~Los Angeles,

•10/25 {Wednesday, 1:56 P.M}

~*~ Dorian ~*~

"Why are you here ? " 

She sighed and looked at me with watery eyes, "She didn't deserve to die. She was so young. I miss her so much." She answered me with a low, weak and raspy voice. Matter fact, it sounded a bit like death.

"I'm sorry for not checking up on you after uh...I was just...Uh, I had a lot going on. Sorry."

It was activities and recreation time now and I was happy to finally be able to speak with Herica. Since lunch, I'd been looking at her wondering why she was in the institution too. I had an idea though, but I wasn't sure if it was for it. Now that we were talking, it was confirmed. 

She must haven't taken too well Aria's death and lost her mind. Losing a child is not easy and so heartbroken. I didn't know the little girl for a long time and to know that she was no longer among us affected me deeply in my heart, so I was sure it was even more hurtful for Herica who was her mother. She carried her in her belly for nine months, gave birth to her and then raised and loved her the best way she could. And now, her daughter was gone. 

It was so sad. 

And it made me think about Docia and her personal story. I didn't know everything about it, but the hurt she had in her eyes when she told me the bit of the whole tragedy will forever be anchor in my head. Herica and her were very strong women. My mother was too for witnessing her only son going to jail for the murder of his own father. I definitely had more respect for women. And for men too. Well, for every soldiers out there that are doing their best to make it through the hard days of life.  

"Don't apologize. I can't be mad at you for living. I divorced Charles like you suggested by the way. Plus, just right before we signed the papers, I found out that he was cheating on me with some bitch." She let a little smile appear on the corner of her lips, "I destroyed all his stuff, got the house and some of his money. I used it for..." Her little smile dropped. "My baby's funeral. I didn't invite him though. I'm a very bad person...right ? " She turned her head away from me and licked her lips, watching two persons drawing. 

Only God can judge, "Those poor teenagers." I exclaimed watching them with her. 

She nodded, "Yup...So, how have you been ? Why are you here ? "

I chuckled dryly, "I lost my mind too. I had to get here before to...cause bigger troubles out there and hurt innocent people, and myself. Since how long have you been here though ? It's been two weeks for me and I'd never seen you before."

"Well, if you weren't staring at me I would've never noticed you to be honest with you. I've been so much in my own world these past two months to notice what's going on around me. I came like last month." 

"Is it working for real ? If I'm wasting my time, just let me know please."

She shrugged, "I don't really know. For me..." She trailed off pausing in her sentence, "It did a little. I do feel a lil' better. I don't spend the whole day trying to find a way to physically hurt myself, so I can forget the pain in my heart. Nope. Now, I only do that during half day, usually at night before to fall asleep. But since I'm not thinking about killing myself in my sleep anymore, I would say that I have those thoughts only for four to five hours per day. And it's a progress honestly."

Yes, it was. 

"I'm happy to know that. You're amazing and I'm sure the future only has good things for you. Aria is proud of her mama."

She stayed silent for a couple of minutes chewing on her bottom lip, "If I'm so amazing, why you never gave us a chance then ? "

I was taken by surprise. I wasn't expecting this question when I woke up this morning. I didn't know where she got that from. I really didn't know what to say at the moment. Why was she even bringing that up ? 

"What do you mean ? " I asked confused.

"You know...When I kind of told you that I liked you back in the day and wanted more than sex. Why you never gave us a chance ? Because of that Yanisha girl you and your cousin were always hanging out with ? "

It pinched a little my heart to hear her pronounce the name, "First she's not that Yanisha girl and we were only friends, good friends. Nothing else." 

"Then why ? "

"Because I didn't want a commitment. Why are we even talking about this ? This is in the past."

"And we're in the present, okay. I got it. But uh, are you ready now ? "

"What ? For a commitment ? No, I don't think so. I'm a complete wreck right now. I need to work and focus on myself, my well-being. I can't throw myself in that kind of mess. And maybe that I'll never be ready to be with someone to be honest." While I explained her this, for some reason I had Docia's face presented in my mind. This woman was exceptional and she definitely deserved a man better than me. She was just my therapist and she only cared about me because it was her job, so I didn't know why I believed in my fantasies for a minute. 

"We all need love, I read that somewhere. I think it was a book written by CissyItsMe. We, human beings, are born to love."

"Yeah, but we're born and die alone anyways."

"Okay...I just thought that maybe...Never mind. Dorian, you're a good person and the woman you'll choose to love will be so lucky." She paused as she looked at me intensively. "You know...You treated me better than every man I'd been with, even better than my own father and it got me feeling some type of way. You're the first one who treated me like..." She sniffed, "I felt so important for once."

I put my arms over her shoulders and let her cry on my shoulder. 

~*~ Docia ~*~ 

Two weeks since he got there and I was wondering if he was okay. We couldn't call him and he couldn't call people either, so I didn't know if being there was actually beneficial for him or if he was just wasting his time. Why was I so concerned though ? I sighed as I continued to clean up my office. I couldn't get him out of my mind for some reason. His sad eyes didn't want to quit my brain mainly. It crushed my heart to have seen him so broken and lost. I was happy he came to me instead of doing something stupid though. And it got me more happy when he accepted to get the help he needed at the mental hospital. I thought that he was about to put on a fight, but he didn't. 

"Someone is in looooooove." Yemi walked in singing with a huge smile plastered on her face. She was getting more and more annoying lately. She'd been bugging me about Dorian since that phone call and I was two seconds away to slap the life out of her. 

"Leave me alone. I swear to God..." I took a deep breath giving her a dead glare.

She chuckled, "Okaaaaay ! I'll stop, for now." She placed her purse on the chair where the patients usually sat down, "You need to stop lying to yourself though. Just say it. Repeat after me: I like Dorian. It's not too complicated. C'mon ! "

"I don't like Dorian." I said then rolled my eyes. 

"Yes, you do." 

"Why are you so sure about this anyway ? " I asked putting my hands on my hips. 

"Because of the way you acted during our interesting phone conversation two weeks ago." She answered causing me to roll my eyes a second time.

"And how did I act exactly ? "

"You were denying everything ! BUT didn't sound too convinced by what you were saying. C'mon, it's me ! I'm your best friend, your sister, why are you lying to me ? " She pouted and I sighed angrily. 

"I'm not lying to you ! Stop with that now ! Damn ! " I slapped a file on my desk and groaned in frustration, "It would never work anyways ! " I added sitting on my desk chair. I sighed massaging my temples. She was giving me a headache with that. 

"I knew it ! " She smiled, "What are you so scared of ? You're a wonderful woman and I'm sure he'll be a good man for you."

"If I'm so wonderful, why my husband did...what he did ? Mayb- No, I must've been the problem for him to do this to my son and I...to our family."

"No, you weren't the problem. He was crazy and unfortunately we didn't stop him on time. What happened is not your fault."

"I don't want to involve myself with someone else...It's too much to deal with."

"Please, don't do this. We already had this conversation before. You can't prevent yourself to be happy because of that. You deserve to be happy. I want you to be happy ! And I know you want to be happy also ! Please ! "

"Yes, true, I want to be happy, but I'm scared. What if-"

"No ! When I said that I saw something between you and Dorian, I was talking about sparkles. Those magic sparkles that not a lot of us have the chance to share with the soulmate. Like...You're meant to be, seriously. We don't care about the age difference. At this point the age ain't nothing but a number is applicable."

"But I'm old as hell, why would he want me an-" I stopped abruptly and narrowed my eyes at her, "Why am I even letting you feed me with this bullshit ?! " I stood up and went back to the cleaning. I wanted to get all my stuff at the end of the day. 

"Fine ! Stay an angry and lonely woman ! I was just trying to help you ! "

"I don't need your help, but thanks for coming and now please get out of here ! " 

She grabbed her purse and as she was about to open the door, she turned around and shake her head at me, "Since you don't want him, can I have this awesome young man ? " 

I sighed heavily over with that shit, "Get out ! " I yelled and she left, slamming the door behind her. 

I tapped frantically my right foot as the whole conversation played in my mind. Next thing I know, I was sitting back down on my desk chair and turned my iPad on. I was now typing 'How do you know when you like someone' on Google. 

I'd known Dorian since June, what meant since four months now and every time we hung out together it was mainly for the therapy. We actually only and really hung out when we went to play paintball with Ryver and Yemi. But throughout that whole time, therapy or not,  we did get to know each other a little bit. We even shared some funny moments. And I didn't feel old in his company honestly.

I had met other men before Dorian, but none of them had triggered my curiosity as much as him. I wanted to discover his secrets and go pass the mystery so badly. He was a very attractive person and even if he was angry most of the time I could clearly see that his inside was as beautiful as the exterior. Behind the bad guy there was a sensitive man with a big and genuine good heart. And the little of his personality that I got to know was already a lot compatible with mine. We could go along easily and could both be very stubborn at times. We had the same sense of humour also.  

Whenever I was thinking about Dorian --what usually happened several times during a day-- I could feel something happening to my heart. Was it those butterflies people talk so much about ? And I began to care about him like I would with Ryver and Yemi, who were my family.

"Maybe I like him." 

______________________

Feel free to comment and/or to vote =) 

A/N: What are your thoughts about this chapter ? Does she really like him or not ? Will it work if they try to date ? 

THANKS FOR READING ! 💗

CissyItsMe  💋✌🏾❤️