Yvanna 😾

9:15 PM

I'm sorry

Fuck, I'm sorry

Can we talk?

Yvanna 😾

mobile

calling...

Yvanna 😾

mobile

calling...

Yvanna 😾

mobile

calling...

hoops

9:16 PM

teo

sabihin mo saking di totoo yung la salle mapapatawad kita

Russ

Forget about La Salle. I'm so confused about the pregame shit.

Vargas

I'm in therapy

Kay DA. Dr. Alcantara

I've been taking a beta blocker. Propranolol.

It's not against the rules or a controlled substance.

It stops the physical anxiety symptoms by blocking adrenaline.

teo

what the fuck

teka nawawarshock ako putangina

may anxiety ka?

di namin alam

Vargas

That's the whole point of it being a secret.

2 secrets.

Russ

The pills are not banned, not illegal, not even unusual for performance anxiety.

You have a prescription, correct?

Vargas

Yes

teo

pahingi nga ako tol nang bumaba stress levels ko sa major ko

finally kilala ko na si DA matatahimik na kaluluwa ko

Russ

Okay, well, half the athletes in UAAP is in therapy, what's the big deal?

Vargas

The fuck do you mean what's the big deal

Russ

The internet's acting like you snort cocaine before tip-off. You're medicated. So what?

teo

oo nga ok may anxiety ka. tapos?

people have it. you have it. #english

edi ok

buti nga may therapist ka e

Vargas

THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN OK? THE FUCKDO YOU MEAN SO WHAT?

I've been taking medication before games for over a year. I've been seeing a therapist. I've been needing pills to hold it together before games.

I'm a fucking fraud. I have felt like a fraud for a long time. And now everyone fucking knows.

teo

hindi ba kayo naguusap ni DA sa mga mali mong fucking mindset parang sayang lang pera mo

Russ

Wala na tayong magagawa that's it out.

But I think there's a bigger issue here. Why are you acting like this is something to be ashamed of? Because you're a man? Because you're the captain/King Eagle?

People act like athletes are supposed to be machines, like the pressure doesn't exist, like we aren't allowed to be affected by anything.

That's not weakness or fraud. That's what happens when people expect you to carry more than anyone should and then act surprised when it got heavy.

And, no bullshit, but if I or another athlete or if some kid who's struggling with the same thing reads this and realizes even Jem Vargas isn't immune to it, then maybe that's not the worst thing in the world.

I don't think I'd think less of you. I think I'd feel a little less alone.

teo

luh

to piggyback off of that eme

de gets ko bat hindi mo sinabi kasi akala mo nakakahiya, pero mas nirerespeto pa kita na nakahanap ka ng tutulong sa anxiety mo

pero hoops iiwan mo dapat kami?

Vargas

I was never going to. But I considered it. To choose something for myself.

I was young and stupid and scared.

teo

o bat di mo sinabi?

Russ

Takot nga daw e.

teo

kaya pala ayaw niya ibash si caleb cruz

pero kung tingin mong mas nakakabuti sayo don non susuportahan ka naman namin

Vargas

Really?

teo

hindi

galit nga ako ngayon e

Russ

Yes, really.

We would've appreciated it if you told us.

Vargas

Yeah

I know

I'm sorry

Russ

What did your parents say?

Vargas

My mom and sister cried. Mom said, "He's a college kid with anxiety, Jess."

And they both apologized cause they felt like they failed me.

And yeah, my dad was speechless. Then he hugged me and said I should've told them sooner, they would've supported me in any way.

And that we're going to find out who's behind this.

teo

ginawa ba niya? ni yvanna?

Vargas

I

I don't think she would

I was sure she would never

God, I was so hurt and angry, but she knew.

Nobody else knew.

What was I supposed to think?

Russ

That somebody else knew. That you weren't as careful as you thought.

Vargas

Napangunahan ako ng emotion but I really do need to talk to her.

I jumped to conclusions kaagad. She didn't deserve that shit from me.

Pero di na niya 'ko sinasagot.

teo

tingnan mo yan mas nauna pang alam ni yvanna kesa samin

FO na tayo

Russ

I understand why your first instinct was to suspect her, but I don't think it was fair to decide she was responsible just because the circumstances seemed to point in her direction.

teo

lumabas mga sikreto niya hoops. na tinatago niya nang ilang taon

tapos pinagpiyestahan siya tsaka pamilya niya, nagkagulo na lahat

kaya lang tanga ka din e bat mo siya sinisi @Vargas

yan tuloy

Russ

Good to know King Eagle makes mistakes.

And is in therapy and takes beta blockers.

teo

na malapit na pala maging shrek

Russ

Di niya ma-let go, o.

teo

pero hindi pa rin tama na sinisi mo sya hoops

sayo yon

Vargas

Yes, I know

Russ

She spent an entire season getting to know you and you became someone different, someone more human because of it. I don't think she would ever do this to you.

Vargas

Yes.

I know that too.

Yvanna 😾

9:33 PM

Yvanna, please.

Can we talk?

I was way too angry and hurt earlier and in disbelief. I wasn't thinking clearly.

I said things I shouldn't have said and I jumped to the easiest conclusion.

But you've never given me a reason not to trust you. Not once.

I know who you are. I should've led with that instead of the anger.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Will you give me a bit of time so we can talk?

here's my side:

Yvanna 😾 sent 14 photos

screenshots of convos with lillian during the game

here's her email and contact number if you don't believe me: [email protected], [email protected], 09194453215

here's The Loop's office address

show your dad the screenshots. the language in the article is careful but it's not neutral and the implication is clear. i think a lawyer would know that any insinuation about your health/medical record is still sensitive personal information published without consent

Fuck.

Fuck, Yvanna, I'm so sorry.

and i'm also sorry you got exposed this way. that was never what i wanted or what i believed in

i was NEVER going to out your secrets to anyone.

and you can see i tried to stop her. or at least stall until i could tell you and figure out what to do. i told her to wait, to verify, to give you a chance to respond. she wouldn't budge.

I know

Fuck, I know, and I wasn't thinking straight

I'm so sorry Yvanna.

yep. i get it

You quit.

Holy shit, you quit.

mmhmm

i couldn't be part of it. and i couldn't stop it from the inside so i left

That was your dream.

my dream is accurate, transparent, and brave journalism.

not this.

staying would've meant being okay with it and i'm not

but don't get me wrong, i didn't quit my job for you. i quit my job because if it wasn't you, it would be someone else. and i never want to work for a publication like that.

Yvanna.

Can we talk, please? In person?

And I know. I know I don't deserve that right now, but please.

ano pang pag-uusapan?

nag-sorry ka na

Not in person. Not in the way that I should.

God, I'm so sorry, Yvanna.

stop apologizing to make yourself feel better

and honestly, sorry ah, but idk what seeing you in person is going to fix right now

Maybe nothing, but I want to try.

Please.

I was wrong. I know I was wrong.

knowing you were wrong now doesn't make it hurt less when i was begging for a chance for you to listen to me

Yvanna, please.

this was never going to work

i wish you the best, jem vargas.

Yvanna 😾

mobile

calling...

Yvanna 😾

mobile

calling...

Yvanna 😾

mobile

calling...

Yvanna 😾

9:42 PM

YVANNA. PLEASE.

hoops

9:43 PM

Vargas

I fucked up.

I FUCKED UP.

What do I do

teo

tangina. yan. sinaktan mo kasi e

DI PA BA TAYO NATUTO KAY TITO!!!!!!!

Russ

I mean, I think this is a bit different...

How bad was it?

Vargas

I told her to please leave me alone

teo

at least may please haha

sana ako na lang nagkalovelife

may availability pa ba si DA

ako ang nasstress sa inyo putangina nyo

otw na kami ni russell kawawa na niyan atay namin