1: Ami, May, Kitoko, Kaeda, Ren, Natsumi

Ami: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?
May: >:O language
Kitoko: Yeah watch your fucking language
Kaeda: OKAY WHO TAUGHT KITOKO THE FUCK WORD?
Ren: 'The fuck word'.
Natsumi: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time
Kitoko: Oh my god they censored it
Ren: Say fuck, Natsumi.
Kitoko: Do it, Natsumi. Say fuck.

Ami: We need to distract these guys
May: Leave it to me
May: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.
Kitoko, Kaeda, and Ren: *Immediately begin arguing*
Natsumi, watching in horror: Oh this. I don't like this. I don't like this at all.

Ami: Croissants: dropped
May: Road: works ahead
Kitoko: BBQ sauce: on my titties
Kaeda: Shavacado: fre
Ren: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead
Natsumi:
Natsumi, grumpy: I didn't understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

*The squad right before Ami's wedding*
May: Well I have to go, I have a wedding to attend.
Kitoko: Wait... Oh! I have a wedding to attend too!
Kaeda: Oh, I have a wedding to attend as well
Ren: I THINK WE ALL HAVE WEDDINGS TO ATTEND
Natsumi, panicked: I THINK I HAVE A WEDDING TO OFFICIATE

Ami: Everytime I hear someone talking about updog, I'm torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.
May: Okay, but what is updog?
Kitoko: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.
Kaeda: Not, that's a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.
Ren: No, that's an update. You're thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.
Natsumi: Surely, that's Uppsala, where's updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.
Ami: That's Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs.
Kaeda: You're thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.
Kitoko: No, that's an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway.
May: What's a henway??
Ami: Oh, about five pounds.

Ami: Dumbest scar stories, go!
May: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.
Kitoko: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it.
Kaeda: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.
Ren: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn.
Natsumi:
Natsumi: I have emotional scars.

2: Kitoko and Kaeda

Kitoko: A theif.
Kaeda: Thief?
Kitoko: Theif.
Kaeda: I before E, except after C.
Kitoko: Thceif.
Kitoko: No.

Kitoko, standing with their back turned: I've been expecting you, Kaeda.
Kaeda: How did you do that without turning around?
Kitoko: ... To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you.

Kaeda, tending to Kitoko's wounds: How would you rate your pain?
Kitoko: Zero stars. Would NOT recommend.

Kaeda: Kitoko and I have the kind of easy chemistry where we finish each other's-
Kitoko: Sentences.
Kaeda: Don't interrupt me.

Kaeda: i went through an entire character arc during quarantine
Kaeda: i became more evil if you're curious
Kitoko: We're still in quarantine, don't worry, there's time for a redemption arc still!
Kaeda: i'm going to get worse on purpose

Kaeda: You know, I'm starting to regret showing you how that blender works.
Kitoko, drinking toast: Why do you say that?

Kaeda, in a meeting: My policy is if you see something, say something.
Kitoko: I saw a squirrel in a tree today!
Kaeda, with the tone of someone who is used to Kitoko: Outstanding.
Kaeda: This is what I'm talking about people.

3: Kitoko, Ren and Natsumi

Natsumi: Ren and I are having a baby.
Kitoko: That's gre-
Natsumi, slamming adoption papers on the table: It's you, sign here.

Natsumi: Would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 million gold?
Ren: You stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we buy a big-ass house.
Kitoko: You can stab me too, then we'll have 20 million.
Ren: Good thinking.

Store Worker: Would a Mx. Natsumi please come to the front desk?
Natsumi, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?
Store Worker: points to Ren and Kitoko
Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?
Ren and Kitoko, simultaneously: We got lost :(
Natsumi: I didn't even bring you guys here with me-

Natsumi: Ren, what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean?
Ren: I don't know, love you, talk to you later
Natsumi: Ok, I love you too, I'll just ask Kitoko.

Natsumi: Come on, I wasn't that drunk last night.
Kitoko: You were flirting with Ren.
Natsumi: So what? They're my partner.
Kitoko: You asked them if they were single.
Natsumi:
Kitoko: And then you cried when they said they weren't.

Natsumi: While I'm gone, Kitoko, you're in charge.
Kitoko: Yes!!!
Natsumi, whispering: Ren, you're secretly in charge.
Ren: Obviously.

4: Kyoka, Beth, Koemi and Aomi

Kyoka: On the count of three, what's your favorite cake? One, two, three-
Kyoka and Beth, in unison: Chocolate cake peanut butter frosting with chocolate chunks!
Koemi: Our turn, Aomi! One, two, three- vanilla!
Aomi, deadpan: I've never had cake, what is cake.

Kyoka: Everyone, synchronize your watches.
Beth: I don't know how to do that.
Aomi: I don't wear a watch.
Koemi: Time is a construct.

Kyoka: Wake me up...
Beth: Before you go go!
Aomi: When September ends...
Koemi: WAKE ME UP INSIDE-

4.5: added Lisa

Kyoka: There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do?
Beth: Have everyone stand.
Lisa: Bring three more chairs!
Aomi: The most important ones can sit down.
Koemi: Kill three.

Kyoka: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?
Beth: Several traffic violations.
Lisa: Three counts of resisting arrest.
Aomi: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.
Koemi: Also, that's not our car.

Kyoka: Bye Beth! Bye Lisa! Bye Aomi! Bye Koemi! Bye Beth!
Lisa: You said 'bye Beth' twice.
Kyoka: I like Beth.

Kyoka: So uhhh... my question is: my friend keeps on going into the pantry and grabbing handfuls of fettuccine... uncooked...
Aomi: I would hope they're not grabbing handfuls of cooked fettuccine!
Koemi: In your pantry!
Kyoka: Yeah... and eating them raw, and they keep calling them 'chips'. ... How do I make them stop?
Aomi: Is your friend here?
Kyoka, motioning to Beth: Yeah.
Aomi, to Beth: You're a monster! Words MEAN things! >:(
Lisa: Does anybody remember- I haven't been to Olive Garden in many moons- but they DO have a like- fettuccine bottle that you can just- grab em out of and chew-
Lisa: HOLD ON. WAS THIS A PRANK YOU GUYS PULLED ON ME WHEN WE WENT TO OLIVE GARDEN AS KIDS?!
Lisa: NO, STOP. EVERYBODY SHUT UP. DO THEY GIVE YOU RAW FETTUCCINE TO CHEW ON IN THE LOBBY OF THE OLIVE GARDEN
Everyone else: No.
Lisa, to Aomi and Koemi: YOU FUCKIN BASTARDS

Kyoka: Favorite horror movie?
Beth: It
Lisa: Saw
Aomi: Annabelle
Koemi: High School Musical. after watching it I spent all my middle school years terrified that the entire school would start singing something and I'd be the only one who didn't know the lyrics

Kyoka: What did you guys get in your yearbook?
Beth: 'Prettiest Smile'
Lisa: 'Nicest Personality'
Koemi: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'
Aomi: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'