly possible. Either way, the demon managed to wretch control of Kakarot when his guard was down, and now, this odd confrontation between demon and child was taking place—one that would not be deemed realistic under any circumstances.

"Am I not allowed to get to know my own son?" Youzi questioned with a sadistic grin on his face.

"Wait, what?" Karot, who thought he was dreaming this, sat up in absolute terror at the demon who suddenly decided that he was going to be his replacement 'father' out of the blue.

"I said am I allowed to get to know you? Your father is reaching his limits psychologically, and I found it easy to hijack his body to see what being a Saiyan is like. Kind of not happy with the tail fur's color, but I'm sure it'll grow on me..." Youzi nitpicked the only real flaws of his 'new' body.

"Just leave me alone," Karot rose out of bed, his feet shuffling towards his bedroom door as he ran out.

"D..." The door slams shut. "...it, you!" Youzi's voice started to raise higher in pitch and sound as Karot ran down the hallway. The demon-possessed Kakarot went after the boy, not in the least bit happy that he was being denied the chance of being a father. He was quite curious after all and wanted to have a role in the boy's life—even if it was a fleeting fantasy.

"Why?" Karot turned around suddenly outside of his mother's door to face Youzi. "Why do you want to try to form a relationship with me when you don't know anything about me?"

"That's the thing, I want to get to know you, but you're not being fair, you son of a..." The sound of thunder roared loudly, muting the man's voice for a fleeting moment.

"Hey!" Karot was angry at Youzi. "Don't you dare disgrace my mother by calling me that! I'm half-human!"

"So you say, but you can't deny it," Youzi rolled his eyes at the boy's denial of his warrior's blood.

"What's with all this noise?" Krillin sleepily opened the door and saw the confrontation. He was tempted to just go back to bed, but a snarl escaped Youzi's lips.

"Human, stay," Youzi demanded. "Can you tell me how to get through to this boy?"

"How should I know?" Krillin seemed somewhat confused at what he just walked into and saw that his 'friend' was not acting like himself. "I mean you did kill that one guy right in front of your son and..."

"I did it to show him that you humans are pointless and selfish creatures," Youzi snarled.

"And your son's half-human," Krillin pointed out the obvious issue.

"Yes, which is why I wish to purge him of his weakness, to embrace what he is..."

"You sick f..." The crashing of doors hitting the ground muted the next word Krillin said as the other humans clamored out of their rooms. Youzi glared coldly at them almost though they were interrupting a private conversation. Karot was meanwhile inching closer to his mother's door; however, Youzi grabbed the boy's wrist.

"We're not done here boy," Youzi pulled Karot back towards him. Nappa came out of his room due to the doors falling silently, wondering what the world was happening.

"Dude? What are you doing to your son?" Yamcha asked, not in the least bit comfortable at how Youzi was pawing the child.

"I think it's called bonding..." Nappa studied the behavior, not knowing the circumstances of what was really going on. Then again, he was not the brightest bulb in the box and assumed that was what was happening.

"Y-yeah! Bonding! What he said!" Youzi attempted to explain himself, but he was doing a very bad job at it. Karot was clearly uncomfortable with the demon trying to cohort him into something the boy obviously did not agree to doing without proper parental supervision. Said child squirmed as the possessed Kakarot ruffled the boy's hair.

"What's with this racket?" Raditz came out and eyed his 'brother' with a confused expression. The last thing he expected was to see the humans, Nappa, Kakarot, and Karot standing there out in the hallway. "Couldn't this wait until morning?"

"No! By then, that gullible fool would be awake, and I wouldn't have control over him," Youzi sneered at his eldest 'brother' in disgust. The demon had wondered how it was possible to be related to a long-haired buffoon like him. Then again, Youzi did decide to hijack this simpleton for his own devices. Mainly, he was holding Karot hostage right now rather than letting him run off to that human woman.

The last thing he wanted was for her to get involved with this madness.

"Youzi? How in the...?" Raditz started to ask when an explosion rattled the base. Cell appeared from the newly installed skylight, all in his perfect form. He landed on the ground with a cocky smirk while taking in the sight of his adversaries standing around looking like deer in the headlights.

"Seems that I've found where you fools were hiding," the android boldly stated.

Almost after he spoke these words, the hallway was filled with pandemonium, people talking over one another.

"It's Cell!"

"Ah s..."

"When did he change again?"

"We should attack him before he kills us!"

The noise of everyone talking at once was enough to have Turles come out and investigate, Kauli surprisingly at his side. All of those present turned and saw the pair almost though questioning the fact that they emerged from the same room and were looking at them like they were crazy.

"Ah, so it seems that the traitor's moved on to Goku's older brother," Cell proudly announced. "Did we interrupt your f...?"

"HELL NO!" Turles and Kauli yelled with blushes on their cheeks at the same time. Both were glaring coldly at the others who eyed them quizzically with silent questions of when they decided to come together in secret. The way they yelled this was as though Cell had implied something was going on between them that they were trying to keep hush-hush. "THERE'S NO WAY I AM NOT LIKE THAT WITH TURLES/KAULI!"

"Ah, denial, how quaint," Cell cackled at how the two reacted to this accusation. "To be honest, I won't judge. I find it fascinating how your mating habits tend to be..."

Turles, who had not seen Cell evolve to his final form, finally managed to put two-and-two together as he blanched. A well-placed roar of thunder muted the first word he said, even as Kauli quickly clung to him in fear, "...is this your final form? I think I'm going to be sick..."

"Get sick on me and I swear I won't shove my foot up your..." Kauli's next word was suddenly muted when another explosion rocked their headquarters. By this point, it was no one's imagination who would show up next. They did not need to wait long when Piccolo came in from the new "door" that happened to appear at the other end of the hallway through the cloud of smoke.

"What is everyone's problem?" Piccolo demanded an explanation. "We should be focusing our efforts on Cell, not fighting each other!"

"I have to agree," Future Trunks came out of his own room. He was wondering why everyone decided to gather in the hallway of the base to begin with fighting verbally in the middle of the night that he could not sleep. "Why are we all here anyway?"

"Listen everyone," Youzi yelled loudly, deciding to resort to extreme measures of getting everyone's attention, "I'm trying to bond with my..." A door slammed shut, muting the next word, "...son, and all I want to know is how I can do it."

"I think he just went into ChiChi's room," Yamcha seemed afraid. It would not be any stretch if the boy finally managed to wake the woman to get her help.

"Ooo... now this is getting interesting," Cell laughed, eager to see how the wife of his greatest adversary would react to these events. "I wonder why he went in there for..."

The android did not need to wait long for the answer. Moments later, the door opened and ChiChi emerged. Karot was standing right next to his mother, almost though afraid that at any second, Youzi may try to separate him from the only sane person in this place.

"Ah..." a well-timed sound of something falling muted the word Youzi was going to say next, "it seems like that woman's awake..."

Said woman wasted little to no time with what she had to say next, "Yī, èr, sān..."

"No, no, no..." Youzi cringed as his wife started counting loudly.

"Sì!"

"Son of a..." The next word Youzi would have said was muffled by his head hitting the floor loud enough to rattle everyone. This was just enough to thankfully render the demon-possessed Kakarot unconscious. By this point, Gine came rushing out of her own room, awoken by all the collision that happened moments earlier. She noticed her youngest son was completely out of it.

"What happened to Kakarot?" Gine asked, surprised that there was a lot of activity she had been missing while she was asleep.

"Youzi possessed him," Raditz explained why the Earth-raised Saiyan was laid out on the ground in a summarized version of events. He pointed at ChiChi next, "She had to count to knock him out."

"Oh," Gine nodded in understanding.

"Ah interesting... I think I might try that on him next time," Cell grinned demonically.

"You're welcome to try it, but it only works for humans," Gine noted. She walked over to where Turles was standing as he seemed uncomfortable around Cell. "Are you alright?"

"Mama?" Turles weakly gasped. He was not feeling well, and the mother took her middle child into her arms to comfort him.

"Shh... it's alright..." Gine reassured as she sent a chilling glare at Cell. It was one he felt intimidated by since the Saiyan cells inside were not ready to anger the mother of his hated rival.

"Wait, where's Baby Trunks?" Raditz suddenly realized as he glared coldly at the humans.

"Don't look at us!" Krillin backed away from the father in panic. "I'm sure he's around somewhere..."

_______

Elsewhere, a lilac-haired child was sitting on the throne of the Monkey King, the other demons questioning when and how he ended up there.

_______

"He better be for your sake," Raditz snarled, his paternal instincts literally wanting to tear the humans a new one.

"Why are you here anyway Cell?" Kauli demanded, the attention falling back on the elephant in the... hallway so to speak.

"I came to spy on my adversaries and find out what makes you all tick," Cell answered. "To know your enemy, you must infiltrate their base."

"I don't think it works that way," Karot raised an objection, but the boy was easily ignored.

"You better get out of here right now or we'll kick your..."

"What is going on?" Tarble angrily yelled, finally emerging from his own room with a flare of anger. His patience seemed to be heavily tested, and the last thing he wanted was to have to deal with insubordination under his roof.

"He did it," Nappa pointed at the unconscious Kakarot. The general was quick to shift the blame on someone who had no way of defending himself considering his current state. Even though the general was mostly clueless of this whole insane affair, he knew better than to disobey any of the royals.

"Listen, I've had a pretty s..." A pipe bursts open, temporarily deafening the next word Tarble said. He slams his fist into it to silence the leaking pipe and continues, "...day, and the last thing I need is to hear all of this late at night. As far as I know, the alliance is dead since both androids are technically inside of Cell. With that said, all of you who are not pure-blooded, half-breed, or pregnant, get the..." Something crashed on the ground next to the short Saiyan as he grew annoyed, "out of here before you end up like Vegeta!"

"Hey, where is Vegeta anyway?" Nappa questioned, not in the least bit sure he wanted an answer after the way the younger prince seemed to carry himself.

"Honestly, I don't know where he is or even if he's dead or alive, but if you don't want to join him, I have an ultimatum for all of you: obey or die," Tarble warned as he addressed both full and half-blooded Saiyans, his blind eyes briefly flickering a pale cobalt blue.

No one was stupid to question the pissed off royal, let alone decided that it was worth their time even wanting to invoke his anger. Those who suddenly found that their alliance with the Saiyans was cut grabbed their things (save Piccolo) and left.

Even Cell, who had been trolling, spying, or whatever the heck he was doing, was asked to leave. Especially considering that he had caused enough trouble being where he was not welcome. Being able to walk away was the best thing that could happen to the evil android.

The other Saiyans and ChiChi went back to their rooms to avoid any more discord, Karot deciding wisely to go with his mother to avoid anything else of this level of insanity from happening again that night. Tarble, unaware that Youzi had started all this madness by somehow taking possession of Kakarot, delivered a kick in the fallen warrior's stomach. The previously controlled Saiyan woke with a yelp, his arms encircling his middle in a protective manner.

"Why'd you do that for?" Kakarot whimpered in absolute pain.

"Get back to your cell before I cut your rations for a day," Tarble commanded. Sulking, Kakarot left and made his way back to his prison, not even sure how he managed to escape in the first place. "Great, just great... this place is probably a mess considering the air feels different... the others are going to have to help fix this place because I am not doing this..." The air duct suddenly hissed and Tarble once again punched it to seal it, "...by myself."

Not wanting to deal with it, the prince goes back to his own room to brood silently to himself.

Fin?

_______

Surprisingly, this idea hit me early this morning. I was so tempted to write all day, but had to squelch the desire, even when I peeked at my notes close to my time at work. I had to bury them back into my pocket, promising that I would write about it when I returned home.

Tarble's a rather scary little thing, isn't he? The ultimatum? I will admit that I thought it was perfect where it fell. The "obey or die" line was something I always wanted to use in a story, and to not use it would have left Tarble looking pretty pathetic.

Then, there's the fact that we don't know if Vegeta's dead or alive. After Chapter 11, the prince's status is like Schrodinger's cat: hence Tarble's cryptic answer to Nappa's question. I suppose we'll have to wait until the next update to find out if he survives or if Tarble will really kill him just like his future self had.

Now that I finished this train wreck of a sniplet, I seriously don't know the reception I'll receive, but hopefully, everyone does enjoy this completely random thing.