I have found the brilliance of AU's for Undertale. Oml.

I kind of felt like writing something utterly depressing. So HUGE WARNING: Depression, self harm, and other related triggers are here. This might not perfectly represent depression.

For the sake of the story, imagine this is a pacifist run, and they are close to Undyne and the skeleton brothers, staying with Asgore for about a year before going to Snowdin and living with the brothers. Nothing about this is real, just something I whipped up with a random protagonist.

The pictures cute, don'tcha think?

Eheh.

On to the story!

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Kriss's P.O.V

The water was so calm at this time of night.

Sitting on the cold wooden bench, I silently stared at the dimly illuminated water passing by through my brown bangs, my long hair cascaded over my shoulders to the middle of my back. I didn't shower this morning, but I didn't care. I fell into the muddy water a couple of times, but I didn't care. Shyren wanted to sing with me again, but I walked right past her, not caring a single bit as she called to me softly. Simply, I just didn't care anymore about myself or others.

I silently carried on, making my way to the bench, as silent as could be as I was now. The Echo flower near the bench was silent as well, glowing softly.

Everything was so calm.

No one will find me here...

Red liquid slowly dripped from my wrists, the blood trailing down my arms and dripping into slowly accumulating puddles. Red looked so strange in the blue themed Waterfall area.

I'll be able to leave without anyone bothering me...they don't need me anyway.

I smiled slightly, content as I relaxed on the bench, tipping my head to lean on the back rest as I felt my hands make another deep cut into my soft skin, overlapping the others I have done over the years even before the underground. I dragged it slowly, wincing at the pain but continuing anyway.

Getting a bit dizzy...heh...I like that...

I blinked, staring at the rock ceiling, seeing the shiny rocks that imitated stars. I smiled with a quiet hum, remembering what it was like walking through here for the first time, seeing abandoned food under the bench, listening to the Echo flower. It was all so sad. Now that I looked at the small area now, it was a nice place. A place I wouldn't see again.

A nice place to die and never come back.

I heard footsteps, frantic voices. I heard shouting from outside the small area. Now a little alarmed, I tried to relax, telling myself they wouldn't find me. I stomped out the flower's that led a bridge to this location as precaution. Sighing, I told myself I could die in peace.

Everything was getting a little blurry now. Most of the voices carried themselves away, making myself release some tension in my bones. That's good, they're gone.

They won't see me like this. I'm glad. They would be sick of me if they saw me alive.

Closing my eyes, I listened to the silence, letting myself raise the blade again.

....something had my wrist, stopping my movements. I shot my eyes open and looked down. Orange magic had encased my hand with the blade, forcing my arm to freeze.

"Kriss?"

My eyes shot to the noises source with blurry vision. There stood the tallest skeleton in the underground. One of my best friends of all time, and probably the only one I spilled my mind to more often than most. He seemed to understand everything, but even if he didn't, he comforted me the best he could.

Right now, he stood with the most horrid shock painted clearly on his face. It hurt to see his face, him as a whole. I was letting him down, again.

He hates me now, for sure. Seriously, can I get any lower than this?

Heat rose to my cheeks, embarrassment and shame creeping on my back. Hot tears accumulated slowly, the stare of my best friend clawing into my heart.

"Leave me alone, Papyrus," I hissed weakly.

I hate this. I hate this so much. Why did he have to come when I finally-

I wasn't prepared when the magic moved my arm, making me fling the blade away from myself and into the water. Papyrus started forward, faster than I'd ever seen him move, grabbing my upper arms and dropped to sit beside me, pulling bandages from his hoodie pocket.

I snapped from my haze, weakly struggling and frustrated tears making they're way down my face. I must've looked a mess.

"No! NO," I cried, pleading, "let me die! Please...let me die! I'm just a burden...I'm a...waste of...space..."

Is was slowly getting weaker I could feel it. I felt so tired and gross...I wanted to fall asleep.

Papyrus held firm as he wrapped up my arms and as I cried, replying in a strained but quiet voice, "Stay with me, Kriss. Stay awake, don't close your eyes. I'm going to get you to Undyne's-"

"Pap, please," I hiccup, tears feeling dripping off my chin, "I'm not...worth..."

"You are worth everything, Kriss," Papyrus shouted suddenly, effectively stopping any and all movement from me, "you're going to be okay, just hang on kid."

My head dropped to rest on the bench's backrest again, slowly letting myself go as Papyrus vainly tried to keep me awake as he worked on my wrists. Blood was everywhere.

I could hear his voice become shaky. Something I never heard in his voice before. Everything he said was muffled, like I was underwater and listening to him from above.

I felt my best friend pick me up carefully but quickly as I finally fell into the sweet bliss of darkness and silence.

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The first thing I felt was pain. In my arms, and in my heart. The first thing I heard was a quiet conversation from down the hall. The first thing I smelled was butterscotch, and a tinge of lavender.

Prying my eyes open, I stared at a familiar ceiling, then around the room. I was in a comfortable bed, tucked in nicely under a homemade quilt. A dresser was beside the bed, and a desk at the other side of the room. There were drawings on the wall...drawings I made when I....

....Oh.

I recognized this place. It was Asgore's house...in the Ruins...

.... and I'm still alive...

Tears built up in my eyes again. I reached my hands to my face to rub them away, but with a clank sound, I couldn't move them further.

I was restrained.

Tears now falling freely, I sobbed helplessly, tugging at my restraints but it was no use. I groaned, realizing I was stuck here. The conversation outside the room died out and I heard footsteps coming from outside the bedroom I once called my own when I stayed with Asgore at the beginning of my journey down here.

The door clicked at moved open, giving more light into the dark room. I flinched away from the source, the light blinding my vision for a bit. I saw a small figure at the doorway. They stood for a second but then ran off with energy. I heard the figure shout in the house with relief.

"She's awake, brother! Kriss is awake!"

Sans. Oh, Sans, I could recognize your adorable voice from anywhere.

The skeleton brothers walked in, or rather Sans was dragging Papyrus who looked like he had just woke up. Asgore followed quickly after, looking like he had cried for a good three hours. Finally, Undyne followed behind the rest with a very sad expression with a pissed looking Alphys next to her trying to gain composure.

I didn't look up at any of them, feeling all of their eyes burn into my skin and making me extremely uncomfortable in two seconds flat. Everything felt like it was on fire as I gripped my restraints, getting into a sitting position.

I let everyone down.

Alphys was the first to speak.

"What the hell, punk?! What was with that stunt? You had us worried! We looked everywhere for you and we couldn't find you for a good two hours! What's with you?!" She shouted stomping up to me and gripping the front of my shirt, eyes blazing. The shouting and glare just made me cry harder, dangling slightly from Alphys' grip limply.

"Ease up, Alphys. Your scaring her," Asgore carefully interjected, pulling Alphys away from me, letting me drop. Alphys only scoffed and turned away, obviously angry with me. Sans walked up and climbed easily onto the bed, hugging around my waist. He didn't say anything, just held really tight.

....Papyrus must've filled him in on what happened. I wanted to hug back, but I couldn't, so I had just rested my head on top of his skull. I heard soft sobbing, Sans' body slightly shaking against mine.

Speaking of Papyrus, I looked to him only to see so much hurt, I had to look away right after. My eyes traveled to Undyne, who had started to cry. She came up and bear hugged me along with Sans.

"W-why? How could you do that to us?" She questioned quietly, her voice so small and pitiful I felt my heart tear. I couldn't find the words.

"My child," I looked up to Asgore as he spoke, "What had pushed you to do...this?"

He gestured to my carefully bandaged arms, continuing with his voice cracking, "they were so deep it was hard to heal with magic...it was almost as if..."

I knew what he was getting to, hot tears dripping down my face again, wishing he wouldn't finish his sentence.

"Almost as if you...wanted to bleed out and...and die," by Asgore's heartbroken words Sans gripped my shirt tighter, I could feel his shaking get worse. Undyne left the room, her emotions getting to her. Alphys followed Undyne out, on a mission to comfort her fish friend, but not before glancing at me with an expression I've never seen on her face before. Asgore quickly excused himself to find new bandages, taking one last sad look over his shoulder before he left the room, leaving me with the skeleton brothers.

"Why, kiddo?" Was all Papyrus muttered. He never moved from his spot, rigid compared to his usual relaxed manner. Sans' silence was disturbing, since he usually scolded me for picking up Papyrus's habits or for pranking him.

The silence was horrible.

I didn't answer, I only cried as I leaned into Sans embrace.

Pap walked over and set a hand on the top of my head. From this, I looked up to meet his gaze. It was intense, but I couldn't read it.

"Answer me, Kriss. Why?"

My heart cracked as I heard his hearkbroken voice, staring at his skeleton face a silent tear rolled down his exposed cheek.

I opened my mouth, trying to say something.

.....

Nothing came out.

.......

I tried again, but nothing came. I looked down, averting my gaze, tears blurring my vision once more.

There was nothing to say.

Papyrus only sighed after a long moment of silence, sitting on the edge of the bed and hugging Sans and I.

"Don't ever do that again, human," Sans finally spoke, his voice quivering with emotion.

I only nodded in reply, burying my face into Papyrus's hoodie, repeating "I'm sorry I'm so so sorry," while Papyrus and Sans just sat and comforted me.

I don't deserve friends like this...