Tasneem was on her side watching his face crease as his dreams began to set in. He had been tossing and turning for almost an hour before his body surrendered to fitful exhaustion yet still he could find no rest. She reached for his hand, gently blowing warm air onto his knuckles as his chest rose and fell unsteadily with his breaths. She lowered their hands, brushing her thumb over the four light beauty spots that decorated his wrist. 

She loved his hands- she loved looking at them as he held her own. They were large enough to encompass her short stubby fingers and they were always warm beneath her own colder ones. His hands signified everything about him. Within his hands, he held his strength, his gentleness, his love and his devotion to her. There were times when she would close her eyes and still feel the way he ran his fingers over her ankles, up her calves, softly tickling the back of her knees. He knew where and how to touch her. He knew how to drive her crazy as he barely grazed his fingertips over certain parts of her body. He had memorised her inch by inch using his fingers and palms alone.

There were days when she had begged him to stop touching her because her memories had overcome her desires. A feeling or a touch or a graze would remind her of her brother and in a second, her hazy view of the man above her would morph into her darkest nightmare. Every ounce of pleasure she had felt would disappear only to be replace with deep-seeded disgust. And it was that disgust that would prompt her to clench her thighs together and cry out for him to stop.

And he always did.

Always.

And it would be the soft, gentle reminder of his hand brushing against her arm that would bring her back to her reality that she loved so much. He would touch her hands, slowly curling his hand over the fingers of her left hand to bring her back to him. Her hands were still her safe place and he had never forgotten that. With his other hand, he would gently skim over her sides, bypassing the sensitive skin of her breasts before smoothing his thumb over her plump bottom lip. His touch was almost hypnotic as he ran his finger across her lip from one side to the other

Over

And over

And over again.

His voice would be soft, a caress in itself, as he begged her to come back to him. To find her way to him once more. Each word punctuated by the lightest of kisses, slowly sucking her lip between his own. He would tighten his grasp on her hand, slowly bringing her back to him, before he'd feel the light pressure of her lips against his, slowly growing more and more bold.

He'd feel her hand run up his back, gently brushing over the tiny, raised circles along his spine as her deepened breaths caused her chest to rise and fall against his own. He would feel the tip of her tongue against his thumb still trapped between their lips before he'd feel her soft thighs part beneath his own. And like that, he would know that she had returned back to him and he would lace their fingers together as he lost himself within the feel of her beneath him once again.

She looked down at his hands once more, brushing a chaste kiss over his knuckles as she ran a finger over the tender, greenish bruise over her thigh. His gentle hands were never unkind to her, had never hurt her, had never touched her except in loving adoration. But those same hands had forgotten their own strength and it was in those hands that her body had melded into a canvass, painted with the green, purple and bluish hues of bruises that he had never realised he had caused at all.

She was brushing her teeth when the phone call came.

All she had heard from him was his greeting before the room transcended into a suffocating silence. He hadn't said one word as the caller on the other end relayed their message. Seconds ticked by yet still he hadn't spoken. She heard the click of the receiver as it was put down.

Still, there was silence.

She rinsed her mouth, prepared to walk out of the bathroom before she heard the distinct crash of the phone as it was slammed into the wall. She gasped as she heard a slew of crashes coming from behind the door as their room was ripped apart in his grief. She stood against the door, waiting for silence, flinching at every crash and shout and scream that met her ear. She wanted to stop him but at that moment all he truly needed was to lose control and he needed her not to be there when it happened.

She could feel a shiver run through his body as a strong gust of wind tunneled in through the minute gap between the windows. She moved just a little closer to him, wrapping her arm around his waist, pressing her warmth into his own.

In the past few months, Riaz had changed. He was still himself but he was so withdrawn that to coax a smile from him was something short of a miracle. She savoured these moments. These moments when he was still hers.

When the thoughts running through his mind hadn't snatched him away from her.

She missed him. She missed him so, so much. She missed talking to him and laughing with him. She missed their comfortable suppers where she'd talk and he would listen. She missed his slow, unhurried kisses as if he had all the time in the world just to kiss her and more than anything she missed the way he made love to her.

He was still thoughtful and generous in the act itself but they had lost that slow, building passion that they used to have.

Now...

Now, it was very, very different.

She walked out, her eyes widening at the sight around her. Their mattress had been ripped off the base, their cupboard had been dropped to the ground and every little trinket in their room had been smashed and strewn about as if they were tiny pieces of crumpled paper. He was on the ground, his head buried in his knees as he tried to regain his breath but he couldn't. They came out as short pants as his heart constricted in his chest. Pain and grief had overridden every part of his body as he tried to speak the words in his mind.

It hurt. It hurt so much just to think the words that he could never imagine even saying it.

"Riaz?" He heard her before he felt her sit down beside him. "Look at me." He felt her index finger below his chin before she turned his face towards her. His eyes were bloodshot and his lips were a dark red from having been bitten into for as long as they were. "What happened?"

He shook his head, unable to answer her before he buried his head into his knees once again.

"Please?" She lifted his head before she moved to sit in front of him.

He couldn't answer her, choosing instead to run his eyes over her body. He ignored her worry and confusion as he wrapped his hand around her own, pulling her towards him so that she straddled his lap.

"What are-" her words were cut off as he pressed his mouth to hers, running his tongue over her lips almost immediately. He wasted no time. There were no soft, slow kisses nor gentle caresses nor whispered endearments.

This was sex.

Plain and simple.

His hands worked the buttons of her shirt and the zipper of her jeans almost simultaneously in his hurry to have her naked beneath him. His kisses were painful as he nipped at her lips before sucking and biting at the soft skin of her neck. His hands were everywhere- they ran over her back, gently scratching at her skin, roved over her stomach, feeling the soft curves of her waist before cupping her heavily over her bra. Her breath was stolen away from her as his hand gripped the soft skin, rubbing and pinching and tensing over the soft, white lace. She could barely catch her breath before he kissed her again, laying her on the ground beneath them and disposed of her panties almost immediately. His grip over her thighs were painful and she had to suck in a breath as his hold on her only tightened as he found his way into her. He lost himself and his grief and his despair. Nothing else existed except the woman below him and the feeling of her and her skin and her smell and her taste.

He barely heard her gasps for air nor saw her eyes pinch close as his grip over her bra or her thighs or her waist tightened. He couldn't think of anything else except forgetting. He only wanted to forget- just for a while.

He wanted to not think and as brought them closer and closer and closer to that place, all else fled his mind entirely...

And nothing existed except them.

He woke up, gasping for a deep breath of air, unsure of why he needed it at all. His dream had escaped his conscious mind as soon as he opened his eyes, leaving him only with bare flickers of the feeling it recreated in his heart. He looked up, feeling her gaze on him before he wrapped his arm around her naked waist.

"What did you dream about?" After all these years, they could never break out of whispering in the deep recesses of the night.

"I don't remember."

Her lips quirked up in a slight smile before she ran her index finger gently over the space between his eyebrows.

"Little Bee?"

"Hmm?" His eyes were already closing as he pulled her closer to him.

"Stay here with me."

She moved closer, resting her head against his broad shoulder before she closed her eyes as well and drifted off to sleep.

Just for now, he was her Riaz.

Just for now.

Her body felt sore and certain parts of her thighs felt raw and tender to the touch. He covered them with a sheet but she was almost afraid to lift it, scared of what she might find. She was still trying to catch her breath when she felt tears fall onto her cheek.

She looked up, her heart breaking at the sight before her, before she cupped his cheeks in her hands. She traced his tears with her thumbs, soothing him as she brushed a light kiss over his lips. "Please tell me what happened."

He closed his eyes, resting his forehead against her own.

"Please."

He opened his eyes, his bright green meeting her dark brown.

"My Mum died today." His voice was raw and thick as the thoughts in his mind were translated into words. "My mum died today."

And he whispered the words over and over again, seeking solace in her and her beautiful hands as she held him to her and allowed him to say the words as many times as he needed to before he finally believed it.

My mum died today

My mum died today

My mum died today

And I wasn't there.