2

Jude

All my nerves had gone to absolute shit after Georgie's call. Elle was in her shower and I was in the kitchen drinking my third coffee of the morning and trying to hold on to any shred of hope she'd given me in the past twelve hours. I couldn't imagine any piece of Elle wanted me to step foot onto the premiere's red carpet.

Seeing her in our home after having lived without her for so long felt like Christmas morning, but things were different. Nothing was the same, and Lisa had tried to prepare me for that moment, tried to prepare me for the torrent of emotions that would be swirling within both of us, but I'd forgotten everything she'd advised.  A massive portion of my brain was telling me Elle would never trust me again, and because of that, there was no sense in trying to mend things. But I wasn't going to give up, not when I'd waited, hung on to each second, for her to come back into my life. I had to make sure she wouldn't give up either.

Just as the kettle on the range began to whistle, there was a knock on Elle's door, and I called to her from the kitchen. "Elle, Lisa's here! Nearly ready?"

A soft thud preceded her voice. "Be out in a minute."

I pulled the kettle off and filled the mug I had waiting with hot water to be able to hand it to Lisa as she came in. Before opening the door, I took one final calming breath.

"Morning, Lisa. Thanks for the switch in location."

She smiled her grandmotherly smile at me and moved into Elle's flat. "Ah, not to worry, Jude. For me?" She motioned to the mug in my hands.

"Yes. Elle's roommate must drink it. I was worried she wouldn't have any tea. Here, we can sit down. Elle will be out in a moment." I led her into Elle's den and eyed up the furniture. "How should Elle and I sit? Together?"

"Deep breath, Jude. Do you want to sit with her?" she asked.

"Yeah, yeah of course."

"And would she want to sit with you?"

"I would." Elle's fresh face had made its way around the corner of her hall. She carried herself easily to Lisa and held out her hand. "Hi. I'm Elle. It's really nice to meet you in person."

"You as well, dear. I've heard countless stories about you."

Elle's cheeks tinted pink as she sat beside me. I took up her hand the moment she sat down and felt the warmth left in it from her shower. All I wanted was for us to fall back into the place we were in before I'd ever left for Sydney, but that seemed impossible.

"Well, let's start with the obvious. You two are here together. When did this happen?"

Elle looked at me, and I took it as her cue for me to start the talking. "Last evening."

"And how're we both feeling about things?"

Elle's hand twitched in mine. I squeezed it back, giving her the go ahead. She had to be honest with Lisa, with me, and with herself.

"Jude's been writing me letters. I received all of them yesterday morning, and I read them, and I realised it was time to see him again. We fixed things," she turned to me, "sort of, but, I'm feeling very confused. Like, there are two completely separate things happening in my brain, and both are pulling in their own directions."

Elle turned back to Lisa, and I was glad for it. The pain in her eyes made the pain I felt so much fucking worse.

"I'd say that's perfectly normal. You're bound to be feeling conflicting things so quickly after coming back together. Are you two back together?"

Elle's eyes found mine again; my uncertainty matched hers. "Yes?" I asked her.

"That wasn't part of the conversation you had?" Lisa asked.

Elle spoke up. "Well, not in so many words." She turned to me. "I want to be with you, I think that much is clear. But, things don't feel like they used to."

We were more in sync than she knew. "I want do whatever it takes to bring us back there, love, to really mend this." I looked to Lisa for help, for support.

"The way things stand between the two of you right now is raw and fresh and needs time. I can tell you, dear," she looked to Elle, "Jude has opened up about a lot over the last few weeks, and we've worked on many things, and I think you'll find that the man you fell in love with is still there."

Elle was nodding at Lisa, and she likely wouldn't admit it but her eyes has the slightest gloss over them.

"Don't doubt this confusion because I promise you that it is normal. You two probably shouldn't have spent so much time together so quickly, but based on what Jude has told me, it doesn't much surprise me."

A tiny smile worked its way onto Elle's lips, and mine reflected it.

Lisa turned to me again. "And you? What's going on in your head?"

I cleared my throat, hoping she could reassure me everything wasn't going to crumble about me. "I sometimes forget that Elle and I haven't even known one another for a year. It, it feels like I've known her forever." I heard her take a deep breath beside me. "But right now I'm most worried about forgetting everything you and I have worked on. I don't want our old issues, my old issues, to reappear, and I know we have some things to work on together with you, like the ways we communicate with each other. That's a big one."

"It's a big one for all couples, and it's arguably one of the most important facets of any relationship."

I took up Elle's hand again. "I, I received a call from my agent this morning regarding the premiere of Geminus in July. I'd told her weeks ago I had no interest in going. I know that..." Elle's hand wiggled in mine. "I know that Ava will be there."

"Okay. Elle, we're going to get right into it. I want you to face Jude."

She did as Lisa asked and poured into my eyes. The light in the golden freckles of them was struggling to burst through.

"I always tell my clients they must be honest, even if it's not quite favourable to the other person. What're your initial feelings regarding Jude going to the premiere?"

She swallowed before speaking. "I don't want him to go."

"Why?" Lisa asked, even though we all knew the reason why. That was the part I hated most about our sessions.

Elle's fingers danced in mine. "I don't trust him near her."

"Why?"

Unable to look into my eyes anymore, hers slid closed as my thumbs traced circles into her palms. "The last time he was near her, he forgot I existed."

"Elle, that's not—"

"Hold it, Jude. You have to let her express these things. Go on, dear."

Elle reopened her eyes and looked at me, the light beginning to break through. "You said you felt like I abandoned you, but that was never true. I love you so much that it physically hurts me to think of you with another woman, especially with you knowing all you know about my past. Luke cheated on me with one of his colleagues. And then you," she dropped her shaking head, "you were seconds from doing the same, only stopped by fate seemingly intervening." She picked up her head and turned to Lisa. "This is what I mean. I feel so many conflicting things. Anger one moment, desire the next. Yes, part of me doesn't want him to go, but another part wants us to both be there, to show the world that nothing could tear us apart."

"The world?" Lisa asked.

Elle's chest shuddered up and down. "Her."

Lisa was nodding her head slowly, just about to say something, when Elle spoke again.

"But then a whole other part of me feels like it's unfair to be upset with her. I wasn't there. I don't know how much he—"

I couldn't sit idly by any longer. "I told her about you, Elle. She knew I had a girlfriend. She knew I was in a committed relationship."

And then she turned on me, baring right into my eyes. "Yet you still invited her over, knowing full well what that could lead to. You knew—"

"I didn't—"

"Don't." Her voice shook, and a new breath filled her chest. "Don't tell me you didn't know she liked you. You're smarter than that, and...and you're easy to fall in love with."

Flashes of my early twenties played out in my head. How many of those women I slept with expected something more? Felt something for me when I felt nothing towards them?

I felt a warmth make contact with my fingers. "I love you, Jude, but I guess I'm still a little angrier than I realised."

What was I supposed to say? All of the visions of us together in the future were blurring out in my mind. "You know I love you as fiercely now as the day I met you," I said.

"Alright, my dears," Lisa's voice broke through our haze. We both seemed to have forgotten she was there. "This may not feel good right now, but what has transpired today was very good. You're opening up, you're holding each other accountable, those things need to happen always."

Elle and I broke from each other and righted ourselves to face Lisa.

"Now, I have some homework for you two to work on over the next few weeks. Jude, I want you to come up with some ways to prove to Elle that she can trust you again. Nothing grand, just little ways to show her. And Elle," she straightened up in her seat, "I want you to continue to be open with Jude. Don't wait until we're in a group together; if you need to express something to him, do it instantly." Elle nodded at her, soaking in the words. "And for the both of you, you've spent quite a bit of time apart, and both of you have changed some since the last time you were together. You must do two things. First, you need to get to know each other again, build up back to what you once had, because as much as you love each other, right now you're back at the start. Second, I want you both to try to find little ways to show your appreciation for each other. Because you've been apart, it's easy to fall into a very self-centered mindset. You're together again, and you must remember to make the other person a priority."

Elle squirmed a bit in her seat. She'd told me before how remorseful she felt for making things about her in the beginning of our relationship, but her sins didn't feel anywhere near comparable to mine.

Lisa got up from the chair she'd been sitting in, and Elle and I followed her to the door. As she was leaving, she looked to Elle one last time.

"If you're okay with it, I'd like us to meet separately to discuss things."

Elle nodded and took one of Lisa's cards, but an icy breeze washed over me. It was beyond selfish, but I worried that if Elle talked to Lisa on her own, she'd come to the realisation that she was better off without me.

Once Lisa was gone, I stood in the entrance to Elle's flat with her, neither of us saying anything, and I absolutely hated how awkward it all felt.

As if sensing my unease, she took my hand, pulled me back into the den, and sat down on the couch. I joined her, and before I could stop it my right hand was pressed against her cheek; she tilted her head into my palm.

"What are we doing?" Her eyes stayed closed as she said it.

"Mending things, darling. Mending everything."

She opened her eyes and peered into mine. "She was really nice."

"Always has been. She's helped me loads."

Elle blinked at me a few times, squirming just a bit.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"This is literally the worst timing, but my lease is up in less than a month."

Fucking hell. "Right. You'd mentioned that last night. You said you wanted to look for a place together. Do...do you still want that?"

She stayed quiet, seemingly mulling over her answer in her head. "I can't afford to rent a place in the city by myself."

"What about Lily?"

Her mouth made this funny movement; she was chewing the inside of her cheek again. "Going to live with Rob. But don't tell him," she'd noticed the confusion on my features. "You don't know because he doesn't know yet. She's planning a surprise for him. He asked her to move in a few weeks ago, and for my sake she told him she wasn't sure what she was going to do yet. But I can't have her sacrificing for me. She's already sacrificed enough."

"Have...have you been considering moving back home?" That would have done me in.

"Rent is a lot cheaper in my hometown, but no. I haven't even been in London a year yet. I'm not finished here."

Because she wanted us to be together; that had to be the reason she wanted to stay. "I, I can get us a new place. I know it's soon, love, but I want this to work, I want to give you what you want."

She deflated with a sigh. "Giving me what I want won't erase what's happened between us." Her eyes fluttered closed as my heart beat hard in my chest. "I know you have the means to buy a new house tomorrow, Jude, or at the very least rent out a new place. I...I said last night that I wouldn't stay in your house anymore, but...something Lisa said made me realise that was selfish of me. I can't ask you to throw away the home you've had for years because of something that didn't even happen in it."

I shook my head at her. "I won't let you downgrade what I did. You were spot on today. I knew what I was doing. I knew how she felt about me, and I continued with things anyways. If I were you, I wouldn't want to stay there either. A house is just a house. You made it a home when you were there. Without you, it's nothing more than walls and windows and doors."

She climbed into my lap, and I rocked her against me. I wanted nothing more than for us to live out the life we'd both planned on having.

"I still think you've got an advantage over every other man having been in romance movies."

There was a small rumble of laughter between us. "You bring it out of me, love. I just want to make you happy. Shall I call my realtor?"

Elle nodded into my chest.

"Any particulars you want him to search for?"

"Something with a bigger yard, for when your mom comes. Oh! And exposed brick. I love exposed brick."

"Mum does enjoy a healthy garden."

She stirred in my lap and looked into my eyes. "How is your mom? And Theo and Isla and the kids?"

"Haven't seen them since the holidays."

Her eyes went wide. "It's May! And your birthday—you didn't even see them then? You, you have all the resources in the world, Jude."

"I know, love, but with the show and...and everything else, it's been hard. I told you I didn't want to spend my birthday with anyone else."

She settled into my lap once more, and I gave her a squeeze. "This...this is kind of awkward, but I've got some work to do around here, and...well...you can't be here when Lily gets home."

"What?"

"She's still pretty upset with you. I promised her you wouldn't be here."

It stung a bit, but I deserved it. It made sense as to why Rob hadn't brought Lily up in weeks. "Alright, love." I gathered her face in my hands and kissed her once more, kissed her like it was the last time our lips would ever meet; I'd taken them for granted once, and I wouldn't make that mistake again.

***

When I got back to my house, the first order of business was to dump the cinnamon whiskey that set Elle off the night before down the drain. I don't even know why I'd kept it all those weeks; it was shit to drink and it was whiskey in name only. My mates back in Ireland would've laughed their arses off at me had they seen it here.

As I waited for Jess to come over to cut my hair, I sat on the new leather couch with Elle's Shakespeare anthology in hand. She must've been reading it before I came home the night before as it was opened to the middle of his sonnets, Sonnet 116 emblazoned on the page along with her loopy cursive notes. I read it, and as I did, sparks flew about in my brain.

The poem was all about how two people who love each other do not pick at each other's faults, nor do they try to alter them or erase their bad marks. True love meant weathering every storm that passes through and never letting go; it gave me more inspiration than ever to do whatever it would take to mend things with Elle.

Just before Jess arrived I made a reminder in my phone for me to make three calls: one to mum, one to my realtor, and one to Lily.

A/N: Hi! We're getting there, slowly but surely.

I wanted to remind you of the timelines of my works so everything makes sense in terms of how they line up:

*Someone Else:June 2016-Jan. 2017
*Somewhere Else:Jan. 2017-May 2017
*No One Else starts in May 2017
*The epilogue I wrote at the end of Somewhere Else takes place in June 2018 (~the future~)

Just wanted to clear that up for you :)

Real talk for a moment? You know I'm my biggest critic when it comes to my writing, but I'm also my biggest critic in every other aspect of my life. I've been trying to lighten up in subtle ways, like wearing less makeup or not letting things people say get to me. Anyways, I just wanted to put it out there that it's most important that you're happy with you. I'm in my mid-twenties (soon to be late-twenties 😳) and I'm finally starting to let go of worrying about what other people think, and I hope you can too.

Please vote and comment and chat with me. I'm so happy to have all of you on this journey with me all over again. ❤️

Hope you have a lovely weekend!

-L

Ps. I hope you're actually able to read this. All of the issues with Wattpad for the last week have been stressing me out! I've heard of people's stories getting deleted, which is quite possibly one of the worst things that could happen here aside from someone's work being stolen.