*Dedicated to Natascha van Gaal*

Just as I rode into the gates of Lorien and saw both Haldir and my aunt waiting for me, something seized me inside. Something so powerful, I thought it would throw me off my steed. To keep that from happening, I jumped to the ground and fell to my knees as I gasped. Haldir rushed to my side then, panicked. But my aunt knew what it was; a vision. I stared straight at her as it hit me all at once; Mithrandir getting Frodo and riding off to get Saruman's help in Isengard only to be trapped by him on top of Orthanc, beaten and left to rot. Saruman had indeed betrayed us to side with Sauron.

Rage that I had never known existed welled up inside me but the visions did not stop. I saw Mithrandir calling to the eagles who rescued him before Saruman could finish him off. I remembered the eagles from the Battle of the Five Armies when they helped then too. They were our friends. At the same time, Frodo with 3 of his Hobbit friends were trying to find a way to Bree where they were to meet Gandalf who never showed. They did run into a man who identified himself to them as Strider or Aragorn as I knew by now. I knew they were safe then. Or so I thought. If Strider found them then the Ringwraith's sent by Sauron would and did as well. They were on the run. On Weathertop was where it all came to a head and Frodo was stabbed by a morgul blade.

That is when I realized why Arwen was sent for, to bring Frodo and the ring to Rivendell. She being the fastest horsewoman in the land would be able to out run the wraiths giving chase while Aragorn brought the rest of the Hobbits; Sam, Merry, and Pippin to Rivendell himself. Frodo needed immediate elven intervention to stop the poison from spreading. If this was not done, he would become a wraith too. Thankfully, after calling upon the river to wash away the wraiths after her, Arwen got Frodo to Rivendell with little time to spare and so he was saved. The ring was now in the possession of the Council of my uncle and the gathered inhabitants of Middle Earth.

With that, the vision released its hold on me and I collapsed against Haldir who was holding me up. I was trembling as my breath finally returned to me. With Haldir's help, I was able to stand up and look again at my aunt with agonized eyes. She lowered her eyes just briefly before looking up at me again and saying:

"You were right, my child, all those years ago about not trusting Saruman. Somewhere in the last century, he pledged his full allegiance to Sauron and kept it well hidden from us all." The rage returned to me then as I spat out:

"Then it must end, I shall go and take Saruman out. He is the advantage Sauron cannot have! He must die!"

I tried to wriggle out of Haldir's grasp but found that I could not. I felt a second pair of hands take hold of my shoulders then and willed me to keep still, I looked up at my aunt then, for I knew it was her.

"No Hedraliel, you cannot defeat Saruman by yourself. He is far too powerful for you right now. If you travel to Isengard, Sauron will see you too and that I cannot allow. He got a hold of you once. Do not let your hatred toward either give them yet another advantage against us. Your part in this war is yet to come but it has to come at the right time not out of anger or spite. We do not act rashly. Mithrandir would not want you getting hurt right now out of all times and neither would Legolas or the rest of your family. Just stop and think."

But I was beyond thinking; rationally at least. Wrath and ruin were all that were in my head. Thankfully, at that precise moment a soldier in the Galadhrim came running to tell Haldir that a whole slew of orcs were trying to cut their way into the outskirts of the forest. That did it; I broke free from both Haldir and my aunt and remounted Sunset and unsheathed Altherial as I galloped toward where I heard the orcs were cutting the forest. Haldir was just about to ride after me when my aunt stopped him:

"Let her go. She is full of anger right now that she needs to work out. She will not go after Saruman after that. Though rage is clouding her thinking, she is a smart and intuitive warrior. Let her be, she will be back."

Then she turned and drifted away as Haldir watched after me. I had disappeared from view at that point. I had reached the part of the forest where all the noise was coming from and without even a second thought, launched myself at the largest orc I saw, catching him off guard as I took his head and one arm off simultaneously. Before his torso had time to fall to the ground both Sunset and I had taken out a good chunk of his brethren. For the first time in my immortal life, I did not care if I got black blood on me or ripped my dress; both of which I did before I was done. But I had cleaned house. There was not an orc left standing in sight and I could see pretty far out. If any were alive still when I attacked, they had fled in fear.

I must have looked like a helion on a black stallion with my eyes blazing and my sword shining in the ethereal light that was Lorien. I did not care. I did a twice over and back with Sunset to make sure each and every orc was pounded into the ground and sliced to pieces. Unlike all other steeds, Sunset had different shoes. His were slightly heavier and rigged in a way that whatever he hit with his legs would automatically be smashed and he usually used an angle with a rock in between. Wargs would be decimated that way. Not like these orcs looked any better. I sure did not feel any better though the fuse that had lit the flame was extinguished and my normal thinking had returned.

Allow me to explain to you, why it was that I got so angry in the first place. Mithrandir had a special place in my heart. Going back to when I was a baby. I remember the first time I saw him; this old gray man from tip to toe. His blue eyes were kind as they looked into mine and he smiled an old grandfatherly smile. When I was born, shortly after my mother's passing, Arwen took care of me until I could walk and talk and such. She is older by a few decades but not by much. So when Mithrandir first arrived in Rivendell, it was the first Arwen had seen him as well and she was frightened of him for he was not an elf and looked strange but I was intrigued and vice versa. He blessed me in some special way and came very often as he watched me grow.

He and I used to go for walks around Rivendell and speak on philosophical topics; it was he who first introduced me to books and the fact that Rivendell had a library that hardly anyone ever used. He was the one who taught me that what was written about the past could be very useful in the future. I took that one to heart completely and as it turned out many a time, he was right. He had seen something in my eyes when I was maybe 2 that told him I was different, that I would be a fighter. That and I could not for the life of me pronounce his name in Elvish or the common tongue. So it was "Miffany" or "Anaf" depending on how I was feeling that day. All found it particularly amusing. I learned how to speak clearly quickly and he confessed when I was older that he missed the old nicknames because I was a child that fascinated him so. He was like my immortal grandfather and therefore as I grew into who I am, I became very protective of him.

He was there in Rivendell when at 13; I received Altherial from my aunt. There was a blessing ceremony and a celebration and he actually took out his own sword--Glamdring--and challenged me. I was so stunned my eyes were as wide as saucers! I was actually scared! What could I do against this great wizard who had been around almost longer then time? But he would not let me give into fear. He kept encouraging me. I will never forget his words to me:

"Just follow your instincts, young one. Just let them guide you."

And I did, taking a deep breath, I felt Altherial become a part of me; an extension of my body as she would be forevermore. He then lunged at me and we scrapped for a bit with my disarming him in under a minute. It was my slowest time since. It was his turn to be surprised but pleased and proud at the same time. Everyone clapped and he hugged me. That is when I knew I could do anything. That same day he introduced me to the eagles and their leader the Windlord Gwaihir. They were massive but honorable, I could sense that in their hearts. The biggest one let me pet him on his beak. To this day, I have trouble pronouncing his name but I think I am forgiven for it.

That is what I was thinking as I rode back toward the center of Lorien. I was an unrecognizable mess. Everything save for my hair, was some form of black. Just like me Sunset was all pretty dirty himself and he hated the blood of those vile beasts on him. But just like with Altherial, Sunset and I were one. What I felt, he felt. If I was sad, happy, angry, or ready for a battle he would instantly embody that into his own soul. My heart and soul were tied to him and vice versa. We were one body in two species. Horses were wise creatures and mine was at the top of the list. I reminded myself if I got to Rivendell in the near future; I had to do some research on him. Black stallions with ocean blue eyes were few and far in between. So that meant he was something special (other than whatever I had already felt for him personally), of honor. Why else had we connected so fiercely in the beginning?

Haldir looked upon me but did not say a word as I slid off of Sunset and handed him over to the caretaker who knew what to do without my needing to give orders. I then walked straight back past Haldir toward the smithy where two elves looked at me with eyes larger than normal as I handed Altherial to them. She was black from handle to tip. That too was pretty understandable as they nodded and as I left without a word they exchanged a nervous glance. Not because the sword was in danger but because of the way I looked. After that, I made my way to my bed chamber's bath quarter and took off my dress. But not before looking at myself in the mirror; it took me a few minutes to understand that that was actually me looking back. My eyes were missing something; a spark.

The dress was not salvageable but I did not care. I took a long bath and got all of the blood and what not off of me. I got out and with the help of my elven maidens, redressed in one of my Lorien gowns and more sensible shoes. The boots I wore were also stained with black Orc blood but the maids assured me that was fixable; I just nodded. I let my hair air dry after it was brushed; I always brush it myself but this time it was like my hands could not find where they were supposed to go. I felt lost inside my own body. I knew where I had to go to find it. I thanked them as they bowed to me and left my quarters. I walked along the paths of the branches; never letting my feet hit the ground.

When I reached the lit platform, she was there waiting for me. At first I said nothing, just joined her at the edge overlooking greater Lothlorien and the river. I have always found that water brought me comfort, may be that is why I spent so much time by the small waterfall in the garden in Rivendell. Suddenly, my aunt spoke:

"No, you spend the time there because you feel your mother's presence there the most. And you should. Before your mother passed, she asked for her ashes to be scattered and a waterfall be created in that garden on top of them so that you could always go there and have that place where you feel her and she you. It is your special place with your mother, my child." She turned and placed both hands on my cheeks and lifted my head so our eyes met. Somehow I was not shocked.

"I think I knew. Somehow I knew. I would always gravitate there to be alone; not to my wing or elsewhere. Just there and no matter what, I was always left alone. Not even Arwen or uncle Elrond ever bothered me or followed me there." She smiled then.

"That is because they wanted to give you the space to pour your heart out to your mother. Even though you have both of us and we love you dearly; nothing can compare to a child having their mother. So this is and will always be your special place to go to when you want to feel her and you will always know what she is saying. And you know, do you not?" I nodded in response. It was true; I knew....every single time. I knew.

"You want to know why we wanted you here instead of Rivendell, do you not?" She smiled her all knowing smile and I again nodded.

"I could have helped out so much more then turning the earth black with mutilated orcs."

"There is much work to be done there now. Alliances are being formed and re-forged. Frodo has decided to take the ring to Mordor and Mt. Doom to be destroyed. The fellowship of 9 has been created. The reason we wanted you here is because it would have been a fellowship of 10 and you need to train to at the very least have your anger under enough control to unleash only when needed." I understood now what she meant.

"And Legolas?" Of course she knew I would ask.

"He and Aragorn are part of the 9 going to Mordor as is Mithrandir. He was confused as to why you were not in Rivendell because Arwen got to bid farewell to Aragorn and he could not find you." I looked stricken but something in my aunt's eyes cautioned me so I waited for her to continue.

"In due time, they may pass through here and you can see him then. It is better that it happens that way." She said wisely. I knew she had foreseen it.

"Are you sure that will happen? After all, you and uncle Elrond said it yourselves, nothing is certain anymore. Not what is now or what is to come." Getting nervous I slipped into Elvish.

"I know you worry about him. But you must have faith in your love. You will see him soon. Do you have your familial necklace with you?" My eyebrows came together as I nodded. I knew there would come a day I would give him it and that day may come soon. It was in my jewelry box in my bed chamber; washed after the orc fight.

"I do, why do you ask?"

"Because, Arwen made her choice." And then I understood and my eyes widened.

"She gave Aragorn her Evenstar necklace. She has chosen a mortal life. I will lose her someday." I knew it would happen, just not this soon. I knew Arwen unlike aunt Galadriel, Legolas, and I who were full immortals, was half-elven.

Tears flooded my face. It was too much, just too much for one day. I knew it was still a long time away that Arwen would die if we won the war. But if we lost? I could not even think. All of the emotional strength I had left my body as I all but fell to the floor and cried as my lovely, ethereal, dove like aunt went to the floor beside me and wrapped her strong arms around my body holding me close.

Now I prayed hard for the fellowship of 9 to make it through at least part of their journey so I could see them all again.....especially one royal male elf....the only elf in the company of 9.....that had my heart so close to his own, they were touching.

I had something to give him.

It was my turn.