I'm all kinds of fucked up.

I've always known it and I've never denied it.

But nothing fucked me up more than him. His death shook my existence so violently that I lost my footing on this Earth. It unhinged me entirely. He was more than my obsession and my addiction.

He was my axis. Without him, I lost my orbit. My entire being came to a standstill before it collided with everything and everyone around me. My life is not pretty, and my story is not for just anyone. I'll tell it to you if you really want to hear it, but I don't expect anything from you. I don't expect your pity or your sorrow or your anger. I expect nothing because I've only ever been given nothing.

Don't cry for me.

I don't want your tears.

I don't need your tears. Its not tears that I crave. I crave sweat. The sweat that's made between two rubbing bodies. I crave moans that can't be held in and I crave the deep, shuddering breath just before everything is let loose. Your tears will do nothing for me.

I want a deep, good, hard fuck.

Nothing more than that.

So, don't cry.