Yvanna 😾

9:40 AM

Good thing.

Definitely a good thing. Keep forgetting.

Good morning. :)

'Di na ko tampo.

Yvanna 😾

10:11 AM

Gym muna ko.

Yvanna 😾

10:35 AM

sino kasama

Yvanna 😾

10:51 AM

Hey, you.

How was your sleep?

And ako lang, malamang.

aga aga ha wala pa kong kape

akala ko magpapahinga ka pa kasi puyat ka

:)

Nah, I'm a morning person talaga.

Besides, lalabas din kami ng family ko.

you're really close with them huh

Yeah, mandatory samin to spend Sundays with family.

And Chini and I look forward to it din naman.

so the vargas family does pottery and easter egg hunts on sundays

HAH. Rock climbing today, actually.

pero totoo nga, whats your family like?

i mean

aside from what everyone knows about your parents' story

Well

My mom is...she's a lot. In the best way possible. She fills the room. Makes everything happier, brighter, louder, better.

Everyone just gravitates toward her. My dad says she's the whole point.

that's really, really sweet

Yeah, I'm lucky.

But my dad is

He's the first person I'd call if something goes wrong. Everything I know about showing up for people, about taking care of Chini, I got from him. I watched him do it my whole life.

And so we're more similar, I guess. I think that's why he's harder on me than Chini. He sees himself in me.

But that comes with basketball and being named after my tito and being a good brother.

does that bother you??

It just comes with being his son. Chini just gets away with more.

and do you wish you could get away with more?

🔒 @jyv

Yung mga tanong niya talaga minsan, mapapaisip na lang ako, e.

Yvanna 😾

11:37 AM

Sometimes.

Not really.

I guess?

I don't know.

those are 4 different answers, jem

Yeah, I realized. Sorry.

Ewan ko. I didn't grow up to be anything else other than this so I really don't know.

But I'm grateful. I have two parents who show up, who have ALWAYS shown up, who have never failed to show me/tell me they love me. An annoying little sister I would do absolutely anything for. And the way I grew up—I know not everyone has that. I don't take it for granted.

...huh.

What?

you sidestepped my question with a gratitude speech.

🔒 @jyv

Fuck. BS detector talaga and not afraid to call me out on it.

Yvanna 😾

11:44 AM

I'm just saying don't get me wrong.

yeah pag ayaw mo sumagot you find something else that's true to say instead, and it works because it IS true. but it's not what i asked

Actually, pag ayaw ko sumagot I'd just kiss you.

SHUT UP.

:)

the point is. ano ba im trying to say something smart here wag kang pacute dyan

THE POINT IS i'm not saying you're not grateful, i believe you. but grateful doesn't mean you're not also

ewan

scared, tired, struggling. something

you're allowed to be grateful AND something else

kasi hindi naman nila alam diba?

Ang alin?

what you've been telling me about the pressure, about being captain, the honest stuff you said about what it actually feels like

Again, that's not something my dad needs to know.

why not?

Because I don't want to disappoint him. He gave me everything to be good at this. He built something with his name and now it's my name too, and I can't be the one who ruins it.

jem

how could you ever disappoint him.

Have you seen our games recently? We're killing it. There's hope for us in the finals in YEARS.

So how? If we suddenly lose this. If I mess something up that I can't take back. If I do something that makes people look at his name differently. If I fuck up.

🔒 @jyv

If my secrets got out.

Yvanna 😾

12:16 PM

okay, well

i'm not going to tell you the championship doesn't matter, and i know this could be your career, your whole future. i'm not trying to take that away from what it is.

but your dad played because he loved it. maybe not in the beginning, but he did. makikita mo, e.

your uncle too. that's the whole reason you grew up around it. i don't think they'd want you to be afraid of your name.

both of them. jem and vargas.

like i don't think your dad looks at you and sees a championship. i think he looks at you and sees someone who loves basketball the way he did.

🔒 @jyv

Does he?

🔒 @jyv

And I don't know if I do.

🔒 @jyv

I want to be someone worthy of both my names. How do I do that if I'm a fucking mess?

Yvanna 😾

12:21 PM

Yeah. Maybe.

di ko naman kilala pamilya mo

pero that's just what i think

Thank you, Mai.

What about you? With your family? Only child ka diba?

yeah, maglulunch kami ni mom

close din kami.

i'm safe to be myself with her. she's very patient and she never made me feel like

like i was a lot. even when i was.

or that i was difficult, even when i am

or that i was weird, slow, or hard to teach, or not trying hard enough, that there was something wrong with me.

she's my best friend. she confronted my bullies in grade school. like actually fought children.

she's protective and loud. when I got my first byline—it was just the school paper, it wasn't even a real publication—she printed copies and distributed them to the other parents at church.

What a power move.

She sounds like an amazing mother.

the best.

my dad's not around, before you ask. and we're fine without him.

he left, it's fine, it was a long time ago. but he loves basketball. loves watching it and reading about it.

so i do this—besides the fact that i also love this sport—because i want him to see my name everywhere. i want him to see my byline, my articles and

i want him to be haunted. that's it. i want him to be haunted by my name.

kung di niya makita, edi okay. but if there's a chance that he does, sana masakit.

does that make sense?

Yeah.

Yeah, it does, actually.

i shouldn't have said that

Yvanna, and I mean no bullshit when I say this, but your passion and ambition might be the hottest thing about you.

oh

Actually, it's hard to choose. Your eyes are up there. Also your attitude. Your brain, your words, your smile, your talkativeness.

It's hard to pick one thing and honestly I've stopped trying to, because the longer I know you the harder it gets. And you're definitely a lot, but I don't mind a lot.

But I can't not read anything you write.

Tell me if that's weird bad and I'll apologize.

jem.

Yeah?

sinundan kita sa bawat game mo at tinadtad ng mga text para lang replyan ako

i don't think anything you said is worse than that

it's weird good. weird new. thank you.

Well, good. Because I'm not the one who knows exactly how many people you follow on Spotify.

GOODBYE

Hahahahahahahahahah

Cute cat

SHUT OFF!!!!!!!!!!

Enjoy lunch :)

Talk to you later then?

CHE

Sungit. Hahahahahahahahaahaha

Laters, Yvanna.

😾😾😾

😁😁😁

Yvanna 😾

7:23 PM

Home na?

yes

we just had lunch and a bit of shopping

Saan?

oh idk the restaurant it was this thai place it was so good

Siyempre tiningnan mo muna yung menu.

duh

can't get overwhelmed on the spot by all the options what would my nervous system say

And I meant saan ka?

Di pa kita nakikita.

enjoy this unflattering pic my mom took, Mr. It's Hard To Choose.

happy?

read

Yvanna 😾

7:27 PM

ok edi sana sinabi mo na lang na patayin ko sarili ko

Yvanna.

ano

Papayagan mo ba ko?

saan?

Kung gusto kitang ligawan.

read