Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.

But if your love and must needs have desires,

Let these be your desires.

To melt and be like a running brook

That sings its melody to the night.

To know the pain of too much tenderness.

To be wounded by your own understanding of love;

And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

...

She trailed her finger softly over the tiny round indents along his arm. "What are these?"

"It's the past." Riaz replied, not willing to go further than that.

"Oh." Leena sidled closer to him, winding her arm around his bare chest. Her white blonde hair tickled his arm as she rested her head against his shoulder. "He told me he loves me and that he wants to get back together again." She whispered, desperately seeking his approval.

He grazed his hand along the smooth skin of her back, tracing abstract patterns along the smooth curved line of her spine. "Do you believe him?"

"I want to believe him." She sighed, running his words through her mind over and over again.

"So you don't believe him?"

She stayed quiet, mulling over his words.

"He's not good enough for you." He turned to face her as he pulled her closer to him.

"And you are?" She teased, feeling the cotton material of his boxers brush against her legs.

"No."

"I wouldn't get into a relationship with you, anyway." She said, kissing him lightly on his lips. "You're never really with me even when you are."

"Even now?" He heard her sharp intake of breath as his hands ran over the smooth skin of her thighs, knowing how much she loved it when he touched her there.

"Yes, even now."

He couldn't deny her words, choosing instead to lose himself in the taste of her lips.

She leaned back, pressing the pad of her thumb against the rough stubble along his jaw. "Who are you thinking about?"

"She was a friend from back home."

"You look sad whenever you think about her." She said, observing the slight twitch of his mouth as he frowned. "What happened?"

"What had to happen."

"I'm sorry." Leena said, kissing him once again. "Riaz?" She leaned back one more time, looking at him curiously.

"What?"

She shook her head slightly. "Nothing." She kissed him again, enjoying the way his arm wrapped around her as she pushed him slightly to lie down...

Tasneem loved Wednesdays.

She sat down in the sand, barely bothered about the rough grains that scraped against her legs as they clung to the inside of her jeans. It was never empty but it was ever full either. There was always someone in the water or walking along the beach or leading their dogs across the wet sand. It was peaceful enough to be alone but she was never lonely enough to feel afraid. There was just always someone there...

It had been almost a week since the incident with Riaz and it worried her. He was always quiet but now he had completely withdrawn into himself and nothing she said could ever coax him into smiling. She loved the way he looked when he smiled. He never had a huge smile and his teeth never showed but the slight upturn of his lips was enough for her. She never needed more than that- only the contentment that came with knowing that he had smiled just for her. He never knew it but when she couldn't sleep at night, she would sit next to him and run her finger softly along the line between his forehead and his nose. He always had nightmares- his face was always pinched as his body was always held stiffly. She never knew what images danced along his mind and she never dare ask. She would never want him to ask her what she dreamt about so she would never ask him. But in those few moments as she ran her finger softly over the line of his face, his muscles relaxed and his face looked peaceful once again.

She never noticed them until they sat down right in front of her. They were a young couple- they must have skipped school to come to the beach she supposed. He was wearing shorts and she was wearing a deep purple bikini that seemed to highlight everything good about her. There was something sweet about them. He sat down first, pulling her down as she turned to face the ocean. She screamed madly as she fell messily onto his lap before she burst into happy laughs as she settled against him. She was just happy to be with him and she was happy to have wind his arms around her, as they talked softly. The loud crash of the waves against the shore shielded their words from those around them but they barely seemed to care anyway. They were in their little bubble where nothing and no one else existed except for them.

She couldn't help but feel envious of them and of the way she accepted his touch as easily as she did.

Her brother took that away from her.

Her ability to enjoy a simple touch or even a slight brush of skin against skin. There were days where he turned her own body against her, forcing her to lose control of her own actions as the filth he forced inside of her coursed through her veins. She shuddered at the thought of those nights and how easy it was for him to manipulate her body. She hated him for it- for taking her control away. He stripped her of her ability to control her own body and he stripped her of her ability to be in control of anything.

She wished she could allow Riaz to touch her as easily as the boy in front of her touched the girl or whispered into her ear or kissed her quickly on her cheek. She would probably never have the relationship they had and she loathed them for it. Deep down in her heart where her darkest secrets lie- she hated them for it. She hated how it was so easy for them. She hated how they could laugh and play and kiss. And no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop the resentment from welling up within her.

He had turned her into a bitter woman and she hated it. She hated who she had become and as hard as it was to hate this strange couple before her, it was twice as hard to hate herself. She wanted to love herself. She wanted to love touching and feeling and she wanted to love her own body but how could she ever love her body when she couldn't even look at it in the mirror. All she saw of herself was what she saw in the shower and even then she would close her eyes. She didn't want to know if the marks were still there or if they had finally faded away. She could still feel them- phantom bursts of pain as she rubbed against an old bruise.

She wanted what they had so badly that she felt relieved when finally they disappeared into the ocean and they were hidden away behind the huge walls of waves that crashed heavily onto the shore- as if mirroring her own thoughts as it stared at her.

...

To wake at dawn with a winged heart

And give thanks for another day of loving;

...

She kissed him, running her tongue along his bottom lip as she wound her arm tightly around his neck. They were friends and she knew he needed it almost as much as she did. Henry had cheated on her again, allowing her to catch them together in her bed. But the only retribution she sought was in the comfort of another body that was as lonely as she was.

He had been her friend for almost 2 years already. He was quiet but he was never rude to her and when she asked him questions about the lecture, he always had time to reply to her. He was tall- he was much taller than Henry and he felt much different than Henry had ever felt. He was full of thick, defined muscles that coated every part of his body and when he wrapped his arms around her waist, she was scared he would break her in two.

"Just for tonight." She promised, unbuttoning his shirt frantically. "Only tonight."

He nodded distractedly, pulling the zipper down along her skirt before brushing his hands along her hips to loosen it from around her body- leaving it to lay on the floor as she led him toward her bed.

"You've never done this before." She smiled as she sat on his lap. She kissed him softly before she leaned back to remove his glasses gently from his face. "Don't worry. I'll show you."

And she unhooked her bra, pulling it slowly down her arms before she pushed him to lay down as she kissed him once again...

...

She was already in bed by the time he walked in. She had finally saved enough to visit the second-hand book shop, treating herself to an old copy of A tale of two cities. She set her book down softly as she watched him walk softly into the room. He didn't know if she was awake or sleeping and only when he crossed the threshold of the sheet separating him did his eyes settle upon the book in her hand.

"You're still awake?" He looked down at his watch surprised to see that it was past 11.

"I couldn't sleep."

He only nodded his head before he gathered his nightclothes from the rail and walked into the bathroom. She mused at how odd a couple they really were- if she could even call them that. They never kissed, or hugged or held each other. They were twp people living in a flat with a sheet between their mattresses... That's what they really were.

When she was younger, she had different ideas and different thoughts. There were nights she would lay in bed smiling at the idea of kissing him. She would wonder what it would feel like to kiss him and she would blush at her thoughts. She wondered how he would hold her or if he would whisper sweet nothings into her ear before kissing her or if he would run his hands through her hair. She would imagine them kissing on the bench beneath the high trees or in the parking lot hidden from the gaze of their classmates.

The day he almost kissed her was a day she would never truly forget. She stepped into the room that day, rushing to the mirror to see what it was that he had seen. She looked as she had always looked except for the pink flush still prevalent over her whole body. She looked down at her fingers, imagining the tingling feeling spreading throughout her fingertips as she recalled what his lips felt like along the smooth skin behind her fingernails. She swore she dreamt about kissing him that night.

It was so easy to accept his touch that day. To accept the way he hugged her and the way she was able to close her eyes and simply be with him. It was special and that memory would always be special to her. But now...

What did she have besides memories of a thick tongue suffocating her and hands that felt too sweaty and a taste along her gums that she could never forget no matter how hard she tried.

She wondered if she could ever kiss again? If it would ever be something pure for her again?

She watched him walk out of the bathroom towards their small fridge. "Riaz?"

"Yes?" He looked up at her from behind the door.

"I was wondering..." She stood up slowly, unsure if she wanted to go through it at all.

"What?" He asked watching her walk toward him unsteadily as if her body debated between walking to or away from him.

"I..." She stepped forward until she was a mere foot away from him.

He closed the fridge door, standing up to close the gap between the two of them. "What's wrong Little Bee?"

She smiled at the name. "I need you to," She scratched her arm, bracing herself for what it was she was about to ask him.

He waited, never prompting her as gathered her thoughts.

"I need you to kiss me." She said it so softly that he almost missed her words entirely. He breath began to waver as she looked down at her feet hiding beneath her pyjama pants.

"Why?" He stepped closer to her till they were a scant centimetre away from each other.

"Please Riaz." She asked, pleading with him. She needed to know that she wasn't broken. That she could still kiss him and that could still enjoy it. That she was a normal woman who enjoyed the feel of someone's lips on her own and that her brother hadn't truly taken that away from her.

"You're giving me permission to touch you?" He reached for her fingers yet only when she nodded her head did he touch his fingers to her own.

Her heartbeat was erratic and she tried to breathe yet all that came out were short , silent gasps for air as she prayed that his lips didn't feel like the only ones she knew. He touched her slowly and softly, running his fingertips slowly over her own before he ran them softly over her fingers and up the smooth skin of her palms. She stared at him, not wanting to look down at where he was touching. She didn't want to see her brother's long, thin fingers running up her own hand nor did he want to feel the hair on his arms as his arms wound around her back beneath her t-shirt.

Riaz could feel her fingers shaking in his grasp as she continued to look up at him. Her eyes were wide and terrified as he ran his hand slowly up her palms, drawing small spirals onto them. Nothing soothed her and nothing calmed her shallow breaths.

She resented herself for what it was that she was feeling. His lips were so close to her own that all she had to do was stand on her tiptoes to reach him but she was stuck. She felt as if she was paralysed and all she felt of his touch was her brother's hands and her brother's fingers and she couldn't get rid of it.

She couldn't stop imagining it as much as she wanted to.

She was looking at Riaz but as she looked at him, it was as if her eyes and her mind had disconnected from each other and it was as if she was back in her room closing her mouth to her brother's kiss.

She was panicked. Riaz could see it etched along her face as clear as day and no matter how softly he touched her, to her it seemed as if he were stabbing her with burning pokers. He couldn't touch her like this. He wanted her to enjoy his touch not be afraid of him.

But what scared him the most was not the look on her face when he touched her skin but it was how her mind had completely shut down as soon as his hands ran slowly along the insides of her wrist where the bruises had faded yet had still never fully disappeared...

"Come on Tasneem. Open your mouth for me. Let me taste." He said, gripping her wrists firmly in his own before tugging her towards him. "Come on." He kissed her, pushing his tongue against the closed barrier of her lips, trying to pry them open. "Please." He asked yet all she did was shake her head.

He never understood why she had to play this game with him when he always won. He gathered both her wrists in one hand, running his other hand along her stomach and up her ribs before finally coming to rest on her left breast. "Open up. I'm only teaching you how to kiss. We won't go further than that." He said, looking down at the 18 year old. Still she shook her head, struggling out of his hold.

He squeezed his hand around her chest, feeling her breath over his mouth as she gasped from pain before he slipped his tongue into her mouth.

He always did like the way she tasted...

Tasneem pushed out of his hold, leaning back against the wall to catch her breath. She ran her hand through her hair, yanking lightly at the strands as she whispered to herself over and over again. He couldn't catch her words her lips moved frantically. Shaky whispers escaped her as she buried her face in her hands as she slid to the floor.

"Tasneem?" He walked over to her, sitting beside her on the floor.

"I'm sorry Riaz." She looked up, finally catching her breath. "I coulnd't do it. I thought I would but I couldn't"

"What can't you do?"

She looked down at her lap, considering the full extent of his question.

She couldn't do it. She couldn't handle his touch. She couldn't imagine kissing him. She didn't know how to be near him. She couldn't desire him or want him...

She couldn't do anything.

"I can't do anything. I can't touch you."

"What do you mean?" He wanted her to say it. He wanted her to admit it to herself more than to anyone else.

"I can't kiss you because when I close my eyes," She closed her eyes, seeing the only person she ever did see. "I don't see you."

She looked up at him slowly, cautiously. "Will you do something for me?"

"What?"

"One day- it won't be tomorrow or next week or next month. But one day I want to kiss you and I want you to help me to do it." She bit the corner of her lip. "Please?"

To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstacy;

And to return home at eventide with gratitude.

Let these be your desires:

To sleep with a prayer

For the beloved in your heart

And a song of praise upon your lips.

He looked at her...

One day I want to kiss you.

"One day, I want to kiss you too Little Bee."

A/N The poem used in the chapter is called Let These Be Your Desires by Khalil Gibran