Re: Re: Revision

From: Blake Andrew
To: me
Date: 21 May 2013, 9:47 PM

Ms. Adrian,

Subject 3. It's still not quite right. The insecurities, low self-esteem, and selflessness are shown repeatedly. This could be alarmingly perturbing if you missed how strong this indication plays a role in his psycho-dynamic profile. The seemingly positive characteristic may be driven by inadequacy. I'd like to see you connect the dots between the tendencies shown in his drawings and the social characteristics he lets people see, with a stronger narration in your final revision tomorrow.

Subject 5. Better narration. Her sexual issues only need to be pointed out. No further investigation is required.

Final reports are expected tomorrow before 5 PM. Receptionist desk.

B. Andrew

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Re: Re: Re: Revision

From: me
To: Blake Andrew
Date: 22 May 2013, 00:18 AM

Dear Mr. Andrew,

Well noted. My final revisions will be at Betty's desk tomorrow afternoon.

However, the idea that his characteristics are driven by his insecurities is still hard to grasp. It feels dishonest. In real life, he seems genuine, and I've known him for years. Where have I missed?

About subject 5. Does it mean we cannot learn further about her situation using the result of these drawings?

Regards,
Jenny A

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Revision

From: Blake Andrew
To: me
Date: 22 May 2013, 7:24 AM

What have you missed? Probably not much. Remember that his intention can be transformed into various behaviors. Likewise, his behavior can be driven by different intentions. As for him, what he's doing now would give people around him an advantage, but would it do him a favor? Yes and no.

Why do you need to learn further about her sexuality? Are you two involved romantically?

Blake

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Revision

From: me
To: Blake Andrew
Date: 22 May 2013, 08:22 AM

Perhaps this is how he deals with his issues in a good way. Despite the concerning tendencies hidden behind it, the outcome is often positive for others. Besides, as he receives positive feedback from others, it might give him some kind of self-esteem boost, self-worth, or something of the sort. Maybe this can be a form of natural therapy for him.

No, we are not involved that way. She is one of my good friends. The fact that it showed up on her test result intrigued me, but I would leave it as it is.

Jenny A

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Revision

From: Blake Andrew
To: me
Date: 22 May 2013, 12:05 PM

Let's say we go along with your therapy theory. If he fails to get positive feedback from others, he won't get the self-esteem boost, right? Meanwhile, we can't always predict how people will react to our good deeds. So, hypothetically, the positive and negative feedback come in randomly, will the self-therapy work effectively under these uncontrolled variables? How are you going to measure it?

Ah, curious friend :) Nothing is wrong with that. But to answer your previous question, by only using this tool, it won't suffice.

Blake

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Revision

From: me
To: Blake Andrew
Date: 22 May 2013, 6:37 PM

Dear Mr. Andrew,

I have to say, I am not sure if it is something we can call therapy, let alone measure it. It was just a random thought of possibilities. We can always hope for the best outcome from our good deeds, right? What I see is everyone at work looks up to him because he is kind and accommodating (He's our supervisor). He also looks pretty content with his life, though.

That I am. I guess this is the downside of learning psychology. We tend to over-analyze people around us.

Regards,
Jenny A

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Revision

From: Blake Andrew
To: me
Date: 23 May 2013, 8:19 AM

He's kind and accommodating. In other words: he lets people use him. But be careful here, he's feeding on others' happiness because of his incapability of claiming his own happiness independently. This could blow up in his face when things didn't work as he expected. Where is the good deed in this case?

That's probably true, but I can't say I'm not enjoying it. Do you find it an issue?

Blake

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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Revision

From: me
To: Blake Andrew
Date: 23 May 2013, 12:15 PM

What is so wrong with being kind and accommodating (I refuse to use the word 'being used')? Aren't they the characteristics that our society expects to see from us? Do we really have to go against social norms and expectations just to prove we are strong?

No, I don't find it an issue.

Jenny A

***

It was raining outside. I glanced at the analog clock above the entrance door for the twentieth time. The bookstore would close in thirty minutes, but the time didn't seem to move forward.

I had no idea why I agreed to cover Mandy's Thursday night shift while I was having this hectic week. But seeing how desperate she sounded on the phone because of her sick kid, I couldn't say no. But again, few other colleagues could take the shift, especially those who didn't attend school or had exams coming in a week. It was just me being stupid, as always.

Speaking of being stupid, I wanted to bang my head on the check-out every time I remembered my correspondence with Mr. Andrew. Why did I reply to him like that? Why did I need to defend my colleague that strongly, when it was clearly not him who took this shift? Was I projecting? But I couldn't change what I said. The email had been sent, and I was anxiously waiting for his reply.

Pushing the thought to the back of my mind, I made a quick stroll to kill the time. There were no stray books or magazines, the clerk counter was as neat as a secretary's desk, and the display glass was all clean and wiped from the inside though since it was raining outside. Gwen, the manager, would need to deal with the outer side when she opened the store in the morning.

The sound of a bell jingling prompted me to tear my eyes from the computer screen and check who was at the door. I didn't expect anyone to come this late and in this weather, but when I saw the brunette girl with a red coat and a plastic bag in her hand, I squealed with surprise.

"Susie!"

Dean's girlfriend smiled and put her umbrella by the coat stand near the entrance door. "I thought I would stop by since I was around this block."

"Oh? For what occasion?" I glanced at the door. "Dean isn't coming with you?"

"No. I was meeting the person from my dad's office." She walked over and placed the plastic bag on the counter, creating a wet spot on the desk surface. "Oops. Sorry for the mess, but here are donuts for you to carry on with the evening. I bet you haven't eaten dinner."

"You're a life safer!" I said. "Thank you. I can definitely use a box of donuts right now. Need sugar to keep me awake."

"Because your ass is being chased by deadlines?" she said. "Dean told me."

"I know, I know! I'm an idiot. I should've spread all my laboratory classes between two semesters. But it's too late to say it now." I sighed as I took the box out of the plastic bag and dried the wet spot on the countertop. "Tomorrow, all this mess will be all history."

"Why didn't you quit this job?" she asked, sweeping her eyes over the store interior with a distaste glare. Something she had in common with Dean is they didn't read books, at least not fiction books. "It's not like your parents have a financial problem to help out with your bills."

I grabbed the first donut with choco chips sprinkled on top, my mouth watering. "It's not about the money, really," I said before taking the first bite and moaning. "I like it here. I like the smell of books, and I get to read some books for free. It's like a place to wind down after going through the entire week full of classes, experiments, and assignments, yet I get a paycheck."

"But what about your personal life?" she asked, starting to wander to the management and business section. "You don't go out anymore. And when was the last time you dated someone? Two years ago, was it?"

"Do we need to talk about my non-existent dating life right now?" I rolled my eyes. "Anyway, yeah, it's been a while. And no, I'm not interested in dating anyone at the moment. I just can't fit them into my schedule. And boys are drama."

Susie laughed at my remark. Her head bobbed up and down, making a lock of her brunette hair fall on her face, and she tucked it behind her ear. "That's about right."

"What about you?" I asked with a full mouth, gobbling up the last chunk of the donut. It was not so ladylike, but who'd care? She'd seen worse than this. "How have you been doing?"

"Good. Luckily, I don't need to deal with a series of assignments like you," she replied, picking up one book and studying the summary on the back cover. Susie didn't go to the same university as us. Preparing her to take over her father's throne, her parents sent her to a prestigious business school downtown. "I will start the internship at Dad's company next week while working on my final assignment."

"Wow, you must be excited!"

"Yeah." She nodded, eyes still on the book summary. Then she put the book back on the shelves. "I'm glad school is almost done. I can't wait to work full time at our company. There are still so many things I need to learn about the corporation, though; still a long way to go."

"You'll get there. I know you will make a great CEO of Sanders Marketing & Co.," I said. "And how are things with Dean doing? Is everything good?"

She was now in the magazine rack, her high heels clicking on the store's wooden floor. "I am not sure, to be honest."

"Oh? What's wrong?"

Susie stared blankly at the Vogue magazine, either admiring the model on the cover or deciding what she wanted to say to me. "I don't know, Jenny. It feels like there is something off with Dean lately."

I fixed my eyes on her, waiting for her to tell me further.

"He's just...different." She tilted her head in my direction, but her eyes were still on the magazine. "In the beginning, I thought it was a girl problem like last time. But it's not. No suspicious calls, texts, or emails. He also stayed home when he had no project to work on. I just know this is not about a girl. It's something else, and it scares me a bit."

"Have you talked to him about this?"

Susie turned around to face me. "Of course, but he just looked at me like I was speaking Wakanda."

I pursed my lips, clueless about what I should say. If I could be honest, I'd missed out on plenty of updates on Dean's life lately, thanks to my schedules.

"Did he talk to you about anything?" she asked.

"No." I shook my head. "Just the usual, but we barely bumped into each other lately."

"Okay." She nodded, slipping her hands into her pocket.

"Maybe this is just a phase. I've read one book explaining how men work in general," I added. "Surprisingly, they have cycles like us too, you know, just in different ways. There are times when they just want to hide in their personal cave and process everything alone. It has nothing to do with you. You shouldn't worry too much."

"I hope it's true," she said, turned around, and picked up a copy of Vogue magazine before walking to the counter.

I took the magazine and scanned it. "Cash or card?" I asked and was answered by her waving twenty-buck bill. "Dean is an idiot sometimes. Just have a little more faith in that boy."

She smiled. "I know. I won't push him this time," she said, and I knew she was referring to their big fight last year.

Being in different schools took a toll on their relationship during their freshman year. Dean, as we knew him, instantly blended into a college social life without even trying. People noticed him just like that, and by the end of the week, he was already invited to a party by his new buddies. Susie wasn't very happy about this group, but she couldn't tell him with whom he could be friends.

One day, Dean and Susie fought over a picture of Dean with one girl in a stupid pose. In Dean's defense, it was taken during a wild frat party, and everyone was drunk as fuck. Nobody remembered what happened, but Dean was sure there was no sex involved. Susie didn't believe him, and they broke up before the Christmas holiday.

Six months later, Susie found out that the entire scene was a setup. The girl in the picture was just a pathetic chick who wanted to seduce Dean with no success. Before the summer holiday, Susie approached me to see if I could help her reconnect with Dean. So I did.

***

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Revision

From: Blake Andrew
To: me
Date: 23 May 2013, 5:52 PM

It has nothing to do with proving anything. However, being a part of society shouldn't be hard work for you. It indeed holds social norms containing accepted standards of behavior, but it shouldn't take up everything in you to fulfill all the expectations. Being accommodating is fine, not being one is also fine, as long as it doesn't distract your own equilibrium as an individual.

Can I ask you a personal question, Jennifer? Are you a religious person?

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The Question

From: me
To: Blake Andrew
Date: 23 May 2013, 10:15 PM

Dear Mr. Andrew,

No, I'm not. What does it have anything to do with our previous discussion?

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Re: The Question

From: Blake Andrew
To: me
Date: 23 May 2013, 10:57 PM

Just trying to understand where you came from in this discussion. Abasement often occurs among believers.

You should challenge yourself by screening through your peers' expectations. Maybe saying "no" more often? And see how it works out?

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Re: Re: The Question

From: me
To: Blake Andrew
Date: 24 May 2013, 00:31 AM

Dear Mr. Andrew,

Thank you for your kind suggestion, but I don't have a problem saying no.

Regards,
Jenny A