Late Night

"Live by choice, not by chance.
Make changes, not excuses.
Be motivated, not manipulated.
Work to excel, not compete.
Choose to listen to your inner voice, not the jumbled opinions of everyone else."
(Unknown)

After Safwa sprinted from the car, she changed into comfortable pyjamas, splashed her cheeks that were flaming due to anger. She wasn't allowed to go to the beach after ten , unless she was with somone , and all she needed now was alone time, so she decided to sit in the balcony , her second favourite place after the ocean, she could still got the view of the ocean from there. She decided to wait there until everyone in the house went to sleep, then she would sneak out. She never did sneak out but, she needed to just be alone , and gather her thoughts.

She sat on the chair , pulling her long sleeves over her hands , the breeze had a bit of a chill , it caused her to shiver slightly but, she ignored it , not in the mood to put on a jacket. She pulled her knees to her chest , and just stared at the dark ocean. She didn't cry , she just felt empty, upset that her brother would bring up the topic of another boy , why was he in such a hurry ? Couldn't he wait ? Why did he want to get her married in such a hurry ? She was sure she was the only one kept in the dark , she was positive that her whole family knew about this, they were all in this together , and she was left out once again !

She heard shuffling behind her but,didn't bother to turn around, she already knew it's Shaakir. He cleared his throat trying to get her attention but, she didn't flinch. He sighed , then sat down on the chair , alongise her own. She stared ahead , completely ignoring him.

After a few moments of silence, he spoke softly.
" I'm really sorry Safwa. Please don't be upset , you have been in such a good mood these past few days Alhamdulillah. Don't let this spoil it"

She didn't reply, she didn't even look at him. Nevertheless he carried on.
" Safwa , it's obvious that you are over Khair , you are twenty now , old enough for marriage . Khair is a really good guy , nobody is forcing you into this , take your time , observe his behaviour, character etc for a while , if you still don't like him, there's no force".

Safwa nodded , still too upset to say anything. Shaakir took this as his cue to leave, he stood up and exited the room but, not before kissing her head.

She sighed in frustration. She didn't want to observe anyone , she didn' t want to even think about marriage now , she just wanted to live her life freely , for a few more years , then she would consider marriage.

She went into her room , pulled on an abaya, grabbed a random scarf and pinned it in place, she slipped on her slippers, not bothering how mismatched her outfit was, she was going for a stroll at night, no one would see her.

She flopped down on her bed, and scrolled through her phone, waiting for everyone in the house to sleep.
She heard her brother's room door close and his light switch off. Trying to be as quiet as possible, she slid out of the room, tip toeing across the passage and to the front door. She slid the key in slowly, steathily turning the key. Once the door unlocked, she practically shot out of the house, she didn't bother locking the door behind her, their apartment was quiet safe.

She took the elevator, a shiver of excitement running through her, this was the first time she was sneaking out of her house and she was kind of excited, more than fearful. It  felt good to be a rebel sometimes. She crossed the now empty street, besides one or two cars here and there. She wound  her arms around her, when the cold wind settled into her bones.

She walked to the beach, noe feeling slightly freaked out, it felt as if though some one was wathing her. She turned around, but saw no one, she shook away the thought, she must be just imagining things.

She sat down on the soft sand , bringing her knees to her chest, she put her chin on her knees, wound her arms around her legs  and she let out the tears that she had been holding back. Her salty tears rolled down her cheeks, glistening under the lights, she put her head down, crying harder. She had no idea why she was even crying, she felt so stupid crying for this, but maybe crying would make her feel a tad bit better.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, she gasped  and stood up immediately turning around. She saw a man giving her a menacing smirk, he looked out of it, he looked terribly drunk.

Ya Allah ! Way to go Safwa , which fool comes to the beach alone at midnight!

She tried to make a run for it, but he was faster than she thought he was. He grabbed her by her wrist, laughing like a maniac.
"Where are you going dear, I just got here !", he slurred, but she heard him.

Her heart thudded in her chest, she started panicking, she knew very well that no one could hear her if she screamed, if she had to scream, he might hurt her even more. She felt a lump forming in her throat, a few tears began dripping onto her cheeks.

The drunk man tskd, he stretched his hand to wipe away her tear, she moved back in fear, but he stepped forward, before she could comprehend what was going on, she saw him falling to the ground, she herself collapsed on the ground, shaken by what could have happened. She began shivering uncontrollably.

She felt a jacket being wrapped around her, when she looked up, she sighed in relief and felt a bit awkward. Khair towered over her, a look of concern on his face. He never looked at her directly before, he always lowered his gaze , she felt abit uncomfortable , she squirmed under his worried gaze. He noticed she was squirming  and immediately dropped his gaze , muttering Astagfirullah.

"Are you crazy to come out at this part of the night , alone ! ", he raised his voice and Safwa flinched. She had never seen him angry since the time she met him.

" Thank Allah I decided to come out for a walk myself , Allah alone knows what would happen if I hadn't shown up !", he balled his hands into fists , glaring at the now unconcious man.

" You know, no one forced you into agreeing to accept my proposal , you don't have to upset yourself over this , I will back off  and make sure to book a flight for next week. I'm sorry for doing this to you !"he said softly , raking a hand through his hair.

Safwa sobbed even harder, she pulled the jacket tighter around her and buried her face into her lap . Now she was feeling bad for Khair, he didn't even do anything to her, but she was not even giving him a chance.

"I'm sorry", Khair sighed. He should have just kept quiet, yet it hurt when she ran off , like he was the most disgusting thing to her. He honestly came along with his cousin to enjoy a holiday, he had no idea they all had this in mind. Shaakir had told him about it , three days after her arrived, evenrsince he had been observing Safwa , although she was always smiling , he noticed the distant look she had , when she thought no one was looking. When he went out with Shakir a few times , and they had returned at night, he had seen her siting on the balcony ,deep in thought. He wondered what it was that she always sat deep in thought about, and he had this urge to make her feel better, but that was not possible they were not mahrams.

"Come on let's go home. " she nodded, following him silently.

When they reached the front door ,  her head dropped down in shame.
"Jazakillahu Khairan . I'm sorry for running out of the car like that , it's not easy to move on when you already hurt once."

Confused by what she said , he replied. "It's okay ,no problem. Just be careful next time."

"Insha Allah ", she opened the door and headed to her room , not uttering another word. He walked in, locking the door behind him. He walked to Shakir's room, as slowly as queitly as he could , he opened the sliding door , slipping into the balcony. He stood against the railing , wondering what she meant by what she said earlier. He raked his hand though his hair ,wishing he could do something to soothe whatever pain she was going through.

He heard a sniffle , he turned to his left and saw her sitting on her balcony , hugging her knees , his jacket still wrapped around him. He smiled at that ,then quickly looked away. He was being a compete creep now, invading her privacy.

He looked up at the moon , with a supplication in his heart.
Ya Allah I do not want to disobey you , and do anything haraam , the only way out of this is Nikaah , please soften her heart. If we are not meant to be , grant us both someone better.