I dried my hands on the towel and headed back to my room, slamming the door behind me unintendedly.

   Trust me Claire.I'll make everything all right. You've got me and I've got you.You better not worry.I'll make it up to you.

    This is what the unceasable optimist from inside me wants to say.But it'll be a bit vague, given to the condition she's in right now.

   I walk out and she's sitting cross legged on the edge of my couch like she's being kidnapped and the first thing she wants to do is run..... just run away.

Her hands are fixed firmly around her on both of her sides.She's looking at the ground.Maybe she's crying.Her dirty blonde hair are fixed in a lose knot and she's lost in thought.Lost in her own world, her own kingdom which just lost it's king.

    I found the courage to speak to her.

   To my surprise, my voice came out more of a distant whisper. I was afraid. I was afraid that she had lost herself.
   
    "Hey! " I just said blanky.

She gave her head the slightest of nods as a reply. She was not in the mood to talk.Not right now.

   "Everything is gonna be alright.Okay?"

    "What? What did you just say. Yeah for sure.... everything IS gonna be ALRIGHT like you've got a magic wand or something  "

     Her voice was dripping with hopelessness ,

"You've always been a optimist.You were smiling when our parents died . I nearly choked.And you were...... SMILING! . For God sake!  You and your damned optimism. "
   
     "Look Claire , I didn't meant...."
    
   "My husband and the father of my only son died . And. And you are confidently saying that everything is gonna be alright.Alright my foot!  "

  I was sad at her pathetic condition.She's never been like this ever before .She didn't deserve it.At the same time I felt happy that maybe she's returning back to her own self. That overprotective and accusing sister I've known for yours. The sister I've loved for years.

  I couldn't find any words to say to her right now.Somehow I mutter,

   " Listen Claire! You can curse me for as long as you want if that comforts you. You can punch me right in my ass if you feel like it.But.....  please! Don't lose hope. He's dead means he's dead.People die everyday in accidents, in car wrecks or plane crashes.And he was destined to die in that plane crash."

    She whimpered at the word "CAR WRECK " .I regret saying that in front of her.I don't want to feel her more bad than this.It still hurts her the same way it did years ago.

  I continue,

    " We can't argue on this.You feel bad for him. That's absolutely natural.You can cry as much as you want, curse me, kick me,punch me but for heaven's sake Claire.....  don't be so pessimistic. It scares the living hell out of me.You know.... "

    I can see her suffering.All I can do is just see her suffer right now. I can't let it be like this. AND I WON'T.

   " I think so I just need to be alone Mike. Just.... "

  Before she could finish her sentence, I gave her a kiss on the forehead. I kiss her with all the hope and passion for life which I want to instill in her. I hope she feels it.

   I know the pain. I know the regret.I've gone through it. All of it. I leave her by herself and just when I closed the door behind me,  I heard her sobbing.

  Maybe she didn't feel my kiss. OR MAYBE SHE CAN'T EVEN.....  FEEL.

  This thought made me cringe.

    I'll make it all alright Claire.... ALL OF IT. 

   I make a silent promise to myself which I'm way more than obvious to fulfill.

     YOU'VE GOT A MISSION MIKE.

      DON'T LET IT BE IMPOSSIBLE.
    

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HI,

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