Repeatedly Repenting.

ٱﻟﺘَّٰٓﺌِﺒُﻮﻥَ ٱﻟْﻌَٰﺒِﺪُﻭﻥَ ٱﻟْﺤَٰﻤِﺪُﻭﻥَ ٱﻟﺴَّٰٓﺌِﺤُﻮﻥَ ٱﻟﺮَّٰﻛِﻌُﻮﻥَ ٱﻟﺴَّٰﺠِﺪُﻭﻥَ ٱﻻْءَﻣِﺮُﻭﻥَ ﺑِﭑﻟْﻤَﻌْﺮُﻭﻑِ ﻭَٱﻟﻨَّﺎﻫُﻮﻥَ ﻋَﻦِ ٱﻟْﻤُﻨﻜَﺮِ ﻭَٱﻟْﺤَٰﻔِﻈُﻮﻥَ ﻟِﺤُﺪُﻭﺩِ ٱﻟﻠَّﻪِ ۗ ﻭَﺑَﺸِّﺮِ ٱﻟْﻤُﺆْﻣِﻨِﻴﻦ

"Those that turn (to Allah) in repentance; that serve Him, and praise Him; that wander in devotion to the cause of Allah,: that bow down and prostrate themselves in prayer; that enjoin good and forbid evil; and observe the limit set by Allah;- (These do rejoice). So proclaim the glad tidings to the Believers."
(Aaya 112 , Surah Tuaba)

❤Reform My Dead Heart❤

Oh Allah reform my dead heart ,

Oh my Lord , grant it a fresh start.

Years ,months, days , are swiftly moving by ,
Yet I still disobey ,The Great Being of the sky.

Of life , I have no garantee ,
Yet from sin, I do not flee.

How astonishing I am, I know the joys of this world is just meagre,
Yet still, for the enjoyments of this world I am eager.

Despite my sins being so filthy ,
I still do not feel extremely guilty.

Oh Allah reform my dead heart ,
Oh my Lord , grant it a fresh start.

Despite having knowledge of the hereafter , for these worldly temptations I still fall,
Not realising , in my grave , they will not benefit me at all.

Signs of the last day , become more and more evident,
Drawing closer is the day, every creation will be present.

This heart  has blackened , now filled with evil and darkness,
I wish it to be replaced with your love, shinning with brightness.

This heart is like a loose leaf , that sways with the breeze of the wind , unlike  like the firm mountain ,
Oh My Beloved Allah, grant me the guidance to follow your Beloved , so that I may drink from his صلى الله عليه وسلم s fountain.

Oh Allah reform my dead heart ,
Oh My Lord Grant it a fresh start .

(Jawhariy)

*Back to the present*

The cosy room was dimly lit by the side lamp, giving the room a warm glow. Safwa restlessly tossed from side to side, unable to fall into a comforting sleep. Her past memories had occupied her mind  and sleep had been long forgotten.

Frustrated she finally got out off bed, headed to the bathroom and performed wudhu, the cold water refreshing and calming her down.
She placed the prayer mat onto the ground and commenced with two rakaats Saalatu Tauba.

When her mind would go back down memory lane, recalling all the unpleasant memories, she didn't want to remember, she would perform Salaah, asking Allah Ta'allah for forgiveness. She would cry and repent to her Lord, lighting up the night with her worship. She would find peace and contentment in her heart, when coversing with her Rabb.

An awkward silence filed the kithen , only the clanking of glass dishes , the occasional sips of tea and coffee , and the scraping of Safwa's spoon against the bottom of the bowl , could be heard, as she ate her yoghurt in silence.

Her family never ate any of their meals in silence, but everyone had just been in silnet mode since yesterdays incident, and Safwa knew this was the calm before the storm.
Corresponding to her thoughts, her father broke the tense silence, only increasing Safwa's tension, her heart began beating eratically in her chest. She didn't understand why she was getting so nervous, when she did nothing wrong.

"Why was that boy with you yesterday ?", her father  scanned
her face intently, searching for some answer.

Safwa tried to keep a neutral expression, she simply shrugged, indicating  she didn't know, but  that was not good enough for her father, he was not done with his interogation as yet.

"I hope you have no contact whatsoever with that boy, how dare he have guts to even look at you !" Her father raised his voice, causing Safwa's already thudding heart, to beat even faster.

"I don't know why he was there daddy, and no I don't speak to him for a very long time now, it's been a few years actually", she answered confidently. Shaakir nodded in agreement .

"I hope so Safwa, I hope you are speaking the truth, I trust you, so don't break this trust and remember even though your brother, mother or I may not be around at times, Allah is always watching, you cannot hide anything from Allah. Safwa nodded, she sighed and resumed eating her yoghurt.

She lazed around on the couch , too lazy to do anything , she scrolled through Instagram , randomly liking pictures and quotes, then browsed through her library on Wattpad , searching for an interesting book , to occupy her time.

Her brother had gone out with his friends and her parents had gone shopping. She didn't feel like leaving the house, so she decided to stay behind and now she was bored out of her mind.

She heard a loud knock on the door , causing her to jump up, frightened by the sudden sound. Calming her thumping heart, she got up and yelled to the unknown person.
"I'm coming, just give me a minute"

Saying that she sprinted to her room, she grabbed  the first abaya, her eyes set on, wrapped a random scarf on her head and raced down the stairs. By the time she reached the front door, she was panting. She opened the door without checking who stood outside and the person that greeted her was the last person she expected to see ....

Her eyes widened in shock , her body froze and her heart began thumping once again. She swallowed her anger, inhaled, trying  to calm herself down, then spoke in a shaky voice.

"What do you want from me ?"

All she got in return was a smirk, that she felt like pinching off that face, she hated it when she was angry and people found it amusing.

"Go away !", she raised her voice a little.

"Huh uh, I will come in whether you like it or not! "

"Why you ....you.....idiotic,  air head"

" Move aside princess "

She glared at the person, daring him to try and enter her house, without her consent, but when he took two steps forward, her confidence frizzled away and she took a step back, now mentally slapping herself for staying alone at home. If her parents walked in now, they would get the wrong impression of her once again and she would be doomed.

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Assalamualaykum. An early update for all my lovelies ! 😘

🌊🌊🌊Waves of love

Jawhariy 💙