Things went back to normal for a few days, free of drama for once. Perhaps because we didn't broach the difficult subjects. It was a welcome change, regardless.

"Do you remember this one?" Ayden held up a tattered paper cover of a DVD we had ripped off the Internet many years ago. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Yeah, you want to scare me to death?"

Ayden just chuckled and placed the DVD in the player. For a moment, I wondered if it was still working, or rather, I was hoping that it wouldn't work. No movie had ever scared me as much as that one, and it was seriously silly. I guess it had to do with the fact that we saw it as kids. After that, I hadn't watched it.

He settled down in the sofa, pressed play and leaned back in comfort. I almost growled at him. He loved horror movies, and he had been the one calming me down last time. None of that calming would happen this time. I would die of embarrassment if he caught me closing my eyes or chewing my lip.

"You want me to hold your hand?" he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Fuck off, Ay," I snapped, but he just grinned.

"Your choice..." He was fucking laughing at me. The bastard!

The soundtrack started playing, and I forgot everything else. My body remembered the fear from my childhood, soaking my insides with adrenaline even if it hadn't started yet.

When the first mellow scenes were over, I pushed my nails into my palms to remain on the sofa. I wanted nothing more than to retreat into my room and forget about the dark forest and piercing cries that seemed to echo all the way from my childhood.

Ayden threw me a pillow. "Here's your teddy," he teased. I grabbed it and shot him a nasty glare.

"I'm gonna have nightmares, Ay, and it's all your fault."

Half an hour later, I was bathing in sweat and my heart was hammering with fear. I really shouldn't have agreed to see the movie. As the morons ran through the forest, searching for whatever was out there, I was right there with them—feeling the damp air, hearing the sounds of cracking branches. My imagination had always been too vivid, and I was almost drowning with emotions caused by the scene.

A scream tore through the speakers and I lost it. I looked away, staring right into Ayden's eyes. He stared right back, as if he had watched me instead of the movie the whole time. I swallowed down my fear and forced my eyes back towards the TV.

"Don't you dare," I said, worried that he would say something about how scared I was. I was afraid that he would mock me.

Ayden didn't reply, so I stole a glance at him again. He was finally watching the screen instead of me. Good. I relaxed, forgetting about the movie for a short moment until someone screamed again. I chose the worst possible time to look back. Something approached from the forest, making me jump in my seat. Ayden chuckled, and I almost threw a punch at his smirk.

"Hey, you want me to turn it off?" he asked. I couldn't tell if he said it to tease me, or if he was serious. Not that it mattered. I couldn't just chicken out from a silly movie. It didn't work that way.

"No, we'll watch this awful movie until it's finished," I replied, turning back to the forest.

An hour later, Ayden stretched out on the sofa, looking completely at ease after the movie. He wore a smug expression, probably as a result of my less than subtle reactions throughout the scenes.

"You're an ass, you know that, right?" I told him.

"Fine piece of ass if I do say so myself," he replied.

I rolled my eyes and grinned. He was right about that.

* * * *

I startled awake, but not from any nightmare of my own. Ayden thrashed beside me, his brow pinched with pain.

"Ayden..." I wrapped my arms around him to keep him steady, hoping that he would wake up from his nightmare. "Ayden!" I said, a little louder.

"No, no, let me go!" he cried.

"Ayden, it's me. It's me." He didn't seem to hear me.

"Get off of me!"

"Ayden, calm down. It's me, Cal."

"Cal..." he whined, but I couldn't tell if he was finally coming back to me or not.

"I'm here, Ay. Just wake up, okay. You're safe." I hugged him even tighter, and slowly he seemed to find his way to the surface.

"Cal," he said again, stated as a question.

"Yes."

"Fuck..."

"What's happening, Ay?" I asked. Instead of answering he started to relax in my arms, sinking into my chest. His back was sweaty against my body, but I didn't care. What mattered was that he was getting out of the nightmare.

"Just calm down, Ay. I've got you..."

He turned around in my arms, clinging to me in a way that he'd never done before.

"I've got you," I repeated.

"Shit..."

"What were you dreaming about?"

"Just a dream."

It didn't seem like just 'a dream', but if Ayden wouldn't tell me in the middle of the night, I could wait until morning. We both needed to sleep.

* * * *

By morning, I had more or less forgotten about the dream. Ayden rummaged through the cupboards for breakfast while I boiled some coffee to kick me awake.

"I'm scheduled for tonight." He sighed and looked away, obviously aware that I wouldn't be happy about the news. The calm days had lulled into that false sense of security—everything felt perfect as long as I didn't think about his work.

"Okay." Pouring my first cup of coffee, I tried to make peace with that statement.

"I-" Ayden started, but I interrupted him.

"I don't want to talk about it."

He didn't answer that, which was a relief. I honestly didn't want to think about his job.

We didn't say a single word to each other before leaving the apartment, and while we did talk on our way to class, it was clear that we were talking about all the things that wouldn't bring us back to that particular subject again. Ayden tried to stay cheerful, and I did my best to copy him even if my smiles didn't feel right.

The day went by in a similar manner. We sat together in the classes we shared—we held hands, but I could still feel the tension rising between us. This time it wasn't the good kind of tension. I wanted to talk about making a shoot with him, but I feared how he would react. I didn't want him to laugh at me, or not take me seriously, and most of all I didn't want him to get mad. He didn't have the right.

Having given it more thought during the week, I had come to the conclusion that it wasn't just a spur of the moment kind-of-thing. I meant what I said. If we had no other choice than to live like this for a while until things got better, I would be there for him, not against him. I didn't want us to argue like this or have the towering black cloud hovering above us. We should be free to love each other without the additional strain of knowing that he fucked others. So things had to change.

After our last class together, I knew I had to do this. I couldn't wait any longer. The knowledge that he would do a shoot tasted like acid in my mouth. It burned and festered all the way down my throat and finally through the rest of my body. The more I thought about it, the worse it became.

Ayden grabbed his things and beckoned me to come. With a sigh, I rose from the seat and trudged out with the rest of the students. Having people around us made things even more awkward, so I rushed outside as fast as I could.

The sky was darkening with heavy clouds, fitting my current mood. There was only one thing missing. I felt through my pockets for a cigarette.

"Smoking is bad for you, Cal."

I scoffed. "Are you going back to the flat before you leave?"

"Not planning on it. Why?"

"Just thought we could talk." I saw how his shoulders slumped, and I knew this wouldn't be pleasant for either of us. Some part of me knew that this situation was my fault, but another part knew it wasn't that simple. Few would consider our predicament and blame me for wanting my boyfriend to myself, but I had known about his job from the start. How could I say that it wasn't okay?

"Okay, but I don't have a lot of time."

"That's fine."

When we got home to the empty apartment, Ayden cut right to the chase, "So, what do you want to talk about?"

I noticed that we sat on opposite ends of the sofa, not even looking at each other. Ayden fidgeted with the remote control, flipping up the battery lid and closing it again several times. I didn't fare much better—biting into my cuticles.

"Look, I know you hate the idea, but I've thought a lot about it. I want to be your partner in those shoots."

The room became eerily silent. My heart seemed to be the only thing making a sound, and I heard it all too well. It thumped too loud and too fast.

"I don't understand why you're so against this?" I finally said.

"I don't want this, Callum, and I don't want to talk about it."

"That's such bullshit. And when in hell did I become Callum again?"

"Just stop. It's not going to happen."

"Why not?"

Ayden looked up and his eyes turned cold. If I hadn't been angry, I would have backed away. If I had been smart, I would have calmed down and stopped this before it got out of hand.

He rose. "Because I don't want you involved in that shit. Why do you always have to make this harder than it has to be?"

"Fuck you! I'm trying to make it easier for both of us."

"Are you? You're delusional, Cal. You have no idea. No fucking idea of how this works."

"And you do? You know how it feels to be me? You know how easy it is to know what's going on?" I yelled, pacing across the room. I couldn't even look at him anymore.

"And you think my part is easier? Knowing what I do to you, to us?" he spat.

"I have a solution, but you don't want it. How can I be happy with that?"

"You don't know what you're saying. Let's talk about this lat-"

"No," I interrupted. "We're talking about it now. I'm tired of feeling like this, and I'm tired of your excuses. You're outright telling me that it's more okay for you to fuck other guys than it is to fuck me, so fuck you!"

Ayden rose, stalked over to the door and opened it.

"Does this have to do with what happened in Florida?"

He shook his head. "You have no idea."

I stepped closer and placed my arms around him. "Ayden. You have to tell me. I know something happened in Florida, and I want to know what it is so I can support you."

Breathing in deeply, he closed his eyes. I waited, and waited, hoping he would finally talk. The anger seemed to pour out of him.

After a stretch of silence, he met my gaze. "I guess you're right. It's just. I wanted to forget and move on."

Another silence.

"You have to promise not to get into this industry. It will ruin you."

"Okay." I didn't know what to respond. "But then I don't want you in that industry either. We'll find a way to make it work. I'll apply for jobs, which I should have done to begin with.

Ayden sighed. "You're right. I can't do this. Not when you...I love you Cal."

"I love you too."

I could see how his throat bobbed, how he fought to keep the emotions off his face.

"I love you Ayden."

"Do you really mean that?"

"Yes. I do. And, I'm sorry I haven't said it before."

His shoulders relaxed. "Florida...Florida wasn't a big deal. Not really, but it came at a bad time. I was feeling like shit because of everything between us. Perhaps I even wanted the pain."

"I'm sorry."

"No, it's not your fault. Never think that. None of this is your fault. You've kept me sane throughout most of this."

I kissed his forehead, wanting to soothe all of that pain he kept inside. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

"They made me bottom for a guy that roughed me around too much. They had to send me to the ER."

I didn't know what to say. "And the nightmare? Was that?"

"Yeah. It was pretty bad that way. I was restrained for the scene. They allowed me to re-write my contract after that, so it worked out...in a way. I haven't bottomed since then."

"Okay."

"But maybe." He looked up, his gaze almost fragile. "With you."

I inhaled sharply. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." No hesitation. "I want to forget about this. Leave it all behind."

He didn't wait for me to respond. He kissed me hard. Shifting the atmosphere from careful to boiling. Ayden's fingers intertwined with mine, pressing our hands together. "Come on."

I couldn't do anything but follow. We needed this. I could feel that need pulsing around us with a steady beat. It was time to let go of everything. Perhaps we should have talked more, but the urgency collided with such passion that it felt impossible to stop.

Once inside the bedroom, Ayden halted and pulled me toward him. I could hear his breath hitch before lowering his head down for another heated kiss. Our lips and tongues met in a violent assault causing a shiver to run from the nape of my neck to the small of my back. Ayden didn't waste any time but slipped his hand inside my pants and gripped my pulsing erection, stroking it until I fell toward him—no longer able to keep my balance.

His breaths fanned across my bare skin, like a warm mist that cooled upon contact. I was getting light-headed, feeling afloat in a world where nothing mattered; nothing was more real than this. Ayden's lips, Ayden's hands, Ayden's body against mine—it was perfection.

He stopped stroking only to tug my pants open. "Cal," he mumbled as if he was just as lost in the moment as I was. A hazy glaze covered his beautiful eyes, and everything slowed down again. I kissed him carefully and worked with the buttons of his jeans, releasing him bit by bit. He was hard underneath, and I pressed my palm against his cock.

Ayden seemed to shudder and woke up from the daze. His fingers started to stroke along the elastic band of my boxers, and I fought to stay silent. He tugged them down and dropped to his knees in front of me. "I've missed this," he said and swirled his tongue around the head while meeting my eyes. The sight sent me spiraling, and it only got worse as he pushed my cock deep into his mouth. It was too much, too soon. I couldn't hold back the moan that slipped past my lips. Ayden sucked me mercilessly, and I heard sounds deep in my throat that I'd never heard before. I was losing it too fast. He slowed down and let his tongue run along my length over and over again, teasing me further. I knew that he was in control; he knew exactly what he was doing to me, and I felt helpless. He palmed my balls and started to suck again.

"Fuuuck, I'm so close, let me go...let me go..." I whined, but Ayden didn't listen, instead he increased the suction, increased the pace. I tensed up, feeling my balls tighten. This wasn't what I had in mind for our time together. I wanted to chase the frustration out of him, not getting more frustrated.

He released me just as the orgasm began to emerge. No...fucking tease..."Now you're stopping? Oh, God..." Ayden only smiled in response, standing up and pressing another kiss against my lips.

"You're fucking me this time, remember?"

I couldn't breathe.

His hands pressed against my shoulders, making me take a step backward, and then another. I felt the bed behind me just as he pushed one last time; I fell and landed on the soft comforter. Ayden removed his jeans and his boxers, discarding them on the floor.

"Make some room," he said while stroking my legs.

I scooted over, feeling an odd kind of thrill of seeing him on his stomach. Not hesitating for a second, I straddled his legs and placed my hands on his back, rubbing in soft circles while I trailed kisses along his spine.

Ayden reached for the nightstand, pulling out the drawer where we kept our stash. He threw me the bottle of lube, and I stared at it with apprehension. Was I really doing this?

Feeling my hands tremble, I coated my fingers with lube and reached for his entrance. It felt wrong to be nervous about something that I had wanted to do, but never had the courage to try before.

Ayden breathed hard as I pressed inside. "Fuck, this feels good."

His words were enough to boost my confidence. I knew how this felt when he did it, so it was just a matter of giving what I usually received.

I continued, reveling in the sounds he made from the simple touch. When he began to squirm with impatience, I slipped another finger inside.

"Do you feel this?" I asked. He moaned in reply, sending a wave of heat to my neglected erection. I wasn't sure if I could wait much longer, but I wanted him to decide the pace. This was for him, all for him. I fell down on top of him while still working my fingers inside his channel. My hips were rotating on their own, pushing us both deeper into the mattress.

"You're a tease, Cal." He sounded out of breath.

"Am not."

I saw how he opened his eyes—how they smoldered with passion. From one moment to the next, I was the one pushed down into the mattress. He sat down across my hips, taking both our cocks in his hand.

"I thought I was..." I didn't get any further until he lined me up and began to sit down.

Oh my fuck. I wanted to cry out as my erection drowned in his heat. His grip around me was so tight that I forgot how to breathe.

Ayden leaned down over my ear. "You like it?"

"Yes. You're..."

He pushed down even further until I was fully sheathed inside. The feeling was indescribable, so different from everything I had felt before. His muscles squeezed the life out of me, pulling and coaxing until I lost my concept of time.

Then, just like that, the heat disappeared. I was about to whine at the loss of contact when his lips touched mine.

"Your turn," he whispered.

This time, I didn't hesitate. I needed to be inside of him—to feel that connection.

He crashed down on his back, spreading his legs as I nestled in between them. His hands grabbed my hips, giving me that last push to brave my way inside. Seeing him beneath me spurred my pace, transforming my need into steady movements.

"Yes. Finally," he moaned, eyes rolling back as I drove us deeper and deeper into pleasure.

Those simple words turned my desire into a fucking red reality and I could barely breathe for the intensity of it all; I couldn't hear for the sounds of my beating heart. I knew exactly what he meant, but I didn't have it in me to reply. His skin slapped against mine, and each time the sound made my erection ache with need.

I spiraled out of control, crying out as I felt him throb around me—his chest coated in white while I lost my load inside. The orgasm tore through me like a storm, burning in my core until I couldn't see. I wasn't aware of anything but that feeling of complete satisfaction until I crashed on top of my boyfriend.

He kissed my neck and jaw. "Thank you...I think I needed that," he said.

"Me too...fuck, that was amazing."

He nuzzled closer. "It was perfect."

A few seconds of peace settled around us. But a slight twinge of worry trickled over my skin.

"How do you feel?" I asked, hoping he would understand the question.

"Healed." From the corner of my eye, I saw him smile one of those rare smiles that told me that he was okay. We would be okay, we just had to stick together.

A/N Thank you for reading. This is the heavily revised version of this novel, and although it's considerably shorter than the original, I believe it's a better representation of the kind of story I wanted to write to begin with. I will, most likely, revise it again in the future to expand on some things that I couldn't fit into this version. If you continue reading Volatile you will notice a big jump between the two novels. You'll just have to deal with it ;) 

Lots of love, Avy