~Los Angeles,

•06/12 {Friday, 8:00 P.M}

~*~ Docia ~*~

"So, how do you feel ? " Yemi asked as we settled in her living room, each one with a cocktail in one hand.

I couldn't believe it.

I was so anxious and my stomach was turning on itself, I felt like I was about to throw up. Was it the best decision to make for me ? Maybe, I was rushing into this and should wait a bit more. Maybe, I should wait to find a love partner at first like I wanted to do to start the procedure. It wasn't a little thing. A child was something very important.Well, someone extremely important. I couldn't take it lightly. I had to be serious.

Well, I was. But maybe I wasn't ready.

Or maybe I was thinking too much and should just go with the flow.

I sighed, "I...I don't know." I took a deep breath and took a sip of my drink. I was so nervous, "This call is about to change my life forever. And...I'm so scared. What if-"

"No, no, no." She shook her head, "Stop with all that. It's gonna be alright. Plus..." She started chewing on her bottom lip, "...It's not like you...had never...done this before. You already went through this. You know how it goes."

"Yeah, but this time it'll be different. Completely."

She looked at me with worried eyes, "So what ? You're not going to do it ? "

I closed my eyes and let my mind wander.

And of course, It decided to go back in the past. It never missed an opportunity to do this and to awake lost emotions and feelings. It was a bit blurry for the first couple of seconds and little by little, an image started forming. His face suddenly appeared in my head. His brown eyes, his little nose, his small set of lips that loved kissing my cheeks. Beautiful as well as funny words were always coming out of his mouth. He loved holding his little ears, with his little hands while sleeping. I missed his cute smile and his joyful laughter. I missed having conversations with him. He always had the weirdest questions, but I was always answering him anyways. Even when it seemed impossible, I'd always found something to tell him. And I loved hearing his crazy little stories. He had a big imagination. I missed holding him in my arms, having his head rested on my chest when he was taking naps or when he was scared to sleep alone; and hearing his voice calling me...mommy.

I opened my eyes as a teardrop ran on my right cheek.

"Aw, don't cry. Please." She pouted and wrapped her arms around me.

I thought I was ready to do this, but I thought wrong. I was so wrong. My heart was still fragile and not totally healed. A piece was still broken and it will be forever. Like any other time, I was missing my baby too much and it gave me motivation to call them and to start the procedure to adopt a kid; but it wasn't for me just yet. Something was missing in my heart and I wanted to fill it by doing this, but it wasn't right. First off, this hole will never be able to be filled properly. And second off, I had to be fully and truly ready for it, so ready to open my heart to another child and not just trying to replace the one I unfortunately lost years ago. I couldn't put an innocent child through this.

"Sorry." I wiped my tears away.

She pulled away and kissed my temple, "Don't apologize. Let it out if need to. Do you want to talk about this ? " She asked concerned.

"Uh, no. But I want to go home. I need to be alone."

"Okay...Call me before to go to bed though."

"Alright. Bye."

~*~ Dorian ~*~

I observed my face in the mirror and groaned as I saw all these features that I inherited from my father. I didn't like what I was seeing at all. It was angering me to look like him. It'll be a constant reminder of what I did. No that I could forget it anyways, but my conscience was enough. My conscience was enough to play that ugly game with my mind. My inner demons were already doing a great job to make me feel bad about this, so I didn't need my face to do the same in addition. At this moment, I wished I was looking more like an Asian person, but my mother's genes hadn't been strong enough against my father's.

People don't believe me whenever I tell them that I'm a Blasian, but it's the truth. And I'd always loved shocking them by switching from English to Chinese while having a conversation. Just for the fun of it. Their face expressions are always priceless. They never expect to see a black man talking this language for some reason.

I sighed and left the bathroom to go in my bedroom to grab my pajama, that consisted of grey basketball shorts. I had to get ready for bed earlier than usual since I had to work the next day. I couldn't believe I accepted to work at Pizza Hut though. Something was telling me that I was going to be fired after one week maximum.

When I was in high school, I tried to get me a job and I ended in Burger King. Short story, I wasn't appreciating the tone of voice the manager was speaking with to me and after three days, I cursed his ass out and I was jobless at the end of this same day. Gave me any chance to apologize, he yelled telling to get the fuck out and I gladly left. Since then, I had never attempted to work for nobody else. It was me. I had never liked to be told orders.

"Hey, Dorian ! Do you want to watch this movie with me ? " Laylani asked smiling. She had snacks on the coffee table with a bowl of pop corn and a bottle of wine, plus she was covering herself with a little blanket.

"What is it ? "

"Space Jam ! " She answered excited.

Now, a thing to know about me is that Space Jam is my favorite movie. Since the first day I'd seen it and I was six or maybe younger -or older- I had an obsession with hit. I could watch it a million of time and never get tired of it. I knew every little details of this movie, like I produced it and played in it all by myself.

So of course, I didn't refuse and sat next to her. Lani clapped her hands happily and pressed play on the remote, "Can I ? " I pointed her snacks.

She nodded her head, "Of course." She handed me a packet of Doritos and chuckled, "I wasn't about to eat all of this. And thanks for keeping me company."

"You're welcome. And it's Space Jam, so I couldn't say no."

"This my second favorite movie." She let me know.

I raised a brow, "Second ? What the fuck is coming first ? "

"Titanic." She responded in a 'duh' tone, like it was so obvious.

"Oh wow ! You're so unique. Titanic really ? " I said sarcastically.

She narrowed her eyes, "What ? This is the best movie ever ! "

"This is so corny. A boat that sunk, wow."

"There is more to the story than that. You're sounding like an idiot right now."

"Damn, I didn't know it was prohibited to have your own opinion."

"Now, you're sounding like a hypocrite."

I playfully fanned her off, "Let's watch the movie."

After that, we sat there silent and watching the movie. We laughed when the scenes were funny and kept eating the snacks she had gotten out. At the end of Space Jam, it was only left two packets of Cheetos, a packet of cookies and the bottle of wine was almost empty.

"So...Uh, I heard you got yourself a job. Congrats ! "

I nodded my head starting to clean the little mess we made, "Yes. It's at Pizza Hut." I said and made a grimace.

She chuckled, "What's that face ? Do you have a bad background with Pizza Hut ? Or maybe you don't like the color red. Hm ? "

I put all the empty packets and bags of snacks on the coffee table, "You need to work on your sense of humor because you're really not funny."

"Hey ! " She playfully pushed me, "I'm funny ! The fuck are you talking about ? Why are you lying ? " She started singing that stupid vine song as I shook my head laughing.

"Mhmmm oh my God, stop fucking lying ! " We sang in unison and then burst out laughing.

"You caught really fast with the bullshit on the internet."

"I know and it's a shame. What happened to the world when I was locked up ? "

She shrugged and grabbed her glass of wine, "I don't know. But at least it allows us to have a good laugh here and there. But some be doing the most."

"I know. I made an account for vine and one hour later I was deleting the fucking app of my phone. Are you trying to improve in the twerking department too ? Be careful, because if you say yes, I'll do my possible for my cousin to drop your ass. And if you're one of the Instagram so called models, the door is this way." I said pointing to the front door.

She laughed, "Nooooooo. I'm doing none of this. I'm working with my father in his company and in a few years I'll be taking over."

"For real ? "

"Nah ! " She laughed more as I gave her a straight face expression, "I'm a teacher in middle school."

I frowned a little, "But...weren't you in UCLA for business ? "

"Yes, but now I'm getting my teacher's license and I'm currently working as a substitute teacher in middle school."

"Oh...And when are you getting that license ? "

"Next years if everything goes well."

"But...How did you do this ? "

"Did what ? "

"To go eight fucking years in college ? Wow ! "

"Nothing is wrong with getting an education. At first I thought I want to be in the 'business world', but then I changed my mind. It happens sometimes." She shrugged her shoulders once again.

"But, do you not regret ? "

"No. Not one bit. Who knows, maybe I'll need to use my knowledge in business later in my life." She answered as I pursed my lips thinking, "And you ? Did you plan to go to college ? "

I shook my head, "Nah ! It's not for me." I sighed and wiped my face, "Actually...I don't know what I want to do when it comes to a career."

"Well, are you passionate about something ? "

"No...Nothing."

She smiled and pinched my right cheek, "Don't worry it'll come to you sooner than you expected."

I beamed a little.

I didn't know too much about Laylani and who she really was, but for now I liked what I had discovered so far. She was nice, caring and a chill spirit. Plus, she seemed and sounded to be a smart woman. I could see myself getting closer and accepted her as my cousin-in-law, but she was still not totally approved yet though. I needed to know her a bit more. Actually, today was the first time we really got the chance to spend some time together and I was hoping others will follow in the near future.

"Hey guys ! " RJ walked in looking exhausted as hell.

"Hey ! " She greeted him and he pecked her lips, "How was your last practice ? " She asked as he dapped me and then sat next to her.

He let an heavy sigh escaped his lips, "This coach must hate us and I don't know why. Making us run for hours for no got damn reason. But hey now it's done for a month and a half."

"Cool and soon I'll be in vacation too." She said and kissed his cheek, "Did you choose a destination yet ? "

I raised my eyebrow curiously, "A destination ? Y'all are going somewhere ? "

"Oh yeah, forgot to tell you. Sorry. We're going on this 'couple/love vacation' because Lani wants me for herself-" He stopped talking when she shoved her elbow in his stomach, "Damn, bae ! Why are you so violent ? " I chuckled.

"Stop saying bulls and maybe I'll be more gentle." She smacked her lips and quickly rolled her eyes, "You can come with us if you don't want to stay here by yourself."

I laughed dryly, "I can't really make that choice, ma. I'm on probation."

"Oh, right. Sorr-"

"It's okay, don't worry about me. I'm grown. Go and have fun. Plus, you'll be able to spend some quality time together without me being the third wheel." I stand up, "Well...I have to go to take a damn shower and then go to bed or else I'll be tired as fuck tomorrow."

"Good luck." They said in unison.

"Thanks, fam."

I entered in my room, closed the door behind me and walked to the drawers to finally grab my pajama. Once I got them out, my phone began to ring on my bed. I sighed slightly annoyed and wondering who it was. But since I had no friends and only RJ, Laylani and Kavon had my number, plus my P.O and Dr.Khimona, I had no idea of who it could be. I looked at the caller ID and it was an unknown number. Seemed a little familiar though.

I frowned, but took the call anyways.

"Hello ? "

"Hey..." I rolled my eyes as I recognized the voice immediately. It was my mother and I had no intention to talk to her before to be fully ready to face her and her bullshit. Yes, I was still mad to know how easily she had lied to me these past few years. And I was angry now to have not blocked her number after seeing her messages earlier in the day. Oh and by the way because of that, I sounded crazy on the phone with Dr.Khimona.

"What do you want ? And how did you get my number ? "

"C'mon, Dorian. We already wasted seven years. Why don't you come tomorro-"

"Listen, I don't want to see you for now."

"But why ? Why are you doing this to me ? "

"What ? I'm doing nothing. It's y-" I cut myself and took a deep breath to calm myself, "You know what, I'm gonna end this conversation right now. I'll call you later." I said and hung up.

After all I did for her and she was doing me like this.

________________________

Feel free to comment and/or to vote =)

A/N: Hey guys ! I hope you enjoyed this new chapter and will continue to enjoy the story until the end. So, if you hadn't read the message I posted on my board a few days ago, know that my updates will come slowly, so please bear with me and be patient. I started college, still have a life outside of wattpad, so writing here it's not a priority. But don't worry, I won't forget y'all and will not update a new chapter next year lol But just please be patient. Thanks a lot for your support !

THANKS FOR READING ! 💗

CissyItsMe 💋✌🏾❤️