Songs for this chapter are:

Control- Kevin Garrett

A Change of Heart- The 1975

Closer- Kings of Leon

When I open the apartment door, I'm met by the thick scent of vanilla. Either Tessa has gone overboard on the body spray again, or someone's baking. I'm all so familiar with the smell of baking; it's just been a while since I've smelled my mom's homemade sugary heaven. My childhood home was always full of the best smells, warm chocolate chip cookies, flaky maple squares.

I toss my keys onto the wooden entry table and cringe when my Skyhawks keychain chips off a flake of the dark wood. My mom gave me this table when I moved to New York from Washington. It was a gift from my grandma and she holds anything associated with her late mother above nearly everything else and the poor woman doesn't have much left, especially after Hardin shattered an entire cabinet full of cherished dishes. She didn't even have this table, but my aunt sent it to me as a house warming gift.

My grandma was a lovely woman, my mom tells me. Though I only have one memory of the woman, I agree. I was about six at the time and she caught me stealing a handful of peanuts from a massive barrel at the grocery store in town. When she looked up into the rearview mirror to find out what was keeping me so quiet, I had a mouth and pocket full of peanuts in the backseat of her station wagon. I don't remember why I stole them, or if I even understood what I was doing, but when she turned around to check on me in the backseat, she found me cracking open shells and chomping away. When she slammed on her breaks I choked on part of the shell. She thought I was faking it, which made her more pissed off.

The insane woman wearing her thick. curly, brown wig and blue eyeshadow on her eyes busted a U-turn right in the center of the highway, ignoring the honks from angry drivers, and drove my butt right back to the store. She dragged me back into the Aldi's on the corner of Pruett and Torrence and made me admit what I had done. I was told to apologize not only to the clerk, but also to the manager. I was humiliated, but I never stole again. Nicolette was her name and she was a tornado compared to the rest of my calm family. She passed away when I was in Middle School, leaving behind two grown daughters, who couldn't be more opposite from one another.

            My aunt Reese is a cop's widow with big blonde hair to hold her abundance of opinions. I always liked being around her and her husband, Jeb, before he passed away.  She was funny and snorted when she laughed and he always gave me hockey trading cards when I saw him. I remember wishing he would've been my dad a few times.

To this day, I remember the gut wrenching screams of Reese through the hallways of our small ranch style house and the way my mom's face was so pale, and her hands shook while told me, "everything is fine, go back to bed sweetheart."

Jeb's death turned everyone upside down, especially Reese. She nearly got her home foreclosed on because she was just that sad, she had no interest in life, let alone pulling out a checkbook to write a check from an account full of blood money from her husband's life insurance.

            She wasn't cleaning, cooking, or dressing herself. She always took care of her children though. The toddlers were bathed and groomed, little round bellies that proved she put her children above anyone else. Rumor has it that Reese gave all the money from Jeb's death to his oldest daughter from a previous marriage. I've never met her, so I couldn't tell you if she's better off or not.  My mom's the same way as Reese when it comes to parenting, she has always made sure I am taken care of before anyone, including herself.

My aunt Reese has only visited my mom once since we moved to Washington, but a phone call does wonders for this type of thing. Reese and my mom were close their entire lives, growing up only two years apart from one another. My grandma's death didn't seem to affect Reese the same way it did my mom. My mom dealt with her death with a gentle approach and a lot of baking. It was hard on her, and this table that I just scratched is the only thing the two sisters have left from their mother.

Bad son, I am.

            "Hello?" Tessa calls from the kitchen, interrupting the picture burst of little Yoda's swimming around in my head.

I bend down to unlace my shoes before I step onto the spotless old wooden floors. Tessa spent all of last week polishing the floors in our apartment and I learned quickly not to wear my shoes on the floor for a while. For every footprint, I swear she spent twenty minutes on the floor with the little polisher tool in her hand.

            "Hello?" she repeats, her voice closer now. When I look up, Tessa is standing a few feet from me. "You scared me," she says, her eyes meeting mine.

            She's been so nervous since someone broke into the apartment next door last week. She doesn't say it much about it, but I can tell by her nervous glance to the door every time the creaking hallway aches under someone's shoe.

            Tessa's wearing a WCU t-shirt and her black legging-pant-things are covered in what appears to be flour.

"You okay?" I ask her.

The dark hollows under her eyes are evidence of the cries I heard from her room last night.

            "Yeah, of course," she smiles, shifting her feet. "I'm baking, so that's good," her voice turns to a quiet laugh. "Nora is here too, in the kitchen," she adds, pointing toward the kitchen.

            My brain skips past the second part of her sentence for now.

"My mom would be proud," I smile at her and toss my jacket on the arm of the chair.

Tessa eyes it, but decides to let this one slide. Aside from the cleaning, she's a great roommate. She spends a lot of time here when she's not working and I like her company. She's my best friend and she's not in the best place right now.

            "Yes!" Sophia- Nora yells from the kitchen. Tessa turns her head toward the kitchen and she rolls her eyes. She keeps getting onto me about calling Sophia, Sophia. By now I know that her friends call her Nora and she doesn't like to be called Sophia, but since they waited to tell me this until I had already memorized her as Sophia. I'm working on mastering the request. Slowly.

            "Thank god," Tessa's eyes roll dramatically and I follow her into the kitchen.

The vanilla scent grows stronger with each step. Tessa walks straight to the small island in the kitchen. At least ten baking pans are stacked on top of one another on the small space.

"She must have gotten this batch right." Tessa lets me in on their reason for celebration.

            "We took over your kitchen," Nora tells me.

Her green eyes catch mine for a moment before she looks over at the mess. She's standing in front of the small cart we call an "island" because we may not have a Park Avenue penthouse fully equipped with a chef's kitchen, but we improvise.

            I try not to stare at the streaks of purple icing smeared on the chest of her black shirt. The shirt is pretty tight, stretched out of her breasts and the purple icing is so bright.

Look away, Landon.

Don't be rude.

I look down at the purple mess in front of her, except it's not a mess. It's a four-tier cake, painted purple and covered in big purple and white flowers. The center of the icing flower is yellow, dusted with glitter. The cake looks almost fake because of how detailed the icing is. The candy flowers look as if they actually smell, and before I realize what I'm doing, I lean down and take a whiff.

            A small giggle sounds from Nora and I look up at her. She's watching me like I'm animated. She's really very beautiful. The high angles of her cheekbones make her look like a goddess. She's exotic looking, her tan skin and light brown eyes that catch green when the light hits them just right. Like right now. God, she's beautiful. Her hair is so dark, it's shining under the buzzing light in the ceiling. I need to fix that light. Someone knocks at the door of the apartment. Tessa moves to answer it.

            "It's so pretty, right?" Tessa asks me, nudging Nora's hip with her spatula.

Tessa is smiling when she leaves the kitchen to answer the door. I'm happy to see her smiling.

            Nora blushes and turns her chin down. She hides her hands behind her back.

            "Indeed it is." I agree with her.

            Reaching over, I cup my fingers and lift her chin. She gasps, full lips opening under my touch. My spine tingles when she jerks away. Whyyyy, oh why, did I just touch her like that? I'm an idiot.

And embarrassed.

An embarrassed idiot.

This seems to be a reoccurring theme when she's around. In my defense, she started the random touching the other day when she touched my naked stomach.

Nora's eyes are still on me. A touch of boredom is there, hidden behind the pride of her edible creation. I get the feeling that it takes a lot to please this woman.   

"What?" she calls me out for staring at her.

            I shrug. "Nothing."

I lick my lips and her eyes scan my face, resting on my mouth.

Her energy is kinetic, there's something insanely electric about this woman. Before my thought can finish, she's crossing the space between us and has her hands behind my neck. Her mouth is warm and her kiss is unforgiving as she slides her tongue over mine. I fight the urge to pull away out of surprise and I let the kiss soak into me. Nora's hands are moving from my neck now.  Her hands are small, but not dainty in the least. She has long, crimson nails now. She must change the polish on them a lot. Her hands are sprawled out, rubbing against the tight muscles on my chest.  Kissing, teasing, kissing.

Kissing her is like touching hot wax. The brisk burn of surprise stings, but the burn quickly fades into the opposite, transforming into something else entirely, something softer. My hands find her hips and I push her body against the counter.

She releases soft moans, her teeth bite at my bottom lip. My body responds to hers before I can stop it. I try to take a step back so I won't be pressing my arousal into her, but she's not having it. She grips the top of my sweats and pulls me flush against her soft body. She's swearing a tight shirt, and even tighter leggings. I know she can feel every inch of me pressing against her.

"My god," she breathes into my mouth.

I sigh into her. She pulls away and instantly, I feel a pang of emptiness and the roar of one thousand wings flapping inside my chest.

Her red fingernail taps me on the tip of my nose and she smiles at me, cheeks red and lips swollen from my mine.

            "Well, that was unexpected," her hand covers her mouth and she pinches her bottom lip between her thumb and forefinger.

            Unexpected?

You think so?

            I play cool, leaning against the counter. I rest my elbows on the cold stone and try to think of something intelligent to say. My body is still humming, silent electricity courses through my veins and she looks like completely unaffected. What is that about? Was she just entertaining herself

            I decide to be bold, like her. At least for a moment.

"Why did you kiss me?" I question.

She watches me, eyes tightening, and takes a deep breath. The bottom of her shirt is pushed up slightly, caught on the tan curve of her hip. She's distracting me in every way.

            "Why?" she asks, seeming genuinely puzzled.

Her hair escapes from behind her ear and she forces it back. Her neck is exposed, begging for my lips to cover her skin. "Didn't you want me to?"

            "Yeah, I did." I sound desperate.

"No, I didn't." I sound rude.

            I struggle with the right answer. It's not that I wanted her to kiss me.  On the other hand, I didn't not want her to kiss me. I'm confusing myself so I know if I try to explain it to her, it will be an even bigger jumbled mess.

Suddenly, she looks bored again and I watch as the heat around her fades into a warm blur. I blew it.

"You should come out with me and my roommates tonight." Nora changes the subject instantly.

Okay...

Part of me wants to continue the conversation about the kiss and find out why she kissed me in the first place, but I figure that she clearly doesn't want to talk about it, so I wont push it. I'm trying to learn how to adult.

It's getting easier each month, but sometimes I forgot that the need for immediacy is only something that young people desire. If we were teenagers, her kissing me would automatically make us committed to each other in some way, but adult dating is so, so much more complicated than that.

It's a rubix cube, a much slower, complicated process. It's usually like this, through your friend from work you meet someone, you hit it off, you go on a date, two dates, five dates before you have sex, twelve dates before you start sleeping over on a regular basis, a year before you move in together, another two you get married. You buy a house, a baby follows.

Sometimes the last two are reversed, but most of the time that's how it goes. Ideally, at least. Not for people like Hardin and Tessa, who clearly didn't Google the Sparknotes of Dating 101 and moved in together within five months of meeting.

"Is that a no?" she presses. I shake my head, trying to remember what we were talking about.

Her roommates... Oh yeah, going out with her roommates.

I look at her. She's tall. Well, she looks taller now. Why can't I stop thinking and speak?

"Where will you be going?" I ask.

"I don't know yet honestly."

She pulls her cellphone out of her back pocket and swipes her finger over the screen.

"Let me ask. We have this group chat that I usually ignore because it's mostly just three horny chicks spamming pictures of hot, naked men."

I laugh.

"Sounds like my kind of chat." I immediately recoil and watch as humor fills her eyes. Why won't my mouth just stay closed around her? I need a filter for my lame remarks. Though I suspect, if I couldn't say anything embarrassing around her, I wouldn't have much to say. 

"Well then..." she laughs. My awkwardness is drowned out by the sound. It's light, like she doesn't have a care in the world. I want to hear the sound again.

"Sometimes I try too hard." I admit, laughing with her.

            She tilts her chin up at me.

"You don't say?" Her lips are pouty now, testing me. It's like they are begging me to kiss them again.

            Her phone starts to play the theme song from a show I immediately recognize. "Parks and Rec? I didn't think you were the type," I tease her.

I loved that show until the Internet stole it from the actual fans and turned it into a cool, meme worthy thing that I can't wrap my mind around. She quickly ignores the call.

            The phone starts ringing again and Nora immediately swipes to ignore again. I consider asking her about it, just to make sure she's okay. I can't help it. It's become some sort of habit of mine, making sure everyone is okay. Before I butt into Nora's business, Tessa walks back into the kitchen followed by a young man wearing a red work vest and utility belt.

"He's here to fix the garbage disposal." She explains. The man smiles at me.

            "We have a garbage disposal?"

This is news to me. Both women look at one another and do that thing where women use their eyes to say, "Oh men!" like back in the fifties. I do help with dishes, I load them. I scrub them. I dry the silverware if Tessa doesn't beat me to it, so I'm not just a dumb dude who doesn't know there's a garbage disposal because I'm lazy, I just hadn't noticed it.

Nora grabs her phone from the counter. It's lighting up like it's ringing again, but she must have switched it to silent. Her eyes close and she sighs. It's an exhausted sound.

             "I better go," she announces, her eyes move back down to her phone.

She shoves it into the pocket of her jacket hanging on the back of the chair. She lifts her arms into her jacket and her shirt pulls up in the front. I move to help her and hold the coat behind her as she maneuvers into it. The repairman takes notice of Nora, watching her as she hugs Tessa and then kisses me on the cheek.

Something hot and a tad bitter bubbles inside of me as he stares at her ass. He's not even trying to hide his obvious interest in her ass. Not that I blame him for wanting to look, but come on, be a little respectful.

            Nora gives me a wave and says, "I'll text you when I know where we're going!"

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't interested, and just a tad worried that she won't actually text me. I don't know how many options she has lying around. I don't know my competitors stats. Oh lord, I'm comparing dating to sports. Again. I've come to the conclusion that it's not that much different, but I'm better off looking at it from a different angle.

            When Nora is gone, Tessa looks like a little chipmunk that has just found a loot of nuts hidden under a leaf.

"What was that about?" She nosily asks. I'm so used to her intrusiveness, it doesn't bother me.

I run my hand over my chin, tugging slightly at the hair growing there. I lift my hands up in defense. "I have no freaking clue, she just kissed me. I didn't even know she knew my name-"

"She what!" Tessa shrieks. This little sip of gossip is enough to keep Tessa Young going for days. I'll definitely hear about this later.

The repairman cocks his head to the side like he's listening to a daytime drama. He could at least be subtle about it. Then again, if I fixed appliances all day, I would want some comedic relief or some kind of entertainment to make the long hours tick by just a little faster, to make my day a little brighter. Like adding a little splash of color to a black and white painting.

"I didn't know either! Well, I know she knew your name," Tessa says, being as literal as ever.

"I don't know. I'm just as confused as you."

When I look back to Tessa, something is off in the way she's looking at me, like she's trying to hide her disapproval. I'm not sure what to think of that. I haven't got a clue what to think any of this.

            Instead of indulging in gossip that may or may not be worth it, I tighten the drawstring on my sweats and head toward the door.

            "We aren't done here, Landon Gibson!" Tessa shouts after me.

            I close the apartment door behind me and nearly run into a man in the hallway, but I move just in time. He was awfully close to the door, the stranger.

(Author's note: I'll be updating tomorrow, friday, and Saturday :) I have some giveaways coming on my Anna Todd app this week , so check there to win signed copies of After and Before :)