~Los Angeles,

•06/28 {Sunday, 11:00 A.M}

~*~ Dorian ~*~

I chuckled as Lani was trying to flip the crêpe, but failed and ruined the third one. I shook my head and took the pall out of her hand, "Stop. This is a massacre, you're gonna end by burning someone and since it's only the two of us in here, I don't want to get hurt. Sit down and let me do it." 

She pouted and did as I said while I took over and started to really make some good looking crêpes, "And where did you learn how to cook, sir ? " She asked looking at me. 

"My grandma taught me." 

"Nǎinai ? " 

I sighed feeling that uncomfortable sensation going through my heart. I was missing her and spending time with her. She was a nice and wise woman, who cared a lot for RJ, Kavon and I. Well, for her her family and friends in general. 

Whenever we needed a break from all the adults' bullshit, we asked to go to her house so we could chill with her. She was always welcoming me in her home when my parents had to work --or to do whatever they had to do-- and so couldn't watch me. Often, it was me and her, other times it was RJ, her and I, and sometimes it was the four of us, so my two cousins, her and I. We were always having fun and were learning a lot with her. This strong and beautiful woman was the cause of so many good memories. I was missing her so much.

"No. My other grandma did."

My parents weren't always there for me once I hit four years old --well my father more than my mother though-- but I was lucky to have two awesome grandmas in my life. Nǎinai and Mama Peach. Mama Peach was a wonderful cook and it was out of the equation for her to have children and grandchildren, who didn't know how to manage their way in the kitchen. So, at the age of seven and whenever I was going to her house, we were spending hours cooking, laughing and talking. She unfortunately died shortly after Nǎinai left us. 

Tinking about the both of them was hurting my heart deeply. 

"Are you okay ? Did I do something ? " She questioned slowly standing up. 

I blinked and shook my head, "No...I'm fine..." I cleared my throat as I forced my eyes to stop watering. I couldn't and didn't want to cry while I had a witness standing just next to me. 

She walked towards me with a sad expression on, "I understand you know...I lost my grandmother when I was ten years old and it was six months after I officially met her for the very first time of my life. She was such a positif person...I miss her." 

I let escape a dry chuckle, "You think you understand me, huh ? " I asked amused. Nobody could understand what I was going through. None of them could put themselves in my shoes. Nobody knew what I'd been and was going through. Nobody knew how hard it was to try to make it every single day of my life. 

"Yeah...And I actually do. We're both secretive and misunderstood individuals. We're good at hiding emotions, we don't talk too much and we're...just scared of letting the world see us as we really are, because they might not like us...the real us." She paused and placed a strand of hair behind her right ear, "I know you think it's better to keep things to yourself, because you think it's preventing to cause some issues between you and other people and you simply don't want to deal with everything that come along with all these hiding emotions, but...it won't hurt you to...find someone you could go talk to. It's not good to keep everything inside. I didn't know how harmful it was until I met RJ..."

I put some butter in the pall and then some batter. I put the pall back on the hob, "Where are we going with that ? And we're far to be the same individuals."

"Okay. This is really ridiculous now. I was trying to come to that issue in another way, but..." She threw her hands up shaking her head, "Men and their egos ! This is so stupid. Listen, I shouldn't tell you this, but...I'm tired of all this unnecessary tension." 

"What are you talking about ? " I asked as I flipped the crêpe. 

She sighed finger combing her curly hair, "You and RJ ! He's missing you. He wants y'all to be back to what you used to be in the past. He misses your bond. He wants the old Dorian to come back. Listen...Why don't you make the first step and go talk to him ? I see how it's hurting both of you to not be best friends like you used to."

"Why should I go talk to him ? Why should I be the one making this effort ad not him ? "

"Last time he tried, you wanted to fight him. He decided to give you some space, but now this is getting ridiculous. You two need to talk and let know how each other feel about the whole situation."

I sighed continuing to make the crêpes, over with the conversation. I didn't want to have a heart to heart talk with my little cousin. Last time we got emotional together was the day of our graduation, just before I left to go in prison. And it was seven years ago. After that, we both only had been going with the flow. 

Plus, with these seven years being locked up away, I receded more and more from everybody. I went from that super outgoing person to a quiet and secretive one. Well, actually it was like it since the day I killed my father. But prison then really fucked me up. I even went through a hard phase when I was there; a gloomy one at that. I was always alone, and it became to the point where I closed up on myself completely. 

Four years ago, I lived the most melancholic moment of my life. I had never thought I would've experienced that, but I did. It doesn't always happen to the other people. We are standing at the same level when it comes to certain things in life. 

For four months, I had some periods where I could go from three to five days without eating any food. I even did three days with only drinking ONE glass of water. Most of the time, I was laying somewhere and I was filling my mind with the most negative thoughts I had never had before. When my counselor realized what was occurring with me, they send me to see a therapist after I payed a visit to the infirmary. The guy asked me billion of questions and was trying his hardest to read and help me, but I refused to talk and to let them know what was really going on with me. 

Since I felt like they were bothering me and I was growing tired of them, I forced my body and spirit to feel better. I forced them to deal with my problems without really dealing with the main issue. Yeah, I went through depression and nobody ever knew that. 

It was nobody's fault though...but mine.

During the two months of my 'healing' --so the sessions with the jail therapist-- my family knew they couldn't see me, but they never had the true explanation of why and when they were able to visit me again, I told them that I was in the hole instead of saying the truth. 

The hole was an horrible place to go to. It was a nightmare. It was dark, cold, crazy, frightening and dirty. It was pure hell. A punishment that was making you more regret to ever have put yourself in this position in your life; so to be caught and then let them put you in jail. You were like double locked while you were in there. The food was nastier than the one they were giving at the cafeteria, the bed was uncomfortable and you were in there alone with your dement thoughts poisoning your head. You could hear people screaming and going insane. It was one of the worst experiences I had lived in my whole life. 

I went in the hole three times in total.

The first time I went there because of a fight with another inmate. The dude tried to make me his girlfriend while we were in the shower and since I wasn't letting that happen, I had to fight him. What wasn't easy since he was armed with a dagger. But somewhat and with a lot of luck, he had a moment of distraction and I snatched it out of his hands, after he hurt my left cheek and left a scare on it. When I was about to stab him with the dagger, that's when the guards decided to show up and they broke our fight.

At first, they thought I was trying to kill people in the shower, but surprisedly the other inmates defended me and told them that the bastard tried me and I was only saving my life. But after a time of reflexion, I understood they had done that because it wasn't the first time this nigga was trying to fuck someone in the shower.

But it wasn't enough to fully get me out of trouble, so they though sent me to the hole for fighting. I was so angry about the whole situation that it didn't really affect me to be in this place, plus I stayed in there only during three days. 

The second time I went there was because someone got some drugs in the prison and of course, they had to be under my pillow when they came to inspect my cellmate and I's cell. I really didn't know how it got there and who was the bitch that did that; and I could do anything I wanted to try to exonerate myself, but they weren't hearing me and I was back in the hole three weeks after my first time in there. I stayed one week until they found the real guilty party;  and it's after that that I went through my depression episode.

The third time I was sent to the hole was two years ago when that new female guard tried to have sex with me. I denied her and three days after she tried to persuade me to sleep with her, I was thrown back in the hole. 

When I got out and had my usual meeting with my counselor, I didn't even attempted to defend myself. The bitch said that I tried to rape her, when in reality it was her who couldn't keep her hands off me and understand the word no. 

I didn't see the purpose to say the truth because she was a guard and I was an inmate and when you're an inmate, you're not a human being anymore, but a thing locked somewhere. An animal. They don't care about what you have to say or what are your thoughts. 

You became nothing.

Fortunately, my counselor was cool and saw the masquerade behind all that bullshit and thanks to him I didn't get in more trouble for this stupid story. Plus, the guard was fired shortly after I got out of the hole, for an unknown reason. Four days later, we found out that she was messing around with her boss or was actually his girlfriend --we didn't know exactly. And since they had broken up or whatever, she had to quit the job.

Karma is a bitch.

"Dorian ! " Lani snapped her finger in my face.

"What ? "

"Are y'all going to talk ? " She asked with her hands on her hips.

"I don't know I'll see."

"Do-"

"Oh look, I burnt the food. Damn." I changed the subject of conversation. I didn't want to talk about it any longer. When it'll be the right time, my cousin and I will sit down and express our feelings to each other, but until then, I was perfectly fine with the way things were. Well, not really, but I didn't want to rush things.

"I really don't like seeing you guys going through this." She said with a sigh.

I looked at her and felt bad instantly. Lani was a very carrying person, to the point where she would almost kill herself to make sure that the people she cared for were alright, and I had a lot of respect for her for that. Nowadays, you don't see too much people like that. 

Or I didn't meet enough. 

These past two weeks, Lani and I got to know each other a bit better and I loved what I had discovered about this woman so far. She was beautiful, smart, carrying, funny, a good listener and advisor and she was just the best cousin-in-law I could ever have. Plus, she was making my cousin truly happy and that's what mattered the most. Even if it could get annoying from time to time, I liked seeing them together, with those big stupid smiles on both of their faces you know. They were living a wonderful love story and I was hoping that she was going to stay with RJ...forever. 

I wished them all the happiness they deserved. 

~*~Docia~*~

"Ryver, you can't stay in this room forever." 

"But that's exactly what I'm going to do. Can you leave me alone ? "

"Ry-"

"Please ! Aunt D, I really don't want to talk right now."

I sighed staring at my nephew, who was laying on his back on his bed with tears going down his cheeks. He was hurt, angry and most of all disappointed. He was also sad. Sad that his own father didn't come to his birthday party like he promised him he was going to do. His father told him a lot of crap through the phone these past few months and even if he knew a little how his father was, Ryver believed the lies and had high hopes of spending quality time with his dad on his special day; but it never happened. 

Now, Ryver was twelve years old and totally heartbroken. 

"I'm downstairs with your mother. If you need something, let us know." I said and walked out of his room with a heavy heart. I was feeling down for my nephew and myself also. A date that was important to me was coming up and like every year, I was feeling some type of way because of this. 

"I am so mad right now ! Urg ! I hate him ! I hate him so much ! Why ! Why did he have to do this to my baby ! Our son ! Why ! I hate him so much ! " Yemi ranted while washing the dishes. That was her. Whenever she was pissed off, she had to clean things. It wasn't necessarily calming her down, but it was definitely preventing her to hurt other people, "I swear to God..." She shook her head and smacked her teeth, "I swear, next time I see him, he's a dead man ! "

"Ye-"

"No, don't try to dissuade me ! Girl, I'm sick and tired of his bullshit ! It's always the same thing with him ! Like, just once ! Just once in his life, he couldn't do something for his son ?! We're not asking him millions of dollars ! His son just wants some attention and time ! And I don't understand why my baby boy even have to beg for it, because he deserves it ! That's what a father should do ! Spend fucking time with his damn child ! " She finished by throwing a plate on the wall, breathing heavily as she started to cry in frustration. 

I bit on my bottom lip, letting her calm down. I was going to console her at the right time. Now, she was too angry to have a conversation with me. 

A couple of minutes passed by before I slowly walked towards her and wrapped my arms around her. I then let her cry on my shoulder. 

After all, that's what a best friend is made for. 

___________________________

Feel free to comment and/or to vote =)

A/N: You'll know what happened with Herica and more about Ryver's miserable birthday in the next chapter. But until there, can you tell me what are your thoughts about the story for now ?  Please 😊

THANKS FOR READING ! 💗

CissyItsMe 💋✌🏾❤️