---- [Proof god is dead] ----

W: Phantoms in Minecraft are not that bad and here's why. Hi, I'm smarter than you, and phantoms should not be a problem
W: in Minecraft, the phantom spawns when you haven't slept for more than three in-game days. Real-time, that's about 30 minutes.
W: There are a billion different ways to make sure that these things don't bother you
W: Number one: GO TO BED. IT RESETS THE TIMER. EASY PEASY.
W: Number two: get a cat. Phantoms are afraid of cats.
W: Number three: GET GOOD AT THE FUCKING GAME. With a STONE AXE, it takes three hits. TWO IF YOU'RE DOING CRITS. The problem isn't the game, the problem is that your literally dogwater. It's not Minecraft's fault that your getting BOXED LIKE A FISH BY A BUNCH OF FLYING STINGRAY.
W: And where would you be if phantoms were gone? Imagine yourself, ICARUS, FLYING around the end, with your little elytra. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WHEN YOUR WINGS START TO MELT??? No phantoms? No phantom membrane. PLUMMET.

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T: the penalty box in hockey is such a funny concept. Big fighty men go in the naughty cube. Imprisoned for sports crimes
W: go to the terrarium and think about your punching, you knife-footed ice-gremlin
R: All they do is sit there plotting their little gremlin plans for as soon as you let em out of the gremlin cube

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D: I'm feeling the effects of an unchecked ego rn
D: IM A GOD
D: I'm a GENIUS
D: I'm actually not shit, I've got the attention span of a brick
D: I WANT A NOBEL PRIZE

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B: You walk into the kitchen and I'm wearing gloves and goggles and welding a sandwich together

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K: Tim's last words: Do it
K: Jason's last words: Stop it
K: Dick's last words: Bop it
K: Wally's last words: Twist it

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R: Clownery. Tomfoolery. Absolute fuckery. I am going to revoke your life privileges.

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B: The thing about being roommates with Steph is that she's a complete fucking disaster but they'll throw parties everyone will pass out in the living room and every morning when I leave for class at 7 am I get a little chorus of "have fun at class, good luck" from a bunch of hungover stoners and let me tell you, as someone who thrives off attention and positive reinforcement, this set up really works for me

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D: If you acquire one sword, all other swords are free

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J: I am going to kill the moon
D: Professional ambitions
J: I am going to kill the moon for money

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R: Yanno what Dick said to me the first time we met?
R: "Dork. You look like a duck. No one likes you."

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D: You get turned back into a baby but you retain all your skills and memory. What do you do?
W: Eat a nickel.
D: Reminder, you have retained all your skills and memory
W: Eat a nickel
D: Ok

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T: This coffee is so good, I feel so alert rn. I could probably do a math equation
D: Correctly?
T: that's a little fast, don't you think?

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R: The bad guy: run if you want to live!!!!
R: Jason: *starts sprinting*
R: The bad guy: not like towards me tho
R: Jason: *reveals a knife*
R: The bad guy:

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K: Maybe I pspspspspspspsps'ed at you because I love you. Did you think of that? Huh?
T: Just because I came when you when pspspspspsps doesn't mean I like you. Fucking idiot

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D: You've been hit by
D: you've been struck by
D: A Roman senator (x23)

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T: I don't want to work 5 days a weekend figure out what to cook for dinner every day I want to lie on a rock in the sun like a lizard

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C: To... whom. To whom. To whom. To-hoom. To-om. To'om. To'om?? To'om???? TO'OM??? TO'OM?!!? To'om it may. To'om-it may. To'om't... to'om't may.
C: "To'om't may." Sure.
C: "To'om't may concern."
C: "To'omsoever will receive this."
C: To whom is might... to whom it would... To'om it would... To'om it would have? To whom it would have? To'om it would have!
C: Would have... would've. It would have... it'd've.
C: To'om it'd've??
C: TO'OM'T'D'VE
C: "to'om't'd've" ohhhh
C: to'om't'd've, chat, to'om't'd've
C: To'om'st't'd've? No that's nothing.

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D: have you ever talked to anybody about your problems?
T: Yes. My boyfriend
D: No like a professional
T: Yeah... my boyfriend???

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T: "When's the last time you cried? No, I don't mean when you stubbed your toe or cut your hand. When's the last time you wept, when you felt truly hopeless? And you no longer feared death? That's the funny thing about death, you see, death is a concept. Death is a concept only upheld by our fear of it. When you're no longer afraid of death... you can no longer die. And when you can no longer die, you are free."
T: The McDonald's employee working drive-thru: Yeah idk abt all that but I don't know what else to tell you, we don't serve McNuggets after midnight, I don't...

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D: Did one of you leave a pine cone in my car and, follow up question, do you need it back
T: Yes I did
T: Yes I do

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J: Roy, taking out his flask: do you want a sip of this?
J: Timmy: yeah, sure
J: Timmy: this?? Is soup???

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B: Sometimes when I'm cooking I adjust the heat a little for no discernible reason. Just because it matches the vibe to do so.

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T: So fucked up that plutonium looks like that. It could be orange flavoured and we would never know. It could be delicious.

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W: But Dick!!! You can't go!!! Whomst shall hear the petitions of the townsfolk? Whomst shall oversee the collection of tithes and enforcement of contracts? I say ye, WHOMST
D: Have you no wizard?
W: Nary a one

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T: Wally taught me how to be kind :)
T: Jason taught me how to think outside the box :)
T: Dickie taught me to follow my dreams :)
T: Roy taught me how to commit insurance fraud :)

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R: In my defence, it was a bit I was doing your honour

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D: my blueberry muffin this morning only had one blueberry :((
T: well it's not called a blueberries muffin is it

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