---- [Proof God is dead] ----

B: the newscaster reporting the fight: and supervillain poison Ivy-
B: Tim, after being thrown backwards next to the camera by killer croc: she's actually an eco-terrorist

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R: Walks around the grocery store. in a very homosexual manor
D: limp wrist contemplating deli meat; wrist falls even more limp when I realize what I want isn't on sale. Hip weight shifts, time to reconsider. Deep sigh.

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D: I'm running because he's chasing me
R: I'm chasing him because he's running

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T: Dickie, to the supervillains: I cannot let you open a portal to another dimension. Brooklyn is not zoned for that!

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T: Dickie why are you dressed as spiderman
D: it's Halloween
W: He spent the last month inventing working web shooters and wanted an excuse to use them

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J: Most people I meet in the workplace try to kill me so

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T: I am in the moment! it's a terrible moment!

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C: Everybody knows that the best way to learn is under intense life-threatening pressure

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T: 20-something Bruce watching 8-year-old Dickie standing over his parents grave, knowing he's about to take him in: this is a pretty hardcore origin story

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R: Dickie when he and Tim get caught sparing in public: officer I drop-kicked that child in self-defence

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Call has been declined.

T: I'm trying to listen to the into the spider verse soundtrack deluxe album do u mind

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R: Everyone's past that, everyone's looking for a woman. Meanwhile, I'm still on drugs

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W: I can explain
D: can you?
W: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie

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D: why do we have two Christmas trees
W: so one of them doesn't get lonely

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W: Wait, Timmy's graduated right? What did you guys get in your yearbook?
D: Prettiest Smile
B: Nicest Personality
C: I didn't go to high school, I was raised by assassins
R: Highest cost of property damage
K: Best Superman look-alike
J: "Most likely to start a bar fight"
T: "Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one"

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D: Tim, have you gathered on the possible traitors?
T: i stuck a sticky note with a list of all the suspects I've obtained to the underside of your pillow
D: Timmy, your name is on this list
T: I can't remember where I was last Saturday, therefore I have no alibi. I've been trailing myself for days.

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B: Can we talk about the period of time while Jason was dead that everyone thought Timmy was gonna lose it and then Dickie and I walk in on him in the kitchen getting ice cream at 4 am and he says, "I think it would make Jay very happy to know I'm doing this. I bet he's looking up and smiling right now!"
B: And Dickie's like, "up?"
B: and Tim's just like "Oh yeah! He's in Hell for sure!"

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K: Timmy what are you doing
T: reading a transcript of a podcast and listening to an audiobook

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W: Do you think lava would taste spicy?
D: Please do not eat lava
R: Eat some and tell us what it's like
K: Actually, since it's made out of molten rock it would probably taste dusty and bland
W: Thank you so much, Kon. You understand me like nobody else does.

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C: what does "take out" mean?
W: Food
D: Dating
J: Murder
R: All three if your bold enough

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B: Why are you so paranoid
D: I threw a boomerang many years ago and it never came back. Now I live in constant fear.

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K: Whoops
T: Whoops? Whoops? This is not a "Whoops" situation. We are far past whoops. Whoops is a distant speck in the rearview mirror. We are solidly in "Oh fuck" territory, and I expect you to act like it.
K: Oh fuck
T: thank you

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J: Who hurt you
T: You want a list?
K: Yes

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D: accept your flaws, you'll feel better. it worked for me.
R: you've accepted your flaws?
D: No, I've accepted yours

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D: Bruce: I'm adopting a kid.
D: 11-year-old Jason: Cool, I don't give a fuck
D: Bruce slamming adoption papers onto the table: It's you, sign here.

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W: I really like this whole 'good guy, bad guy' thing you guys have going on
T: It's not an act, it's just that I'm mean and Kon isn't

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R: Do you take requests?
W: Sure
R: stop

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C: is this perfume or alcohol?
K:
K: it's perfume

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B: that's a pretty rock.
D: Jason gave it to me :)
J: I threw it at you
D: He's very sweet

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K: Tim, to the banana he's peeling: Please may I take your jacket?
K: Does he think other people can't hear him
J: he also asks strawberries if he can take their hats

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J: I kind of like watching Kon and Tim fight
J: They never actually attack each other, it always just devolves into some kind of aggressive dance-off.

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W: You sure have been giving Dickie a lot of attention lately
R: he hurt his wrist
W: I got stabbed
R: Then go to the hospital

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T: I hate when Bruce says, "Are you even listening to me?" It's such a random way to start a conversation...

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J: It's nice to be wanted, you know?
W: Not by the law

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R: Why do you guys like being out in the rain so much?
W: I like splashing in the puddles and the rain
D: I'm trying to get struck by lightning

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D: Sorry it took so long to bail you out of jail
T: No, it was my fault. I shouldn't have used my one phone call to prank call the police station.

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T: So apparently the "bad vibes" I've been feeling are actually just severe psychological distress.

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D: tim, pulling up to the mcdonald's drive-thru on a scooter: how much are the dollar fries

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B: Dickie, remember when you said you weren't going to interfere with my love life?
D: No, that doesn't sound like me at all

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R: Can't believe it's December. Time flies when your life is falling apart.

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D: I don't know how to tell you this, Roy, but you're in love with me.
R: What
R:
R:
R: Oh my god, I am
J: What kind of confession did I just witness

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B: How would you die in Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory?
T: This is a great question because it harrowed my soul! I would choke on regular chewing gum on the steps outside before even entering the factory. Willy would make no attempt to perform the Heimlich maneuver and would leave my corpse on the concrete.
J: I don't know how I'd die, but I'm taking as many of those fucking oompa-loompas with me as I can.

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J: Must be hard not being able to laugh
T: I do have a sense of humour you know
J: I've never heard you laugh before
T: I've never heard you say anything funny

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B: I hate him
C: Me too
B: You have no idea who I'm talking about
C: Solidarity

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