Chapter Thirteen

 One of the best and worst things about Harry was the fact that he wasn't afraid to make me mad. He wasn't afraid to get in a fight and he wasn't afraid to tell me when I was hurting him or was just flat out wrong. He wasn't afraid to hurt my feelings if that's what it took to get through to me. 

That was the bad part. He wasn't afraid to hurt my feelings, so therefore he did. And it wasn't a nice feeling. People think that's healthy, that you don't have any secrets or some bullshit. But he broke my heart and mended it again a million times over and I did the same. I never even got a chance to stop and take a breath.

*****

"What are they doing?" I awoke to the sounds of multiple voices the next morning. 

"Well, they appear to be snuggling." My eyes opened a crack as I heard the sound of someone getting slapped lightly upside the head. Probably Louis, I thought blearily.  

"I get that! But why?" That was definitely Lizzie. In my sleepy state I didn't think about why she was there or what she was talking about. I just knew it was her.

"I dunno. They were watching a movie when I fell asleep." That one was Niall, I thought to myself. He saw us watching a movie last night?

Suddenly I bolted upright and my eyes snapped open. They! Harry! They were talking about us.

I looked upward at five faces staring down at me. Seriously, the one night I take a pain medication that makes me sleepy so I don't wake up before everyone. "Uhh, hi," I said sheepishly. Harry groaned and rolled over next to me as I started to nudge him, jamming my elbow into his side. Of all the ways to catch the two of us together. This was so not what it looked like.

"Go away, Liam. I don't wanna get up yet," he mumbled into the couch cushion. Liam crossed his arms over his chest, annoyed that Harry just assumed he was the party pooper to wake him up. Not that Harry was wrong to, usually it would be Liam.

"Harry, wake up!" I said, loudly. He took a second to realize it was me before opening his eyes to everyone else.

"Oh, brilliant," he said under his breath, annoyed. I was in the same boat as him. This was bad, very bad. Not what it looked like, but it still wasn't good. And it was so awkward, I could feel everyone's eyes on me and the wheels turning in their brains. You probably could have cut the tension in the room with a knife. 

At the same time, though, I was pretty fricking pissed. Seriously? This just had to happen now.  Life was so not fair.

"So what exactly is going on here?" Zayn asked cheekily.

"Nothing!" I said loudly. "We were watching a movie and fell asleep. Happens to people all the time. No need to make a mountain out of a molehill," I grumbled.

"Sure it was nothing?" he continued, smirking at the two of us. I glanced over at Harry, and he looked torn between trying to go back to sleep and clocking Zayn right in the mouth.

How on earth did this happen? How had I somehow changed completely from hating him to now having to deny the fact that there was nothing going on between us? It all changed so fast, a roller coaster that never seemed to stop. It was just like, well, it was just like when I was with him. That insane, unexpected kind of love where you never know where it's going to go from there. One day they might be there, and the next they won't. You never knew what was going to be thrown at you next. 

I hated that feeling. I wasn't Lizzie, who absolutely needed stable ground, but I didn't like free-falling either.

"Yes, I'm sure!" I replied. "You can all leave now." The boys, knowing better than to mess with me, left, leaving only Lizzie and I. My reputation precedes me. She stared at me with a coy smile on her face. "What?" I asked as I walked over to the bathroom.

"Nothing."

"Elizabeth Anne," I said in a warning tone.

"Allison Grace," she retorted. 

"Really, it's nothing!"

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever," I replied as I started to close the door.

"Wait!" Lizzie replied quickly. I held the door open for her to finish. She grinned. "Welcome to Southampton."

*****

"Allison, get out of the fucking bathroom!"

I stopped mid-mascara swipe. "Louis, I swear to god if you yell at me one more time I'm going to cut off your balls and blend them into a smoothie. You had all morning to be in here!"

I swear I could hear him placing a protective hand, scared I might actually do it. He pounded again. "Allyyyy," he whined.

"Wait just a bloody minute!"

"I have to pee!"

I ignored him and continued to finish putting on my make-up for the day, but could still hear hushed voices coming from the other side of the door. All I could make out was a 'what?' and some nervous laughter. I didn't think much of it as I made mascara faces at the mirror.

Footsteps sounded outside the door, and I expected it to be Louis again, but this time it was Lizzie. "Al?"

I threw the brush down in exasperation, sighing as my feet made their way towards the door. "What?" I said as I pulled it open.

Lizzie opened her mouth and closed it again, and she appeared to be extremely uncomfortable. I gave her a look before she said the two words that couldn't have screwed everything up more. "Zach's here."

My eyes blinked rapidly. "Come again?"

"Zach's here. He said something about visiting you since this was the closest we were going to get to London. He's waiting for you outside." Her face looked concerned and sympathetic, like somehow she knew I didn't want him here. Well, I didn't not want to see him, I just didn't know how to face him after what I had done. I don't know how Lizzie knew something was up with me, but I loved her for it regardless.

I wanted to crawl back into my bed and sleep until I never woke up again. I missed Zach, of course I did. But I couldn't handle seeing him after what happened with Harry. After everything that had happened with Harry. Swarms of guilt filled me and suddenly I felt sick to my stomach. The day after we accidentally fall asleep together? Seriously? This couldn't be happening.

Lizzie's voice brought me back. "You should probably go out and see him."

I nodded my head obediently. That was exactly what I was going to do. It was what I had to do. I was going to put on a brave face and smile and not let him see that everything was falling apart before my eyes, and hope that he didn't stay long enough to notice. There wasn't any way to explain it to him without ruining everything.

Half a face of make-up and all, I walked off of the bus as Louis sprinted into the loo. Zach was faced away from the vehicle, looking at everything around him. My heart raced in anticipation.

"Zach!" I called out. He turned around and grinned, pulling me into a hug and spinning me around.

"There's my girl!" he said excitedly. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too," I said in his ear before he put me down. "But, how are you here?" I stared up at him. He was a good amount taller than me, but less so than Harry. But me being vertically challenged meant I had to look up to speak with him.

"Niall," he replied. "I called and asked him where the tour stops were, and he said this one was the closest, so I came to surprise you!"

I faked a smile. I knew Niall meant the best, he had no way of knowing what Harry and I had done, and he thought Zach would make me happy. I loved Niall for trying, but I sort of wanted to maim him at the same time for making everything more complicated. He was so oblivious sometimes, he needed to take a few notes from Lizzie. 

"Well, come inside! I'm sure everybody would love to meet you. We'll go check into the hotel later today." He nodded and gave me one last hug and a kiss before following me onto the bus. My heart was pounding because I was so nervous. How does one approach introducing your current boyfriend to your ex that you accidentally slept with just a few days prior. 

Okay, accidentally might be an overstatement. But I'm the one that gets to tell this story, let me have this. 

"Everyone, this is Zach." He waved at all of them who were sitting and eating breakfast. "Zach, this is Louis, Liam, Zayn, you already know Niall and Lizzie, and...and Harry." My face felt hot for a second.

They all waved and moved over in the booth to make room for us, although not everyone fit so Liz and Ni stood beside the cabinets. Zach slid his arm around my waist and put on a smile like the friendly chap he was. I felt nauseous from worry. All Harry had to do was open his mouth and our relationship was done for.

"So," Liam piped up. "How long have you two been dating?" I was barely paying any attention to the conversation. How could it not be obvious to Zach that I had done something wrong? I apparently hadn't even talked about him much with the other lads if they didn't even know that. My heart was pounding in my ear. I slid a hand over my stomach to make it stop hurting.

Zach smiled down at me. "A couple months. We met over at Uni."

"So you're still in the honeymoon stage," Louis joked. "Although, with Ally I don't even know if that's a thing." I scowled at him. "Her and Harry here used to fight like cats and dogs."

Harry and I shared a look at the mention of his name. Classy, Lou.

"Actually, I don't think we've ever really fought, do you, love?" Everybody looked at me and I shook my head no. Of course I didn't fight with Zach. Zach wasn't Harry. Zach was sane and patient and not frustrating beyond belief.

While the rest of them continued to make small talk, I began to think about the first fight Harry and I had. The very first. It was only a few weeks after we started dating.

So, maybe a lot of fights happen while I'm around. It's just a coincidence, I swear.

Who am I kidding? I pick a lot of fights, okay?

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" I said loudly, not caring that Greer was in the next room. At that point I was still living at her place, and I was far passed caring what she thought about me. 

"How can you even ask me to do that? It's obvious something's bothering you!"

"Yeah, well that doesn't mean I feel the need to talk about it. And that's what I have Lizzie for, anyway. When I say I don't want to talk, I. Don't. Want. To. Talk." I felt frustrated that I had to explain this too him, that me saying I didn't want to talk wasn't enough. 

"Ally, please?"

"Just leave me alone, Harry. Go home or something, I--"

Harry's eyebrows furrowed. "Quit shutting me out, will you?" he interrupted. "I hate it when you do that."

"Will you let me finish my sentence, please?" I hissed.

"Why are you getting upset at me? All I'm trying to do is help."

"Maybe I don't want your help!"

He threw his hands up in the air. "God, you're so cold to me, Ally. You treat me like shit sometimes just so you don't have to let me in." His tone was harsh. My hands curled into little fists. I wanted to go lay in my bed and take my anger out on bad T.V. Or throw a china bowl at his head. Both sounded kind of appealing.

"Maybe my cold heart can freeze your lips together." He moved to grab my hand and I pointed my finger at him. "Don't you dare touch me, you judgmental son of a bitch."

"When are you going to be done pushing me away, huh?" His fists were balled to, taking me on headfirst.

"I don't know if you've noticed, but this is clearly not how to get your way!" I yelped angrily, curling my lip. That was so not what I wanted to talk about at the current moment.

"Allison," Greer said as she started to walk in the door.

"NOT NOW!" Harry and I turned and yelled simultaneously. She moved back slightly and closed the door as Harry and I turned back to each other. I wanted to stay mad at him, but suddenly I felt the urge to laugh. My mouth was twisting and contorting as I attempted to keep a scowl on my face.

Harry looked at me and started to chuckle. My face continued to twist until finally I caved and just started to giggle with him. It started out so stupid anyways, by now I couldn't even remember what it was that I wouldn't tell him. I was probably just embarrassed about something. 

He shook his head at me. "Come here," he said finally and opened his arms. I moved across the carpet to him. "I'm sorry," he whispered into my hair as he enveloped me into a hug. I clung to him, drinking in the feeling of his body against mine.

"Don't be. It was my fault, you shouldn't have to apologize just so we'll stop fighting. I'm the one that's sorry. I just...I'm not always ready to tell you everything about me. We still feel so new." He leaned down to rest his chin on the top of my head. We stayed like that for a minute, holding each other.

"You're freezing," he said after a bit, moving his arms up and down to warm me.

"I like the cold," I replied, mocking him a bit.

He laughed again. "I guess that's why you need me to warm you up."

*****

I couldn't sleep at all that night. I tried snuggling further into Zach's chest, like maybe if I buried myself far enough he could make everything okay and I never would have to emerge ever again. But it didn't work. Even the protection of Zach's arm around my waist couldn't prevent my thoughts from creeping too far to the surface. Harry and Zach were in far too close of proximity for comfort, and I had no idea what to do. 

I rolled over and lay on my back, kept awake with the certain hell that I was sure would break loose.

Song: Sugar, We're Goin Down by Fall Out Boy

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