~Los Angeles,

•06/01 {Monday, 11:36 A.M}

~*~ Dorian ~*~

"Good morning, cuz ! " RJ greeted me as I was making my way to the kitchen by passing by the living room. 

I yawned and nodded at him. I was still sleepy and I didn't feel like talking right now. I rested for too long, that's how I felt. So I was completely out of it. You could ask me my name, I wouldn't have been able to tell you at this exact moment to be honest. I was still so tired even if I slept for a couple of hours. 

Back in prison, it was impossible for me to sleep more than three hours maximum, because one I always had to be careful and be ready to defend myself in case something was about to happen, and two my  inner demons were eating me alive. These demons were haunting me all the time, but mainly at night. I couldn't spend one without having multiples nightmares, like two or three. And still now, even if I was outside, I was still having them. 

Killing my father was something that will follow me for the rest of my life. I couldn't forgive myself for some reason, neither him. I still couldn't believe why he did what he did seven years ago. Why did he have to do this to our family ? We were already destroying each other with our behavior, I was a teenager out of control and the parents were always arguing, but maybe we could've done something to repair our family, but no...he had to lose it and he became violent. Extremely violent. I still couldn't believe that he dared to hit my mother, and I could less believe that he really raped her. And he also tried to choke me to death.

Seven years ago, my life really changed for the worst. 

"Are you okay ? " 

I blinked shaking my head, "Uh..."

"You were in a trance...again. What's wrong with you ? "

I sighed and closed the door of the refrigerator not even hungry anymore, "It's too early for that. Leave me alone. Three days I'm here, today is the fourth and you're already getting on my nerves. Shut up, damn ! "

RJ frowned and blocked me as I was about to walk out of his kitchen, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. Why are you raising your voice at me for ? I was just asking a simple question."

"Richard, let me have my space. I don't want to talk right now." I slightly pushed him to the side.

"Dorian, it's been three days since you're out and...you're so angry. Why ? You're rude to me since the first day and all I'm trying to do is help you."

"I repeat...I don't want to talk. At all. So please, leave me alone."

∫

∫

∫

I played with the hem of my t-shirt as numerous thoughts were running through my mind. 

Out and free, but still considering myself being locked up. That's how I'd been feeling these past three days. Am I really ready for the real world ? I didn't even get out of my cousin's apartment since I put my feet in. 

 I was scared. 

 So scared. Yes, I was frightened and didn't want to face all of this. Seven years in prison sure changes a man. I was in a box for seven years and now I was out of it and I didn't feel at the right place. At all.

I had to get used to this world again. The cars, buildings, the technology, the nature and...the people. 

That's what I was afraid of the most. 

I didn't know how to act in society anymore. I didn't know how to behave with other human beings anymore. I didn't know what to say in the presence of someone else. People became the unknown. I didn't know what it was anymore. I felt like a stranger in the middle of my species. 

 Yes, there were persons in prison, but it wasn't the type you could call human beings. They were wild animals, even worst than Savannah animals. There were some you could call them monsters and there was this other category...Must be creatures sent from the devil himself. 

 Rapists, killers, psychopaths, child molesters... 

I started laughing, even if nothing right now was funny. It was just the situation. I shook my head and looked back at the ceiling.

 But who am I kidding ? 

I was one of them. I was a criminal too. Whether I liked it or not, I was a culprit too. I wasn't better than them. Well, compared to some cases, yes. Better than some of them, but not than everybody in there. Anyways, we were all at the same level, no matter what. 

 I puffed.

For the cops and society, we were all the same. They didn't care about your story and why I had to do this. Why I had to commit a crime. Why I had to kill somebody. 

My father. 

They didn't care about me. At all. But nothing will restrain them from judging me. Nothing. The will do it no matter what.

I was a criminal.

Even if I was out and free, I will always be considered like one.

So, what can I do now ? 

Find a job won't be easy. A woman either. Make new friends. Umm...NO. Find my own crib. It won't be easy either without a job. Life was going to be difficult, more than it already was and that was just because of these seven years in jail.

Or maybe I was juts exaggerating. 

Maybe everything was going to be alright and I was worrying for no reason. Maybe I was just afraid and maybe way too much than I should be. I wasn't sure. I was sure about nothing. Maybe I should simply go with the flow. 

Yes, that's what I was going to do. 

I sat up and wiped my face as I sighed. I looked around me wondering what was going to be my next move. Yes, I was about to go with the flow, but I had to have a plan too. I had to know what I wanted to do with my life. I was twenty-five years old, so I had to find something. I had to get my life in track.

I stood up and decided to go in the living room to watch some TV. I didn't really miss this thing, plus with the programs I already saw, I was wondering now why it had such an impact in people's lives. Already when I was younger, I wasn't a big fan of it. TV was stupid to me, except for the important programs like the breaking news, so you could know what was going on with the world, but other than that, nothing was really interesting. Oh ! And for sports too. 

Though when I was younger I wasn't a big fan of it, but it wasn't the same because we had My Wife And Kids, The Fresh Prince, Family Matters, Martin and more; and the cartoons were really an entertainment and not these stupidities you could see now, learning nothing else but the dumbest things to the kids. They stupidest we had us, was Sponge Bob. Yeah, it was definitely another level back in the day.

"Oh, so you finall-"

"RJ, not today."

"What not today ? Seriously, I'm gonna kick you out if you continue to act like you don't have a damn brain. I could be spending time with my girlfriend, but nooooo ! Here I am, being a nice cousin an-"

"Shut up ! " I cut him off, "If you want me to go, then I'll go. Why offering me the hospitality if it's t-"

"Because you're my cousin ! We're fam, so no matter what we'll always be there for the other, right ?! "

I didn't talk back this time. Family, huh ? Since what my father did, I'd been asking myself what was the real meaning of a family. People you could trust in every circumstance ? No, you can't trust your family members for everything and you can't trust everyone of them.

"HEY ! "

"WHAT ?! "

He smacked his teeth and then shook his head, "You're going to see a therapist and that's final. I'm not about to deal with this new attitude any longer."

I narrowed my eyes at him, "Hell no ! I don't need one ! "

"Yes you do ! "

"NO ! " I got in his face upset.

"Back off." He warned me with a calm tone of voice.

"NO ! "

"Dorian, I don't want to fight with you." 

"Then leave me the fuck alone ! Man, I'm tired of you." I went back in his guest room, put my shoes on and quickly left his expensive penthouse. 

I was suffocating in there. The blame was all on me though, because I was the one who didn't want to go out for three entire days. RJ attempted to do this, but I was being stubborn and decided to stay inside. I was scared to face the world, but I had to fight my fears and to go out there...and to see people. 

It felt strange to feel that fresh air entering my nose, but damn well also. And the sun lighting up the sky and the whole city was amazing to see. The warmth on my skin was a good sign too. We had a garden in prison where we could go out and enjoy the nature, but it wasn't the same.

Now, I was free.

Well, kind of, because in my mind I wasn't feeling like it. 

"Watch out ! " I suddenly heard a voice yell at me and next thing I know a basketball almost hit my head. Almost, because thanks to my reflexes, I caught it in time. Fortunately that I was practicing sport in high school. 

"Oh my God ! I'm so sorry ! Are you alright ? " A very beautiful brown skin woman came towards me with concern written all over her pretty face. She looked so marvelous. It was like I was in a dream and I had an angel standing right in front of me. She was perfect. Her glossy lips and wonderful curves were the features I loved the most. These hips wow ! I wanted to put my hands on them an-

"He's fine. I didn't even touch him. He caught the ball, didn't you see it ? " I looked down to see this little boy rolling his eyes. He seemed to be ten or maybe eleven years old. He had a light skin, brown eyes and black curly hair. He had that little angel face that could fool anybody, but I knew better than trusting him like that. Someone with an angelic face and voice could be the devil himself. Yeah, he was a kid, but you never know. 

"How many times did I tell you to not throw that ball ? There are people around and you can hurt them ! " 

"But auntie, I w-"

"Hey, uh, it's okay. I'm fine." I interrupted them, causing both to look at me.

"Are you sure ? " The kid's aunt asked still really concerned about me.

I nodded, "Yeah. It's nothing. Plus, I caught the ball, so it didn't hit me and so I'm alright." I answered with my eyes fixed on her. She was really gorgeous. These seven years without being near a woman were tough. 

She smiled, "Okay, cool. And I'm sorry."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Can I have my basketball now ? " He rudely snatched it out of my hands, "And can we go now ? " When I was the same age, I couldn't speak like that to one of my parents or it was my ass. 

"Watch your tone lil' boy. It's not because we're in public that I won't make your regret your behavior. Now stop acting like a savage and apologize ! "

He sighed, "I'm sorry, sir." I knew it was fake but I smiled at him anyways.

"It's okay, really." 

"Since it's okay, can we go now ? I have practice in twenty minutes, auntie D." Hearing him calling her like that immediately make me wonder what her entire first name was. 

"Yeah, let's go. And sorry again." 

I nodded my head as they walked away. I still wanted to know her name though. I was sure it was as pretty as her. She really did something to me. Or maybe it was because it was the very first woman I got in contact with since I was out. 

I shook my head trying to get her out it. She was just a...stranger and nothing else. Plus, I was surely not going to see her again.

Never.

∫

∫

∫

"Where were you at ? "

I took a deep breath, "RJ called you, huh ? "

She moved to the side and let me come in, "Yes...He was worrying about you. He told me that you were mad for some reason since this morning and suddenly you stormed ou-"

"Yeah, I needed to be alone."

"Dorian, stop that immediately. You don't have to act like that. And mainly with him. He was there all the time."

I sat on her couch and wiped my face in frustration, "I know...But I can't help it. I feel so out of place right now. I don't know what to do, who I am and a lot of other shit."

She raised her brow looking at me like I was crazy, "Do not cuss in my house. I'm still your mom." She sat next to me, "Anyways...Why are you here ? "

"I thought you would be happy to see me."

"Yes, I am. Very much. But why now ? You didn't want me to come see you in...there...but you were calling me...and you didn't want me to come pick you up four days ago. I thought you were going to let pass weeks before to visit me, actually." I stayed silent avoiding eye contact with her, "Let me stare at you, son." She grabbed my chin with her index and thumb and then slowly turned my head towards her. Water instantly started filling her eyes, "You look better in person than in a picture." She beamed and caressed my cheek. 

While I was in prison, I couldn't see my mother. At all. She wanted to come, but I begged her to not to, because I was too ashamed. As a parent you always want the best for your child and I knew I had disappointed her by going in jail. Even if it was because...I saved her and I wanted to face the consequences of my acts, I knew she didn't plan to see me in there in the future when she brought me into the world. Plus, more the years were passing by more I was looking like my father, so I didn't know how she would feel and I preferred to avoid that kind of shock and mix of strong and negative emotions and feelings for her. 

I just wanted to protect my mother by doing it and she respected my wishes. Of course, I didn't cut all contact with her, I was calling her every time I had the chance to and she was always answering. These phone conversations with her were my happiest moments while I was in there, because we were always talking about the good times. She was always encouraging me and putting positive thoughts in my head through these phone calls. 

And now I was sitting next to her, observing her face like I was seeing her for the first time in my life. Seven years. Seven years without seeing my mother, my queen, the love of my life. She was my everything and I was glad to be here with her. It felt a little strange and a lot of emotions and different feelings were going within my heart, but I was relieved also. I was relieved to see that all these years apart didn't change our relationship. 

I was still her kid, that she loved more than life itself.

_________________

Feel free to comment and/or to vote =)

A/N: Here it was the very first chapter and I hope that you enjoyed it. Since I succeeded with my exams, I decided to give y'all a little surprise 🎉🎊🎊 Next chapters will still come in July though, so be patient, please. 🙏

THANKS FOR READING ! 💗

CissyItsMe 💋✌❤