*spending my morning watching Hannibal because I was sick to day*

Voice in my head at beginning: HANNIBAL, KISS CLARICE!!

Me: No, Charlie! Although... I do kinda ship it...

Voice in my head later: OH MY GOD, CLARICE, KISS HANNIBAL LECTOR NOW!!

Me: Charlie, this is horror. And gore. And psychology. Not romance!

Charlie in the middle of the movie: FUCKING KISS ALREADY!!

Me: NO! That'll ruin everything!

Charlie later: NOW KISS!

Me: THEY AREN'T GOING TO FUCKING KISS!!

Charlie at end of movie: PLEASE JUST KISS!

Me: No! Look, Hannibal Lector is eating this guy's brain, Clarice just called FBI and has to survive ten minutes with him as he eats her former colleague alive! How in the fuck do you work a kiss into that?!

*suddenly, Hannibal kisses Clarice*

Charlie: OH MY FUCKING GOD! YES! THEY ARE IN LOVE! HAHAHAHA!

Me: What?! No, that doesn't fucking make sense! Clarice is about to get murdered! Why would she-?!

*Clarice puts handcuffs on him while kissing him so she can turn him into the FBI*

Charlie: ...

Me: ...

Charlie: B-but... My ship! I-it... No!

Me: Ha! I was right, biatch! No romance!

Charlie: *forces me to ship it*

Fuuuuck.