I just wanted to kiss Aman. It was home. The feel of him, near me felt like home. I just wanted to let go of all fears and doubts and forget everything and kiss him.

He was glaring at me, frown on his face. Wait? How did I get here? How did I get to his grandmother's apartment? I can't comprehend anything.

Wait..

Why was he looking so good? I felt myself walking towards him. I couldn't help it. Aman was like a magnet. He was north and I was south and no matter how much distance I tried creating between us, somehow I was always drawn towards him.

Why was I in love with somebody who wasn't in love with me?

"Kiss me," I heard myself say. I couldn't believe what I was saying. It was like something else had taken over my body. I stopped doing whatever it was that he was doing. I felt like once I would be wrapped in his arms, everything will be fine.

He turned around. Surprise on his face. But he wasn't coming any closer. Why? Doesn't he want to kiss me?

"You are so wasted Mira, I hate it, you know that..." he wandered off. "Guess I have no right to say it now."

No right to say it now? What was he talking about?

Why can't he just shut up and kiss me. I needed him so much. I just needed to feel him.

I walked nearer and nearer, killing all the distance between. He was looking down upon me, confused. I was looking at him and I was in awe of everything. His face, height, those arms...

I felt like it had been ages since I was this close to him. I wish I could be better. I wish I could trust him. I wish I didn't overthink and ruin everything. I just wanted to be happy with him.

He kissed my forehead and then signed heavily. "Missed doing that," he said in a low tone. It felt like he was going to add something else but I didn't let him. I couldn't control myself anymore. I kissed his lips.

Few seconds that felt like eternity, he started kissing me back. It felt like all my senses came alive when I kissed him. His odor filled inside me, it was so familiar. I missed it so much. Why was I fighting what I wanted to much? He smelled like a combination of bathing soap, deodorant and mint. I loved this smell. I couldn't do anything without it.

It irritated me so much that he knew how much I wanted him. He knew I loved him. It irritated me because he had that luxury of knowing, this woman loved him no matter what and I did not have that luxury. I couldn't trust him. I felt like I had to be cold and distant so that he doesn't take me for granted. It wasn't his fault. It was my head. Half of the problem was me.

I let go of everything for now because this just felt too good. It was almost like, something deep inside me was yearning for his touch and I had finally gotten it.

He tasted warm and sweet. Just how I remembered it. I missed it so much. We both stopped to breathe. He looked at me. He had a smile on face and his arms were wrapped around my waist. "Mira, where were you? I was looking for you for months. You just disappeared."

Taking a stray hair strand from my face and tucking it at the back of my ear he said, "I miss you a lot."

"I miss you too," I heard myself say. Stop talking! He was just a drug Mira, he felt good but he wasn't good for you. He isn't going to take care of you. He enjoys putting you on a pedestal and running you through a hill. High and then low. High and then lower. Highest and then lowest.

No, I love him. He had a good heart. He made me laugh and from his face it was evident, he liked making me laugh. I could be dressed in rags in front of him and he still kissed me like I was looking pretty. He really tried to do his best with me. He liked taking care of me. He was aware of my dreams and always encouraged me to pursue them. There were friends of mine, he never liked and yet he never said no about going with them or talking to them. I know he wanted to. He gave me as much space as he could. I know whenever he was angry, he had a lot to say. I knew when I said as much rude things I could, he had even more to say. He just controlled himself. He was like that.

He looked tough on the side and he was. But he was sensitive too. He was very forgiving and understanding. Unlike me, he wasn't short tempered. He was extremely patient. In stressful situations, he never lost his cool. He was always optimistic in all problems, thereby giving me strength too. He was never the kind to become anxious and be all like, "I don't know what to do next", his attitude was always, "Don't worry, we will figure something out."

He wasn't a very good listener but he had somehow created that space between us, in which I could tell him everything. I could even tell him everything I thought was wrong about something he did. He listened patiently. Never losing his cool.

But his lies, stories made me distrust him so much. It wasn't all him, I had been broken so many times before that I didn't know what to do. There was nothing complicated, I was just afraid of getting hurt again.

I kept waiting for him to bolt, leave. I kept waiting for him to say what I had taught myself that men will say when they get bored. He didn't and I became the one to leave.

I might have signed on paper and left in the eyes of law but my heart and soul was still with him. I wanted it back. I just wanted Aman Dass to clear himself from my mind.

No, I wanted Aman Dass to kiss me again but he was looking at me with a sad smile.

Almost, like, he read my mind he kissed me again. I found myself leaving his lips and planting kisses on his cheeks. I kissed his forehead and then his nose. My feet were no longer on the floor because he had lifted me up. A minute later I was on his lap and on a bed. He continued kissing me and then he stopped.

"Time for Mira to sleep, no?" he said and he reached for the comforter. A panic formed inside me. He was leaving?

"This is going to be your room. Hope you like it," he said softly while lifting me up from his lap and helping me lie on the bed. He took the comforter and covered me with it. I looked at him with confused eyes. I didn't want him to leave.

"No, just hold me and sleep," I said. "Please."

He looked at me for a minute before he got inside the bed with me. I laid my head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around me. There. I was safe and happy now.

"Sleep now baby," he said.

He shouldn't have. His voice, that deep masculine voice filled inside my ears and I had to kiss him again. He started kissing me back and then I tucked on his t-shirt. It was natural, out of habit maybe. He got what I wanted. "Mira..." he said, now confused.

I continued kissing him, lifting his shirt higher. He stopped. "Mira."

He kept saying my name and I just wanted him to shut up. I didn't want to think tonight.

Maybe he got what I meant because he stopped thinking too. He started kissing me back, more aggressively now. Placing himself on me, so that now I was lying beneath him.

My mind stopped forming any coherent thoughts. What mattered was him now and nothing else.

**