A harsh chill slapped his face and he awoke with a sore throat. Angus rubbed his eyes, a flash of colors dancing across his field of vision as he pulled his hand away. Hannah's hair stuck to his cheek and the pillow she rested on, a small damp spot on the fabric. 

Surely it had been two hours.

Angus took a look at her. She looked so...relaxed. More than he had ever seen her in a long time. Her breathing was slow and even. He placed his hand against her chest feeling for her heart. A soft beat pounded across his hand, her skin so cold against his own. Sliding his fingers down he rested them over her stomach, covered up by her fluffy mint bathrobe. Up and down it went, slow and soft like a dandelion seed. Her lashes overlapped a few tear stains on her face. Gently taking her arms from around his waist, Angus stepped out of bed, closed the window just a touch, and made for the kitchen.

Nothing like a good cup of tea to calm the nerves, he told himself. Any minute now Hannah would wake up and join him. And after a good drink they could check the test results together. Any minute he'd find out whether or not he was going to be a father. It felt like any minute now his heart would stop.

Perhaps a good breakfast would--no, it'd only make him sick. A hot shower would...no, it'd drive him crazy with the test right there. What was taking the kettle so damn long? Oh, he hadn't even turned the stove on yet. Figures. 

A cigarette would do him a fair bit of good, but if the result should come back positive, he could no longer smoke in the apartment. Well, anything to keep Hannah healthy. Anything to keep the baby healthy. The baby who might not even exist. 

Okay, now the kettle is taking too long. 

A faint mist came shooting out through the spout, Angus taking the kettle off the heat before it could scream. His cup overflowed, the hot water pouring all over his hand. He hardly noticed.

Until it began to burn.

With a few choice words he grabbed a milk jar from the refrigerator and poured some in, a little too much perhaps. With all the somersaults his brain was doing it was no wonder the tea didn't taste quite right. He sent his cup clattering on the counter, putting his blistered hand to his mouth. The cuts from yesterday's session stung. Feeling something foreign on his tongue he spit it out, grimacing to see a torn packing peanut. 

Somersaults and packing peanuts. It was enough to make anybody vomit. 

An hour went by without Hannah waking up. A few times she stirred, but it was just Hermione rummaging around in her bed for the best position to sleep in. She even sneezed once or twice. Pouring himself a second cup of tea he set the kettle back on the stove and made sure not to pour in too much milk this time. It tasted much better. 

But did nothing to put him at ease. 

He made for the stand to play his guitar, seeing it on the floor in its case. The strings still broken. His fingers still hurt. Putting the idea out of his mind, he sat down on the couch and sipped. 

It would be so simple; to walk into the bathroom and check that test tube. Easy to walk by the door and happen to catch a glance. What if Hannah didn't wake up for another two hours, letting the color fade? Angus wouldn't be able to tell anything by then. And he couldn't wake her up, not with her sleeping so peacefully for once.

It wouldn't hurt to take a quick glance. Setting down his teacup on the new coffee table, he made for the bathroom. 

The sudden light made him blink rapidly. The image of himself in the mirror was easily enough to put him off his dinner, if it even was still the same day. He checked his watch. Seven o' clock exactly. The two hours were up. The test tube was right where they left it, the box standing askew behind it. Angus picked up the tube and looked at it; the pale yellow had remained the same. Or perhaps it looked lighter...he couldn't tell. Grabbing the box he scanned it over for any kind of instructions. There on the back was a small drawing. If the color had changed to a sort of blue, it meant positive. If however it stayed the same...

Angus set the box down and sighed. Running a hand over his tired eyes he sat down on the edge of the bathtub. His hands still stung. Whatever somersaults his brain had been doing had ceased, allowing his stomach to take the job instead. That was it then.

He racked his memory for the symptoms women showed early on. Yes, morning sickness was a huge part of it, but a missed cycle wasn't far behind and he couldn't recall...oh, when was the last time Hannah and Angus had a chat over tea about that? Hannah never mentioned missing her cycle that afternoon, but she never said she had one either. Had she...been missing a few? She was still eating, wasn't she? Not as much as Angus would have preferred, but surely she wasn't starving?

A few more blisters appeared on Angus' hands.

Hermione rustled in her cage again, Angus paying no attention. It wasn't until a shadow passed over his eyes that he looked up, a very messy-haired Hannah standing before him. Immediately he stood up.

Her mint bathrobe hung over her right shoulder, the sleeves covering her hands. Her eyes were a light red as well as her nose, and her cheeks spotted dry beds of tears. Angus put his hands to her shoulders, fixing the limp side of the bathrobe. She was so tiny...

"Hi..." she whispered hoarsely.

"Hey," he answered looking up at her. Pain shot through his hand, the blisters threatening to break. Moving the poorly dried locks of hair from her face he brushed his knuckles against her cheeks. "Did I wake you up?"

"No," she said keeping her eyes to the floor. Her toes pointed inward, a few of them quite pale. "I had a nightmare."

He should have known. Night after night of bad dreams and insomnia, and the one night she begins to get some sleep it's ruined. He continued to run his fingers over her cheek hoping to erase some of the dried tears. "Him?" he dared to ask.

To his surprise, Hannah shook her head. Still, he instantly regretted his inquiry the moment he saw another glistening bead at the corner of her eye, fresh and clear. Hannah wiped it away swiftly, leaning her head on his shoulder. Embracing her fondly, he ran a hand over her hair, enjoying an unusually smooth sensation. Drops of water dangled on the ends, landing on his fingertips. Hannah sniffed, lifting her head to rest it against Angus'. He searched her eyes hoping to catch some light from under those lashes. Whether by tears or a spark of childlike mischief, a tiny sparkle flashed across her iris. She sniffed a few more time, then spoke. "Did you check the test?" 

"Uh, yeah, a few minutes ago," Angus whispered. 

"And?" Angus looked back and forth from her eyes to her lips, eventually settling on the latter. Taking a minute to capture every detail, he eventually shook his head. Hannah retreated into his arms again, hiding every emotion in Angus' neck. Her arms around him tightened, almost crushing him against her. "I didn't think I was."

"How do we know for sure?" he asked running a hand down her back. "You never said anythin' about your cycle, ya' know." Hannah was glad her blush was hidden.

"It's been a few days," she admitted. 

"Days?"

"It's been over a month," she said, lightly swaying the both of them back and forth. "I told Linda about that too."

Angus sighed. "What else could it be then? You're eating, aren't you?"

"I'm eating as much as my body allows me, Angus," Hannah snapped, instantly regretting it. "I'm sorry, Ang," she mumbled. 

"It's okay," he answered. They were both quiet for a minute. "Are you sure you did it correctly? I mean-" he corrected. "Maybe you bumped it, or there wasn't enough or...somethin'?"

Hannah lifted her head to look at him. "A false negative?" she asked. He shrugged.

"Could be." Hannah considered this for a moment. "You think...maybe we ought to go to a doctor?" Angus asked. "To make sure, ya' know."

Hannah's eyes fell. The sparkle vanished. "You know how I feel about-"

"They're not gonna do anythin', we're just goin' in for an official test, to make sure we didn't do anything wrong." Angus placed his index and middle fingers under her chin, lifting her head up. "It would make me feel better to know for sure."

"If you want to..."

"You ought to want to do this too, we're not findin' out if I'm pregnant," he grinned, Hannah copying him. "We'll be in and out in a few minutes, in and out. Done." Hannah giggled to herself, Angus ignoring it. "It's a second chance."

Nodding her head, Hannah once again hid in the midst of Angus' arms, neck, and rather soft shirt. Angus took advantage of the silence to hum softly in her ear, pinching any more drops of water on the ends of her hair. "We'll have a quick breakfast tomorrow an' can leave then, alright?"

"What about the studio?"

"Ah, George doesn't need me til' next week, an' my guitar needs fixin' anyway," Angus said. "The row, ya' know."

"Right, right." Whether it was the scent of Hannah's shampoo or reality slapping him in the face he never knew, but suddenly it was Valentine's Day tomorrow and there'd be hardly any time to celebrate. 

"Oh, hey," he said breaking the embrace to reach for the cupboard. Inside was a small box, rectangular and vertical in shape. He handed it to her, coughing into his shoulder. "I got somethin' for you."

"For me?" she asked. Taking the box from him she pulled the lid open. "What do we have here...this is...for me?" she asked again. Her tiny hands gingerly held the bottle of perfume. 

"Yeah," Angus shrugged. "Got it a few days back with Mal, thought you might like it." Hannah's eyes fell again.

"But I didn't get anything for you!"

"Don't worry about it, you've been sick-"

"That's hardly an excuse!" Grabbing onto her shoulders before she could combust with guilt, he laughed and spoke up.

"Don't worry about a thing, sweetheart, I don't need anything. You wanna buy me a gift, you could buy me cigarettes. You wanna buy cigarettes? I didn't think so." It was Hannah's turn to smile. "You wanna buy a ten-case of chocolate milk? New guitar strings, that's an idea. Beach house?" Hannah laughed. "Luxury cruise, maybe?"

"With my luck you'd end up on board the Titanic."

"Hey if the boat sinks in the Atlantic I'll end up on the Titanic either way," he giggled. "An' look. If tomorrow we go to the doctor, an' she says you really are..." He placed a hand on her stomach, the plush robe melting through his fingers. "that'll be a pretty damn big gift."

"And what if I'm not?"

"Well I'll love you either way now, won't I?" he asked. "Happy early Valentine's Day, sweetheart."

"Happy early Valentine's Day." Not until they kissed each other did they realized just how long it had been since they had done so. Despite being taller than him Hannah stood on the tips of her toes, crushing him in a hug. Straining to keep his balance, Angus placed one hand on the counter to steady himself, and the other on Hannah's back. She was the first to pull away, setting her feet properly on the floor again. Hardly satisfied, and feeling a bit mischievous, he placed a kiss to her neck, a second on her collar bone, and a third between the folds of her bathrobe. Kneeling quickly to the floor he grabbed her waist blowing a raspberry onto her stomach, the fabric of the bathrobe putting an unpleasant taste in his mouth. Hannah, being rather ticklish, laughed behind her hands only to laugh louder when Angus picked her up and held her over his shoulder. 

"Well then," he said pushing the bathroom door aside. "Let's have a quick cup of tea then, shall we?"

Breakfast the next morning was rushed. It wasn't supposed to be, but neither one were eager to sit and chew their food at a time like this. After asking countless times if Hannah felt okay enough to make a trip so early in the morning, and satisfied with her answer that she felt rather well that day, he got dressed and pulled his coat over his shoulders. Snow still covered the ground in a white glitter, but the sun had come out leaving the air a cold, crisp delight. Locking the apartment door behind them, they set off down the stairs to the freezing yet cozy February temperatures outside. Hannah pulled her pink wool coat together, almost regretting wearing her skirt. 

It didn't take long to get there, and even less time to wait for someone to see them. Hannah went in alone, Angus promising not to leave the waiting room. He was there for at least an hour, pacing back and forth the small hallway. He thought about taking a chair, worried the clinic might start filling up with people as the day wore on. But this was not the case. Perhaps it was the cold weather, perhaps it was the holiday, but either way the clinic stayed relatively empty, and for that Angus was grateful. 

He purposefully left his cigarettes at home knowing good and well he'd be tempted. And by God was he tempted. It was toasty in the building, the man a few minutes away from stripping down. Should the nurse return seeing him stark raving naked, he'd simply say it was all medical. A very delicate medical procedure. Security couldn't get him for that, right?

He refrained from taking off most of his clothes, settling on removing his coat and rolling his sweater sleeves up. He checked his watch, seeing the clinic's clock was five minutes slow. A ray of sunshine fell through the window landing on the bathroom door across from him. He sat on one chair, his coat hanging over the other one. Foot tapping against the carpet, eyes staring sightlessly at the wall.

"But she's a girl!"

"She can still play as well as us, can't you, Hannah?"

"I don't want a girl on our team, George-"

"Quit your whinin', Ang, an' deal with it."

The hands moved across the numbers impossibly slowly. He wiped his palms on his jeans.

"Where's your little girlfriend, Shorty?"

"She's not my girlfriend!"

"He ain't even in the same league as her, Johnny, he's too ugly."

"Leave him alone!"

"Oh, she speaks now, does she?"

A nurse made her way down the hallway, smiling at him before walking into the ladies' room. Angus would have smiled back if he had been paying attention. 

"Uh, Hannah?"

"Yeah?"

"I was also wonderin' somethin'. Um, I was wonderin', that is, if you didn't have any plans this weekend, and if you weren't goin' with anyone else, that you might--I was wonderin'--hopin' actually, that you might...go to the dance, with-me? That is, if I can go."

"But I thought you'd go with..."

"Nah, I-I wanted to thank you for tutoring me in algebra, and what better way than taking you out? Nobody...nobody already asked you, did they?"

"No. I wasn't really expecting anybody to ask, and never in a million years did I expect my best friend to ask...of course I'll go with you."

Angus smiled.

"Mr. Young?"

Angus was startled to hear a voice outside of his mind addressing him. There to his right, standing in front of a door open ajar, was a nurse with long, curly red hair, a clipboard in her arm. Angus searched her expression for any sign of good-or bad news but found nothing. She only gestured with her hand that he should follow her inside, and he reluctantly stood up.His knees almost buckled underneath him, and he quickly grabbed his coat off the chair before he forgot. 

The room was very white. Much like the snow outside, the bright lamps from the ceiling like five little suns. Hannah sat on an exam table, her arms crossed over her chest. Hugging herself. Angus stood there, unsure what to do with himself. 

"You can have a seat there, Mr. Young, next to your wife if you want," the nurse said closing the door behind them. She set her clipboard down on a table and gathered a few papers. Angus hopped up on the exam table next to Hannah and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, Hannah's expression just as blank as the nurse's. 

"Hey, you alright?" he whispered. Hannah simply leaned her head on his shoulder.

The nurse grabbed a chair and pulled it over to sit across from them. "So, happy Valentine's Day to both of you," she said politely. "Do you have any plans after this?"

"Uh-" Angus shrugged. "No, we might have a nice dinner at home, or somethin' the like." Hannah sighed, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Might go to a friend's place this weekend, ya' know."

"That sounds fun! I'm not doing much myself, my girlfriend is out of town this week." She grabbed a pen from her scrub pocket and wrote a few things down on the paper on her lap. "So, I've had a chat with Miss Hannah," she said. "I took note of all her symptoms, and had her take a small pregnancy test. She said she tried one at home as well?"

"Yeah," Angus answered. "It came back negative, but we were wonderin' if we did it right, or maybe we waited too long an' the color faded."

"Any number of things could have happened, I think it was a good idea to get checked here," the nurse said. "Perhaps the color faded, but very unlikely. Could have been bumped...but, I don't think anything of the sort happened."

Angus had a feeling what she meant. 

"The results of this test have come back negative, I'm afraid." Angus nodded running a hand up and down Hannah's back. "It didn't take too long to get the result, so that's not why you had to wait so long." She flipped a few pages on her clipboard. "I also wanted to try a fertility test, just to check and make sure her symptoms weren't a sign of something else." Angus didn't answer this time, feeling his words stolen by the rapid beating of his heart. "It appears that she hasn't had her monthly cycle this time around, is that correct, Hannah?" Hannah nodded, staring at the clipboard. "That's not a cause for concern, it just means she's a bit irregular right now. She says she's been eating fine, and I've checked her weight. A little small, yes," the nurse said slowly. "But nothing unhealthy. I would not recommend skipping any meals, as you don't need to get any smaller, but maintaining that weight is very important."

Angus wiped his palms again. 

"After doing a thorough examination, it appears Hannah has what we call an 'uninhabitable environment' in her body. What that means is that any sperm that makes it into her body won't be able to survive long enough to fertilize." Angus was very quiet. The nurse's voice seemed amplified. 

"So...she can't have kids?" he finally asked.

"It's not impossible," the nurse said. "But the chances are very low, I'm afraid." Hannah refused to speak. Angus wasn't sure whether or not the nurse had already discussed this with her before calling him inside. He got his answer quick enough. "Hannah wanted you here with her as we talked about it."

He sighed, swinging his heel onto the side of the exam table. Neither one's feet touched the ground. The lights buzzing from the ceiling were the only things he could hear. Hannah coughed into her arm beside him waking him from his trance. "Are...are you sure it ain't my fault?" he asked.

"Well, there are tests a man can do to check his fertility, but we don't hold those here. You'd have to go to a clinic that specializes in men or men and women. And by all means have a visit," the nurse said shrugging. "But I can tell you now from what I've observed..."

Angus nodded. The nurse stood from her chair and pushed it back where it was before. She set a few papers down on the table and came back with a couple of pamphlets from a clear mailbox shelf on the wall. She handed them to Angus, Hannah still processing everything. 

"Here, you can have a look at these if you like. One is a suggestion for grief therapy if either of you decide you need it, or there is a bit of advice on how to handle this situation," the nurse said pointing to a blue pamphlet. And this one," She tapped the pink one with her finger. "is advice on adoption, if you should choose that path. Or there is always surrogate mothers but we ran out of those pamphlets and haven't made any copies yet. If you'd like to read up on that we should have more next week, you can drop by any time."

"Uh, y-yeah, thanks," Angus mumbled setting the pamphlets on his lap. The nurse weakly smiled at them and left the room. Instantly Angus took a look at Hannah's face, turning her head slightly to look at him. There were no tears, no sign of anger. Just a solid look of...acceptance. Some sadness yes, but she didn't appear devastated. Angus himself wasn't sure if he should feel devastated."How're you doin'?" he finally asked.

"I'm okay," she replied.

"Do you-wanna talk at all?"

"...It's funny," she started off. "I always had some feeling ever since I was a kid. I never really knew if I wanted children to begin with, but I always had that feeling..." Angus kept quiet, letting her speak. "And now that I know it's true, I don't know what to think about it."

"We can always try again," Angus said trying to lighten the mood. "For real this time. You know I'm never against that idea." Hannah picked at the material on her pink coat. "Or," he said holding up the pink pamphlet. "If you ever wanted to adopt, we could try that. Not sure how I feel about a surrogate mother."

"Maybe it's better this way," Hannah said quietly. "I'm not great with kids anyway. You know I prefer animals."

"Believe me, sweetheart, I know," Angus said with a grin.

"Maybe it's good I can't have kids," Hannah repeated. "Maybe whatever chances I had can go to someone else now, someone who's been praying for a child, or someone who knows what they're doing."

"You'd have been a great mother, ya' know," Angus said. "You would have figured out what do to, I would have helped."

"All the same." Hannah turned her head to bury it against Angus' sweater. "What about you?" she finally asked, her voice muffled.

"What about me?"

"I know you really like kids," she said. "I know you love taking care of Cara, and now Linda's going to have another one..."

"Well, this just means Mal an' company will have to visit more often then, yeah? An' when the next baby is born they'll have to visit three times as often, maybe move in!"

Hannah smiled, feeling the smallest tear spill out of her eye. She wiped it away. "You don't mind?"

"Well-" Angus thought about it. To think of raising their own child was daunting, but now that that chance was next to impossible, it was a bit disappointing. But maybe Hannah was right. Maybe it was better this way. "Think of it this way. There's nothin' stoppin' us from gettin' a dog in the near future," he said. "We'd have to save up a bit first an' get a real house, but...maybe a Great Dane I can ride to work on?"

"And solve mysteries with?" Hannah asked making them both laugh.

"Maybe," he giggled.

"You'd have to get stoned first," she reminded him.

"There's a reason they call it 'dope', love," he said. "No thanks." Checking his watch, Angus hopped off the exam table and put his coat back on. "Guess we ought to go home now, eh?"

"I guess." Hannah took the pamphlets from the table and held them waiting for Angus. "This didn't make me feel any better about doctors," she said. "They use very cold instruments here."

"An' it still doesn't explain why you've been waking up sick for so long," Angus said. He held the door open for her, the sun still hitting the wall from the window. "We'll figure it all out, don't worry."

The ladies at the front desk smiled at them and wished them a happy Valentine's Day as they left, the pair smiling back at them to ease any signs of bad news. Angus inhaled deeply at the cold fresh air outside, kicking a bit of snow with his boot. "What was that you said earlier, Angus?" Hannah asked as they walked down the sidewalk.

"What did I say?"

"About seeing friends this weekend?"

"Oh-oh!" He suddenly remembered. "Oh, I almost forgot. Bon's invited us up to his place Saturday. He asked me to tell you. An' he said it was fine if you didn't want to go-"

"I'll go," Hannah stated, kicking a bit of snow herself. "Anyone else going to be there?"

"I don't know if Bon's invited any other friends to come or not, but maybe the boys will be there too, dunno about Linda or Cara. I hope they'll be there anyway."

"I'll go, I want to see them all again. And...Angus?"

"Hmm?"

She took his hand and laced her fingers with his. "Thanks for still loving me," she said. Angus blinked up at her in disbelief.

"Of course I still love you. Come here," he said pulling her slightly toward him, kissing her cheek. "Like I said, I'll love ya' no matter what. For better or for worse."

"In sickness and in health?" Hannah asked.

"Till death do us part."