Songs for this chapter are:

Listen to these songsssssss 

Pushing Away- Kevin Garrett 

Control- Kevin Garrett 

Lights Low- RKCB

..

Landon's POV.

Nora is quiet in the Uber and I feel lighter than before. Even after saying an awkward goodbye to Stausey and her husband, I felt better somehow. A sense of relief came to me with each word I told Nora on the roof. There's less for us to climb over now that we've torn down some of the wall between us. It's still there, but relationships aren't simple. The more I get to know Nora, the more I realize mine and Dakota's relationship was too much for our age. We fell into a comfortable pattern of dependence and no matter what happens, I will always be here for her. Nora seems to have a better understanding of this now.

Now that I've shared the worst day of my life with her, I feel closer to her. Why is that that it takes pushing my pain onto her for us to feel closer? Pain shoudn't be something we feel better sharing. Pain is supposed to be dealt with in solidarity, isn't it?

Hell, I don't know. Even though I think about that day often, I haven't lived through the entire night in a long time. Carter's death had the biggest influence on who I grew up to be. It changed everything I thought I knew about loss and love and pain. I knew nothing about pain or suffering until I held Dakota's thrashing body down on cold linoleum floors while they dragged her brother's still body out of his bedroom. They had to give her a shot to get her body to calm.

She slept in my bed that night, curled up to my chest and I could feel her heart breaking every time she woke up and realized it wasn't a nightmare. Her brother was gone. Dakota's dad Dale was no where to be found. Though I was sure we looked hard enough, we would find him at a bar.

Nora keeps shuddering in my arms and now I'm not sure if telling her was a good idea, or not. I could have told a less detailed version, I suppose. I wish the memories from that day would fade. I keep waiting for that to happen, but it hasn't yet.

The further we drive from Manhattan, the more distance I feel between Nora and I. Whatever happened on that roof definitely brought us closer, but the darker it gets, and the further we get from the glimmering island of Manhattan, will we be able to keep this going? Will the darkness make it easier to hide from each other?

"I'm sorry about tonight," Nora finally says when we get to my building. She unwraps her limbs from mine and slowly climbs out of the car. The quiet night of Brooklyn has penetrated our Manhattan bubble.

"It wasn't all bad," I shrug, trying to make her feel a little better.

I can tell by her expression that she isn't buying it. She doesn't say anything as we step onto the sidewalk. "Do you want to come up?" I ask her. I realize that I assumed she would and didn't ask her if she intended to.

She nods and I reach for her hand.

"You haven't answered my calls all day," Dakota's voice cuts through the darkness. Nora drops my hand.

Dakota stands up from the ledge she was sitting on. She has a leaf in her hand and she's picking at them, dropping pieces to the sidewalk beneath her.

"What are you doing here, Dakota?" I ask her, my voice calm. I would love for the three of us to be able to have a civil discussion out here on my sidewalk. A group of young guys walks into the store below my apartment and I look behind the counter. Ellen is working, alone it seems. I watch them, while watching the two women in front of me. Nora is standing slightly behind my back, not looking at Dakota. Dakota is standing in place, her fingers still picking at the leaf. I wonder if Nora sees Dakota in a different light now, perhaps she will understand her a little more?

My eyes take in both women and I find my memories are mixing with reality. I was just in the past with a broken, sobbing Dakota and now here she stands, hands on hips, hair and attitude as wild as ever. She doesn't look broken anymore, does that mean she isn't?

Surely not, Tessa doesn't look broken, but she's falling apart, tearing at the seams.

"I tried to call you all day." Dakota's voice is so quiet, but loud enough for me to hear the edge beneath them. "This is my second time coming by here. I was just leaving," Dakota stares straight at Nora. "You were supposed to tell me about Michigan."

Michigan! How could it have slipped my mind?

"How's he doing?" I ask, trying to gather an answer in my head.

"The same. Since you were ignoring my calls," Dakota's eyes dart to the ground. She looks like the words pain her. "I'm going to assume that's a no. You could have just told me no."

And there's the guilt. Do I deserve it? I can't decide.

Sometimes situations arise where black and white aren't so clear you grasp for the right answer, wishing the gray didn't exist. This is one of those moments for me. I'm a good person, aren't I? I'm a loyal friend and a stand up citizen. I help women pick up their groceries and I once turned in an envelope full of cash, forty dollars to be exact, to the police in Saginaw. I've never considered myself to be one of those people who find pleasure in causing other's pain. I've never had to doubt my intentions or consider the fact that maybe I'm not so perfect.

The thought is a weird one. This entire time I was judging all the guys around me, all the guys who cheat on their girlfriends and betray their friends, thinking of them as the scum of the earth, and I'm somehow better?

I've lied to Dakota's face about Nora. I slept with Nora and I don't think I ever even thought about telling Dakota. I would normally think this wouldn't be her business, but why wouldn't it? She's a big part of my life and she trusts me, yet I was going to keep Nora hidden from her? And to make it worse, I have been hiding Nora away like a dirty little secret while making her feel bad for not telling me about her past?

I'm not the good guy, the nice friend. I've turned into the manipulative Gamemaker. Whether it was my intention or not doesn't change the reality. I could have just told Dakota no, or yes, instead of ignoring her calls all day while her dad is dying! What is wrong with me? Is this what dating someone is? Losing touch with reality at the expense of everyone else?

That's doesn't seem fair. Or worth the hassle.

"I'm sorry. I should have answered when you called," I start, not able to keep my eyes from peering at Nora, then back to Dakota. "It's been a long night."

I don't catch on to how insensitive my comment was until the words have had a few seconds to marinate in the stiff air.

"Well, I'm sorry to interrupt your long night." Dakota's teeth are bared. "I'm flying out in the morning. Your aunt Reese is picking me up from the airport and dropping me off at the hospital."

At the mention of my aunt Reese, my chest aches. I miss her. She was a sense of normalcy during my entire childhood. Her and my uncle Jeb are two of my favorite people. Well, were. When Jeb was alive.

"I'm sorry, Dakota." I take a step toward her and her voice interrupts me.

"Go with her."

It's Nora's voice.

I turn around to face her. I must have heard her wrong. Her eyes are sad when she looks at me. "Go with her, Landon."

"What?" I whisper and put my hands on her arms crossed at her chest.

She nods and quietly mouths, "Go with her. It's the right thing to do."

I cock my head to the side, clearly misunderstanding what's going on here.

"I'm serious. Being sad for her doesn't take away what we have. It's the right thing to do."

"Landon can speak for himself." Dakota says, her voice pulled tight by a string.

"I was trying to help you," Nora pushes forward and Dakota moves toward her. I don't know if I can keep the peace tonight. I have no energy to break up a cat fight.

"You two, stop it." I say, pushing my arms out to my sides between them.

Dakota keeps her distance, but doesn't keep her mouth shut. "Maggy has been trying to get ahold of you, too." Dakota narrows her eyes at Nora and Nora shrugs her shoulders.

"And? I don't live there anymore, there's nothing to talk about."

Dakota doesn't seem to like her answer. I look back inside the corner store to check on Ellen. I don't see her behind the counter. I start moving toward the store and Nora grabs onto my sleeve.

"Let go," I snap at her. I rush a sorry from my lips but Nora couldn't have possibly heard it.

When I pull the door open, the guys are checking out. They are loud and the two smallest ones are tossing a candy bar in the air between them. Only one of the boys even notices me approach them. He looks at me, but doesn't seem to care that I'm there.

When I look out the door I see Dakota and Nora talking at a close distance. Neither of them appears to be shouting, this is a good start.

"How much is this?" One of the boys asks Ellen. His voice is deep for a teenager and I think they have been in here long enough. Ellen is bagging a small bag of Doritos, oblivious and moving efficiently. She takes a ten-dollar bill from one of the boys and makes him change.

"I gave you a twenty," he looks down at the five in his hand. He bought a Mountain Dew, of course, and the bag of chips.

"You gave me a ten." Ellen says, her tone flat. She turns her head like she's trying to make sense of what's happening. I can see her questioning herself.

I speak up from behind the boys. "She gave you a ten. Now pay and get out." I tell them.

Slowly, (good thing this isn't a videogame because I would have them all on the floor by now) they turn around and look me up and down. The smallest one tugs on the sleeve of the biggest one and I get a good look at these kids. The closer I look at their clothes, their clean shoes and clean nails, I hear Dakota's voice behind me.

"Get the fuck out," she says, not yelling, not even blinking. "Whatever dumb shit you're thinking about doing is going to change the rest of your life. If you want to have one, walk away."

The crowd of pre-teens, (the oldest can't be a day older than fifteen) clear out, grumbling to themselves as they pass. Dakota doesn't look at them. She's staring at me. I don't know what she's trying to tell me, it's been so long since we've had a wordless conversation. There was a time when we could hold an entire conversation this way. It used to drive Carter crazy when we would gang up on him. The memory makes me laugh. Carter is fresh on my mind tonight and looking at Dakota pains me.

I think back to how she was before. It's hard to put the young version of herself up against the one staring back at me now. It's a confusing thing, to recognize someone so deeply, but feel so disconnected at the same time. Dakota's expression is puzzled when I force my eyes away from her.

I walk over to the counter and approach a confused Ellen. She's straightening out the plastic bags under the register.

"I thought the city voted to outlaw plastic bags?" I ask her.

She shrugs. "Yeah. My dad says paper is expensive." And that's that.

"You have to be careful down here working so late alone. Do you have anything to protect yourself with?" I glance around the back of the counter. Boxes of papers are stacked at her feet, along with an open tool case. Well, I guess she could have used one of those hammers if she had to...

"I'm fine. I'm the only one who can work this late," she justifies. I wish it was as safe for her to work alone at night as it would be for me, but the truth is, that's not the reality.

"Just be careful, okay? And call your dad every time a group of boys comes in like that."

She rolls her eyes, but I believe her when she says that she will. After I tell her goodnight and suggest that she close up for the night, I walk back outside. Just as I step over the doorway, Dakota is in front of me.

"Is she okay?" She asks. I nod, looking over Dakota's head to search for Nora outside.

"Landon, I tried to warn you about Nora. I know you won't believe me, but she's been lying to you from the beginning," Dakota's voice is rushed and I can feel the anger radiating off of her. "She knew we were together. She lied to me and to you. She's-"

"Enough," I say, not a drop of hesitation near my voice.

I look at Nora standing alone on the sidewalk, her lips parted, and her shoulders high. She's working hard to keep the flat expression on her face. I can see her concocting all kinds of theories about me and Dakota in her mind. To make it worse, Dakota takes my hands in hers. Nora flinches, but keeps her mouth flat.

"I can't believe you would still see her and bring her to your place when I've been trying to get ahold of you all day. It would have hurt less if you would have just told me. I've had to guess and be an obsessive ex because I get no real answers from either of you. You both have spun a web so intricate that you can't get out."

"Dakota." I say her name, my anger peeping out from behind each letter. "I said that's enough."

"Landon," she squeezes my hands. I pull away. "Ask her about her rich family, about her even richer husband. He-"

Dakota's voice is still going, moving through one hole in my head and out the other. But I can't hear a single word she's saying.

Husband?

"She acted like she didn't have anywhere to go. She did, she has a mansion outside of the city. I've seen it." Scarsdale. My feet sticking out of the sign at the station and her unbothered response when I followed her all the way there. The way she changed her clothes and wouldn't let me follow her.

"Something, something, something," Dakota goes on. Nora is looking up at me and her brows move together. I can feel my face changing, I can see it in her confused eyes.

She's married? Of course she is. What the hell did I get myself into?

(Author's note: eeekkk. I've been waiting SO LONG to reveal this. Ahhh this feels good but also weird not that this is out there. How do you feel??? I've known this for so long and it's been driving me crazy not to be able to talk about it lol. 

How are you guys?? Halloween is here and I'm having the best time ever lol. If your country celebrates, are you dressing up?? I went to two parties last night and I was dressed as the puppy filter on Snapchat! lol. I carried around a yellow sign with the snapchat icon on it lol. Speaking of, my snapchat is annatoddbooks if you are bored and want to follow my randomness lol. Happy Sunday!!